I won't buy it. I WON'T.

In desperation, I point out to my SIL and her husband that Recaro makes child seats. He's big into street racing, he had special seats put in his Civic and all sorts of decals all over it. I thought maybe, MAYBE, if he could get Zack a "cool" seat, he might care enough about his kid.
So I showed him the RY Sport. I played it up, how safe it was, how cool it looked, etc. I mentioned NOTHING about it turning into a booster (I'm not stupid) but said it lasts most kids until they are 8 years old or so (I figured I would cross the 40 pound limit bridge when I got to it). Well, he said it was cool but not worth the money. Being the IDIOT that I am I burst out that I would buy it for them. Dolt.
He then saw the Start and said he wanted that one instead. I said no, absolutely not. He is welcome to buy it if he wants to, but I will NOT buy a booster for an infant. He told me that if I was buying them a seat it better be that one or not to bother because he won't use the other one.
I am so pissed at him. I don't have the money right now to be buying them a $300 car seat, and if I DID have that much money to burn I would spend it on someone more deserving! (Parent, not child). But now I feel guilty.
If I could get the impact cushion, I'd probably do it. I looked on eBay and Craig's List for a used one (yes, I would absolutely buy a used one. It's not as good as new, and I wouldn't do it with my kid, but it's better than what he has) but no real luck. Plus, it's no good for him and I am not going to waste my money on them anymore.
WHY? I offered to spend money that I DON'T HAVE on a seat that I totally covet and won't even buy for MY child (because he doesn't need it, not because I wouldn't buy it if he needed it) and they turn me down and demand an even more expensive and far less safe (for their situation) seat. And I am pretty damn sure that if I bought them a Start, that they still wouldn't use it. Mike would probably keep it in HIS car to show all his buddies how cool he is, while Zack gets thrown in the trunk.
Tomorrow is his birthday party and a surprise baby shower for her. Please welcome victim number two. He'll be a year old on Sunday, and it's a freakin miracle he's made it this far. She's a class A loser and a horrible parent to begin with, but this just takes the cake. I can't BELIEVE that I am related to this person. And I just canNOT believe how different Jess and Jean are. Jean dotes on Charlie (as do I). He is the center of our world and we bend over backwards to make sure his bubble is comfortable and safe. She admits to leaving him scream for hours because "she's bored" and not really caring about his welfare. I've called CPS on her, as have her doctor and another family member. Since birth she has left him from 7 pm to 7 am alone in his crib, no bottle, no new diaper, no attention. When he was less than two weeks old he was hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition. She drank all through her pregnancy and everyone thinks he has FAS. She is so MEAN to him and just doesn't care about him in the least. Her kid is an accessory for her... I just don't get it. We've spent countless nights in a hospital covered in pus and blood and puke with a screaming baby, and paced and sung and did everything possible. We have the sick baby, and we cherish everything about him. She has a perfect child that she is basically going out of her way to hurt, and there is nothing we can do about it.

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I had a Start for a short while. I really liked it for the depth adjustment and the optional foot rest. DS did not like it at all. If for that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to buy it for someone else. I got mine on clearance for $199 before the footrest and even that was expensive.

If you are spending $300, I'd be very wary of the child not liking it or the caregiver not being able to cope with the adjustments. Also consider the warranty and customer service which seem to vary considerably from one account to the next.

DS likes his Indy Plus much better and so do I.

That must be terrible...I just can't imagine that! I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that!

{{{{ HUGS }}}} You need one mama, you have done more then bend over back words and side ways for this family and child, there is no more that you can do then pray ... if they truly car, if the dad thinks about it long enough then maybe he will get the recaro seat for his child, it's people like this that make me want to say "why in hell aren't you required a lincense for a child" then again... it makes me what to cry my eyes you that good friend of our had to go through hell and high water to get a child from china b/c they couldn't have kids, but there are people like this that just dont give a sh**.

If it were me i would call CPS again... is it a law for car seat in your state??? that's not car seat it's a booster... call again... sorry but i hope the child gets taken away if it's as awful as it seems... oh my how sad.

Oh my.

I am so sorry you are having to watch this happen to your precious nephew. I can't imagine...

Oh my gosh splash that must be so hard. It KILLS me to see people neglect their kids. Their is such a huge spot in my heart for that kind of thing.
My nephew was in his infant seat forward facing since the day he was born.

((((big hugs)))) to you.

