Distraught 8 yr old in Regent

My DD is distraught this evening. It seems that she has been reluctant to tell me, but she is mortified that she is still in a carseat and that I make her take her HBB on school field trips. She is in third grade and she says that everyone stares at her and she feels like a baby. She is crying and upset no matter how much I explain that I would rather her feel embarrassed than get killed in an accident. Are there any video footage I can show her and any other ideas of what I can do/say to her. She is 8.5, and approximately 52" and approximately 61 lbs.

Thanks

Poor baby Could you convince her to sit in a booster in your car? It could be a nice compromise. You could sit her down and explain to her the dangers of driving in a car and how her car seat is to keep her safe.

Over here most kids are out of boosters by 6 (i'm not saying thats a good thing) just thats its hugely unusual to see a kid in a car seat over the age of 6. I think ds (who is still rear facing (at almost 2) and gets horrified looks) is going to feel like your daughter as i have plans for him to be in car seats for a long time. Although our highest rated ff seat is only 40lbs.

I'd think she would be less embarrassed in a lbb. I don't believe in compromising a child's safety due to embarrassment. With that said, I don't think you're compromising her safety by letting her use a lbb (as long as the belt fits right and there are headrests). I'd compromise and let her use a lbb on field trips and playdates with other friends and move her into a hbb in your car. At 8.5 (as long as she sits properly), she is perfectly safe in a booster :twocents:

Where does she sit on school feild trips? I would go to a low back booster.

I agree, I'd let her use a HBB in your car and a LBB on field trips. She's big enough to be safe in a booster at this point.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I am surprised at the recommendations to switch to a LBB. I understood HBB to be FAR safer not to mention the Regent as a 5 pt. harnessed seat.

From what she was saying tonight, I think she would even be embarrassed using a LBB. Because she would be traveling in someone else's car, I would be uncomfortable with a LBB because I would never be sure there were headrests in place and given my DD feelings on the matter, she would not dare ask or mention that for fear of drawing more attention to the fact that she is using a booster seat at all.

I showed her photos of other kids her age and older in Regents but she was unmoved. I found some video crash footage etc. which I never would have thought I would ever show her and she seemed to have a better understanding but still does not want to be in a Regent or any kind of booster whatsoever. I told her that I am not willing to compromise her safety for her embarrassment on this issue - I am flexible about most other things, but I feel badly for her. I tried to encourage her to use her voice when others stare or say things, ( I do not think anyone really says anything but she in sensitive to looks) and say calmly "I would rather be alive in a crash than dead" kind of phrases but she said she would never say any such things.

I feel as though I cannot put her in anything but the Regent in my car since I have one for her and she is so much safer in it. God forbid anything happens if I were to switch her to a HBB in my car.

How have others dealt with this situation?

No help here but that is tough. I think we will be in the same boat some day. I know my neice has issues being in a parkway at 7 when none of her friends had been in seats for a few years. Having a Cougar Parkway cover helped some.

Would switching to a Radian (if she fits) help since it has such a lower profile?

shirada said:

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I am surprised at the recommendations to switch to a LBB. I understood HBB to be FAR safer not to mention the Regent as a 5 pt. harnessed seat.

From what she was saying tonight, I think she would even be embarrassed using a LBB. Because she would be traveling in someone else's car, I would be uncomfortable with a LBB because I would never be sure there were headrests in place and given my DD feelings on the matter, she would not dare ask or mention that for fear of drawing more attention to the fact that she is using a booster seat at all.

I showed her photos of other kids her age and older in Regents but she was unmoved. I found some video crash footage etc. which I never would have thought I would ever show her and she seemed to have a better understanding but still does not want to be in a Regent or any kind of booster whatsoever. I told her that I am not willing to compromise her safety for her embarrassment on this issue - I am flexible about most other things, but I feel badly for her. I tried to encourage her to use her voice when others stare or say things, ( I do not think anyone really says anything but she in sensitive to looks) and say calmly "I would rather be alive in a crash than dead" kind of phrases but she said she would never say any such things.

