Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I am surprised at the recommendations to switch to a LBB. I understood HBB to be FAR safer not to mention the Regent as a 5 pt. harnessed seat.
From what she was saying tonight, I think she would even be embarrassed using a LBB. Because she would be traveling in someone else's car, I would be uncomfortable with a LBB because I would never be sure there were headrests in place and given my DD feelings on the matter, she would not dare ask or mention that for fear of drawing more attention to the fact that she is using a booster seat at all.
I showed her photos of other kids her age and older in Regents but she was unmoved. I found some video crash footage etc. which I never would have thought I would ever show her and she seemed to have a better understanding but still does not want to be in a Regent or any kind of booster whatsoever. I told her that I am not willing to compromise her safety for her embarrassment on this issue - I am flexible about most other things, but I feel badly for her. I tried to encourage her to use her voice when others stare or say things, ( I do not think anyone really says anything but she in sensitive to looks) and say calmly "I would rather be alive in a crash than dead" kind of phrases but she said she would never say any such things.
I feel as though I cannot put her in anything but the Regent in my car since I have one for her and she is so much safer in it. God forbid anything happens if I were to switch her to a HBB in my car.
How have others dealt with this situation?
There is a point where safeR isn't that much safer than the next step, and where moving to the next step is completely appropriate. Your dd is at that point where she is big enough and old enough to use a booster properly.
I understand how keeping her in the regent seems like such a big safety issue from your point of view. I want to reassure you that putting her in a booster at her age and size is not dangerous. And honestly, she is at an age where her feelings deserve to be taken in to account. This is a big issue. She's come to you for help because of how big an issue this is. She's 8.5 yrs old - there's a big difference between a 4yr old wanting out of a harness and a kid 8.5 yrs old wanting out of a harness. 4yr old isn't negotiable, but by the time a kid is 6, it becomes more negotiable with a child who is mature enough to sit properly and is big enough to fit properly.
I agree with the others. I'd be 100% fine with backless boosters in friend's vehicles. I think that she'd be less self conscious about that than a hbb. And even in your own vehicle, backless around town and high back on long trip is an acceptable option. High back boosters do provide some SIP, and there are other circumstances that can make them a far superior choice to a backless, but unless you're in a vehicle without headrests, or you can't get a good belt fit with a backless booster, your dd is old enough that it's a good bet those other factors don't apply to your situation.
She's 8.5 yrs old. It's hard to let go and watch them grow up. But she's telling you it's time- and at her age, her feelings deserve to be listened to when it comes to the harness issue. Switch her to a booster and feel good about far exceeding the minimums - and feel good that you're helping her foster better self confidence in her feelings and trust in you that you'll help her.
She is safe in a booster. It might not be easy, but you're at the point of risking her emotional health by keeping her in a 5pt. It's just not worth the collateral damage when remaining in a harness is likely not even much of a measurable advantage at her age. :twocents:
eta: To answer your end question, I haven't dealt with this situation. I do know though that my minimum booster age is 5.5 to 6yrs old depending on the size and maturity of the child. If my dd is being unmercifully teased at 7yrs old, I'll have no qualms about putting her in a booster. Then again, when she rf'ed for a short amount of time before her 4th b-day, I was also 100% fine with turning her ff'ing had she requested it. Some battles are worth fighting, some aren't. And for me the staying in a harness battle with a kid 8.5 yrs old falls in to the "battle not worth fighting" category.