For all the fiascos and safety mishaps my brother has had I have to say that I am really, really glad he has taken carseat safety at least a little seriously.

Splash--you get him away from them and my DH and I will take him! He'll go RF in a BLVD most likely. It kills me as well that some people can have kids left and right and mistreat them to boot---and then there's me---stuck with IF treatments and shots and praying that this is the time that works!

Susan

You have to keep saying to yourself, "It's not my place. It's not my responsibility." I do believe we all have a responsibility to keep the children in our lives safe, but when they are not our kids, we can only do so much. The rest is up to the parents. You've gone above and beyond what most people would in your situation. At some point you're just going to have to make yourself not care. I don't really know how to do that, but I'm in a similar, though not as severe, of a situation. Someone I know is extremely lax and/or ignorant about car seats and I've done everything I can. I've shown how to do the harness. I've passed on info through a 3rd party so I wouldn't seem over-bearing. I've outright said what needed to be fixed. I bought a different, easier to use car seat, but apparently this person't pride is more important than her child's life. This person just doesn't care. It kills me, especially because 4 months ago, I decided I'd done all I can and I just saw the car seat the other day and the same problems are there. It's ridiculus but there's nothing else I can do. They've made their decision to not read the manual or whatever it is to cause them to misuse this seat so badly. To be quite honest, I'm trying to emotionally distance myself from these people in the hopes that if something bad does happen, I won't feel so bad. Maybe that's stupid, I don't know.

Just out of curiousity, is this the same baby that was circ'ed again at a week old because the mom didn't like the way the first one looked because it was loose or something? Nothing wrong with it, just not pretty enough for her? That was you on mdc right?

I agree with PP that you have gone above and beyond to help them out already, and there is just nothing more you can do, and you should feel good about trying as hard as you did.



Oh and this:

Shaunam said:

Just out of curiousity, is this the same baby that was circ'ed again at a week old because the mom didn't like the way the first one looked because it was loose or something? Nothing wrong with it, just not pretty enough for her?

Click to expand...

*cries*

Yes, that's him. She still doesn't like the way it looks. Well duh, it's been mangled. She's having another boy in January (Maybe Feb, I don't remember) and though we've tried everything, it'll be done again. I was so hoping they would have a girl. Jean this time told her to make a clay model and take a picture of Mike's (her husband) so that she could get exactly what she likes this time.
This is also the same kid hospitalized at about 2 weeks old for malnutrition/dehydration/hypoglycemia because she was putting him in bed at 7 pm and doing nothing until 7 am. No attention, no bottle, no diaper, nothing. She claimed she "didn't know" that he had to be fed overnight, and that he was sleeping all the way through. Well sure he was, he was halfway into a coma. I've called CPS on her, so has her doctor and one other family member. Nothing happens. Because she's a heterosexual biological mother. You know that if that were us, Charlie would be taken from us in a heartbeat. As it is, the last time he was hospitalized I was SO thankful that we had such detailed medical records on him. CPS still questioned us (as they should have) but we were able to prove that this wasn't something we were doing to him.

all you can do is call, call, and call again.

Do they ever ask you to babysit? Do they ever not come back for a day or two? I know here in CA pretty much anybody can file a custody order if a child has been left in their care for 48 hrs without parental contact.

Hell, if you guys went down and filed for custody now, it would force the courts to examine the care he's gettign at home.

How horrible and heartbreaking!!! My oldest sister was never able to carry a baby to term (but has 10 beautiful and awesome children through adoption!!) and I just can't fathom why God allows people like your SIL to have children and not good parents!

I hope that someday CPS wakes up and gives this little guy the home that he deserves.

Splash said:

Yes, that's him. She still doesn't like the way it looks. Well duh, it's been mangled. She's having another boy in January (Maybe Feb, I don't remember) and though we've tried everything, it'll be done again. I was so hoping they would have a girl. Jean this time told her to make a clay model and take a picture of Mike's (her husband) so that she could get exactly what she likes this time.
This is also the same kid hospitalized at about 2 weeks old for malnutrition/dehydration/hypoglycemia because she was putting him in bed at 7 pm and doing nothing until 7 am. No attention, no bottle, no diaper, nothing. She claimed she "didn't know" that he had to be fed overnight, and that he was sleeping all the way through. Well sure he was, he was halfway into a coma. I've called CPS on her, so has her doctor and one other family member. Nothing happens. Because she's a heterosexual biological mother. You know that if that were us, Charlie would be taken from us in a heartbeat. As it is, the last time he was hospitalized I was SO thankful that we had such detailed medical records on him. CPS still questioned us (as they should have) but we were able to prove that this wasn't something we were doing to him.

