Help me compose my little speech - no booster at daycare today

So tonight when we got home Faith mentioned that she rode in "Mr. Josh's" car today (one of the daycare workers). I asked where to and she said across the parking lot to the playground at the top of the daycare property. So about maybe 75 feet. I asked why and she said "for fun and because it was faster". I asked a bunch of questions and basically she was in the back seat, seatbelt on, but no booster. So obviously I'm a little ticked off. Here's why:

1.) She's almost 7 and needs to be in a booster at all times;
2.) She is the oldest of our four and all the younger kids follow her lead. She is the one who gives me the MOST trouble about sitting properly in the car. Always leaning forward, putting the seatbelt behind her shoulder, etc. I pull over A LOT. I'm always on her case and I feel that this incidenct just undermined my authority. I'm trying so hard to get the message across that car safety is not negotiable. This just set me way back.
3.) It's illegal. Booster law says 9 or 4'9. She's neither. That basically just showed her that it's okay to break the law if it's only for a minute, or if a grown up says so, or whatever. She is such a little negotiator and always argues with every answer we give her, trying to convince us WHY we should let her do whatever it is she wants, etc.
4.) They do not have our consent to transport her by car. They have consent for the schoolbus only.
5.) It was totally unnecessary. They could've walked 75 feet!

So, I'm going to have a little chat with the director of the daycare tomorrow. Just hoping someone can help me compose myself a little, since I'm pretty ticked off and I don't want to come off as an overreacting paranoid mom. Are there any points I'm missing? What would you say?

The other thing is that they have a 10 passenger van that I think they have boosters for. I've seen some old looking boosters sitting in the hallway before. Our kids don't ride in that van (to my knowledge), but at some point I'd like to broach the topic of those boosters and just CPS in general with them. Should I wait until some time in the future or roll it into this conversation? Advice please!

I think in terms of the 10 passenger van, I'd only broach it if they ride in it right now - if they'll have to get consent if they want to use it, then I'd wait to bring it up then. I'm just of the belief that sometimes you have to pick battles and the most important thing right now is that they broke the law & transported your dd without permission in an unsafe manner. To me those are the big issues - lack of consent, unsafe, and illegal.

Does writing things down help you? If you "wrote" a letter as if you were going to send it, would it help you organize your thoughts into what is most important and how you want it to come across? I'd be really mad too, and I'd have troubles not getting angry in the moment when talking to them given the circumstances - having put my thoughts out clearly ahead of time, and vented out some of the anger would help in terms of saying what I wanted to say when the time came, so that's why I suggest it.

What is the daycare situation like overall? Positive? Working? Are you prepared to put her in a different daycare if this can't be resolved? I think this is important to think about going in to the conversation as well.

As for how to handle it, I think it's important to sit down in the office with the director - tell him/her that you have a concern you need to address and you'd like to talk in his/her office. This will afford you a little privacy - but it will also communicate that you're serious. Hopefully if there may be distractions, it will eliminate those too.

From there, you can either take the direct approach of "dd told me she rode in the car to the park yesterday and I feel upset about this because it's unsafe, illegal, and I didn't give any consent for it. I need to make sure that you both are following the law, and only transporting my dd when authorized and in a safe manner. What changes will you make so that this doesn't happen again?"

The other approach would be of bringing up the transportation subject - how are kids transported, do they always get consent, are they following the new law which came in to effect in July, etc. And from there, using the answers to spring board off of and ask questions.

I'd probably go with the direct approach.... I feel ____ when you ____ and I need you to ___ because of x,y or z - that kind of set up. Then let the director know in no uncertain terms what the consequences of them not following this in the future would be.

Speaking generally, if it's not directly related to the current transportation of your dd, I would leave it out of this discussion. I think a general safety discussion should take place separately and happen in a friendly manner as opposed to a situation like this that needs to be addressed more seriously and on a business level - if that makes sense?

Snowbird made great points, so I won't repeat.

But I did want to add, not related to car seats, that a male employee of the daycare took your child alone in a vehicle to get to the playground? Did I read that right? When I read your story I heard alarm bells in my head. I'm sure this man is very nice but I don't think it's appropriate. I would definitely add that to my discussion.

snowbird25ca said:

From there, you can either take the direct approach of "dd told me she rode in the car to the park yesterday and I feel upset about this because it's unsafe, illegal, and I didn't give any consent for it. I need to make sure that you both are following the law, and only transporting my dd when authorized and in a safe manner. What changes will you make so that this doesn't happen again?"

?

Click to expand...

Yes this, and just this for the current meeting. I think adding anything will just gum up the meeting.
How many kids were in the car? did he just drive your child there? That part is making no sense and also sending off warning bells, like a pp said.

CTPDMom said:

Snowbird made great points, so I won't repeat.

But I did want to add, not related to car seats, that a male employee of the daycare took your child alone in a vehicle to get to the playground? Did I read that right? When I read your story I heard alarm bells in my head. I'm sure this man is very nice but I don't think it's appropriate. I would definitely add that to my discussion.

Click to expand...

That part really stuck out for me too.

I am not a mother who believes that a man can't be a great child care giver, and I don't think all men are pedophiles or anything like that.

But I think a man who works at a daycare would know what he did screams "inappropriate!" and it makes me wonder why he did it anyway

If you don't get anywhere with the director, you can call your licensing officer (assuming your daycare is licensed). You can PM me if you want.

Was it a daycare school bus by any chance? IIRC, they don't need restraints in those in BC (though I'm a bit fuzzy how that works with the new booster laws). I'm also not clear about larger vans used as "school buses" by daycares.

Whether the male daycare worker being alone with my DD would ring bells with me would depend on the circumstances. But, I'd definitely be having that discussion with the director as well.

Hugs. Daycare/seat issues are icky. I'm having my own today. Sigh.

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments. I'm going to go talk to her this afternoon when I pick the kids up.

The fact that it was a man driving her doesn't bother me too too much, just because it was only 75 feet across the parking lot. If it had been any further, then yes, it would've bothered me more. I'm not sure if there were any other kids in the car. However I know Griffin wasn't because I asked him. Which makes even less sense to me, since he walked and they drove

I think I'm going to go with Trudy's Plan A. The daycare situation is new for us, because we just got fulltime custody in August, and prior to starting this daycare, they always had a nanny. It is a large, church-based daycare centre. Quite a few employees (maybe 8 or 10) and lots of kids, broken into age groups. We haven't had any other problems of this sort so far. Although last Friday they made us come pick up Rayn because she supposedly had a rash, which wasn't at all visible by the time we got there, and they made us take her to get a doctor's note before she could come back. But that's sort of off topic for this thread.....

I would certaintly pull them all out of the daycare if my wishes were not respected in terms of child passenger safety. That is just not-negotiable to me and the kids need to know without a doubt that that's the case.

I'll update after I talk to her. Thanks for the advice.

proudmomofriley said:

The fact that it was a man driving her doesn't bother me too too much, just because it was only 75 feet across the parking lot. If it had been any further, then yes, it would've bothered me more.

Click to expand...

Don't assume that someone can't abuse your child in a very short amount of time. I was molested as a child, and one of his favorite tricks was to "help" me buckle my seat belt as he stuck his hand between my legs. The thrill of getting away with it right under my parents eyes was even better for him than getting me alone for a longer period of time.