Grrrr...what do I do to get her to understand?

LovinMyBabies · May 18, 2006

My SIL!! She has a 16 month old, and a 1 month old. When her son was 9 months old, he was 20 pounds, so she bought him a FF Evenflo Chase. I told her that he should stay rear facing until he's at least 1 year old, but it turned into a big thing and she was pretty ticked at me. I also tried to tell her that the straps shouldn't be loose and the chest clip should be on his chest, not his belly. Needless to say, she didn't listen. The other day I peeked in her car the other day when she pulled up to see the baby. The straps were so loose, they weren't even on his shoulders...they were on the sides of his arms. The straps was also twisted. The chest clip was also as far down as it would go. I reminded her of this, and now she's not speaking to me. What is it going to hurt to just tighten the straps and put the chest clip on his chest. How do I go about telling her this stuff without it causing a huge feud?

jenny03 · May 18, 2006

Does she have internet? Could you send her a few informative links?

How would she react if you offered to fix it for her, and slip in some gentle reminders along the way?

Tara · May 18, 2006

Dittoing the links idea Otherwise, gather info yourself and print it off for her. Just tell her you are sincerely concerned over your nephews safety. That you, yourself, have recently been enlightened to these things. You just want to share this helpful information with her. You want to see him safe and do not want her to get in trouble for improperly securing him. Maybe that will help?

Unregistered · May 18, 2006

I think it'a plainly obvious she just doesn't care about her children. You can't make her love her kids. it sucks.

LovinMyBabies · May 18, 2006

Well, I am certain she loves her children. She just has a hard time being told she's doing something wrong...

HannahsMom · May 18, 2006

Hmm, I'm sure she cares about and loves her kids. It's a bit harsh to assume that about someone you don't know.

It's tough when you see someone not using carseats properly, especially when it's kids that you know and love.

You've tried telling her, print out some info, give it to her and leave the ball in her court. Unfortunately, some people just don't understand safety like others and really, there is only so much you can do without making her hate you.

Unregistered · May 18, 2006

LovinMyBabies said:
Well, I am certain she loves her children. She just has a hard time being told she's doing something wrong...

She probably just doesn't realize exactly how big of a danger they are in. I've read posts from others, where, unfortunately some people, you have to save your breath on and hope for the best.

Though I agree that you should make sure she knows that you're not questioning her parenting or her love for her son, just that you've recently been armed with new information that makes you afraid for his safety. If she chooses to take it personally, as an attack, there isn't anything else you can do, other than perhaps speaking to the kids dad (if he is involved).

(I'm simplysomething)

Unregistered · May 18, 2006

Maybe a short and sweet, "Ya know, getting a kid buckled in right IS inconvenient, but its a lot more convenient that dealing with a child who is paralyzed....."

Send her the pics and related outrage over Britney's latest debacle?

Victorious4 · May 18, 2006

ITA -- one thing I resort to as a "last straw" is the fact that I grew up in my dad's Orthotics & Prosthetics medical office ... almost all of the children were permanently disabled (physically & mentally) simply because their parents didn't use the carseats correctly

My siblings, however, even though they've seen the same real life situations refuse to take the extra moments for their kids -- I've sent them the crash videos, NHTSA & AAP "best practice" policy statements stuff, etc. & they turn around to lash out at me instead ... try to offer as much education as you can as kindly as you can, but be prepared for the worst, regardless!

GOOD LUCK

Jeanum · May 18, 2006

It's frustrating to see, I know, and sometimes you can't get through to someone no matter how nicely you present the info. I lost an adult cousin in a car crash earlier this year and he may have lived if he had used his seatbelt. Yet I saw close relatives of his recently who weren't using their own seatbelts in another funeral procession where I followed them in their car, argh.

Some folks don't think it can happen to them or to their children even when tragedy has struck close to home. All you can do is try your best to convince them and hope it doesn't come back to haunt them when they won't listen.

j4m4d8 · May 19, 2006

Sometimes I get better results with prefacing things with "I know I'm a car seat nut, but I really worry when...." Ironically, it is amazing that loved ones will often do things just to keep you from worrying even if they are not totally convinced it is necessary.

Grrrr...what do I do to get her to understand?

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