Question how do you bring up misuse with strangers?

seamonkeys

New member
DS2 starts preschool in Sept, so they're having a playdate at the school every Friday so the kids get to know the school and classmates. Today was the first day and I see the following:

1. almost 4 mth-old in a 3 pt-harness
2. 5 mth old in SS1 with chest clip almost touching the buckle tongues, probably because he had those huge padded harness covers on (the ones with the little animal face)

So, how do I say something?? I have just barely met these ladies so it feels so awkward.
 
ADS

BW1426

Well-known member
Those aren't things I would comment on :twocents:

I would comment on using the wrong belt path, seat not buckled and other gross misuse. If carseat stuff comes up great (and you can nudge the conversation in that direction) but I wouldn't flat out bring up their misuse in this case.

The 3 point could very well still be just fine. I think there are still some left.
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
Agreed. I generally don't take things up with strangers unless it's just horrible. Those fall under the "annoying but common and likely to get me hated" category. And if I'm going to get hated for giving unasked for advice, then it better be for something good.

Wendy
 

seamonkeys

New member
oh good, I don't have to feel guilty for not saying anything!

I forgot that there are some non-expired 3 pt-harnesses around still. Hopefully this is one of them!
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
Agreed. I generally don't take things up with strangers unless it's just horrible. Those fall under the "annoying but common and likely to get me hated" category. And if I'm going to get hated for giving unasked for advice, then it better be for something good.

Wendy

This. Plus, if you get a reputation for bringing up annoying but common and not super-critical misuses, people are likely to just blow you off when you do bring up something critical.
 

emandbri

Well-known member
I have not had much luck talking to strangers, I now take a passive approch. I have started putting the AAP article about rear-facing to 2 on windshields with infant seats or the rare time I see a rear-facing convertable. It also has on it a website and phone number to find a checking station.

I keep a pen in the car in case I want to write something. Yesterday I saw a rear-facing scenera with the straps in the top slots so I wrote that the straps need to be at or below when rear-facing.

If I see something really wrong I might say something but usually they blow me off. I have told people they are using the locking clip on the wrong side, using a rear-facing belt path forward facing, and once told some parents that they can't use both shoulder belts to install a seat in the center.
 

NannyMom

Well-known member
you can order some booklets from...somewhere. I know someone here will know because I got the link from here. It's a nice little booklet that talks about common misuse with pics included. You get like 100 for free. Just tuck them on a windshield.

When I first got them, A and J liked to play 'guess the carseat' with the pics :rolleyes:

But like others said, I wouldn't say anything about those issues.
 

seamonkeys

New member
Yeah, I've never said anything to a stranger. And even with friends, I try to bring up the topic in general first and then bring up the misuse. I may say something to the one with the big pads later. When I've got to know her more. At least it's a little easier to bring up stuff regarding a baby since I've got one too.
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
I finally worked up the nerve to say something to one of the moms at the daycare my boys go too. Her little girl is in their class....she's about 18-20, FF in an OLD OHS. Now, I don't get into the RF/FF debate with people...I'm just glad to see she's harnessed. SO, we happened to be loading the kids at the same time and one of my boys walked by her car....so when I got him I was standing by her door and got to get a good peak...and yep, old expired nasty seat...so I said, 'I don't mean to step on any toes, but did you know your car seat is expired?" and she looked at me like 'huh?'....so I said many people aren't aware that car seats expire...most are only good for 6yrs...yada yada yada. She said she had no idea, and that someone had given her that seat. Then turns to her dd and says 'well I guess it's time to go car seat shopping!'.....so hopefully she's doing that this weekend. But it was nice to have it be received so well. :)

Another incident also this week....grandma comes over to buy a PNP from me. Brought her almost 3yr old dgs. Goes to put him in the car, and of course, I'm nosey, so I wasn't far from the car, when she puts him in a HBB and starts putting the seat belt under his arm cause she didn't like the fit. So I pipped in and said 'it doesn't fit, because he's too little for it' and she says 'what?'...so I told her 4 and 40lbs is the MIN to consider for a booster...he needs to be harnessed. And she said 'well that makes sense...I knew this didn't look right!'....so she took out the booster and put the convertible in that she had in the back of her car. She said the daycare lady who helped load him in the booster, put the shoulder belt behind the kid. ACK.
 

autumnlily

New member
Recently, on Facebook I saw an old highschool friends 'mobile uploads' of her 1 year old in a MA... several different postings and the seat was very misused for 'common' things (harness height, bulky coat, chest clip too low and straps comming off shoulders, etc). So, I wrote her a message and she took it so well and even asked me to check her seat next time we see each other (we are on a walk team) - I told her I wasn't a CPST but that I'd gladly look at it and sent her a link to our local car seat checks.
 

Jonah Baby

New member
Two side shoulder belts for a center install?! Oh MY! The things people come up with...

I recently got into a debate with a friends mother. Her and I work together, somehow the carseats came up in conversation, probably as she does babysit often for kids and has a collection of seats to use in her vehicles for them.
She heard that my over 2 year old often RFs (in whatever seat will hold his weight still.) She actually got very angry with me over it. I was told that I was cruel to him and that it was illegal to keep him RFing at such an age/size. She was CONVINCED that at 1 year OR 20 pounds kids MUST FF, by law. She was also convinced that he was "too large" to RF. That "all children must FF by a year old because they are too big."
I asked her if she had actually SEEN how damn well he fit RFing in our MyRide. No leg scrunch at all with his shoes off.
Oh well...just glad that she cannot have any more of her own children to endanger at less than a year old.

We must always remember that the biggest challenge in life is to coexist.

I would really appreciate getting a hold of some of those pamphlets as well. Any one know how?
 

Andie

New member
I was told that I was cruel to him and that it was illegal to keep him RFing at such an age/size. She was CONVINCED that at 1 year OR 20 pounds kids MUST FF, by law.

We must always remember that the biggest challenge in life is to coexist.

I would really appreciate getting a hold of some of those pamphlets as well. Any one know how?

Some state laws are worded badly. They say something like "Children over 1 and 20lbs MUST be secured forward facing in a harnessed seat". That's where the confusion comes from.

I got my pamphlets from http://www.usaaedfoundation.org They were free and came within a couple weeks. There is nothing about ERF, but you can get printable handouts here: http://carseat.org/Resources/Repro_Mat_Lst.htm, #633.
 

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