Why am I the irrational one?

I don't post much and I really didn't know where to post this, but it is something I am struggling with right now.

I am the only one of my friends who did not turn their child forward-facing at 1 year or even before. There are probably about 5 of use with 8 kids between us. I am always getting asked from them when am I going to turn her around. I talk to them about why I chose to do what I do, but I still get looked at like I am a wacko safety freak. I cringe when I see my friends car with their seat improperly installed. I try to not be judgemental, but I have to tell them I am concerned. I have tried to share with them the importance of keeping their children in 5 point harness till four and 40 pounds. When my friend/niece tells me the nurse next door is giving her a used backless booster to use with her 3 year old, I don't know what to do. Her response is, well my neighbor is a nurse (I guess they know everything and I am just the car seat freak). I have sent them the youtube video promoting rear-facing and even the kyle video (I know that it has some inaccurate information, but it at least promotes 5 point harnesses).

My thought is that if I were to be in a serious car accident, I would want to know that I didn't everything in my power to make my daughter safe. Even with that there are no guarantees. I guess that I just have to hope that my friends are never in a serious car accident. But, I just don't know if that is enough. My husband, just reminds me that I am doing what is best for our daughter and that is all I can do. I can't force them to properly install their seats, or keep their children rear-facing or use a five point harness.

My daughter is currently 19 months, around 26 pounds 34 inches and rear-facing in a Britax Decathlon, which I had to buy because she was too tall to rear-face in her Roundabout (I wish I knew more, when I first bought seats, but anyway.)

Katie

that is the same thype of stuff that i get with my family. only mine was about extended harnessing. they just didn't get it. until the kyle stuff.

Hi Katie,
Boy oh boy can I totally relate to your situation. I basically have given up on my family and friends. The members on this forum are the only people I know that "Get" how I feel about carseat safety. Unfortunately, I think it takes a "wake up call" like in Kyles situation to get parents really aware of the problem. People just get in their cars and take for granted that they will get from point a to point b without an accident, or injury. Knowledge is power, and I now have the power to properly restrain my children, and know that if I was in an accident that they are as safe as they can be. Keep spreading the word, and maybe just maybe one of them will listen to you. Good Luck, and know that you aren't the only one feeling this way....

I talked the ears off of my family and friends for years (I've been on this board for 3ish years now) before they finally left me alone about my choices. My family seems to really get it now, but none of them have kids in carseats. When that time comes I'm interested to see how they handle it.

My friends still continue to make horrible car safety mistakes despite what I've tried to tell them. I still make comments sometimes but they basically ignore me. I guess I'm happy that they don't question why my dd is still harnessed at 5.5 years old, but I wish they'd ask some questions and make some changes of their own. The only friend who has actually asked questions and TAKEN the advice given was a friend who's ds hit 40 pounds at not even 2 years old.

It's typical, sadly. I get it all the time. I don't understand being so callous about safety. I just do the best I can and leave it up to them. It's discouraging to say the least, though.

Kind of like the preschool teacher I left a note for...I asked her to call me b/c of her seats. She didn't call. I noticed she switched out the carseat today...to another expired one.

You know what is sad, is I get more of a interest in hearing what i have to say about CPS from complete strangers rather than from myown family.

Oh honey I go through this all the time. From my in-laws to my life long best friend...they act like I'm just an overprotective wacko!

My best friend would actually take her infant out of his seat while they we're driving because he was crying and "didn't like to be in there." Guess what my 4 month old HATES being in his seat and screams almost continually but there's no way in heck I"m taking him out.

Plus my inlaws think that my dd should just be able to ride with them wherever in the front or back seat with just a seat belt. I've tried time and again to educate them about how serious this is, they don't care. My daughter is 5 and is in a britax regent. Let me tell you having a five year old around here in a car seat is almost unheard of. You're lucky if people even have them in boosters. You should see the looks I get at preschool some days when I'm getting her buckled in! I just don' get it. Like you said why would you not want to do everything in your power to keep your kids safe?

