How to deal with ignorant friends?

NurseKim

New member
It amazes me how ignorant people can be about car seat safety. I'm not perfect by any means, but this one is a doozy!

A good friend of ours came over to drop something off for my DH. They have a 10mo old DS. DH went to say hi to the baby and he realized that the baby was only restrained (I use that term loosely) with the chest clip. (5pt harness seat)
He confronted his dad who said that he was just going down the street and laughed it off :eek: He really does live 2 minutes away, but are you kidding me? DH (a police officer) really gave him a hard time about it, but he just continued to shrug it off.
When their DS was 1st born, one day, I had to show him how snug the baby had to be in the seat. The straps were so loose, he might have just as well been not strapped in at all.
I never get into people's parenting styles, but how do I approach this?

I am hoping to take the CPS course next month (If my supervisor approves it :rolleyes: ) so I could just offer a seat check...but what if I can't take the course?
 
ADS

Dreaming_of_Speed

Senior Community Member
If you cant take the course just say youre "in training" to be a CPST and ask if you can do their seat for practice. Tell them you need help on your speech or something to make them listen. They think their helping you when really your helping them.

Honestly when we move cars in our apartment parking lot i dont buckle the girls fully i just do up the clips to keep them in their seats. (I'm a bad mommy) The likelihood anything could happen is slim and if it did it would be so small i wouldnt worry about them being hurt. If we're going onto a true street then i always do the complete harness. (We move our cars a lot in the parking lot. DF wants my car close to the building just in case it rains, i go into labor, and reduced theft risk so he gets a better spot we switch.)

I love your siggy! My superpowers include making milk and creating two lives at once.
 

Longhorn Lady

New member
I don't think there is any magic solution. Some people are just extremely resistant and there really isn't much we can do about it. I do have a rule that I set my own rules for anyone riding in MY car, but beyond that, not much can be done.

I do try and offer advice when asked, and if I'm not asked I might gently say something helpful. I have found that approaching them in a caring and non confrontational way is most successful, but its certainly not guaranteed. I wish it were easier :p
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Dreamin', you aren't any safer moving around the parking lot than you are on the open road - most of my crashes have been in parking lots. I don't move my car in my own (private, very far from the road!) driveway without buckling up.
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
You have to remember that in a 10mph crash, a 20# baby then becomes 200#, that's a lot of crash forces when they hit something and the chest clip will definitely not keep them in. :(

Do you have their e-mail? I e-mailed a friend of mine who was putting her 25# 2.5yo in a booster. I at least got her to start using the straps again, and she said she wanted a new seat, but never got one. Ugh! I included articles on safety and I was going to send crash tests, but I forgot.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Unfortunately I have run into people who just REFUSE to care :eek:

They'll swear up to high heaven & down to hades that they love their children more than life itself (ironic, eh?), but their adament refusal to take just moments out of their precious schedules to keep their kids safe prooves otherwise -- this is my family I'm talking about, the people who have seen the crash tests & articles I've emailed them, who KNEW the little kids with permanent disability (since my dad is had his own patient care facility & is the past president of the American Academy of Orthotists Prosthetists) ... yet their only response is that I need to mind my own **** business :mad:

There comes a point when there's nothing more you can do :(

& now that I have my certification I actually feel like that pointcomes sooner than it did before. I mean, the idea for me is to educate & still maintain the kind of relationship which will encourage the parents to ask more questions, etc. Attacking my co-worker with their preschooler in a backless booster without headrests AND a lap-only belt wouldn't have made the child any safer ... but, with time (filled up with me worrying like crazy, LOL) they s_l_o_w_l_y opened up to the idea of at least reading through the research & surprise, surprise they actually did make the choice to retrofit shoulder belts & get a high back *WOOHOOO* Of course, they still refuse to admit I had anythign to do with it or that I was right @@

Soooooooooo, I'm not saying "give up" -- I'm saying, be careful -- don't overstep the boundary, but do provide the necessary education & support *SIGH*

GOOD LUCK!!!
 

mommy4girls

Senior Community Member
Buckling just the chest clip is very dangerous. My almost 4y/o nearly strangled herself in her FPSE when it was on the floor IN OUR HOUSE! She had climbed in when she was 2 and buckled up the clip (yes, my kids are just as bad as me sometimes ;)) and when I found her she was struggling to get out with the chest clip around her neck. If nothing else let them know it's VERY dangerous even not IN the car!
 

rachel3612

Senior Community Member
My SIL just uses the chest clip on my nephew's seat. There is no hope for her at all. At least she is now using the seat, so the chest clip is better than nothing in that case.

When I went to see them, I had to move him from his infant seat into a shield seat that was 8 years old and I had to hold it together with duct tape. My only other choice was to spend over $200 on an AO that who knows how long was sitting on the shelf and I did not have that kind of money sitting around.

Less than a year later they came to visit us and since he was under 2 he didn't get a seat on the plane so they just didn't bring theres and we picked them up at the airport with a new combo seat. I know not the best for such a young kid but it was the only one that would last him a long time. I showed them how to use it and of course they used it correctly for awhile but once he was able to buckle himself (he is now 4.5 years old) SIL just lets him do it himself but he cand't do the real buckle. My brother does it right when he is with him though.

I personally will not move the car in a parking lot wihtout buckling the kids, there is no way. Very stupid. But since DOS kids don't really exsist its ok.

