Anyone else all alone in the real world for the carseat choices they make?

java · Oct 29, 2011

I have never met anyone IRL that rf's past 1. Most ff well before 1. I have never met anyone that has a 5 or 6 yr old harnessed. I have never met anyone who has a 7 or 8 yr old in a booster.

And what really irks me: People seem offended by my choice not to turn DD ffing yet. They tell me I am harming her. They tell me she will break her legs. They tell me her harness is too tight. They tell me that you can't rf a 'bigger carseat' (RA55)

It doesn't matter what I say to them. It doesn't matter what proof I give or how many links I post on FB. NO ONE understands!

I was recently at a gathering and got DD out of the car and a couple (no kids) said something along the lines of her being too big. I said she will be rfing until she is 3 or 4 at least. They told me "what are you going to do, cut holes in the backseat so she can put her legs through?" GRRR! My kid has knees! Maybe some mutant children suffer from no knees? Kids bend! I'm sitting here in my chair typing this with my legs up in the chair with me. It it more comfortable that way.

DD is 17 mths and 17 lbs so for now I can still use the "she doesn't weigh enough to ff yet" but what about when she does? I have 1 set of friends that have tried and tried to talk me into ffing her. They always ask if she is big enough yet. They KNOW my point of view on it!

So basically my support comes from the internet. No one IRL understands (except DH) No one gets it. Anyone else alone and get pressured to follow main stream 'bad' choices?

bnsnyde · Oct 29, 2011

I like your points. I also don't often see best practice but when I do I get really excited. I saw a RF toddler in a Radian the other day, and mom and I talked carseats! It was fun.

So the world just needs more people who follow best practice until maybe one day it will become the norm. We can hope.

What I don't get is that we're talking a child's life, and to disregard the safest possible setup boggles my mind. To me, choosing how they sit in the car is the most important question I make as a parent. It could literally save their lives.

Also, I read the news and it's accident after accident, so sad. And so many deaths that could be prevented with best practice. (I don't often read about deaths from kids who ARE properly restrained). Though, I realize not all crashes one can survive.

To me, having to justify why my toddler rear-faces is like having to justify that I love him. It's not something that needs justifying. Of course I love him. And of course I wouldn't FF a baby or young toddler. And having to justify my 4-year-old RF (because clearly she can safely FF at her age), well, since it seems that RF can benefit any age, that's good enough for me.

I LIKE when people ask. They don't usually, but if they do, then we can at least talk about why if my 4-year-old can RF, surely their 2-year-old can, etc, should the parent be receptive to that.

birdflippin' · Oct 29, 2011

I did, even from DH, but I am very stubborn and hard headed and won't budge on an issue until I am proven wrong by more than one source. I told DH when he gives birth he can make the decisions regarding their day to day well being but until then we discuss so I can tell him in a round about way I'm right and he's wrong

My inlaws are another story

I think they've accepted the fact that I am "crazy" but our kids are loved, taken care of, and for the most part well behaved so they let it slide.

mkmama · Oct 29, 2011

ME!

I've managed to get my SIL to RF her younger kids to 2, but that's it. And she'll likely harness her DD who just turned 4 until 5 or 6...which is great since her DD is NOWHERE near mature enough to ride in a booster.

But other than us...that's all I know. Even my sister turned her son FF the day after he turned 1 year old because he was 'uncomfortable' and 'didn't like it'

I get people (usually family/friends) who ask me all the time why my DS2 is still RF'ing, and asking all the time when DS1 will be 'done' with car seats...despite the fact that I've told them many times that it's safer to go 'to the limits'.

Thankfully so far DH has been semi-onboard -- he won't argue w/ me about ERF or EH as long as I'm the one that installs the seats. But he won't go out of his way to ERF or EH either. I have a feeling we'll be having a battle the day DS1 turns 8...because he's already been mentioning that he can't wait until we dont have to worry about a carseat for DS1 when he's 8.

