What do you say to friends who misuse carseats?

I don't like to be that person who says "Hey, you're using that car seat wrong!" but I see it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! :thumbsdown: The other day I was stopped at a red light and the mom next to me had her child (i'm guessing 2-3 y/o) jumping around the car!! No car seat in the car at all! there was a police officer about 2 cars behind us and I did roll my window down (Hers were already down) I just said umm there is a police car behind you and its totally illegal for your son to be unbuckled/not in a car seat! she looked really confused and drove away..

A close friend of mine turned her DD FF at 8 months old because her dh installed the seat and didn't know it was supposed to go RF and she didn't want to hurt his feelings (his feeling are apparently more important then their DD's safety) I tell them that its illegal (Just matter of factly) but they said ehh they don't get stopped by police so its fine.. Another friend put her barely 3 y/o tiny dd in a HBB and yet another friend put her 3.5 y/o in a backless booster (and its a Nautilus so she could have used the harness or the HBB at least!)

What do you say to your friends? nothing? i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/offend them but I'd also feel AWFUL if something happen to their child and they honestly didn't know any better ya know?

We are all (or at least used to be) part of the same moms group and myself and other members have sent out countless email/message board posts about how important it is to properly use car seats (Articles/etc, not just our opinions lol) and they've viewed/commented so they've read the info but i guess they don't think it could ever happen to them..

Also i'm the odd one of the group who doesn't vax my kiddo so sometimes i get the feeling they automatically disregard anything I say since i'm the weirdo crunchy mom

I tell my friends, but if they choose not to listen, then I leave it alone, but if there child is in my car, I use one of the many seats I have to insure the childs riding safe in my car.

You should always call 911 when you spot an unrestained child. Give them the plate number, color and make of the car and the direction they are headed.

Or you could just tail them until they get pulled over. That's what I do.

jodibug said:

You should always call 911 when you spot an unrestained child. Give them the plate number, color and make of the car and the direction they are headed.
Or you could just tail them until they get pulled over. That's what I do.

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Sad thing is I bet she did not get pulled over at all, I've called 911 about that before but they said it was not an emergency and to call the local police- sadly I see kids not in car seats around here often.. I don't know what's wrong with people around here (I'm in east Orlando, Fl)

sad part is ive seen the same thing around here, (i live in Upper Michigan)...a lot of my friends down me because i have my 2.5 year old rf in a titan, (hes getting either a radian or a myride for christmas)and one of my friends says well my kid is over a year old and i think shes one of those mothers that have the "it wont happen to me" mentality, because she said that shes not going ot plan for something thats not going to happen anyways... i told her, i would rather be safe than sorry...

As far as your friends, they know how you feel, and they know they are wrong. Nothing you do now is going to change it. To continue to bring it up is only going to alienate them. I know it is hard, but you have to leave it be. If they want car seat advice, they will come to you.

:yeahthat:

Nothing anymore. But, what I do do is let them be well aware I am passionate about carseat safety. If they have any questions about it, they know who to ask

Some people get it and some dont... It's a hard fact. And some people get it but choose other wise.

I have a friend with a barley 20lb DD who is 2 and some change who FF's her daughter. She did keep her RFIng until 20lbs though. I have another friend who bought a Nauti for her just over 1 year old...

Then there are some that have kept their children RFing until 3. I love them!

People will make their own choices about their kids and all we can do is give them the information and walk away, or if they ask help out further.

I have said things to numerous people, some welcome it and some ignore me. There were two people in my moms group one who though their daughter could ride in an Eddie Bauer seat harnessed until 100lbs, I explained to her that the harness was okay until 40 and her daughter is now in a Nautilus. There was another mother who put her DD was either 2 or 3 lbs away from the minumum for the Regent in it anyway after I told her that she should still be RF and follow the directions on the seat. Her daughter is now at the right weight but I was so worried for her

I think its sad to see a tiny 1 y/o FF but I really get upset when I see moms REALLY misuse seats to the point its really unsafe and illegal! (Such as a 9 mo old FFing) or no seat belts/seats AT ALL! Or what I think of as the lazy parents- They say but its so much easier just to have him/her in a backless booster (at 3 years old!!) Yeah its "easy" but its not SAFE!

