4 year old & 2 year old buckled with only crotch straps PLEASE HELP

My friends 4 year old unbuckles his chest clip and puts the shoulder straps behind him. He rides in a Nautilus. She has been allowing him to ride that way because he says the straps are too tight (which they aren't they were crazy loose). I scared the sh** out of her and told her what would happen if she allowed them (yeah her 2 year old too) to ride like that.

So I was wondering is she could turn the chest clip around? I know it is not ideal but it would make it nearly impossible for him to undo. Isn't this better than the alternative?

I would first try something like putting the scratch part of velcro on the chest clip to discourage him from messing with it. Beyond something like that, at 4 years old, it is likely a discipline issue. A 4 year old can understand consequences for his actions, so if she institutes appropriately negative consequences for unbuckling his chest clip, he'll stop! I think this issue comes up periodically, so you might check for previous threads with ideas.

jjordan said:

I would first try something like putting the scratch part of velcro on the chest clip to discourage him from messing with it. Beyond something like that, at 4 years old, it is likely a discipline issue. A 4 year old can understand consequences for his actions, so if she institutes appropriately negative consequences for unbuckling his chest clip, he'll stop! I think this issue comes up periodically, so you might check for previous threads with ideas.

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Yeah pretty much everything with them is a discipline issue. But they just lost their dad and all kinds of issues are arrising. She is having a hard time putting her foot down.

I just emailed her and suggested trying a reward sytem. I told her to pick something that would be special to him and that he only gets for being good in the car. I suggested getting a dollar store bag of small toys and creating a "treasure chest."

Small toys as rewards sound like a good idea. Maybe each good car trip could earn him 1 point and when he gets _X_ points, he gets to choose a toy. But if he has a bad car trip, he loses 1 or 2 points.

I would suggest she tighten the straps properly and take a look at how they sit on her son's shoulders....he might be saying they are "too tight" width wise since the Nauti has somewhat narrow width between the straps that can rub on a child's neck. My 5 year old is not a complainer about car seats, and he has started complaining ALL the time about those straps on the Nauti because they rub the side of his neck on both sides no matter what he does. I just have him pull his shirt up between his neck and the straps and that appeases him when he rides in it.

If the straps are constantly rubbing him she may want to have her son pull his shirt up between neck and straps or look into a different seat for him if possible.

mkmama said:

I would suggest she tighten the straps properly and take a look at how they sit on her son's shoulders....he might be saying they are "too tight" width wise since the Nauti has somewhat narrow width between the straps that can rub on a child's neck. My 5 year old is not a complainer about car seats, and he has started complaining ALL the time about those straps on the Nauti because they rub the side of his neck on both sides no matter what he does. I just have him pull his shirt up between his neck and the straps and that appeases him when he rides in it.

If the straps are constantly rubbing him she may want to have her son pull his shirt up between neck and straps or look into a different seat for him if possible.

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He says they are "too tight" before you even buckle him in. He just doesn't want to wear them and she had been buckling both her kids witout them to avoid fits. I had her come over a couple of weekends ago and removed the extra pad she had in there because it was rerouting the straps and I moved their shoulder straps to the proper setting. She is now buckling them in correctly but her 4 yr old is unbuckling. I have told her to tighten his straps more to make it harder to wiggle out of. We also put the harness covers back on. The straps are not tight across his neck. As pp has said this is definately a discipline issue. I bother her about every other day about it so hopefully soon the problem will be solved!

IME, my kids do better with an immediate consequence (good or bad) for their actions. So in this situation, a good consequence for staying buckled. For example, we are going to ______. If you remain buckled properly in your seat until we get there, you will receive _______ (2 Skittles, 2 M&Ms, a pack of fruit snacks, a DumDum, etc.) The reward does not have to be big and small toys might work but I think to start, something immediate that if they are good this time, they get this. Then, if one behaves and the other does not, one gets treats and sees the other eating something they want. The reward is offered again for the return trip and any other time they are in the car.

Also, personally, I would show the 4yo some crash tests. Find some good videos (with dummies of course) and show them what can happen. At that age, they are old enough to understand how dangerous that is.

lorismurph said:

Also, personally, I would show the 4yo some crash tests. Find some good videos (with dummies of course) and show them what can happen. At that age, they are old enough to understand how dangerous that is.

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I did this with my dd when she unbuckled her chest clip. The closest I could find was one where the dummy had the shoulder belt behind its shoulder, so similar premise, and she got the idea.

for a four year old... it's a matter of setting a boundary and sticking to it... the other suggestions I would use for a 2-yr old... but not a normal 4yr old... especially one who is communicating a reason (non-existant as it is)

A four year old is also old enough that if you can find tech who happens to be a cop/firefighter who will have a nice shiny badge and they will accept as a higher authority than a parent, that tech could help convince him it's "the law" and for his own safety to use his seat properly.

Also, I'd buckle him up properly... go for a slow ride just going down an empty street... and slam on the breaks... and explain that his straps are keeping him safe in his seat... without them, he'd fly out and hit the ceiling and the front seat and get lots of booboos... like broken bones... bleeding... you know, don't go overboard, but really put it in a way he can understand.

Once you are sure he understands the rules and why... then EVERY TIME he does it, pull over, reprimand him, and correct it. And set a reasonable limit on the number of times (going by the child, but most 4yr olds, you can give them the 1, 2, 3 makes you lose something... and repeat.... then make it more demanding as the behavior gets better.

I'd also take opportunities where someone is around where you can drop him off and have him miss out if going somewhere special... Make a big deal that they have to stay buckled properly to go.. and if he doesn't... take him home/to whoever can watch him and only take the 2yr old... and if both are offending... don't take either.

with the 2yr old... distraction can help... drawing on their hands, stickers, coloring... little things to keep their minds off of what they can mess with is good.

Showing the videos to my ods worked when he did this. He also understood why he was still in a carseat when other kids are not.
Heather