I feel as though I cannot put her in anything but the Regent in my car since I have one for her and she is so much safer in it. God forbid anything happens if I were to switch her to a HBB in my car.

How have others dealt with this situation?

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There is a point where safeR isn't that much safer than the next step, and where moving to the next step is completely appropriate. Your dd is at that point where she is big enough and old enough to use a booster properly.

I understand how keeping her in the regent seems like such a big safety issue from your point of view. I want to reassure you that putting her in a booster at her age and size is not dangerous. And honestly, she is at an age where her feelings deserve to be taken in to account. This is a big issue. She's come to you for help because of how big an issue this is. She's 8.5 yrs old - there's a big difference between a 4yr old wanting out of a harness and a kid 8.5 yrs old wanting out of a harness. 4yr old isn't negotiable, but by the time a kid is 6, it becomes more negotiable with a child who is mature enough to sit properly and is big enough to fit properly.

I agree with the others. I'd be 100% fine with backless boosters in friend's vehicles. I think that she'd be less self conscious about that than a hbb. And even in your own vehicle, backless around town and high back on long trip is an acceptable option. High back boosters do provide some SIP, and there are other circumstances that can make them a far superior choice to a backless, but unless you're in a vehicle without headrests, or you can't get a good belt fit with a backless booster, your dd is old enough that it's a good bet those other factors don't apply to your situation.

She's 8.5 yrs old. It's hard to let go and watch them grow up. But she's telling you it's time- and at her age, her feelings deserve to be listened to when it comes to the harness issue. Switch her to a booster and feel good about far exceeding the minimums - and feel good that you're helping her foster better self confidence in her feelings and trust in you that you'll help her.

She is safe in a booster. It might not be easy, but you're at the point of risking her emotional health by keeping her in a 5pt. It's just not worth the collateral damage when remaining in a harness is likely not even much of a measurable advantage at her age. :twocents:

eta: To answer your end question, I haven't dealt with this situation. I do know though that my minimum booster age is 5.5 to 6yrs old depending on the size and maturity of the child. If my dd is being unmercifully teased at 7yrs old, I'll have no qualms about putting her in a booster. Then again, when she rf'ed for a short amount of time before her 4th b-day, I was also 100% fine with turning her ff'ing had she requested it. Some battles are worth fighting, some aren't. And for me the staying in a harness battle with a kid 8.5 yrs old falls in to the "battle not worth fighting" category.

My understanding is that, with children, 5 point harnesses mostly prevent a child from moving out of position or submarining under the seat belt. And that the reason some countries do not recommend using a forward facing 5 point harnesses is based on the increased neck load. In Sweden, I think, most kids stay in a rear-facing seat until they are 4 or 5, and then move directly to a forward facing belt positioning booster.

If she fits the HBB appropriately and can sit correctly I don't think a 5 point harness would necessarily be safer. It may be safer, especially on longer trips where she is more likely to fall asleep or if she is the type of kid who is likely to move out of position. From what I have read on the issue the science seems somewhat fuzzy about what's safest with older children.

I don't have an 8 1/2 year old, however I do think I would be embarrassed to ride in a regent when I was 8 1/2. I don't think safety should be optional, however at the same time I don't know that the HBB is necessarily less safe (of course you are the ultimate judge of that!). Could you maybe compromise with her? Maybe allow her to use a HBB for short trips where she is likely to see her classmates, like when you take her to school? Or set a date where she can graduate to a HBB for all but very long trips? Just a thought- good luck. The preteen years are the worst about needing to fit in .

While I still think she would be fine in a HBB, would she fit in a Nautilus? I've heard it looks much more like a HBB than a harnessed seat. By the time she gained those last few lbs. maybe you'd be willing to let her transition to using it as a HBB instead?