Normally i just post random carseat info on my facebook/myspace/blogs/group message boards/etc i don't normally say anything unless i think the child is in real danger and even then its hard to know what to say..

I just need to hang out with more car-seat.org members i guess!

I have two very good friends, whom both while in the minimums, use them semi-correctly, and know exactly how I feel about car seats.

Friend A turns her children at 1/20-sometimes before the age of one. She says it is "easier to see them and get them in/out when they are FF" She has her middle child in a Cosco Summit with straps at his ears and her 15 month old in an older style Triump with straps on the tallest setting. She just moved her 5.7yr old to a "butt booster" in a seating position with NO headrest There are headrest in the van (I think it is a Sienna) but she says they "interefere with me helping B buckle herself" since she does it from behind.

Friend B turns her children at 22lbs, AFTER their 1st birthday, which for the little lady (her youngest) wasn't until she was close to 18months old. B, the middle one, has a HUGE torso and is VERY stalky at just turned 3yrs of age. He will be receiving Josef's Regent sometime after Halloween since he is outgrowing is old-style Triumph and Mom has ZERO plans of moving B to a booster anytime soon. C was moved to a booster full time around 4.6yrs and 38lbs because he would not leave the chest clip alone, his shoulders were just AT the top slot, and guess who sits like a prince in his booster All of these children are placed somewhere on the ASD spectrum, so each child is very different and it was a matter of an improperly used harness vs a properly used booster, even if the child was under 40lbs. The LO (M) screams bloody murder when RFing and was causing much distress to the driver, so while it would be better for her to be RFing, she was going to cause an accident with those lungs of hers.

My friends know how I feel about car seat safety, and if they have questions they come to me, but other than that I leave things alone.

I mostly just talk about myself. They can glean from that, and they'll ask questions if they want; otherwise it's just me talking about myself. I say things like "I worry most about car crashes - they're more likely to kill my kid than eating non-organic foods, yk?" and "I've been in a wreck, and I'm so glad all the kids were safely buckled. It was such a nightmare afterwards; I can't imagine how much worse it could have been."

I point out things once to people in a very casual manner and if they don't listen then I let it go. For example "hey I saw that Suzi's chest clip was around her belly, I did that with my little one and someone showed me that it goes higher on their chest, just figured I would pass on the knowledge". I figure they heard me and then decided against whatever I said, their choice. I used to keep reminding my friend that their DC's chest clip was low and she would fix it but then the next time I saw them it would always be a belly clip. We ended up just annoying each other so I gave up and took on my told you once stance

I just straight up say something. If they ignore me, so be it, but I'm not the type to walk away from a child in danger. I would not be able to live with myself if a child was hurt in an accident and I had had the chance to say something to the parent to correct the misuse but chose not to.

Ultimately its the parents choice to continue on with bad seat usage, or to change but at least inform them of the proper usage options, some people just really dont know. and knowledge is power.

I take a simular approach like Defrost does. I mention things in passing, more towards myself or something I saw/read, less about my friend's personal car seat usage.

Most of the time I work it into something new at work (we sell car seats). I talk about how we got this awesome new car seat that does X, Y, Z and I think it's great that kids can now RF longer, or be harnessed longer, etc. They get my hints.

Ultimately, they know I'm "nuts" about car seats and how strongly I feel and I know how they feel. I love them and their kids, it's just simply something we don't discuss. They respect my parental decisions with my child and I have to respect theirs, even if I feel it's not the safest practices.

Thanks I just posted this as a comment to someone's photo post on FB

He is soo cute!! Looks like someone is just about to outgrow his carseat? I just got a Graco Nautilus on clearance for under $80 at target (it harnesses to 65lbs and then goes into a booster to 100lbs) Check your local target and have a safe trip!

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She isn't someone i know well just a online friend.. In the picture his shoulders are above the top harness slot and he has the "belly clip" going on along with the straps being noticeably loose..