Dilemma

[happiness-and-balance]

I'd FF them without a second thought. They're quite safe that way, safer than the vast majority of child passengers.

I totally understand the looming thought that they are safER RF, but this is one of those cases where I would FF and leave it at that.

 

[bubbaray]

Either turn them or give them back to the CW and tell CW you will only ERF children under ____ (whatever your age is, sounds like its 4).

 

[mominabigtruck]

I FF all my 3yo nanny kiddos. I'd FF them.

Being a nanny is a completely different situation. The mom is not paying her and in all honesty probably hates the op because they always like to have someone other than themselves to blame for their predicament.

How big are the girls? I'm just wondering because almost all the kids my mom gets are very small for their age because either neglect or special needs. She did an emergency placement a while back for a 6 yo, all the caseworker told her was that he was delayed. She went to get him and he had a traumatic brain injury and was maybe 25 lbs with the abilities of a 6 mo. Luckily, I was in town too and had an extra seat with me because all she had was a pw and he didn't even have the muscle tone to sit on his own.

 

[Phineasmama]

They are still her kids. We don't know why they're in foster care. I would be very annoyed about it but I would put them FFing. Yes there are some terrible parents out there, but there are also some situations like we have seen RIGHT HERE on this board, where children are taken away from their parents for no good reason.

It's easy to be against them until you are suddenly in that situation. Just keep that in mind.

 

[Kac]

Being a nanny is a completely different situation. The mom is not paying her and in all honesty probably hates the op because they always like to have someone other than themselves to blame for their predicament.

I know that it's completely different than fostering. That was just my way of saying that I'm more than comfortable with 3yos FFing in a correctly installed and used seat.

 

[gsdguenter]

They are still her kids. We don't know why they're in foster care. I would be very annoyed about it but I would put them FFing. Yes there are some terrible parents out there, but there are also some situations like we have seen RIGHT HERE on this board, where children are taken away from their parents for no good reason.

It's easy to be against them until you are suddenly in that situation. Just keep that in mind.

Great point.

However, I don't know the foster care laws or rules (who gets to make decisions etc.). I would put up a stink to rf them, but if that's not in my job description as a foster parents then I suppose I wouldn't. I don't really get it. It seems off to me that a parent whose kids are in foster care (regardless of why) gets to make decisions about them. But, like I said, I have NO knowledge of how foster care works.

Regardless, there is no way I'd lie. If the caseworker said to turn them, if either turn them, or give them back and say I couldn't care for them. I've never been in that situation so I can't really say.

 

[Xandra]

Either turn them or give them back to the CW and tell CW you will only ERF children under ____ (whatever your age is, sounds like its 4).

"Giving them back" as you so eloquently put is not only not an option, but an extremely dramatic and over the top thing to post/suggest.

How big are the girls?

22/23lbs and 34/34.5in tall.

They are still her kids. We don't know why they're in foster care.

I don't think why her children were taken away should be a factor in deciding what I choose to do. (I know you weren't saying that, quite the opposite, just sharing that viewpoint). It's definitely nothing like B's situation, though.

Case worker called me back and said she talked to her supervisor and she said that I can RF them if I want. She said if I was making them LESS safe mom would have an argument, but since I'm making them MORE safe, she said mom doesn't have a leg to stand on. Case worker said, and I quote "What is she gonna do, demand to have them moved because you're keeping them TOO safe?!" Hahaha, loved that! So they'll stay RF'ing

And for the record, lying to bios is not a regular practice for me. I've done it on just a couple of occasions in which the request was just so ridiculous that I gave mom a sarcastic "Ok" and she didn't catch the sarcasm or bing it up again. Not worth raising a stink over. Foster parents who regularly cause issues with bios quickly and mysteriously stop receiving placements around here. I choose to battle only the truly important stuff. Mom's insistence that I buy her baby a completely inappropriate pair of shoes and keep them on him all.the.time is not one of those truly important things. I bought the shoes and would put them in the diaper bag for visits, and bring baby in socks. Saved me and the case worker from a major headache based on her past behavior.

 

[jjordan]

Glad it worked out!

 

[Mamasboys]

What a wonderful update! I'm especially glad to hear the case worker fully understanding your intentions are to keep the little ones safe. That's great news, indeed. Especially knowing those girls are just so petite.

 

[gsdguenter]

Glad it worked out!

 

[mominabigtruck]

I'm glad to hear you're standing up for the girls. Around here most of the foster parents are older couples and cs usage is basic at best.

It is very hard for people who have never been in the system to understand how it works. I can't imagine why a non custodial parent would ever have the ability to tell a fp to do something that would make their child less safe. That's generally why their kids end up in foster care, because of poor decision making skills.