Need help w/ my sensory defensive child

She's 25 months, 27.5 pounds, RFing in a Radian and really starting to hate her carseat. She is sensory defensive, mainly tactile defensive, and cannot stand to be restrained, cuddled or held unless she initiates it. This is posing a serious problem in the car now. She is constantly complaining (screaming) that her harness is too tight, even if it isn't. I've tried putting her in different shirts and pants to see if that helps and it doesn't. Distractions, including food and toys, don't work either. We live 25+ miles from town and it takes a minimum of 20 minutes to get to the places we go. I plan all of our outings around her happy time so she is always rested and fed so that shouldn't be an issue.

I think most of the problem is that the harness is about 1/2 inch below her shoulders so she feels it "pushing" her down. Plus, she is still in the 3rd slot of the Radian, which pulls the harness in closer to her neck. She also complains that the bottom of the seat is too hard for her and hurts her bum and she HATES having the harness around her thighs.

We are moving back to the States in a month and I have a Marathon that I can try her in, but in the meantime, I need some suggestions and/ or help. When we move back, we have an 11 hour flight and I *need* her to like her seat for those 11 hours, KWIM? All of the screaming is really REALLY distracting to me and hard on her brother too (we both have issues with noise) but we have to go out at least 3 days a week.

Thanks for any help and suggestions!

Aw I'm so sorry to hear that! My DD also has sensory issues which make it so hard to travel. She hates FFing in a harness since I think she feels vulnerable. She complains constantly about every seat. I think I've owned every seat known to man!!

My suggestions:

1. Order the new Radian chest clip on the SKJP website. It's much wider (see my siggy) and positions the straps much further apart.

2. Check again to make sure she's not "AT" the 4th set of slots. If she doesn't like the pushing down on her shoulders. She can be at or below, so really make sure you can't move them up

3. Try the Marathon. It's a little cushier. THe older Radians' didn't have the most padding but the new ones have like memory foam stuff.

4. Try another seat with a different harness, more padding, not as upright etc.

It took a lot of playing with seats to find one that would work with our child and our lives. It was NOT fun. The only ones that work are the one we are using now and a Recaro Signo FFing.

We did end up turning her FFing in her dad's car earlier than we would have liked (26 months) but rear facing was pure torture for all involved.

We were able to stick it out longer in the main car which was bigger (and with a bigger seat-the radian) and we turned her becuase of sensory issues last week at almost 4.

Just hang in there and keep trying some things and some seats. I hope you figure it out!

My DD has SPD and is in a Recaro Como, she likes the snugness of it with the head and hip "pillows" (she likes the squished feeling, thought she's not squished in it), she also wants the harness as tight as I can pull it or she'll complain it's touching her (which understanding SPD, if it's lightly touching her and not firmly, she freaks out). She's 3.5 yrs old and is FF in it, anything else was like torture for her, I felt bad everytime we had to go anywhere until we found one that worked for her.

HUGS

fyrfightermomma said:

Aw I'm so sorry to hear that! My DD also has sensory issues which make it so hard to travel. She hates FFing in a harness since I think she feels vulnerable. She complains constantly about every seat. I think I've owned every seat known to man!!

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Oh man, that is hard. I'm very interested to see how my daughter does FFing on the plane and on the ride to and from the airport. I'm not sure how she will react.

My suggestions:

1. Order the new Radian chest clip on the SKJP website. It's much wider (see my siggy) and positions the straps much further apart.

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This is a good idea. I just saw the new clip and it does look like it keeps the straps out more. I'll put in an order on Monday. I wanted to get a new boot, anyway

2. Check again to make sure she's not "AT" the 4th set of slots. If she doesn't like the pushing down on her shoulders. She can be at or below, so really make sure you can't move them up

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that was the first thing I checked. She still has about 1/2 inch, probably more until I can move them up. She is right in the middle of the 2 slots so the only way I could move them up is if she's FFing.

3. Try the Marathon. It's a little cushier. THe older Radians' didn't have the most padding but the new ones have like memory foam stuff.