One thing that allowed me to let go with my own kids was reading that statistically, the risk of getting in a crash during a single car trip, is zero. Is a backless booster 'as safe' as a highback? No, there is a little more risk of injury in a side impact. But the risk of that side impact on that one trip, is so minimal, that it allowed me to let go and relax. What I do now, and yes, sometimes my own barely 9 yo goes without a booster, even though she's not quite tall enough, is to absolutely stress that they MUST get a lap/shoulderbelt and use it properly (when in someone else's car). THAT is the most important thing you can do for a kid who's just about to be out of seats altogether, IMO...most of their friends don't buckle up properly, all the way through the teenage years, and this is the tool/teaching I can give them to keep them as safe as possible in years to come.
So back to my first point about the risk of a crash in any one trip being a zero... you'll still be using a highback in your own car for the majority of trips, so she'll still be very well protected. As long as she can sit still in a highback, she's just as safe in that as she is in a harnessed seat.
You're doing a great job... and it IS ok to listen to her needs and wants a little at this age. If we had irrefutable evidence that harnesses were 100% safer than boosters, we'd all still be harnessing our kids as long as possible and trying to talk you into it even more...but we know that boosters, even backless, are safe and appropriate and she's more than likely to be just fine :thumbsup:

I would give her a highback booster for your car and a low back booster for her friend's cars.

Yeah, a five point harness is 'technically' safer, but there is no research showing that it's any safer than a BPB for an average sized eight year old.

If there aren't special needs to take into account, I honestly think a harnessed seat at 8 is overkill.

I read on here once that someone's child was being teased about being in a booster. THe child told the teasing kid it's because his mom loves him. The teasing kid went home and wanted to know why his Mom didn't love him.

That story has always stuck with me. I take care of a 5 year old and 8 year old, and most of the children in their school are in nothing (even though the law here is 8). I told that story to the kids once, and they liked it as much as I did. I know if they were ever teased they will come up with something just as witty. They know the reason they use the seats they use is to keep them safe and alive.

Maybe you can have DD sit in your car w/o a booster and buckle up. Show her where the seatbelt would injure her and explain how horrible that would be. My kids know these things, but maybe other kids are more squeemish than mine, I don't want you to do something that would cause tremendous stress for her. But if she can handle it, go for it.

NannyMom said:

Maybe you can have DD sit in your car w/o a booster and buckle up. Show her where the seatbelt would injure her and explain how horrible that would be. My kids know these things, but maybe other kids are more squeemish than mine, I don't want you to do something that would cause tremendous stress for her. But if she can handle it, go for it.

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that's what i did. i showed & told my big boys what would happen....they are OK with the HBB. they know that that is th eONLY wya they will ride in our van. they usually don't ride with anyone else so i really don't worry about. my big boys understand. thye may not LOVE that they sit in a HBB when all their friends don't but i tell they understand. they actually do tell their friends that it for their safety & will ask their "small" friends "why don't you use one? you should cause you can get hurt without one"

I have an 8.5 yr old, and he rides in a Parkway. He even does fine with it on long trips because he can just rest his head over on the wings, and he still stays in the correct position. This year (3rd grade), I was thinking that maybe I should let him use a backless booster on field trips (since EVERYONE else in the class is either in a backless Turbo or just using a seatbelt).

So I asked him at the beginning of the school year, "So how do you feel about using a HBB when all the other kids in your class use a backless?" He said, "Well, really I feel pretty good about it because I know that my seat offers much better head and neck protection in a side impact crash. I know I'm a lot safer than they are, so it doesn't really bother me."

It actually made me kind of laugh--Apparently I've been rubbing off on him! However, if he had said he felt embarrassed about it, I would have bought him a backless for field trips right away. As it is, I'll probably buy him one for next year (4th grade), and let him continue to use the Parkway in our vehicles as long as he fits.