Maisie&BodensMommy · Oct 29, 2011

Yep. My sister is on board to RF her 8 month old to the limits of his seat (radian), but other than that, nobody.
My kids go to a 2 y.o. class at preschool. They are the ONLY ones in RF seats, and I've seen 2 kids in the class in hbb's. Nobody has said anything to me, but I would love to know what they're thinking. Haha.

mommyfrog · Oct 29, 2011

Only my sister and kind of my other sister. In the main car my younger sister has her 4yo rf, almost 7yo harnessed and 10mo rf. In the other car she has 4yo harnessed ff, baby rf, 7yo in a lbb. That's all we can get to fit!! My older sister rf her dd until almost 3 and still has her 8yo boostered. BUT he wasn't riding in a booster (which was sitting in the car) because he said he was 8 and didn't have to anymore. My silly sister didn't make him. My younger sister just showed him videos and pictures of what happens to kids who are his age/size in just a seat belt. When he left her house he got in his booster and asked her if the belt fit right!! So he's back in his booster now.

My 3.5 year old ds has been having leg pains sometimes with a fever. We are kind of watching it for now after not much showed up on the blood tests. A friend of mine from bible meeting told my oldest dd maybe it was because he was still rf. She told her no, that doesn't bother his legs!! Her dd is one month younger and is ff, which is great since she is harnessed. Her 5yo though, is riding in a lbb with no head rest. At least she moved it from the lap belt where she had it at first to a spot with a shoulder belt.

creideamh · Oct 29, 2011

Only my best friend, who's DD is 4 days younger than mine and fully intends on RFing til at least 2 (decision made on her own... she's in nursing school.) That's about it.

K.Nortz · Oct 29, 2011

Glad I'm not alone!! I was just defending my decision to keep my little ( just two ) guy RF until he outgrows his weight limit (35#) to a social worker none the less!! So frustrating.

lpperry · Oct 29, 2011

I do have a handful of friends/acquaintances who do/did rearface past 1. I handed rf info out to my daycare families and a few who had babies who were not 1 yet kept the baby in a rf convertible for longer than 12 months. One family still rf their 2 1/2 year old, the other 3 families rf until 18 months or 2 years old. That made me so happy! It was sad the day I noticed that they were flipped forward though, but I was just thrilled that they at least made it to 18-24 months. At least that gets more people aware of the safety benefits and friends of theirs probably saw this as well.

My best friend rf her kids after I gave her rf information when her first was an infant. Her oldest daughter just turned 2 and is rf right now, so that is great!

I also have 2 cousins who rf their 1 year olds. I can't remember if I shared the information with 1 of them, but the other cousin did it on her own. So, I do think the news on rf is getting out there. I am seeing it more and more now.

My hope is that in a few years rf until 2 is going to the norm. Things do change. When we were little nobody wore bike helmets and now most people do. I am hoping rf is a bit like that...

Cath3114 · Oct 29, 2011

Nobody in my area. I have tons of friends scattered around the country who ERF and EH. But nobody locally (well, I don't have any friends locally anyway).

I am lucky enough to have support from my family. All it took was showing them crash test videos. My brother's partner asked me the other day why I hadn't turned her - but he's from
Venezuela, and was honestly just curious as to when I could, not judging that I haven't. I pulled up YouTube on my iPhone and had him and my brother watch a video comparing FF and RF. They both cringed and their eyes got real big when they saw it. Point made, lol.

I'm lucky to not have to fight DD's sperm donor on the issue, since he has zero involvement. He's the type that would FF just to spite me.

My BF just smiles and nods when I go off on a car seat rant. He says I have the harness too tight. But he did listen when his son just turned 4 and hit 40 pounds and I said he wasn't ready to booster yet (though he does in his mom's car). I made him to buy a Maestro for another 10 pounds of harness, knowing that would be the best I would get and he wouldn't agree to 65 pounds. I'm sure his usage is probably pretty bad. I can't get him to TT for anything

Sent from my iPhone using Car-Seat.Org

Phineasmama · Oct 29, 2011

I don't know anyone in real life either

but you can bet when my younger siblings are old enough to have kids they will do as I say...muahahaha!