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I am so counting down these 4 weeks until we can try it. The bottom of the Radian is a bit hard and I think she might like wider seat so she doesn't feel like she is so confined. That being said, I wonder how she will react to being higher up...

4. Try another seat with a different harness, more padding, not as upright etc.

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What would be some that have more padding? I will have access right away to a decathlon and EFTA that I can try her in, but I'm pretty sure the tabs on the EFTA will drive her absolutely crazy. What other seats have wider set harness slots? The problem with that though is that she has really narrow shoulders.

It took a lot of playing with seats to find one that would work with our child and our lives. It was NOT fun. The only ones that work are the one we are using now and a Recaro Signo FFing.

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Yeah, I can see many trips to BRU and baby stores in our future, lol! Did you try them in the store or buy them and return them? Her doctor and therapists keep telling me to just keep offering new things to her until she gets used to them, but you can't exactly do that with car seats.

We did end up turning her FFing in her dad's car earlier than we would have liked (26 months) but rear facing was pure torture for all involved.

We were able to stick it out longer in the main car which was bigger (and with a bigger seat-the radian) and we turned her becuase of sensory issues last week at almost 4.

Just hang in there and keep trying some things and some seats. I hope you figure it out!

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I want to keep her RFing as long as possible. I feel more comfortable with her RFIng (her head is above the 100 percentile while her height and weight are just in the 35th percentile. Plus, we have twins coming this summer and have one FFing child already. There is only 1 TT anchor in the third row of our van and I want to put the new babies in the middle row for easier access to them, which means my older 2 need to go in the 3rd row.

That's awesome your daughter was able to RF (right?) until she was almost 4 and that you found something that worked well for you. These sensory issues are no joke. I can't believe how much it impacts our lives every day. For the most part, we had just gotten used to her "quirks" and never really noticed that there was a real problem but now everything is becoming much more pronounced as she becomes able to tell us what she likes, wants and doesn't.

Thanks for your help! I really appreciate it!

babygirlsmom1005 said:

My DD has SPD and is in a Recaro Como, she likes the snugness of it with the head and hip "pillows" (she likes the squished feeling, thought she's not squished in it), she also wants the harness as tight as I can pull it or she'll complain it's touching her (which understanding SPD, if it's lightly touching her and not firmly, she freaks out). She's 3.5 yrs old and is FF in it, anything else was like torture for her, I felt bad everytime we had to go anywhere until we found one that worked for her.

HUGS

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That's great you found something that works for your daughter. It is so interesting how kids can be so different. I think my daughter would really have a hard time in a more confined seat like the Como or Singo which is too bad because I really like the concept of the Recaros. This can be so frustrating!

Hang in there. You will find something. Yep. I had to buy a million seats and either return them or if I couldn't sell them on craigslist or here. It was just trial and error. There were a few I couldn't try like the Britax Frontier, Recaro Signo, Radian etc that our speciality baby store didn't have at the time so I had to order those blindly which was not fun

Luckily the Signo and Radian worked out. Those are the only two seats that worked for her. She was able to tolerate the Marathon rear facing until 3 1/2 when she was just too squished and complained. Shd didn't complain the new Radian at all with the memory foam but hated the old radian without it.


Yep, we were able to keep her rear facing in our car until last week at almost 4 years old. She's still tiny but I feel better about it. She's only 25 lbs (she has failure to thrive from her sensory issues). Unfortunately we weren't able to do that in my husband's car but she rarely rode in that and we had to do what we had to do.

It's so hard with sensory issues. My child must be held tightly all the time and be "snug" hence the Signo, but others like your child can't stand to be snug. It's so frustrating! People have a hard time understanding that sensory issues do impact every tiny thing you do. Eating, sleeping, dressing, school, stores, and yes car seats and high chairs. Very frustrating indeed!

In winter the EFTA might be ok but once jackets leave the scene it might be another story. I know my daughter freaked because of the tabs (we got the seat in summer).

I hope you can find something!