SOOO ANGRY!!! What would you do?????

[Jordynsmama]

I thought that for a minute... but I couldn't marry a doctor. The hours would drive me nuts! Not to mention, we would clash I'm sure on medical decisions with the kids. lol

However, I would just do it myself and leave it at that. I'd pick my battles and if he doesn't HAVE to take her in the car then I'll just put her in while he starts it or something.

I would love for my bf/husband to be doing something useful with his time and making money and supporting his family. When you are me, the hours wouldn't mean a thing.
Oh and if my husband worked hard and if I was able to stay home, I would gladly do his laundry.

 

[cashleigh]

It's so funny how people always think that doctors must have crazy hours....it's really dependent on the field that we're in. When you finish medical school you have a lot of control in choosing your field and are fully aware of which fields are time demanding and which aren't.

My hubby is in a very specialized surgical field, and he's home during the week between 5 and 6 and is on call every Monday night and 1 weekend in every 5(which is the weekend when I do brunch,lunch and dinner with my friends).

I got a really good apology this evening and he actually admitted that he has a hard time with the Boulevard sometimes and didn't realize that you have to reach around the back to pull the harness tight to get it "truly tight".

So...we took dd out to the garage and he put her in and out of it 4 times. It took a few crackers to keep her happy, but she was great. My mom is always shocked at how tolerant she is when we "reef" on the harness(as she puts it"...but she's very used to it.

Thanks to the poster who made the comment about 4 year olds. My sil said the same thing earlier today. My little niece was going to a play date recently and the mom that came to pick her up along with her daughter had forgotten the extra booster....my niece refused to get in saying "I need a booster so the belt fits my little body right." My sil ended up having to pick her up.

I can't wait to have a fully trained 4-5 yr old.

 

[Melizerd]

Wow I realize this is from yesterday so hopefully you've cooled down.

It IS important but there would be NO way my husband would not take our son somewhere. There's no way that acting like his mother would make the situation better. I read it to my DH and he laughed and said that treating him like a child would NOT get you anywhere.

It sounds like there's more then just this one issue going on.

(Ps we share the laundry in my house but DH does the cooking).

 

[Jeanum]

It's so funny how people always think that doctors must have crazy hours....it's really dependent on the field that we're in. When you finish medical school you have a lot of control in choosing your field and are fully aware of which fields are time demanding and which aren't.

My hubby is in a very specialized surgical field, and he's home during the week between 5 and 6 and is on call every Monday night and 1 weekend in every 5(which is the weekend when I do brunch,lunch and dinner with my friends).

I got a really good apology this evening and he actually admitted that he has a hard time with the Boulevard sometimes and didn't realize that you have to reach around the back to pull the harness tight to get it "truly tight".

So...we took dd out to the garage and he put her in and out of it 4 times. It took a few crackers to keep her happy, but she was great. My mom is always shocked at how tolerant she is when we "reef" on the harness(as she puts it"...but she's very used to it.

Thanks to the poster who made the comment about 4 year olds. My sil said the same thing earlier today. My little niece was going to a play date recently and the mom that came to pick her up along with her daughter had forgotten the extra booster....my niece refused to get in saying "I need a booster so the belt fits my little body right." My sil ended up having to pick her up.

I can't wait to have a fully trained 4-5 yr old.

Glad to hear you've talked it out with him and had a hands on practice session with the Blvd. :thumbsup:

 

[wildeyes]

......one response said "Get him to ride without a seat belt and make a sudden stop....". What if on that ride a real accident happened? We were T-boned while I was trying to demonstrate this?

i guess i get spoiled with my massive driveway... of course not on the road... in a parkinglot at the "dead" end of the mall, school parking lot in the summer/no school that day. never ever on the road... we dont want to kill him... just scare him a little..

 

[southpawboston]

regarding doctor's work hours, we have a doctor friend who is an internist at a local hospital, and he works 9-5 M-F, and is on call one out of every five saturdays. he rarely gets called on those days. by contrast, MOST other people i know in other professions work more hours than that... i know i do.

 

[Patriot201]

by contrast, MOST other people i know in other professions work more hours than that... i know i do.

LOL! Me too! I work FAR more than that!

 

[keri1292]

OP ~ I'm glad you worked out the harness tightening issue. So, I guess you just have to keep up the nagging. My dh prefers that I ask him to do things because he never remembers. I wouldn't like to be asked to do things constantly, but he prefers it. So, whatever works for you!

