Help with my niece's seat

April

Well-known member
I just need some suggestions/options on how to handle this situation. I have a niece who will be 3 in December and she has downs syndrome. She is very small and baby-like/sized. Looking at her you'd probably think she was about 11 months or so.

My SIL was watching her today. The Dad of my niece is my SIL's brother. He's a jerk by the way. She called me and asked if I would come check how the parents had installed her car seat in my SIL's car. So I went over (brought my scale cause my brother and SIL don't have one). The seat is a Graco ComfortSport. it was installed outboard passenger side, forward facing, no tether (illegal here in Canada). The seat had about 5 inches of movement side to side, not surprising because they're not locking seatbelts and had no locking clip on.

So I go inside and measure her torso, 11.5 inches. Weigh her.....17.5 lbs!!! Oh my goodness. So I went back out, turned the seat rearfacing, luckily I had brought pool noodles, attached the locking clip, moved the crotch strap in and tightened the harness.

The seat expires Dec, 2010, but it was in pretty rough shape. It looked like a garage sale find. The cover was ripped and it was just in bad condition all around.

I had printed off some info about rf and extended rf, so my SIL stuck it in the baby's diaper bag for her parents.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to be there when the parents came back, but I had armed my SIL with some knowledge. She mentioned that because my niece is so small, its illegal to have her FF. He (the jerk Dad) said that they can't have her RF because they would have to put the seat in the middle of his truck (back seat). She said "So that's what you should do then." Then he reinstalled it in his truck FF and drove away :mad:

My question is, how far should I take this? The Dad is not going to listen to me. The Mom might, but she's my SIL's SIL so I don't know her that well. Do you think I should call the Mom and see if she'll listen? We decided today that we're going to buy her a new seat for her birthday. Probably a TF or EFTA. She'll probably be 8 before she's 50lbs. My concern is that if I tick them off they're not going to listen to a thing I say. We tried taking the "its illegal" route but he didn't seem to care. He is a gambling addict and owes everyone and their dog money anyways.

Should I just focus on the rf'ing to 22lbs aspect right now and then the extended rf'ing later? I would think she won't be 22lbs for close to a year from now. Is it too much to buy them a new seat for her birthday?

All I want to know... WWYD in this situation?

Thanks in advance.
 
ADS

Rosey

New member
I give seats as baby gifts so I think it would be a nice birthday gift. You just can't make them use it correctly :( I think you are better off talking to the momma. But some people just have different worries and priorities. And if they are adamant about using it forward facing, I would buy them a seat with belt lock off hoping they use those since they clearly have a problem with locking clips.
 

MissAllyLou

New member
I'm actually doing the same thing with my cousin's youngest kid right now, so I know what you mean. We decided (the grandma of the little girl, and I ) that we were going to get her a fun, easy to use PINK seat for Christmas. That way, it just seems like we're getting her something fun for a presant, not that we're trying to tell them what to do. Good for you for caring :) that little girl needs someone like you on her side. :thumbsup:
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
I agree with Rosey. I just installed a forward facing seat for my 19 month old 26 pound nephew (and yes, I installed it). I told the dad (DH's bro) last night, he kind of smiled, I told my SIL just now and she said his legs and she was going to have him forward. So I made sure he's the safest forward he can be. She knows how to install his seat tightly, she doesn't need lockoffs or anything in her car, so I just put the seatbelt through the forward facing path, rather than the rear, and tightened the tether as much as it goes and left it at that. I can now email her videos and studies, and she'll ignore them and we'll both be annoyed. I'm not going to. They're not going to listen. And unlike a perfect stranger who I don't care if I piss off to the point of not talking to me, they're family. Worse, they're not MY family, they're DH's family. My nephew is not as safe as he can be (especially given how lousy she is as a driver) but he is now safer than when he came. That's the best I can hope for.

If it was my brother and his kid I'd rip him a new one. But my BIL and SIL? Without Nathan's support I can't do it. I can just make him as safe as I can be. If they have belts that actually need a locking clip then a True Fit would be fabulous. It is nice and deep and wide and offers a lot of support. I would mention that they're breaking the law, and ask them to double check with their pediatrician and any other specialists they go to (I checked a down's baby seat once and the mom said that they have low muscle tone and weak bones and so it's MORE important for them to rear face than your average child) and then walk away and never ask about it again. Just don't ask, don't look, don't want to know. Imagine the best is happening and let your mind wander happily and don't let reality get in the way.