I just always think of my SIL putting her newborn in his carrier and just throwing it in the car and not even buckling it in. It would bring me to tears. To me if people are caught doing stuff like this they should get it for child endangerment or neglect or something. I say give them one chance to make sure they are properly educated but after that if they do it again I think they should go to jail or lose their kids. Maybe that's extreme but I don't care. I know in the case of my in-laws it's all just laziness on their part. They could do the proper things but they don't care too, so isn't that neglect?


Oh and you should've heard people when they found out how much we spent on our daughter's regent. My MIL asked us if we were nuts when we could've just gotten her a booster for twenty bucks. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know another example is my husband is a deputy sheriff and he admitted to me that he thought I had more car seat safety knowledge than their on staff certified person. I find that scary and very very sad. There needs to be stronger laws,enforcement,and education on this subject. We are required to have a seat to take our babies home in but how many of the hospitals check to see that it's installed properly. In my case my two kids were born five years apart at two different hospitals in two different states and neither one bothered to check the seats installation.

All I can say is just keep your head up and try to take peace in the fact that you know you are doing the best you can for your family and are trying to help others to do the same. Unfortunately we can't help what others do or don't do with their children. Be proud of yourself for standing up for your beliefs and trying to educate others. Maybe someday if people like us stick to our guns and get this info out than others will appreciate it's importance.

In the meantime there's really nothing we can do to help with that feeling of helplessness we get when seeing other people's children not properly restrained. To me it's scary and it's sad and I hate having to feel like there's nothing I can do about it. That's the hard part.

I hear the nurse/doctor thing frequently. I don't know why people think that doctors and nurses are CPS experts! Back when my now 5 yr old was 1, I actually argued with my pediatrician about rear facing. She insisted that we could turn him around and I insisted that extended rear facing is the best thing to do and that CPS experts recommend keeping kids rear facing as long as possible. I couldn't believe that she actually kept trying to convince me to turn him around. UGH!!!! (We don't go there anymore). I very rarely see kids in car seats around here either. My MIL is a 1st grade teacher and told me about twins in her class that told her they're still in car seats (she didn't know if they meant booster seats or what), I told her that almost all of the kids in her class should still be in at least booster seats, and she said, "oh, well, I don't think any of them are!" There is a daycare provider in town that frequently goes on field trips with all of her kids (usually 4 or 5 preschool age kids) in her 5 seater vehicle! And as a daycare provider myself, I have parents pull in to drop off their kids with the kids sitting on their laps driving! Its absolutely scary to think about the accidents that can happen and what would happen to these children who are not properly restrained. And like so many other CPS advocates on this board, I have tried & tried to talk to parents, grandparents, etc..., about CPS, and no one seems to want to listen(well, okay, ONE person has listened!) It gets so FRUSTRATING!!!

Thanks for all of your replies, and I guess it is good to know that I am not alone in my decisions and struggles. I guess I just don't know why they don't know what I know, or believe what I am saying. It is not like I telling them something they couldn't find out on their own, but they just go by the rule of 1 year and 20 pounds and then what is posted on the booster box. I just would hate for something bad to happen.

Katie

Some people are just totally okay with doing only what the law says, or the bare minimum. It's sad that people do this when it comes to their child's safety, but they think "safe enough" is good enough.

What amazes me is when I get looks when people see my oldest is still harnessed and when I tell them how much I paid for his seat. But then they have no problem going to the mall spending that and more for a bunch of clothes that are going to be outgrown ina couple of months. I scrape money toghether to make sure that there are carseats in every single vehicle that my kids ride in and people act like I'm crazy. It's amazing that people can care more about the car they're driving or the clothes the kids are wearing then the safety of their children.

scatterbunny said:

Some people are just totally okay with doing only what the law says, or the bare minimum. It's sad that people do this when it comes to their child's safety, but they think "safe enough" is good enough.

Click to expand...

Most people, it seems.

What gets parents to keep kids in boosters? The fact that boosters make the belt fit, thereby making the child safer? Nope, not enough. The threat of a ticket or a fine, apparently, does it for MANY, but not all.

Even when you point out that the law is the minimum and that it is far safer to go beyond that, people ignore you. Or act like you're a nut.