My dh is a manager at Wal-Mart. He works 7-5pm three days a week and 7-9pm two days a week. He rarely even takes a lunch. Then, his cell phone rings several times a night while he's home.
And my favorite thing to say... "Ack! Why do you have to work so much? Why do they have to call so much? It's not like you're a brain surgeon!" So, great. Surgeons have a better schedule than my dh and double the paycheck to boot!
(This is all in good fun and I make sure he knows I say it because I miss him and want to spend more time with him, not because I'm angry.)

 

[Zabs]

I think he's pushing your buttons and this has a lot more to do with yalls relationship than it does a harness.

He has a very stressful, very demanding job, as do you. Sit down and talk, but not about the stupid carseat. Thats the red herring in this argument. And if you're having a hard time communicating, get some help.

Its just as important (if not more) for your child that she sees her parents treat each other with love and respect as it is that there isn't any slack in her harness.

 

[Starlight]

Man, I got ya'll beat. My dh does a "standard" 7-5 M-F type thing, with occasional weekends right now, but is ALWAYS on call. Has to carry a cell 24/7, and can't go more than 75 miles away from his job without permission. He worked Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, and when I had my ectopic surgery - yeah, he was called in an hour after I had left the OR.

But, later this year, his "standard" job will go haywire, and he'll basically be at work for 6 months, unable to come home. He'll eat, sleep, dress, WORK for 6 months.

Can I complain? No. Because there are others who get to do the same for 12+ months at a time. But I will increase his life insurance policy, and pay the exorbitant cost of all that, because theres a chance he won't come home, and dammit, if he doesn't, I want to be able to pay off all the stuff we have, live for umm... forever off the interest money, and blow a bunch of money in retail therapy.

So, be happy with your long hours! Because atleast he's "guaranteed" to come home at the end of the day, and you don't have to see pics of the tent that he was sleeping it 20 minutes prior blasted to smithereens by some a$$hole (ok, that was my brother, not my dh, but the idea is still the same! And no one was injured in the blasting, but if he had been sleeping there, he wouldn't be here today.)

End rant.

 

[thepeach80]

Have you guys seen a carseat tech together? I've never had to worry about DH installing the seat wrong or buckling the kids in wrong (o.k. he does make it a little loose in the winter over the coats, but I showed him how to do it right and he's o.k. now of he leaves it to me, lol) and I think it's b/c we saw a carseat tech long before I became one. It wasn't me who had to tell him how to do it, it was a tech and he took it very seriously.

 

[Mama2J]

I haven't read all 50 posts, so forgive me if this has already been mentioned! Do you have to loosen and tighten the harness every time? Can you just put it at the proper tightness, so he doesn't have to worry about adjusting it? That is what I did with the seat in my dh's car. Actually I never showed him how to adjust it; I just adjusted it tight and left it. He asked me to loosen it when J started wearing a jacket for winter, and I showed him the trick about pulling it through the harness, so we still didn't have to loosen it. I also told J to remind him to do that if he forgets.

 

[Niea]

Cashleigh, I totally get it. My DH is the same way. He's very stubborn and always seems to have the attitude of "it won't happne to me", plus he constantly procrastinates. All of this combined makes it extremely difficult for him to actually accept new ideas and change his practices accordingly.

Talking gently won't do it, showing videos won't do it, nothing. But me nagging constantly does work. In fact he tells me the same thing your DH did. . .if I don't nag he won't remember. I totally understand why you went off on him. . .because this isn't an isolated incident and subtleties don't work. Been there, done that with my DH. I'll admit that I turned my DD FF in his car just last week (at 33 mos and 30lbs) because he wasn't getting the straps tight enough (it's a Blvd with a difficult adjuster, but with the angle of the vehicle's seatback, it's a real PITA to tighten). So DD's FF now because it's the only way I trust DH to get her in correctly.

I know this approach doesn't work with a lot of couples, but I tell ya, it's the only thing that works for us. And DH has even told me that my method of nagging is what works best for him too.

 

[Jordynsmama]

I haven't read all 50 posts, so forgive me if this has already been mentioned! Do you have to loosen and tighten the harness every time? Can you just put it at the proper tightness, so he doesn't have to worry about adjusting it? That is what I did with the seat in my dh's car. Actually I never showed him how to adjust it; I just adjusted it tight and left it. He asked me to loosen it when J started wearing a jacket for winter, and I showed him the trick about pulling it through the harness, so we still didn't have to loosen it. I also told J to remind him to do that if he forgets.

