How to talk Installation to my FIL?

With my third kid on the way I started getting more involved in carseats. I joined here, did my research online, did my store research and am now on the installation part.

With that being said my FIL has told me that they have managed to fit 3 across in their car for transporting my kids, as my Inlaws are our daycare. What concerns me most is it being a safe installation.

How do I bring up that I would like to check them out without insulting him? He is a competent, smart man and I don't want to offend him by making him feel like an idiot for not installing them properly. I'm just worried.

Have you had your installations checked by a CPST yet? If you haven't, I would tell him that when researching new car seats online you found this site http://seatcheck.org/ and that you couldn't believe that so many seats aren't installed properly, and ask if he'll go with you to a seat check because you don't want to go alone.

briheartzu said:

Have you had your installations checked by a CPST yet? If you haven't, I would tell him that when researching new car seats online you found this site http://seatcheck.org/ and that you couldn't believe that so many seats aren't installed properly, and ask if he'll go with you to a seat check because you don't want to go alone.

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:yeahthatlove: I have a LOT of parents that come in with the grandparents and their cars. Last fall I had 8 people show up with 8 different cars, all for the same kid lol it was pretty funny. They had weird schedules and lots of immediate family that was going to be caring for the kid so we just went through each and every car.

I would just bring up how confusing the different rules can be and you just want to make sure the kids are safe as possible in their cars too, so will you please go to a CPST with me and make sure we've all got it right.

emma41256 said:

:yeahthatlove: I have a LOT of parents that come in with the grandparents and their cars. Last fall I had 8 people show up with 8 different cars, all for the same kid lol it was pretty funny. They had weird schedules and lots of immediate family that was going to be caring for the kid so we just went through each and every car.

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That is so cool!! My parents, maybe my sister would do that (if I weren't a tech ) but pretty sure no one other than the boys' Godparents would be that concerned.:thumbsdown: All my ILs think carseats are "dumb" and that I'm crazy/overbearing for even following the law, much less best practice.:crying:

Blame it on baby brain . Tell him you want to make sure that all the seats are correct and ask him to go with you to see a tech so that he can remind you if you forget what to do.

Well, I tried a little bit last night and didn't seem to get anywhere (that I can tell). Though he did tell me they haven't really done 3 across in their car quite yet, just measured and think it will work. I told them once I got my third seat I was probably going to call the local police dept (which is the closest seat check for us) and schedule an apt and did he want to go also since I would need to schedule it ahead of time. I told him that 3 across can be very tricky.

Perhaps once I get my 3rd seat and think it's a successful install I will bug him again. Right now I know they have my son FF at 14 mos because they couldn't get him to 'fit' RF. Soooo, Seems like I have some work to do.

Have you checked the tech list? http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.php?t=59135

There are a LOT of Ohio techs, I bet one of them is nearby! Police station checks can be hit or miss for what kind of information and help you'll get, if there's someone nearby, check with them too!

And I know they're your childcare source and you probably don't want to ruffle any feathers and mess that situation up/cause family drama... but when it comes to the safety of MY children, my rules apply, and if someone isn't up to following my rules in the car - either they don't drive with my kids or they don't watch my kids, the end. It would be completely unacceptable for me to find out that my 14 month old was FF in my childcare provider's vehicle. There are ways to be firm and direct without causing a family battle, but I would do whatever you need to to make it unequivocally clear that THIS is how it's going to be in the car or they don't ride in the car.

My son goes to an in-home daycare, and I had to draw a line that he wasn't going to ride in their car because of her car seat situation. Thankfully at the same time I decided that her kid situation changed where the older kids there were leaving for preschool and she ended up taking on more babies so she doesn't do field trips anymore, but I made it expressly clear that she does not have permission to transport my child with the exception of an emergency. Her own kids are a FF 15 month old, 3 y/o in a backless booster, and she has an add-on aftermarket 3rd row seat in her 2 row 4Runner and I just couldn't get through to her why my rules weren't going to budge, that my son (he was about 18 months at the time) was going to RF, I was willing to provide a seat if she didn't have one to accommodate him, and there was NO way I would allow him to ride in the "third row". It sucked and I felt like an asshole the whole time we were discussing it.... but there are some things you just have to make ultimatums about.

I would bug sooner than that because a FF 14 month old is really not a good idea even occasionally. Either that or I would work with him on a RF install in the meantime. Share a YouTube video or two about the importance of rear facing so he understands why.

Most likely I'll offer to install the seat for him if they are having problems.

There is just so much going on at the same time I don't want them to feel bugged about it when there are other pressures. And yes, I don't want to ruffle any feathers because they have been such a big help watching the kids while we work to pay the bills. But I'm stubborn and I will persevere.

I checked the tech list and it seems like one of the techs is at the police dept that I was planning on calling. Is that still a so-so place to go then?

What part of Ohio are you in? I spend time in various parts of the state and would come to you, and I know we have a bunch of techs here who might be willing to do the same.

Honestly, I would just tell FIL that since everything you've read about 3-acrosses is that they are very tricky, you really feel that each of the vehicles the kids ride in needs to be be tech-checked. Blame it on your own neuroses, with a laugh.

Also, I would make it clear to the tech that the ILs had "difficultly" fitting your 14mo's seat in RF, and could they help with that situation? Daycare or no, you don't need to allow your child to be transported unsafely.

ETA: I don't *think* any of the techs in the Ohio list are located at a police department, but I could be wrong. The locations listed are usually where the techs live/work, but almost all of us are employed in private sector jobs that have nothing to do with CPS, and just do seat checks on our own time... I might suggest PM'ing whomever you are looking at and verifying that they're where you think they are before making an appointment there.

ETA: Joel's Journey might be a GREAT video to share with FIL, because it was made by a grandfather, about his grandson. It may be the most likely to strike a chord with FIL.

Well, the tech I saw in the link to 'Find a Technician" was on the thread emma41256 listed. One was at the Police Dept and several were at the local Health Department. The techs actually on that list were not in the immediate area. The closest would have been Cleveland which is about an hour away.

I think tomorrow morning when I drop the kids off I will attempt to get there early to examine their car seat installs. I will play the worried pregnant mom card. Honestly, it doesn't hurt to have me look at them for my own paranoia.

I know what car seat they have him in and am trying to install the same one in my car in about *looks at clock* less than 20 minutes. We'll see if I find it as hard or what.