The..my friend is a nurse/doctor/pharmacist/firefighter/police office thing is often thrown out. IF I have a medical condition, or a question about a medication, or need rescuing or protection, they are the people to call. When it come to car safety, not really. But, if Joe Blow MD says it, it must be so.

Eventually, you learn not to give unsolicited advice. Or just to not look at certain peoples cars, even though it is frustrating as hell, and you are worried sick about the kids in those cars. KWIM?

My 6 year old is in a freakin turbobooster. You'd think we still had HIM rear-facing, the comments I get sometimes. The baby (my 20.5 month old), is still rear-facing. My dear brother was concerned that his hips were going to get broken in the event of an accident. This brother is not a stupid man, his wife is not a stupid woman. They love their children, I'm pretty sure they adore their nephews..etc. I'm almost certain that their almost 11 month old will be forward facing next month. I cannot do anything about that. Anymore than I could get them to keep their 4 year old harnessed, when they moved him into a booster at 3 [like 3 yrs, 3 mths], and I couldn't get them to keep THEIR six year old in a booster. I know they'd be devastated if anything happened, I know I'D be as well. But there isn't anything I can do, kwim?

I was asking this just the other day, when the neighbor was recalling a time I sent my daughter with her with a BOOSTER seat of all things. She was only 7 at the time and acted if I had sent her along with a contagious disease. She then went on saying "OMG you also asked if I needed a booster for my 4yo son." Mind you at the time her son was barely 40 pounds and sitting in the front seat without a seat at all and the seat belt behind his back

I was discussing my earlier conversation with another neighbor who is childless and sometimes clueless, but he even agreed with me and couldn't understand the neighbors actions. It made me feel a little better, but still sad for her children. Not using car seats is just the tip of the iceburg with this family. They are a well educated family and the mom is a nurse.

I am new here, but I'm never shy about offering my two cents...

People are insecure. They know, deep down, that you are more informed than they are and your child is better off for it. That makes them feel anxious...and I *KNOW it does, because if it didn't, they'd ask for more information and look into it themselves. Instead, they rationalize that you are OVERLY cautious (i.e., a "safety freak") and turn a blind eye to the truth. If they had to confront reality, they'd either feel inadequate that they are overwhelmed by all the information (understandable--but people without good self-esteem can't admit any weakness), or label themselves (privately) as a "less-than" mother. Meaning that anyone who questions you, listens to your answers, then continues to harass you about your SAFE choices is just hoping to drag you down to her half-arse level of parenting on THAT particular issue.

Yes, I was in the psychology field before I became a SAHM. LOL!

I'll throw in a Thanksgiving themed post (although a little late):

I'm grateful for my mother who when I was discussing what to do when my almost 3 year old hit 40lbs in a few months said basically, "ack, what are you thinking, she still needs a harness." So, I came here for more specific advice and bought a Decathlon at a fabulous sale price someone posted about.

I'm grateful for the good laws in my state that I can blame for my advice (RF to 1yr and 20lbs, FF seat to age 4, booster to age 9 or 4'9", kids in the back seat).

I'm grateful that my 16 month old niece is still less than 20lbs and will definately be RFing for a few more months because of it.

I'm grateful that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends extended RFing. This fact caught my sister's attention and she says she plans to follow that recommendation, but I know she's tempted not to from things she's said recently.

I'm grateful and amazed by all the things I've learned from this community. My favorite new knowledge: my Chevy Cavalier doesn't need locking clips. My second favorite new knowledge: some car seats have built-in lock-offs and don't need locking clips. Can you tell I hate locking clips?

I'll add to the Thanksgiving:

I am thankful that I found this site and have learned so much information from the great people here. I am thankful that I didn't just blow it off and succomb to the peer pressure of my friends.

I am thankful that my husband did not question why I needed to buy another seat for my daughter. I currently have one child (1 on the way) and 5 seats. I could have just turned my daughter around when she outgrew her Roundabout RF, but I bought a Decathlon so she could continue to rear-face.

I look at these seats as insurance policies. I hope we are never in an accident and they are never put to the test, but if we are I feel that I have done the most I can to keep my daughter safe.

Katie