Brianna · Oct 29, 2011

Most people in my area don't follow even minimum law requirements. J's (my godson) family asked around a year when he was going to be switched and were pretty accepting of at least 2 years old when I explained it was safer. When he turned 2 they asked again, this time J's mom told them until the limit of his seat and they seemed okay with that too.

cupcakepirate11 · Oct 29, 2011

I don't know too many people in real life with kids but those who I do know erf. My friends son is three and tiny...the size of my 17 month old son! He is still rfing till he outgrows his seat!

I still see misuse all over, I just shake my head and cringe. I have been directing lots of people from twitter to here to help them rer face or harness their kids longer they are very receptive!

Jessica61624 · Oct 29, 2011

I have a friend who ERF and eh but she won't even read a manual. It drives me crazy. She had her myride rf tethered under the seat to the ff tether. I told her it was wrong and she undid it. But now she's pregnant with #3 and won't buy her ds a new seat to rf when the baby comes. He will have just turned two. She only likes graco and Britax.

luckyclov · Oct 29, 2011

If we're talking about real-world, as in family and friends, no, I really don't feel all alone. I'm very lucky to be surrounded by good sampling of family and friends who are very willing to learn and do better. They ask questions frequently, are (generally) receptive to advice, and usually just follow my lead. Not ALL, but most.

If we're talking about real-world, as in random stuff I see while out and about from people I have no connection to, yeah, I feel all alone. And, no, they generally are not receptive or willing to change their mind set.

You can't save everyone. So I just try to focus my time and energy on those I know will follow through and who will pass on their new knowledge.

One at a time.

Phineasmama · Oct 29, 2011

Oh yeah just around town I see a lot of crazy crap. Just at my DD's preschool there were tons of kids in the 3 year old class using LBB. And in her 4/5 year old class she was pretty much the only kid still harnessed- except for one and that was because I caught his mom at BuyBuyBaby buying a new seat and told her which one to get lol!!

carseatcoach · Oct 29, 2011

I must just give off a "don't mess with me" vibe.

I made/make parenting choices that many other parents don't: ERH/EH/extended boostering, nursing past 6yo, *extremely* limited TV/movies (PBS only, and in tiny doses), cloth diapering, and I'm sure there's more. But I don't open them up as topics of conversation, and I don't let others do so either.

KaiLing · Oct 29, 2011

carseatcoach said:
I must just give off a "don't mess with me" vibe.

I think this is why people don't question me, too. Or I'm totally oblivious and they're giving me dirty looks but I'm just going about my business? Or the very very tall husband is just so much more noticeable than the very very big 2 year old riding rear facing? He does get a lot of "how can you fit in that car?!" comments, come to think of it.

miraclebabies · Oct 29, 2011

I don't really see to many kids past 1yr rear facing... Some friends and family ff before a yr and I've tried to incourage them to keep the child rf but to no avail. They go ff, it really sadens me to see family or friends that I care about have their little ones ff SO young. My older sister kept her daughter rf till 18m which is longer than her first DD. My Dh's cousin just asked me what seats are good for her 13m old, she's keeping him rear facing for awhile in his My ride

. I see some friends going past the minimum but it's not often. My cousin ff her 8m old cuz she was 20lbs and the pedi said she had "good head control". Really!!!! Your not alone.... I sometimes and very randomly see or hear people ask questions. Why they are backwards and when am I going to turn them.. Well when they hit the limit. Say around 3 or 4

family is asking when I'm going to ff my almost 3yr old. She's only 27lbs and prob 35 in tall. She's a preemie and itty bitty. She will prob ff before kindergarten...

Little Ps Mama · Oct 29, 2011

I have a few friends irl who eh. As in beyond age four. They both kept their youngest kids rf past one but not much past. Eh seems more favorable here than erf but its still rare.

Anyone else all alone in the real world for the carseat choices they make?

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