what do you say when...


New member
My DD turned 1 last week. She is 20 lbs, and I plan on keeping her RF as long as I can, but am aiming at least 1 more year (DH thinks I'm nutty!) I had multiple comments at her b-day party as to why she was still RF. Everyone had to check out the new Sienna-so they saw the RF seat. I simply said "RF is safest" This is fine most of the time, but I am finding people questioning my decision more and more, so often I add that I would like to follow the current AAP recommendations to keep her RF til she outgrows the rf limits of her seat. I have had all kinds of comments telling me the old 1 yr + 20 lbs thing, and some parents say rudely "I think I know what is safest for my child." One such comment came from a friend who bought a MA because "she's done all the research and knows that the MA seat provides superior protection to anything else." Her 27 in. 22 lb 10 month old is FF-I won't go there! So how do you justify your decision to keep your child RF without sounding like you are protecting your child more than they are? Honestly I don't care when others choose to change their kids to FF-although I will tell people that I know well the minimum recommendation of 20 lbs AND 1 year. Thanks for any advice you all have!


CPSDarren - Admin
Staff member
I don't think you need to justify it:)

I'm happy to make it a point if someone asks. At least it might get them thinking for their next child!

We have some resources on extended rear-facing, including links to other sites on the topic. You're welcome to refer them here, too:)


Good luck with your education efforts! I don't have a very good success rate convincing parents who arrive at checkup events with a 1 year old who they want turned forward. I do take the time to explain all the safety advantages of rear-facing, though, and make it clear that they are to make the final choice:)


Senior Community Member

I agree that you don't have defend yourself, but I do feel your pain. For the longest time, my parents would "ride me" saying that I had my son's harness straps too tight. It got annoying, but it never swayed my decision to keep them tight.

My son is almost 2, and he is still rear facing. I intend on keeping him rf'ing as long as possible. At the rate he is going, that should be at least another year. I personally have never received any slack for that, but when I tell people, I do get lots of eyeybrow raising.

If someone did "get on my case" I would politely tell them the benefits of rear facing and tell them that I am doing what is right for MY child. If the situation is right, I also throw in that a rearfacing child could walk away from a crash whereas a foward facing child may not walk away from the very same crash. Then I would drop it unless they pressed on for more details.

I think it's terrific that you are keeping your child rearfacing. Your child is MUCH safer than any of your friend's children who are foward facing. Just know that your decision is best, and try to let those comments roll off your shoulder. If they keep pressing on you and annoying you, go ahead and print off some of the rear facing resources on this site for them to read.

Take care,
CPS Tech


New member
I know I don't HAVE to justify...

It just seems like everyone is in this "I'm the best parent mode" whether it be staying at home vs. working, bottle or breast feeding. Not only do I keep my kid RF, I still breast feed her AND I stay home! All I do is justify what I do! LOL! I just don't want to come off as thinking I am better than someone else as I am justifying every parental decision I make...I knew you all would feel my pain, and that in itself makes me feel a little better!:)


Senior Community Member
you sound just like me

It's hard when you feel like your parental decisions are attacked. I nursed my son until he was almost 18 months old and I also stay home. Trust me, I feel your pain. You are not alone.

Take care,
Sara :)


Senior Community Member
i think you hit the nail on the head here
"I think I know what is safest for my child."

see...you didn't tell them THEY were not making a safe choice for their children. they inferred that. you made them feel uncomfortable in their parenting choices by simply making your own parenting choice opposite and not having anything to do with theirs. i hope it made them think enough to do some more research.

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