SOOO ANGRY!!! What would you do?????

[HEVY]

Whenever I critisized my dh on carseat issues he'd get defensive, but he has gotten better. He used to have the strap kinda on the shoulders and always twisting the straps. Well now sometimes he still twists the staps but not real bad, more like the shoulder pad. But if I ever spoke to him like that he would NEVER even put her in a seat again, he probably wouldn't even drive her anywhere. LOL my dh gets offended when I say 'Baby the straps are twisted', if I spoke to him that way I think I'd be single.

 

[Elizasmom]

What's strange to me about this thread is that so many women do their husband's laundry in the first place. I had no idea. I have never done my DH's laundry and don't intend to. I actually resent that he doesn't help me with all the kids' laundry I do. I think I would get pretty bitter if I were washing his underwear on top of everything else.

 

[HEVY]

 

[Leila]

What's strange to me about this thread is that so many women do their husband's laundry in the first place. I had no idea. I have never done my DH's laundry and don't intend to. I actually resent that he doesn't help me with all the kids' laundry I do. I think I would get pretty bitter if I were washing his underwear on top of everything else.

I chose not to comment on the laundry part because my DH does ALL the laundry here. He's picky about how it's done and I'm not about to complain about NOT having to do it myself, lol!

 

[cryswilkins]

What's strange to me about this thread is that so many women do their husband's laundry in the first place. I had no idea. I have never done my DH's laundry and don't intend to. I actually resent that he doesn't help me with all the kids' laundry I do. I think I would get pretty bitter if I were washing his underwear on top of everything else.

LOL! I was thinking the same thing. He needs to do his own laundry anyway!

To the OP, I think that this sounds like he is trying to get back at you for something.

 

[Jordynsmama]

I wish I had a surgeon husband who's only problem was leaving slack in my daughter's car seat. That would be nice. Sorry can't relate on this one. LOL, but I know what you are saying and I know after saying the same thing over and over and over he should do it right and that would get annoying. And 3 inches is a lot.

 

[MySillyKids]

My DH knows the laundry room, Its where he finds his toilet paper. LOL!

Yea, i dont know what to say. eek.

 

[Morganthe]

What's strange to me about this thread is that so many women do their husband's laundry in the first place. I had no idea. I have never done my DH's laundry and don't intend to.

LOL -- I was thinking along the lines of that too. DH does his own laundry too. His = the same amount of mine + dd's together. That's a lot.

But I wouldn't go out of my way to NOT do his laundry if it's already in the sorter mixed in with the rest. Actually, I'd be too much in shock since he always totes his in from his man-cave.


To the OP. Your dh knows in his lizard brain that it's unsafe to have "A CHILD" improperly harnessed. Somehow you have to get it into his head that this is HIS DAUGHTER, not some strange kid. You can watch all the crash tests in the world, but until he imprints your daughter's face & body into that seat, it's not going to do much good.

DH thought I was nuts about the whole issue of safety until he was able to personalize how he would feel if our dd was seriously injured or DEAD. Somehow he had to transfer her face onto the crash test dummies or dead children to make it possible that this could happen to her.

Nothing I said or did made any difference until HE chose to view it in this aspect. I don't know when there was this epiphany, but one day, he decided it was RIGHT to do this for his dd. Not that I was right... but that the situation was the ethical thing to do as a parent.

He still can't install a carseat (which frustrates the heck out of him more than me ), but he knows that it is imperative as a parent he gets her in that seat correctly.

Even now, he makes quiet snide remarks at coworkers when they brag about how quickly their children have moved into boosters. He knows better than to lecture. Mockery about not thinking your 3 year old kid's life is worth more than a $30 backless booster works more effectively.

If it were me, I'd take a page out of my dh's book... and I have with him. When I go to unharness dd during the first few months and it was incorrect, I'd just stand there with the slack held up in my hand and let him look. HE"D be the one all defensive and upset, not me. A thousand meta-meanings in one wife's look.

