Question Father refuses to have child rear facing

[Bradysmom1215]

Help! My child's father bought a car seat that is forward facing 20-40 then booster 40-100. He bought it because the box says 12-24 months on it and it was the most expensive (we are not together and he didnt consult me) he just dropped my 17 pounds 18 month old off with me in that seat. He says that the box says 12 months so it's suitable and he will not use another one. I'm very upset! My son is very small and I planned on rear facing as long as possible as its the safest. But being he doesn't meet the weight requirement he's not safe in that seat correct? I need some links or something to show him why he's incorrect. Please help! He fights me on everything and I will not let him put his stubbornness before my child's safety!

 

[mommycat]

You are correct. That seat does not fit your child. The testing standards are weight based and the weight limits are probably the most important aspect of the seat. The age on the box is an average age range for kids who would fit but your lightweight most certainly does NOT fit, and his safety would be compromised even aside from the fact that RF is safer until a minimum of 2 years old. He NEEDS to be 20lbs to ride in this seat. (Are there even ANY seats that allow FF under 20lbs? I am doubtful.) As to how to convince him, I am not sure. I'm on the iPod so searching for links is not do easy but hopefully someone will come through for you soon. Do you know which seat it is? Have you seen the manual or looked at the stickers on the seat? They should have some lovely warnings about making sure the child is within specified limits. Where are you located? If yours is a 'proper use' law then using the seat against the manual could result in a fine, maybe that would convince him if the safety argument does not.

 

[mommycat]

Another point to make would be that most seats are outgrown by height well before the weight and your child is likely to outgrow the harness before he meets the minimum weight for the booster mode, which would be very unsafe if his father used this seat in either mode at that point. Choosing a seat with better limits and taller top slots would allow him to use the seat safely, longer.

 

[babyherder]

I'd tell him that since it goes against the seat's instructions that its illegal (may or may not be depending on where you live but hopefully he won't check). If he wants cheap a cosco senera or apt is about $50 and rf to 40lbs.

 

[An Aurora]

It sounds like a 3-in-1 to me, and those don't allow FF until the child is at least 1, 22 lbs, and 34".

 

[mommycat]

From the sound of the OP he actually got the most expensive seat (or so he said) so I am sure that we could suggest a number of great seats. I would not even necessarily stress over best practice or super long lasting seats but he does need to use the seats according to instructions! If he wants it to last through booster, maybe the Evenflo Symphony? It does all three modes fairly well from what I hear (rf/ff/booster) and is a very decent choice for a more petite child.

 

[mommycat]

It sounds like a 3-in-1 to me, and those don't allow FF until the child is at least 1, 22 lbs, and 34".

I was thinking Dorel 2in1 since it doesn't RF and stated 12mo as a starting age. Either way the lower limits are probably the same?

 

[CuddlyMonsters]

All the pediatricians my kids have seen recommend that you RF until they are 2 years of age. According to AAP based on research it is safer.

 

[Brigala]

Some ideas:
-Contact your lawyer and see whether you have grounds to withhold visitation until he has a seat he can transport the child in appropriately.
-Depending on your state laws and your community, in some places you can find a sympathetic cop to pull him over and give him a ticket when the child is in the car. You should be able to provide a time/place/route/vehicle description.
- If all else fails, you can always take him to court and hope you get a judge that gives a crap.

 

[Brigala]

I'd tell him that since it goes against the seat's instructions that its illegal (may or may not be depending on where you live but hopefully he won't check). If he wants cheap a cosco senera or apt is about $50 and rf to 40lbs.

I'm fairly certain it's illegal in every state in the US.

All states have laws for rear-facing that fall under one of two categories:

1) The state specifically says children must be one year old AND a minimum of 20 lbs to ride forward facing

or

2) The state specifically requires that the seat be "properly" used, which includes following the instructions on the seat.

Some states have both, but all of them, I am 99% sure, have at least one or the other.

The US does not allow car seats to be sold in the US that allow forward facing for children under 20 lbs.

 

[kam1011]

Start with printing out a copy of the law. Maybe that'll help? (Is that legal anywhere?)

 

[steph_s]

I had the same issue with my ex unfortunately. I was told by my lawyer to refuse to allow him to take the child for visitation since the child wasn't restrained correctly according to the law. I was told to take the child to the dr the day of pick up to have him weighed and to have the dr write a note stating the child's current weight. Then when he showed up he threw a huge fit and called the police. They showed up and I showed them the note and the seat (dorel made can't ff until 22lbs and 34in tall) and the law (must be 1 AND 20lbs) and the officer told him "sorry you can't take your child unless you have an appropriate seat". He tried again a week later and I again refused to allow my child to go. He finally flipped the seat around rf and didn't flip him ff until he was 3 (when he hit 34in tall).

 

[EverSweetBabyBoutique]

You definitely cannot go by age on the box because every child grows at a different pace. You might find some answers here - http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS

 

[wendytthomas]

You definitely cannot go by age on the box because every child grows at a different pace. You might find some answers here - http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS

Actually, age is far more important that height or weight, since that's when skeletal maturity happens. Only with time. A 20 pound two year old and a 40 pound two year old both have two year old skeletons.

The link you've shared is great, though.

Wendy

 

[tarynsmum]

Actually, age is far more important that height or weight, since that's when skeletal maturity happens. Only with time. A 20 pound two year old and a 40 pound two year old both have two year old skeletons.

The link you've shared is great, though.

Wendy

I *think* PP was referring to the part of OP's post where she says "the box says 12-24 months on it" (though what in the heck seat says that? What strange wording in the first place). Kind of like how the Dorel backless boosters say 1 year and 30lbs... but we know that totally unsafe, even though it is "on the box".