How do you approach people who are incorrectly using safety seats?

Patriot201

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
I was at Babies R Us this afternoon and pulled into a parking space next to a 4-door Toyota Corolla. I was a bit surprised by what I saw in the car.

The backseat had a FORWARD-FACING Cosco Turnabout Infant carseat and a FF Evenflo Medallion with EXTREMELY twisted straps. The rear seating location behind the passenger's seat was empty- no child seat.

The front seat had a Graco CarGo with the 5-point harness in it BUT the seatbelt was through the seatbelt guides (for booster use) as well.

I went into Babies R Us and did my shopping. As I was leaving, I saw the famiy getting into the Corolla. They were putting a child who appeared to be about seven or eight months old in the FF Turnabout, a child who appeared to be about four years old in the CarGo, and a child who appeared to be about three years old in the Medallion. I wanted to say something to the family, but the father looked pretty mean. I got scared.

The family was doing several things wrong. (1) You cannot use a RF-only seat as a FF seat. (2) You can't use both the 5-point and a seatbelt (as a booster) on the CarGo. (3) The straps were too twisted on the Medallion. (4) I question the expiration dates on the Medallion and the Turnabout. (5) The CarGo should, if possible, be in the backseat. (6) The baby was WAY too young to be FF. I'm sure there were other issues, as well.

How do you all approach situations like this? In the past, I have called the police, but I have often been told (by the police) that there is nothing an officer can do. I thought that Virginia's laws allowed police officers to stop cars for incorrect use of child restraints. I thought that was now a primary offense. What do you all do?
 
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KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
Honestly? I don't say anything. Sad I know, but most people are not going to be responsive in a situation like that. If I were a tech, I MIGHT write a note about their misuse and give a generic site or phone number they can call to get assistance. But I'd never give my personal info out. Too many freaks out there.

Trust me, these people KNOW what they are doing is wrong. Telling them, is only going to make them mad. And if they truly don't know...well, I don't see how. The can always read the MANUAL! LOL
 

Ali

New member
I don't say anything either! I said something to a friend on Friday about turning her 14 mos 24lb DD FF in her MA. We had discussed keeping children RF to limits of seats many times before her DD turned 1. She got very pissy to me and said I was being overprotective and the only person she knew who kept DC RF past 1 year.

I think people know what they are doing isn't the safest (or downright illegal) and either don't care or "it won't happen to them."
 

ccjones

New member
I just don't look into other people's cars...even though it is very tempting. My blood pressure is already high enough thanks to bad genetics, so I don't need to see seats installed or being used improperly! LOL The times I have looked, I could just feel my blood start to boil. So, I guess my approach is "ignorance is bliss." I have, however, given carseat advice to people close to me (friends, family, and co-workers). What they do with the information is up to them. I make a point not to check and see if they took my advice.
 

Lara

New member
I don't say anything either. I just pretend to shop for carseats at bru target ect, and help people pick out their seats (people are normally happy to have help). I know how my friends react when I try and fix their seats, and I know a complete stranger would probably not have an issue giving me a piece of their mind, so I don't say anything just hope and pray they never get in an accident.

Lara (run on sentence queen lol)
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
FWIW, in VA it *is* a primary offense, but some localities are better than others about enforcement.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
If I "read" the situation as a positive one, then I kindly offer my card & say I'd like to give them a free seat check.

When it's a poor situation I just call 911.

When possible to be anonymous I leave relevant information on the windshield, in addition to calling 911.

For the most part people have been receptive of the information when presented with something good about their seats 1st (& especially now that I'm a professional, LOL) -- but only 1 person out of dozens has returned a call to get their seat checked ... 1 person also threatened to call the police & followed me in their vehicle, etc. :eek: :mad: So, I prefer to be anonymous now.

"Correct use" is not part of NYS law, so unless the child is not buckled into the seat at all or there isn't a seat at all, then they can't legally do anything -- however, I keep calling on the situations that can be handled by the police because I believe that the more calls they get & the more letters sent in about it to the legislators the more likely it is that the law will be improved! *FINGERS CROSSED*

Just yesterday I was standing outside the grocery store waiting for my SO & another lady was waiting next to me -- a car drove by with a CarGo not installed & the 3 year old standing up in the vehicle unbuckled ... she gave me a dirty look as I called the police -- then I saw her get into a sedan with an uninstalled CarGo, 2 kids "sharing" it (both unbuckled) & a teenager holding a baby on her lap, 2 small kids sharing the front seat ... she must be pretty stupid if she didn't think I called them in, too!
 

