Catching flies: techniques for giving advice without turning off your listener

[Defrost]

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I have a related question: how do you approach a friend that didn't ask you any advice, maybe doesn't even know you're a car seat freak (or a tech) but you've seen her misuse or a child FF too soon?

It can come up in conversation quite naturally. "What've you been up to?"
"Oh, looking at new carseats and trying to find somewhere around here to have my seat checked."
"Really? But you just bought Little Bobby's carseat!"
"Yeah, but I found out I haven't been installing it correctly - did you know that 80% of all carseats are incorrectly installed?? Its crazy!" Etc...

 

[Stretchy Glue]

:thumbsup: Sometimes with friends or acquaintances, it's better to act like you "just" found out about it. That way it doesn't come off as judgemental. With my sister I sent her a bunch of crash videos that "had just been sent to me". It convinced her to EH her 3 year old.

 

[NZ Child Restraints]

We call it the "Postive Sandwich" - though it is used for psychology at uni.
I have used it a number of times, telling the parent what a good choice of seat they have, but it's best for Joey to be rear facing or what ever example, and then finishing it off with another positive.

This way the meat is the middle ( the focus) and the outsides are lettuce the light and easy to swallow bits

 

[skipspin]

Bumping.

 

[MomToGupCPST]

We were taught the sandwich technique in class, and I always use it! I also write down the misuse and then talk about each piece when when we get to it during the education instead of just listing it off. And I paint a cheesy smile on my face to keep from making a horrified look. I almost always say "You're doing so much more than most parents just by coming in/asking for help" Or something along those lines.

 

[Shaunam]

I learned a lot during my first seat check.

1) Comment on how cute their kid is, or how well-behaved they are. Even if you can't find anything good about their seats, at least compliment their offspring.

2) Talk to the kids! Say hi, ask them how they are doing. Engage in conversation even if they barely talk. The parents seemed to like that we really cared about the kids.

3) Compliment them on their choice of seat! People really like to hear this. LOL I had about 3 safeseats and a keyfit come through so I didn't even have to lie. One guy got kind of defensive when I showed him why his seat was tilting ("But that's how the fireman installed it!") and when I complimented him on his seat and showed him why it's so great (awesome lock-off) he was very easy to work with.

4) I just tried to point out what they did RIGHT. Then non-chalantly pointed out how to fix their misuse without saying "you did it wrong". One guy came in with a keyfit and had a GREAT install, only the angle was a bit off and he was using both LATCH and the seatbelt. I told him his seat was nice and tight and I was just going to un-install it to make sure everything was where it should be. I then asked him whether he thought he liked the install better with the LATCH or the seatbelt and he said LATCH, so I told him to go ahead and re-install it just the way he did before, only without the seatbelt and also showed him where to change the recline. He got "another" perfect install and I made sure he understood you couldn't use both together.

5) Empathize with them. "I have a difficult time with this seat too" "I was confused about that also" "I think the manual is unclear sometimes too". Works like a charm.

 

[safeinthecar]

Find a way to "blame" something that is not the parent when addressing a misuse. For example

.....the instructions for this seat are really confusing about which slots to use

.....there is so much bad and outdated advice out there that leads parents to believe their dc should turn ff/go into a booster/ use a seatbelt at this age.

.....the harness on this seat has a bad habit of twisting up

.....the instructions on these things weren't written with the momma who hasn't slept in a week in mind, were they? (said very lightly and jokingly)

 

[Stretchy Glue]

I always say "A couple of things that should be fixed are..." then explain why it's a common mistake, and why it's important to fix. It makes them feel better when they know they're not the only one making that mistake.

 

[celtic1885]

This is great! I've gotten some great ideas and just realized I've used a couple of these myself. One of the moms at my daycare has her 11 mo FF and just puts the seatbelt over him - no harness. I used the sandwich and she used the harness the day we talked, am very happy to say that she is still using the harness every time I see her buckle him in! Now if I can just find a way to get her to RF him! Not a tech so fairly hesitant about approaching people.!

 

[Adventuredad]

Embarrassing to admit but I'm really bad at this. I often have good ideas but the way I communicate it makes it sound like I'm angry and judgmental. I definitely need to work more on this technique.

Thanks!