Now dd's old enough to tell him, "Tighter daddy, I have to be safe!" Gotta love them 4 year olds.

 

[miraclebabies]

I usually put my DD in the vehicle cause I just do it faster. I have showed my DH how to put her in and how to get the straps tight and how high to put the chest clip. I have never once yelled or belittled him for trying to help me. I just check and tell him if it is incorrect. It is much better to have help beacause if I yelled or told him he was always doing it wrong he would just say do it yourself because it didn't make me happy the way he did it. I can understand where you are coming from cause you want your DD to be safe and secure but also there are different ways you could approach the matter. Maybe just talk to him or show him how you do it and explain how improtant she is to you and that she would be safer if he did it correctly. It is a hard subject cause my DH always wants to help but sometimes you have certain ways about doing things and they don't know it.

 

[canadianmom2three]

He should be buckling her in properly because it's important to *him* not just to please you. And in order for that to happen, he needs to understand the importance for himself.

:yeahthat:That's the key point right there...
I don't know if the entire process that you went through in the beginning, maybe all the not allowing him to buckle her, then checking EACH time, then fading back to the SPOT checks has somehow left him feeling resentful or inadequate, but that is how I would feel. As you say, he is a surgeon, so intelligence is not an issue, yet still, his partner does not TRUST him to buckle in his child? Obviously there is more going on here than buckling in a child correctly. You have the right to feel angry, frustrated and at a loss for what to do....but I'm just not sure that what you are (and have been) doing is really going to ever work unless he 'gets' it, and somehow, I doubt that not doing his laundry for a month will accomplish that.

 

[bethng]

I have to say that if my dh decided to "punish" me for doing something he didnt approve of or "punish" me for making a mistake he thought I shouldn't have made....I would be one ticked off gal and would tell him exactly what he could do with his punishment. I am not his child. He is not my father. In the OP's situation, I think I would have pointed out the mistake and with a respectful tone told him why it's unsafe to leave it that way. If it was a continued problem I would have to say there is somthing much deeper going on.

 

[natysr]

:yeahthat:That's the key point right there...
I don't know if the entire process that you went through in the beginning, maybe all the not allowing him to buckle her, then checking EACH time, then fading back to the SPOT checks has somehow left him feeling resentful or inadequate, but that is how I would feel. As you say, he is a surgeon, so intelligence is not an issue, yet still, his partner does not TRUST him to buckle in his child? Obviously there is more going on here than buckling in a child correctly. You have the right to feel angry, frustrated and at a loss for what to do....but I'm just not sure that what you are (and have been) doing is really going to ever work unless he 'gets' it, and somehow, I doubt that not doing his laundry for a month will accomplish that.

:yeahthat: Very well said.

 

[solmama]

I agree with candianmom2three. I also think you are playing with fire. I think communication is key to any good relationship. I know that communication can be difficult in the heat of the moment (wait until later?), but belittling your husband over your daughter's safety is very risky. When all else fails, be kind, be kind, be kind.

 

[MsFacetious]

I simply wouldn't let him take her anywhere, or buckle her in. If he can't do it right, he can't do it... end of story. That how it was with my girl's Dad (and yes there were other issues there, trying to educate him about car seats just wasn't high on my list.) and that's how it is with everyone else. Often someone else puts one kid in while I put the other in, but I check both before we go anywhere. Everyone just knows that is how it works, no one gets offended by it.

It's just much less stressful than arguing about it... there is no reason why I can't just buckle them in myself or at least check it.

I always did laundry but he always did dishes.... lol He didn't help with the kids at all, so that was the least he could do.

 

[MsFacetious]

I wish I had a surgeon husband who's only problem was leaving slack in my daughter's car seat. That would be nice. Sorry can't relate on this one. LOL, but I know what you are saying and I know after saying the same thing over and over and over he should do it right and that would get annoying. And 3 inches is a lot.