Wendy
 

April

Well-known member
I agree with Rosey. I just installed a forward facing seat for my 19 month old 26 pound nephew (and yes, I installed it). I told the dad (DH's bro) last night, he kind of smiled, I told my SIL just now and she said his legs and she was going to have him forward. So I made sure he's the safest forward he can be. She knows how to install his seat tightly, she doesn't need lockoffs or anything in her car, so I just put the seatbelt through the forward facing path, rather than the rear, and tightened the tether as much as it goes and left it at that. I can now email her videos and studies, and she'll ignore them and we'll both be annoyed. I'm not going to. They're not going to listen. And unlike a perfect stranger who I don't care if I piss off to the point of not talking to me, they're family. Worse, they're not MY family, they're DH's family. My nephew is not as safe as he can be (especially given how lousy she is as a driver) but he is now safer than when he came. That's the best I can hope for.

If it was my brother and his kid I'd rip him a new one. But my BIL and SIL? Without Nathan's support I can't do it. I can just make him as safe as I can be. If they have belts that actually need a locking clip then a True Fit would be fabulous. It is nice and deep and wide and offers a lot of support. I would mention that they're breaking the law, and ask them to double check with their pediatrician and any other specialists they go to (I checked a down's baby seat once and the mom said that they have low muscle tone and weak bones and so it's MORE important for them to rear face than your average child) and then walk away and never ask about it again. Just don't ask, don't look, don't want to know. Imagine the best is happening and let your mind wander happily and don't let reality get in the way.

Wendy

Thanks Wendy.

Its hard you know. This poor little girl is defenseless. She has trouble even holding her head up when you're holding her. It kind of flops around still. They got pregnant with her when they first got together and then didn't know she had SN until she was born. He's a gambling addict and she's a first time mom. Their marriage has a lot of problems due to his gambling and they've been on the verge of divorce for a long time. I'm pretty sure she stays because she's scared she won't be able to take care of her dd on her own. Yesterday when my SIL picked her up, there was no diaper bag packed and her Mom just threw about 20 diapers in the bag, no wipes, no toys, no change of clothes. It just seems like they do sort of a half-hearted job of parenting her as it is. I can't even imagine how hard things are for them. I guess I just feel sorry for the little girl.

If she were 22lbs and not SN, I wouldn't be as upset about it. But she's 17.5 lbs and can barely hold her head up, and clearly they don't know how to install her seat properly.

In terms of the new seat, I'm torn between the EFTA and TF. Whichever one takes up less room rf is probably the one we'll get. I think what the Dad meant went he said "it would have to go in the middle" in his pickup truck, is probably that a rf seat outboard made not enough room for the front passengers. She's pretty short, so I don't think they'd need the headrest on the TF, but then my concern is that then they'd lose it.

Oh and sorry mods, I meant to (and thought I had) posted this in chat :cool:
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
hmmm... well, before kidnapping her and smuggling her to Chelsae (Ali and Sadi's mom), or heck... ship her to my house... Ruthie would love a baby sister to love and help care for.

I'd just offer to help him. Tell him that you can probably get it in so it doesn't have to be in the middle (even if it's a lie, it will get you in the truck in question and get you a chance to talk to HIM)

then tell him about the reasons that you just told us (neck, weight).

I don't know that I'd get them a truefit or EFTA... not yet... she might not outgrow it by the time it expires...

but a scenera or a new comfortsport (yeah, I know... I just said comfortsport... but it's tiny and would take up less backseat room, as that might be why it would have to be in the middle) is a good idea.

now, if he's just NOT going to turn her back (sad, but might happen), then I'd just do what I can to make her safer than she is now.
 

April

Well-known member
now, if he's just NOT going to turn her back (sad, but might happen), then I'd just do what I can to make her safer than she is now.

Or when I get certified next month, beg the instructor for a job with BCAA, set up a roadside check with police outsdie their house and give him a ticket? Because that was my plan b.:whistle:
 
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Jenifer

New member
I second Wendy's point of making the child the safest ff you can!

Also, the suggestions of purchasing a gift seat - - I would add that you might want to look for a seat with a recline feature for forward facing as a down's child may have low muscle tone.
 

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