Simplysomething

New member
I don't know what I'd do if I were in that situation. Part of me would be afriad that the people driving the vehicle would become super angry with me...and arguing would result.

Before my sil told me I was harassing her---the one last bit of car safety advice I gave was...that she could NOT use the lap belt for her kiddoes. She said... "I had NO idea". And I could tell from her voice, that she truely had no clue. Then later she got that..."geez, shut up" voice with me. lol

Would you recommend calling the police, non emergency number or what? I wonder how well they are trained down here, and if they even notice, if it's not sometihng blatantly obvious, like an infant in arms, or a toddler walking around the car.

Papooses, how on earth can two kids share a cargo? That had to be tight! I think you've mentioned that you'd had the police called on you before. People are strange.

IMO, carseat advice isn't the same as parenting advice. Whether or not you homeschool, or use private school, or public school, spank, use time outs, use a combination, eat meat, don't eat meat---those things aren't likely to end up with your child dead. Not having them properly restrained in the car, in an accident, pretty darned likely you'll have a dead kid. But some people see it as an attack on their parenting. Oh well. I'd just rather there not be anymore dead or seriously injured kiddos, if I can help it.
 

melaniev

New member
the thing that strikes me though, is that all 3 kids HAD seats, so it is possible they were trying, but really didn't know they were doing it wrong. i find that people who really dont care just dont bother with carseats at all, or even buckling the kid until they get in trouble for it.

i would not, however, confront a total stranger in a situation like that because i would feel uncomfortable. :( if it were someone i knew, a neighbor, friend-of-a-friend, then i would probably say something. if you think it would help, call the cops on the non-emergency number.
 

gobsmacked

New member
I'm bad about not saying anything to people.

My jaw dropped today when I saw a little girl I know, age 4 and very tiny, sitting in the front seat of the car and not in any sort of booster or car seat. :(
 

rescuedcat

Senior Community Member
Simplysomething said:
IMO, carseat advice isn't the same as parenting advice. Whether or not you homeschool, or use private school, or public school, spank, use time outs, use a combination, eat meat, don't eat meat---those things aren't likely to end up with your child dead. Not having them properly restrained in the car, in an accident, pretty darned likely you'll have a dead kid. But some people see it as an attack on their parenting. Oh well.

You said it perfectly! I totally agree with you.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Simplysomething said:
Papooses, how on earth can two kids share a cargo? That had to be tight! I think you've mentioned that you'd had the police called on you before. People are strange.

Oh well. I'd just rather there not be anymore dead or seriously injured kiddos, if I can help it.
Yeah -- I could see they were wedge in with one hip each on the sides :mad:

& ITA on that last part ... I just won't be puting my own kid in danger by being "chatty" anymore :( People are too weird! :eek:
 

lovinwaves

New member
Papooses, Good for you!!! You know I think that most people that do put their kids in carseats and mean well don't necessarily "Know" that they are putting their kids in danger by having a twisted strap, not tight enough carseat, Forward facing instead of rear facing, etc.....
Everyone I have helped with reinstalling their carseats had NO idea all of the little mistakes they were making. People do get quite defensive if I say something to them, but I try to make a positive statement first, like, "Oh, I see you picked a really great carseat for your kid, but did you know that having a twisted strap gives them so much more dangerous slack." and so on.

Then the parents think you think of them as being good parents just not quite knowing "Enough" info.
 
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Simplysomething

New member
Oh well. I'd just rather there not be anymore dead or seriously injured kiddos, if I can help it. --orginially posted by me



ITA on that last part ... I just won't be puting my own kid in danger by being "chatty" anymore People are too weird!--orginially posted by papooses

I wanted to reply to this thread but got busy with other stuff--and forgot. I wanted to make sure you knew that I wasn't saying that you should confront people, regardless of past experiances... Because, push comes to shove, my safety and the safety of my children trumps all else, so I totally understand.

Though, I wonder how should I approach my neighbor who had their grandson in a booster until age 6--and then moved him to seatbelt only even though there is no way in hell he's big enough? I've mentioned him before---he's very very small for his age. He's 7, but much much smaller than my 6 year old.

