You know, some of my favorite posters have had the most dramatic board debuts when they first got here. It's almost becoming par for the course.
(Seriously though, welcome!)
On a serious note, though, I think I can speak for all of us in saying that we approach a new poster with unknown history differently than we approach someone who we know has already been preached to. I came to this board knowing nothing -- thinking that if a backless booster said "from 1 year and 30lbs" that my 35lb 3 year old was just fine in it. Many of the parents we have come to this board are only familiar with what they are told by society and the media, which unfortunately is far from the best we could be doing for our kids. So, as technicians and advocates, we are facing years of perpetuated poor advice and myths that is in direct contradiction to protecting our kids from the thing that's most likely to kill them. Sometimes we have to use strong words to make our points clear, and I think that's where hrice's words came from. I think if we'd realized you'd already been provided with the information, we would have taken a different tack.
Unfortunately on a message board, tone gets lost and that hinders us all. It also robs us of the option to have a two-way conversation, whereas if you encoutered one of us at a seat check, you could have explained about your son's medical history where the normal adage of "feet touching the seat doesn't matter" -- which we oft repeat due to years of pediatricians insisting kids must be turned once their feet touch the seat, despite the fact that broken legs are more likely forward-facing than rear-facing -- is inaccurate, due to Archie's extraordinary circumstances. But without that instant back-and-forth of an in-person conversation, it is easier to have a pile-on without all of the facts.
If you're interested in trying to work around the situation, there may be solutions that offer the best of both worlds -- protecting your toddler's neck and spine AND offering him additional leg room. For example, if you could move him to one of the captain's chairs, you could recline the chair a bit and give him more leg room. Without being there in person, of course, it's impossible to know whether or not it would do the trick, but it may be a viable option. If you can afford a Scenera or Tribute (around $50,) you could put one of the littles you currently have in the captain's chair into the Marathon, give their highback booster to one of the biggie in the third row, and get more room yet.
Only you know your situation and what will work for you. We, here, are invested in trying to make sure your kids ride as safely as possible. Thankfully they were okay in last week's wreck. The litmus test I use is that if, God forbid something happens to my kids, I want to know I gave them the absolute best chance I could. If you feel like you are doing the best you can by your kids, in your family's circumstance (finance, logistics, etc,) then let it be. They are better than 90% of the families out there by being non-expired, properly installed, properly fitted seats. But we would also be remiss to not point out to you -- on a board dedicated to car seat safety -- the areas in which you could make your kids safer yet. I promise no one's intention is to attack you and make you feel like "bad Mom." We are all here to help protect kids -- our kids, your kids, ALL kids -- from the most dangerous thing they do. That's our collective goal, and I do apologize if sometime we go a bit overboard in it.