Was this rude?

Patriot201

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
Earlier today, while out running errands, I had an encounter with a mother and her infant twins. The babies (who I assumed were both girls based on the fact that they both had on dresses) were SUPER CUTE. They were sitting in their double Maclaren stroller, each playing with their blankets and would smile every time I looked down at them. I said "hi" to the babies and then looked up at mom. I said, "Your daughters are beautiful! How old are they?"

The mother got all huffy and said, "Not that it is any of your business, but they are nine months old. Why do you people always assume it is okay to ask personal questions of parents of multiples?" She then stormed off.

I didn't mean to be rude by asking how old the babies were. I was trying to compliment the mother on how adorable and personable her children were. I really didn't mean to ask a question that was too personal (Is asking how old a baby is a personal question?) or to be rude to the lady.

Do you all think I was rude in asking that?
 
ADS

Lea_Ontario

Well-known member
Nope - not rude at all. And it's not just to parents of multiples - I get asked often how old my kids are. It's just chit-chat.
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
Wow, how odd. I ask, and get asked all the time, how old kids are. Piper's a hard one to figure out as she has the speech and mannerisms of a four year old, but she's so tiny, and if you look in my car she's rearfacing. So people can't figure her out. As a result my gauge on other kids is usually off, so I ask for clarification.

She must have been having a bad day, with tons of people firing questions at her about twins.

Wendy
 

Jeanum

Admin - CPS Technician Emeritus
Staff member
The only rudeness was her reply to you. I am asked/ask this question all the time, it's just regular parental small talk. I imagine a parent with multiples hears more comments/questions when out and about with the babies, but being so snarky is plain rude. It's not like you asked her if she had fertility treatments or something truly nosy, lol.
 

RubysGirl

New member
You should have countered it with a "Wow, I'm sorry you're having such a bad day, would you like to vent a little?".

Her return was out of line since you didn't ask anything about the twin aspect. Her girls probably do get a lot of attention, so she's probably just sick of it in general and lumped you in with it.
 

Patriot201

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
Thanks, guys!!! :)

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't TOTALLY wrong in thinking that my question was not a rude question. Thanks!! You all made me feel better! :)
 

Kellyr2

New member
Not rude at all. Like the others, I bet she was just having a bad day. maybe she frequently DOES get asked more personal questions and gets tired of it, and has started just over-reacting. (not that it excuses her rudeness!)
 

Tara

New member
Oh goodness...yeah, I guess she was having a bad day. And I know twins do get more attention, the parents get asked questions ALL the time (boys? girls? identical? even when it's OBVIOUS what they are hehe)

But no...*you* were not out of line IMO. I, too, ask and get asked ALL the time. Folks ask me how far apart mine are .. having 5 draws attention about as much as 'multiples' I do believe ;) And of course "are you done?" and that kind of thing ... I don't think they've crossed the *rude* line until they say "Haven't you figured out what causes that yet?" *rolling eyes*
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
I get asked all the time the boys' ages and then get comments on having my hands full etc (especially once they see I'm fairly pg as well). lol People even sometimes ask if the boys are twins (usually older people w/out good eyesite, lol) and then I have to say no, they're 18 mos apart etc, I don't mind at all. I also ask parents all the time how old their kids are, maybe I'll stop.
 

Tara

New member
I get asked about twins too....all of mine are 2 full years apart. But #2 and #3 are VERY close in size and often mistaken for twins. But then again..for those I guess as you mentioned, Jennifer, with less than perfect eyesight hehehe They mistake #3 and #4 for twins..boy and girl, as I said, 2 yrs apart...and bigger size difference than the boys LOL I think it's funny. :)

I get the 'handsful' comment too...that *does* get a bit annoying. But I try not to let it get to me...I figure the folks just honestly don't know how else to respond to large families.
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
That's the thing though, we're not even a large family yet! lol The boys are 18 mos apart and I guess look closer in age when they're in the cart at the store etc than if they were next to each other standing as AJ is 12# heavier and 7" taller! :D
 

Simplysomething

New member
Patriot20171 said:
Do you all think I was rude in asking that?

No. You asked their age, not whether or not they were fraternal or if she had them vaginally or if she were breastfeeding or using disposable diapers. Methinks she was just freakin over-reacting.
 

melaniev

New member
you were being friendly, SHE was RUDE. i hope it didn't ruin your day ... that would really bother me to be spoken to like that.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Every time I take my boys anywhere we get asked at least twice if they're twins. LOL They're twenty months apart, but CJ is on the small side of average and Gregory is big for his age, so there's only about 2" difference in their heights.
 

Simplysomething

New member
My brother's daughter and my oldest are the same age--and whenever we'd go out together when they were babies, people would ask if they were twins. There was one time I answered something that was really silly and my brother delights in telling it whenever he introduces me to any of his or his wife's friends. lol (I'll post it in PM, it's embarassing. LOL)

My grandmother is one to think that all kids are twins...I give her a pass, she's 81. I imagine though, if I went out with SIL now, people would ask us if her youngest dd (age 7 months), and my yougest ds (age 17 months in two days...lol)...were twins, even though, one is very obviously much younger than the other. With the 6 year olds, I could understand it, because...duh. But with the babies.. you can't help but go...HUH? lol
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
I'm used to it - my nephew is 6 weeks older than CJ, and my older neice is 6 mos older than Gregory. So I had my neice and Gregory in the stroller one day when he was MAYBE 4 or 5 months old and she was almost one, and someone asked if they were twins.
Joyjoy's best friend is a boy her age and his mom and I laugh and laugh because they're always being confused for twins. lol
 

Tara

New member
I've gotten the friends/twins comment too. My friend and I have kids just months apart. This pair are 5 months apart, mine being the elder. Hers being a chunk hehe EVERY time we went somewhere together we'd get asked if they were twins. Didn't help that they're both blue-eyed blondies with round faces and nearly identical cheesy grins Too funny! I'll have to see if I can find that pic now that I think about it.
 

Patriot201

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
People often ask if my sister and I are twins, which we are not. We are two years apart in age, she is 2.5 inches taller, weighs about 10 pounds less than me and really doesn't look very much like me. I guess they assume we are fraternal twins? I guess when you are adults it is hard to tell if one sibling is older or not. But people have asked about us being twins since we were really young. Oh well! :)
 

Lara

New member
I get asked if I have twins sometimes too when I have my friends dd. Her dd and mine are 20 hours apart (hers being older although I doubt it matters when they are that close lol). Now they are 27 months and my friends dd is the size of a 4 yo and mine is little so this is strange too. AND get this my friend is west indian so she has dark skin and black hair (as does her dd), where as my dd is white as can be with light brown hair. They don't even look anything alike! Makes me wonder sometimes LOL.

Lara
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Yeah, Joyjoy and A. do like a lot alike - A. has white, white skin, blue eyes and strawberry blond hair. Joyjoy has white, white skin, blue eyes, and blond hair. lol They're almost exactly the same size, and only 3 weeks apart in age.
 

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