Rachel
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Techs -- I might be wrong (& my course binder is at home) ... but I remember a (NYS???) case in which a mother only used the chest clip & her child suffered fatal injury in a mild crash :eek::confused::(
 

Splash

New member
My boss' wife uses just the chest clip. And she often pulls the straps around UNDER their arms and clips the chest clip. She also has her 2 yo and 3 yo in boosters in the back of a mustang convertible. With the lap belt OVER the armrests and the shoulder belt BEHIND the seat entirely.
And she's a horrible driver. I hate her. I really like my boss... but he defers to her on this and says that she researched it and found that this was the safest way. Whatever. Both kids are still RF whenever I take them somewhere and they never complain.
I had them both over the weekend last weekend and taught the 3 yo to buckle his own booster CORRECTLY and installed his old AO (which he was way too tall for) in the mustang for his little sister. On a thick towel with the latch and seatbelt. HORRIBLE I know. But it was the only way I could get it close to tight, and she wil NOT use a carseat unless there is a pillow or super thick towel/blanket underneath because she's worried about the upholstery.
Yet she claims to love them SO much. Yeah, sure. She spends $80/week to get their spirit analyzed over the phone while they sleep (no, I am not kidding. I wish I were) and she gets manicures and massages on a regular basis, but they 'can't afford' new seats for the kids. Yeah right. Thing is, I could install Regents in their Explorer (2006... can't afford something my arse) and radians in the mustang (also 2006) and teach the kids to buckle themselves in and she would never have to do another thing. But nope, she won't do it and I don't have a grand to drop on kids that aren't even mine.
 

Dreaming_of_Speed

Senior Community Member
skaterbabscpst said:
Dreamin', you aren't any safer moving around the parking lot than you are on the open road - most of my crashes have been in parking lots. I don't move my car in my own (private, very far from the road!) driveway without buckling up.

We're in the far back and there's never anyone else around when we do this so its literally out of one space and into another. If there were an accident it probably wouldnt even leave a ding on the car. I wouldnt do it in a grocery store or bigger lot b/c there's so many other ppl doing god only knows what but in the tiny apartment lot there really is no danger.

I never thought of the risk of strangulation. I think i may change my mind! I dont think in the 30 seconds it takes to move the car they would strangle themselves but you never know.

I cant believe how many ppl think its safe! I would have told that boss to do some research and figure what a lune his wife is. I'd go postal if i saw someone doing this in my family or group of friends. What do they think the other straps and buckle are for? Decoration? You paid for the entire seat why not use it to the fullest advantage?
 

Maggie

New member
I give as much information as I can, but there's no forcing anyone into anything they don't want to do :( Sadly, there is only so much you can do.

Splash said:
On a thick towel with the latch and seatbelt. HORRIBLE I know.

That is VERY unsafe :( :eek: NEVER use Latch and a seat belt, EVER.
 

beebear23

Senior Community Member
rachel3612 said:
I personally will not move the car in a parking lot wihtout buckling the kids, there is no way. Very stupid. But since DOS kids don't really exsist its ok.

Rachel


I would never do it either.. That's just reckless..

BTW Rachel, who is DOS?
 

Splash

New member
MomToEm said:
That is VERY unsafe :( :eek: NEVER use Latch and a seat belt, EVER.

I know that. Believe me I know that. I struggled with whether or not to do it. But, in the end, I decided it was the lesser or two evils. This is NOT an ideal situation by any means. Yes, there is an increased risk of g froces to the child's chest in this situation. However, it is better than the alternative which is not being buckled in at all. This seat does NOT fit this vehicle, not by a mile. But they are unwilling to buy another one, so I did what I could.
I weighed the options, and I talked to other techs about it who knew that my hands were tied. It was agreed, amongst numerous people, that it was better off with both of them than with nothing at all.
The latch in this vehicle doesn't come out of the seat bight, but about 4 inches ABOVE it. That makes it physically impossible to make a seat tight in there. And the belts are WAY forward of the bight. So, the LATCH is holding it BACK, and the belt is holding it DOWN. BAD situation I know... I hate it. I also hate that I used a towel underneath it but she would NOT let me put a car seat in without it (I did talk her out of a pillow though).
Don't think it doesn't worry the heck out of me. But I KNOW that it is safer like that than the alternative.
 

Dreaming_of_Speed

Senior Community Member
Splash could you get them to see another tech? Or maybe get someone to help you install the seat? Using Latch and the seat belt makes for two stress points in a belt path that is designed to have only 1. Its really dangerous and i'm sure there is a way to do it. What year is the mustang? I've put Alex in my friends 99 mustang and i used to date a guy with a 91 who's kids seat fit OK (but we didnt do it right :( )
 

Splash

New member
Ha! I wish.
It's a 2006 mustang convertible with DEEP bucket seats in the back. It is by no means meant for transporting children. And the car seat is an AO with base. Might be better without the base but mom will NOT allow it to be installed w/o the base.
A radian of cargo might be okay in this car, but even that would be pushing it. Even a turbo booster doesn't fit in the seats. I tried a BV just to see, and it does pretty good, but they would never buy one. Besides, it sits up too high, even if it does fit installation wise.
No, she just plain doesn't care. She is convinced that she'll never get in a wreck and even if she did her kids will be fine... so why waste money on seats, why 'ruin' the upholstery with them, and why waste her time buckling the kids in?
This same woman turned her daughter FF at 4.5 months when she outgrew her basket and never had the seat buckled in until *I* did it when she was over a year old! I reufsed to install it FF before then. I installed it RF and she put it back FF. It wasn't until quite some time after that that I found out that the way she 'restrained' the seat was looping the seatbelt through the booster belt guides and that's it. Never even buckled the belt. Just pulled it through the loop on one side and left it that way.
I have no respect for this woman whatsoever. I really like my boss and I know that he would listen to me if she would. But she won't. So in the name of family harmony, he goes along with it. And in the name of keeping my job, I just give up.
 

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