That is what I do. I guess I dont understand the whole loosening tightening thing b/c I dont do it.

It is snug to buckle her but i can do it- and then I am done.

That may be your answer right there.

 

[Mama2J]

That is what I do. I guess I dont understand the whole loosening tightening thing b/c I dont do it.

It is snug to buckle her but i can do it- and then I am done.

That may be your answer right there.

Yes, it's definitely easier for me to leave it the same all the time too. Plus if try to adjust it, J complains that it's too tight. But if I don't touch the harness adjuster, he doesn't say anything. :thumbsup:

 

[MsFacetious]

That is what I do. I guess I dont understand the whole loosening tightening thing b/c I dont do it.

It is snug to buckle her but i can do it- and then I am done.

That may be your answer right there.

I do the same thing in the Regent but sometimes RF it was harder to do it. Especially once the kids were getting bigger. Like now, I always have to loosen then tighten to put one in the Two Way, but I don't have a problem in the Regent. I've never loosened to put them in unless I absolutely had to...

 

[popsicle]

That is what I do. I guess I dont understand the whole loosening tightening thing b/c I dont do it.

It is snug to buckle her but i can do it- and then I am done.

That may be your answer right there.

Kind of OT but I can only do this with my Marathon and Radian. I was never able to buckle our old Triumph or Scenera with the harnesses at their proper tightness I don't know why but it just wasn't possible. With the Triumph it was ok because it was easy to tighten, but I was forever fighting with the adjuster on that stupid scenera. I never knew what I was missing until I got the radian and marathon. I looove not having to mess with the harness tension.

 

[vonfirmath]

A wonderful dinner = love to him.

In that case, no WAY would I ever take the wonderful dinners away from him. No matter HOW angry you are at him, you need him to know you still love him. And, what we learned in our marriage classes (based on the book _Love and Respect_, is that once you learn your spouse's love language, never use that in a fight. Because it is your spouse's love language, it will hurt worse than you imagine, and could seriously damage the relationship. Love languages are learned to build up and encourage each other, NOT to use in a fight.
Sort of like if your husband decided to stop saying "I love you" (or went out and drained the savings -- love to a woman often involves verbalization and security) to you to punish you because you ruined a shirt in the laundry because you "did it wrong" -- or whatever. (Or how about for leaving the front door unlocked? Which is also dangerous).

I am glad you guys went back and had a good conversation about this. There are things I get REALLY frustrated at my husband about. (particularly where dirty/used clothes end up). And I sometimes find myself so frustrated I want to "punish" him. But I have to remind myself that is NOT my role. I'm his wife, not his mom. There is no time I can legitimately "punish" him. And doing so will just show a supreme lack of respect -- and what most husbands really want is to be respected by their wives.

So that will just push off the crazy cycle (as they term it in Love and Respect) where one spouse does something steps on the "love" air hose of the other spouse, so the other spouse retaliates and steps on the air house of the first spouse. And it goes around and around until one decides to be the "bigger man" and step off. NOT retaliate even though their spouse "deserves" it. And the cycle is thus stopped.

I can't change my husband, but I can remember for myself all the reasons I love him. And go about dealing with legitimate problems in a manner that shows my respect of him, and thus makes him want to actually work the problem out instead of just retaliating. Just remember, for the most part, our spouses are NOT unreasonable people. If they were, we would not have married them. So just appeal to the reasonable part of him.

 

[brightredmtn]

cashleigh,
Until I got to the part about your DH being a surgeon, this could have been my DH. Some of our biggest fights have been over his lack of ability to use baby gear correctly. It gets me so mad too because I managed to figure things out on my own so why can't he? It doesn't just stop at car seats in our house either. Strollers, Pack-n-Plays, he broke the swing, you name it. Drives me batty!

 

[HEVY]

I hesitate to say this but my dh just called me informing me that he didn't stop at the library before picking up dd and that he won't go because my dd didn't want to stay in the car.
WHAT?!!!!! I can't believe he said that! I can't believe he would do that! Thank GOD my dd said no to staying in the car and thank God the library is closed and mostly that he actually told me this. I started to tell him that he can't do that. But I decided to wait until he gets home to calmly tell him the dangers.