Help me decide

[LittlePeanut]

My 2 y/o is RF in a MR. He still fits with room to grow in both height and weight. My goal was to keep him RF until at least 3 y/o or the limit of the seat, which he won't be until early March (3.5 months from now). RF at 4 y/o is likely ambitious for him and his size. I am now struggling with that choice. I know the safety statistics and my desire is to not turn him but I have a few concerns... He is non-verbal Autistic and very strong. I do my best to wrangle him into his seat but I'm getting bruised and sore in the process. Where I could once just fold him in half and pin him into the seat, he is now so strong that that is becoming a major struggle. I have tried bribes (toys, food, games, etc), sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. He's very inconsistent. He gets so upset that he forces himself to vomit (I keep airsickness bags at the ready for these times, which are becoming more frequent).

I am tempted to try him FF but the thought has my stomach in knots. I'm also not convinced that anything will change. I think he's just resistant to being restrained and will fight any seat, facing any direction. The thing is, once he's in his seat and gets calmed down, 95% of the time it's once we start rolling, he'll happily ride there for hours. He's content and he sleeps well in his seat everyday for his nap.

Help, what would YOU do in this situation? I'm fairly certain I know the answer and that is to continue to fight the good fight and keep him safer. I KNOW that's what's best but I'm getting worn down and exhausted from this on a daily basis.

 

[Baylor]

My 2 y/o is RF in a MR. He still fits with room to grow in both height and weight. My goal was to keep him RF until at least 3 y/o or the limit of the seat, which he won't be until early March (3.5 months from now). RF at 4 y/o is likely ambitious for him and his size. I am now struggling with that choice. I know the safety statistics and my desire is to not turn him but I have a few concerns... He is non-verbal Autistic and very strong. I do my best to wrangle him into his seat but I'm getting bruised and sore in the process. Where I could once just fold him in half and pin him into the seat, he is now so strong that that is becoming a major struggle. I have tried bribes (toys, food, games, etc), sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. He's very inconsistent. He gets so upset that he forces himself to vomit (I keep airsickness bags at the ready for these times, which are becoming more frequent).

I am tempted to try him FF but the thought has my stomach in knots. I'm also not convinced that anything will change. I think he's just resistant to being restrained and will fight any seat, facing any direction. The thing is, once he's in his seat and gets calmed down, 95% of the time it's once we start rolling, he'll happily ride there for hours. He's content and he sleeps well in his seat everyday for his nap.

Help, what would YOU do in this situation? I'm fairly certain I know the answer and that is to continue to fight the good fight and keep him safer. I KNOW that's what's best but I'm getting worn down and exhausted from this on a daily basis.

You made it past 2 and that is fantastic! I don't know. The easy answer is to continue the battle, however in your position I dont know if I would have the strength to deal with the scuffle every day. I don't think there is a wrong choice here.

Hugs! I only have to wrangle once in awhile and it wears me out.

auto-correct on the loose..

 

[LittlePeanut]

You made it past 2 and that is fantastic!

See, for ME, I don't think it is all that fantastic. For me, it's the bare minimum. If I were grading myself in terms of rear facing time, I'd call 2 y/o a C, 3 y/o a B and 4 y/o an A. I know we all have different ideas of how long is good enough but it just sucks to feel like I can do better. Does that make sense?

 

[babyherder]

Normally, I'd say children don't get to make safety decisions and he stays in the seat whichever way you choose cause you're the parent. By giving in he's only learning he can get his way by using force and hurting you. However, only you know your child and can understand if you'd be making the situation better or worse for both of you by turning him. What happens if you bring him out to the car and wait until he stops fighting to put him in his seat? Just stand with him by the car until he lets you put him in without a fight. Its not always an option but if you try it at home a few times maybe he'll get the idea that fighting mom is not an option. I tried this was a toddler and diaper changes. He used to squirm, kick, try to roll over, stand up, etc. I was trying to hold him down while changing him and I was afraid he'd roll off the changing table. So one day I just put him on the table and made him lay there while he kicked, squirmed, and fought. Every so often I would try to start the diaper change and if he fought I just said, "Ok, I'll wait until your ready." After a few min he stopped fighting me and changing was much easier for both of us.

 

[Jan06twinmom]

Help, what would YOU do in this situation? I'm fairly certain I know the answer and that is to continue to fight the good fight and keep him safer. I KNOW that's what's best but I'm getting worn down and exhausted from this on a daily basis.

I'm with you. I would try to keep him rear-facing and keep him safer as much as I could. I would also hope that this is a stage that passes in the near future. So many kids go through this stage when they don't want to be restrained. There is so much to do and learn and explore, who wants to be tied to one spot?

Hopefully someone else has some suggestions that will help. My only other suggestion is to try to limit car rides.

Melanie

 

[LittlePeanut]

What happens if you bring him out to the car and wait until he stops fighting to put him in his seat? Just stand with him by the car until he lets you put him in without a fight. Its not always an option but if you try it at home a few times maybe he'll get the idea that fighting mom is not an option.

We do this most of the time when we have any extra time. I'm not sure he understands things to the same degree as a developmentally average child his age though. It helps a little but it's still a little stressful getting him in the seat.

I think I'm just going to keep on going with RF'ing him until my body can bear no more.

 

[LittlePeanut]

My only other suggestion is to try to limit car rides.

We do. Anymore and I'll be a hobbit