Click to expand...

Ugh, I figured. I remember how upset you were about that. I would be too.

I hope that's not how cps works though. I figure they are probably somewhat discriminatory against gay/lesbian parents, but I hope they'd still take action when it's needed with heterosexual parents. I know in some places, they are just so backed up with cases, they only take the most dire and severe. Like in bigger cities, some of the less severe cases will get looked over. In a smaller city where they are just twiddling their thumbs, they'll jump on a case even if it's not warranted just so they have something to do. It's a pretty messed up system if you ask me.

They don't live in Florida anymore, and for all I know no one has ever called GA on them. She's here pretty much every week, but she technically live in GA.
There was a time when she was coming around. She let me put his car seat in, she said she was going to keep him RF past a year, she was interacting with him and he was engaging other people. For the longest time he would never make eye contact and would stiffen if someone touched him. Then he was happy for a bit again. Now, I don't know. He still seems pretty happy for the most part, he's a great kid.
What saddens me within the family is that we can do nothing right, while she can do nothing wrong. Everything we do is criticized. Charlie shouldn't sleep with us, Charlie shouldn't be babied, Charlie should be weaned by now, Charlie needs to be more independent, etc etc etc. God forbid if her parents knew that I nurse him more than Jean does! It seems the only thing we've done "right" in her mother's eyes was not circ him and BF him for a year, but we're supposed to stop BFing him now though. Riiiiight. Sometimes I just want to yell at her (well, I have). I mean, we've been through hell and back in the past year with his health and if we want to spoil him and indulge his every whim and never let him out of our sight, we (and he) have earned it! Whereas her other daughter has a perfect child and she totally neglects him. I think it might be that she's just given up on them, I don't know.
I love Zachary a great deal. I would do anything for him. I would absolutely raise him if need be. As it is all we can do is raise Charlie and do everything we can for him and try not to get too involved with them. At least most of his physical needs are being met at this point, if not his psychological.

Oh, funny story though... she told us that we were so "mean" for not buying Charlie battery operated toys for Christmas and only buying him wooden blocks and puzzles and such. She said he would be so bored while Zach (Zack? I don't even know how they spell it) had cool toys (video games). Well Zachary totally ignored all of his toys while Charlie went to town with his, having a blast. I just had to laugh at her... yeah, MY kid was bored with his toys!

tell us the number-we'll all call (i wish). splash-you are a great parent in our eyes. family never sees it the same. i had to hide the fact that i am still nursing my 17mo along with 4 wo. and i won't start with EC!

Splash - I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this situation. It sucks that you have to see a child that you care about in that kind of situation. As a daycare provider, I have also seen parents that just don't care about their children at all and do things purposely to make them miserable. I want to warn you that it will probably get worse the older the child gets. For example, one mom I knew would frequently send her kids to bed w/out dinner the minute they got home in the evening because they hadn't cleaned their rooms the night before when they had been in their rooms w/out dinner. Then, the mom actually punched the 7 yr old daughter and gave her a bloody nose because, again, she didn't clean her room. The mom then looked over at the 5 yr old daughter and said, "do you want me to give you a bloody nose too?" The mom would do smaller things, too, like when the girls would make art projects at school or daycare, she would make them throw them away without even looking at them. Even something that small that might not seem like a big deal was a big deal to those girls because they were proud of their projects and knew that other moms hang stuff like that on the fridge for everyone to see. I was just another way for the mom to show the girls that she really didn't care about them. Those poor girls. Parents like that absolutely boggle my mind. I have no idea how you cannot care about your children and actually want to see them miserable, but those parents do exist, unfortunately. I reported that mom to DCFS (Dept of Children & Family Services, which is what its called here) and they didn't even do an investigation because it was all heresay. The family has moved, but I still worry about those girls. It really sucks. I'm sorry that was such a long depressing story. Anyway, I definitely sympathize with you. It must be even worse for you since you're related to this family. Keep calling DCFS (or CPS?) and try to get other people to call too. Maybe if they get enough reports, they'll actually look into it. Is it true that you can file for custody? It seems like a drastic thing to do, but it also might draw some much needed attention to the case. Good luck with everything, and (((BIG HUGS))) to you - you're such a wonderful parent!