I've brought it up with his grandmother (I don't talk much with his mom and dad)...and she seemed to blow me off.
 

stayinhomewithmy6

Senior Community Member
I also never say anything, even to friends. I try to be subtle and send emails to my friends with links to car seat safety articles. I know they see how my kids are always buckled in and are always rear facing past the "normal" age of 12 months, but I'm sure they think I'm just crazy and paranoid. Almost 2 yrs ago, my cousin's 4 yr old son was killed in a car accident. (He was in a regular seat belt, not even a booster seat). So of course I am paranoid. I know that these things can and do happen and I want to do everything I can to protect my children, but I would also hate to see something like that happen to my friends' children. One of my best friends has a 6 month old in a Graco Snugride with very loose twisted straps. I mean, the straps are so loose and so twisted that the baby could fall out! I have often heard people say, "she SHOULD be okay, good enough, etc..." when it comes to car seat safety. I know that once the baby hits 20 pounds (whether or not 1 yr old) she will be switched to an expired ff seat with an ohs. Her now 2 yr old was switched to ff when he was 9 months old! (This baby is her 4th) and her older kids have always gone to boosters when they are 30 pounds, at about age 2 1/2! It really stresses me out! AHHHH!
 

Patriot201

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
I think it is even harder to say something to friends and family than it is to strangers. With friends and family, you are possibly compromising your relationship if you are not "gentle" enough. However, at the same time, it is harder to NOT say something to friends and family because you seeing the misuse on a regular basis.

I have a bunch of friends and family members who are misusing their carseats right now. They are trying to do what is best, but they are totally off-the-mark. Of my friends and family, these are some of the errors they are currently making:

using Mighty-Tite
using after-market head rests
using after-market strap covers
using seat belt positioners
using expired seats
using a towel folded in fourths under the seat
using LATCH and the seatbelt at the same time
using LATCH in the center
using LATCH past 48 pounds
using LATCH kit from a different manufacturer
using a harness and the BPB at the same time
using a seat past its height limits
using a RF seat at an exaggerated angle
using coats and blankets between the child and the harness
using infant seat covers that go beneath the child and then around the child
using a booster seat for a child who should still be harnessed (36 pounds)


I've tried to help these people! I have emailed articles, given hard copies of articles, given them lists of local CPSTs, emailed them statistics, given them advice, etc. But there is only so much you can do!:eek:
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
One can only do so much. The rest is up to the parents. My best friend has 2 little ones, and I know she loves them, and cares about them being safe...but she continues to make mistake after mistake with them. And yes, I've told her.

I don't tell her anymore, but if I see the kids in the car, I just adjust this or that and off they go. I will NOT ride with her in her car w/her kids. And she knows it. We take my car, use my seats and I do the final adjustments so that I know when they are in MY car, and I'm responsible for them...they are secured properly.

Just yesterday she came by and both boys had 'belly clips' and the oldest ones straps were way to loose...by them time they left, they were all fixed up! LOL Well, except the baby has an aftermarket headrest and strap covers...again, one can only do/say so much!
 

gobsmacked

New member
Patriot20171 said:
using LATCH in the center


I don't have the LATCH option in my car, so please excuse my ignorance. Why can't LATCH be used in the center? And, if it can't, why is the option available in cars?
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
gobsmacked said:
I don't have the LATCH option in my car, so please excuse my ignorance. Why can't LATCH be used in the center? And, if it can't, why is the option available in cars?

In many cars, it's not an option. Most cars are equipped w/LATCH for the outboard positions only. But a few have 3 sets of latch. And only a couple will allow you to use the anchors from the outboard ones for the center. A lot of that depends on the spacing. People that have LATCH in their vehicles need to read their manual for their car, and see what is allowed.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Simplysomething ~ yes, I knew & I'm sorry if it seemed I was being personal ... really, I was just trying to reinforce the concept that there are weirdos (who might seem fine at 1st) mostly because it took dozens of situations for me to finally find out :eek:

Patriot ~ yep, I get much more emotional when trying to discuss CPSafety with close family & friends ... it's true that we can only give so much information before we must "let it go", but when new info comes out I still pass it on (except to my brother who is also a weirdo & threatened me: he still chooses to seat my booster sized neice over the legal age in the front without a booster & shoulder belt behind her back) :eek:

Gobsmacked ~ Kay's correct that most vehicle do not allow outboarde LATCH for center install ... if for no other reason than the distance between lower anchors should be 11" but a few vehicle manufacturers do allow center install with outboard LATCH on certain models *if* the carseat manufacturer says it's OK: as always it just comes down to reading & following both vehicle + carseat manuals at all times :)
 

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