I thought that for a minute... but I couldn't marry a doctor. The hours would drive me nuts! Not to mention, we would clash I'm sure on medical decisions with the kids. lol

However, I would just do it myself and leave it at that. I'd pick my battles and if he doesn't HAVE to take her in the car then I'll just put her in while he starts it or something.

 

[melniemi]

Sorry you are going through this.

I don't loosen my dd's harness. Yes, it is harder to get her in. But the straps are always tight enough. My dh just realized this past fall that you can easily loosen them from the front - after 3 years of use! He usually tightens it, but I tighten it some more. But normally he doesn't touch it and since they are left tight, they stay tight. I know that is harder with a baby than a toddler, but it can be done.

And I do my dh's laundry too And everything else that pertains to the welfare of our house and children. Yeah, I've been working on ummm...trying to get more help but the stress that brings on is worse than just doing it myself.

Good luck and I think you just need to really stress that this is HIS BABY that could die, not just a kid coming into his OR.

 

[chloespurple]

What's strange to me about this thread is that so many women do their husband's laundry in the first place. I had no idea. I have never done my DH's laundry and don't intend to. I actually resent that he doesn't help me with all the kids' laundry I do. I think I would get pretty bitter if I were washing his underwear on top of everything else.

:ROTFLMAO:
My husband won't let me touch his laundry & before we had our little girl he did all the laundry, lol. (I ruined a shirt or something once & that was all it took, hehehehehehe)

Cashleigh, I understand your frustration and I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. Hold your head up & stick to your guns! ((((((Hugs))))))

Michelle

 

[mommy2env]

I can understand how angry you are. You should be able to trust him doing it the right way. I had to pretty much nag my dh, and I asked him to buckle our dd's in every time. Yes, he would complain. But now, he is the only other person I trust buckling my girls. I let him know that too, its only fair that he hears it.

Now on the laundry issue, someone asked if you were his mother. Your not, so you shouldnt HAVE to do his laundry to begin with.

In my house, it is very known that I dont HAVE to do his laundry, cook his dinner, and clean up after him. I CHOSE to do it, because I love him. That is very different. We both work by the way.

If you really think that not doing his laundry is the only way you can get his attention, go for it. Just make sure you are really ready to deal with the consequences. :twocents:

 

[cashleigh]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate all of the responses.

Writing now - several hours later after a wonderful salmon dinner.

Dh is fully aware of the actions/consequences associated with proper use of car seats/seat belts. He dealt with a female post accident who was 27 weeks pregnant who was DOA - he did an emergency caesarean to try and save the infant but was unsuccessful. The woman had no seat belt on. He also has seen infants dead with internal decapitation after being too loose in the harness or turned ff at 8 months(very sad). When he was learning to put her in - initially he was lazy because he knew that I was right there like a mother hen ready to fix it.

Ignorance here is not an issue.

Punishment for the issue - well I can't compare not eating dinner etc to it......one response said "Get him to ride without a seat belt and make a sudden stop....". What if on that ride a real accident happened? We were T-boned while I was trying to demonstrate this?

Nope I don't think so.

We had a long talk about it and he admitted that I "hadn't nagged recently about it and it had slipped his mind".(From my perspective I don't like nagging and thought that it was no longer necessary and therefore had stopped as it seemed that he had learned)

He demonstrated the other time today that he is fully capable of putting her in perfectly.

But basically what I took from the conversation is that I need to nag at him about it more often. AND...when we got out I need to get him to put her in more often.

As for punishment. He loves his food and loves his clean clothes. A wonderful dinner = love to him.

So if I ever need to get through to him - not cooking for a night or two - totally the way to get through to Dh.

lol!!!!!!!

Thanks guys for all of the responses.

 

[bensmom243]

I understand your frustration, and I really hope you two can work it out. My first instinct was that your anger really has very little to do with the car seat misuse.