I know that using a booster after using a 5-pt harness is a huge transition, but it's probably time. Good luck with your decision.

just to join in....if she is seriously upset right now, probably nothing/no sort of compromise is going to seem acceptable. You need to revisit the issue when there isn't so much raw emotion. At 8.5, I would be completely okay with a HBB for daily use, personally.
What is the law in your area? Is it 8 and so she is just freaking out because it is within the last few months all her friends have gotten "out" of using restraints? Or is it even lower, and she is feeling especially "freakish" because it seems like no one else uses seats past 4, 5, 6? I think that can play into it as well.

At that age I would definitely switch to a high back booster. I'm a bit squeemish on the thought of using a backless booster in other people's vehicles though. Not everyone has nice new vehicles with headrests everywhere and there's the added side impact protection. My oldest will be 9 in a couple weeks and is in a high back booster. We have no headrests in either of our vehicles and perhaps that's why I can't fathom the backless. My 7 year old has a vivo now and sleeps great in position, whereas when she was in a turbo she would fall over a lot. If you get a hbb with great sip, then the kid should be fine even when asleep.

Oh, and my kids just don't ride in other people's vehicles, but we homeschool, so there are a whole lot less opportunities. I purposely don't ask people to give my kids rides anywhere. Our state used to be one that required kids to be in seats until the 5th birthday. Most were (and still are) out of seats by age 3. I know others wouldn't understand having a 9 year olf in even a backless booster.

I've also let my kids sit in the seat, buckled without the booster and they found the belt on their chin uncomfortable. We've also done this with the backless booster and illustrated how their head would fly back (no headrests). My then 6 year old was begging for a backless... Now she is very comfortable being safe in her high back booster.

I also don't see how your chances of getting in a crash would go down to zero if you ride in that vehicle only once. I know of a family who got a ride home from church without child restraints. They were in a crash and all family members suffered. I think the chances in any vehicle should be just the same- it could happen and you never know when.

So far, knock on wood, I have not run into this yet with my second grader. But, field trips are taken on a school bus in our district....I take it yours are done in passenger vehicles?

If you have the Regent, and she fits, I would (and do in my case) leave her in it. If friends are riding along, I'd compromise with a HBB, BUT any other child riding in our vehicle rides in a restraint, if they need one. Period. End of story. It's fairly rare when my kids ride with someone else, but when they do, they take their HBBs. In a 4 and 40 state that does mean they are frequently the only kids in seats, but, it's just not a negotiable rule for us.

Could you drive her to field trips instead? Or, offer her the option that if she's so embarassed, she can simply stay home?

I guess I'm an odd one out, but my dd stayed harnessed in a Husky until she outgrew it just after turning 10. She didn't love it, but she did understand the purpose and was ok with it. My 7yo ds is still in a Husky and does prefer it to a booster because he knows it's safer. That said, they are almost never in a situation where any of their peers would see them in a car. We walk to school and they bus on field trips, and the only other cars they ride in are those of family members, so it's never been much of an issue.

I also don't understand the "zero probability" argument. Using that argument, you could just never use any restraints at all, because always for that one trip the probability is zero. Any of those trips could be the one in which you're in an accident, so it just doesn't make sense to me. Car accidents are still the number one killer of kids in this country, so I'll always do all I can to protect against that possibility. I hope that you can find a way to make this work out for your family.

I just want to say I know exactly what you are going through. My oldest is 7yr old (stats below) and in 2nd grade. Lucky for us field trips consist of school bus travel so I don't have to worry about other parents transporting my child.

I have battled the Regent/baby seat issue just recently. I live in a state with no booster law so most kids my girls ages (5 & 7) are out of any type of car seat in general. Back in August my oldest cried because she no longer wanted to be in her Regent. This shocked me because she had always been the child that wanted her 5pt harness super tight on her and would scream if it wasn't tight enough or she felt something wasn't right with her seat. She wanted to sit in her Clek Olli (lbb) as her full time seat. After some time and finally both of us compromising she is in a Britax Parkway (soon to be Clek Oobr) as her full time seat. One thing she had to agree with me on was any long road trips (ex: going on vacation) she had to be in her Regent. She agreed with that and since have not had any issues.