Why do people get so angry?

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
Someone posted on AJ's birthboard (so keep in mind these children just turned 3 or are about to turn 3) as to which booster seat she should get b/c the baby needs her dd's carseat. Of course I posted the 4 and 40# as well as some crash tests since people had already posted what boosters they were using, including one backless booster. Well, I then became the most hated person on the board and was told my help basically wasn't asked for and they had researched and knew what they were doing and that I was just trying to make everyone feel like crap. Um, no, I was trying to keep your kids safe, but whatever. I guess IMO people only get that defensive when they are shown they might have made a better choice? I don't know. I posted that I was done and I refuse to post on the thread anymore, I was just shocked at 1) how many people are already using boosters for this age and 2) how people just don't seem to care if their kids could be safer and someone was trying to help them. :(
 
ADS

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Oh, I can totally relate ... IMO, it's a matter of then displacing their feelings -- they refuse to admit they made an unsafe choice & to feel better about themselves, they pass the buck off on you ... don't take it personally -- it's THEIR issue, not yours :rolleyes: ;)
 

Dreaming_of_Speed

Senior Community Member
I think its the whole "holier than thou" mentality. Any person who says tells someone they are doing something wrong (especially regarding their kids) is instantly being rude and showing how much of a better parent they are.
 

Longhorn Lady

New member
I'm sorry you had such a negative experience. It sucks. I think we've all been there and its so frustrating because we are only trying to add extra information that keeps kids safer.

I'm dreading this weekend because my boyfriend and I are going to have my 5year old niece (that's not the part I'm dreading ;)) but she most definitely will not ride my car without a booster. Her mom is going to give me hell about it, but I don't care. It will be exactly the attitude you experienced.
 

Tara

New member
Yep, BTDT. I say just let it roll off your back. You were only trying to do a good thing, save childrens lives, give out sound information. How they receive it (or refuse to) is not your problem. It IS frustrating, but oh well, we just gotta let it go.

And I agree with the others...these folks were shown that they were wrong, nobody enjoys that. Some are just worse at taking it than others. The majority (it seems) refuse to take those things constructively and learn. They'd rather just get offended. It's easier ya know ;)

I'm not sure I'd leave the board though..I have a spiteful streak in me though. I might just stick around to further cram it down their throats LOL Putting in a little plug when and wherever I could. Let 'em hate me, no skin off my back :)
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Hehehe -- I must have that same spiteful streak, Tara ... because I refused to leave the APA board & after a while I wore 'em down to appreciating my info & now have a hard time keeping up with the PMs ;)
 

Dreaming_of_Speed

Senior Community Member
I'm glad i've never had to deal with it on the internet like that, people are better about it in person (and i generally keep my mouth shut around those who look like they would attack) Its too easy to attack someone on the net b/c you dont actually see the person behind the text. The one and only time i've given carseat info on the net was on the SVX forum and half the members who were involved in the thread went out and bought MA's b/c i suggested how much better they are for the leather and for their kids than the crappy OHS seats they were using. two are even extended rfing b/c of it! i love my svx group :)

I think i've proven that i have the same spiteful streak :) I'm too busy to post often (who thought 2 kids would cause that) but i'm still here :D
 

Jeanum

Admin - CPS Technician Emeritus
Staff member
It's a pity some folks take offense at helpful CPS advice no matter how thoughtfully the advice is presented. I try to remind myself whenever someone online gets angry, there are likely many others who do take the advice to heart and kids are safer for it overall.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Longhorn Lady said:
Her mom is going to give me hell about it, but I don't care. It will be exactly the attitude you experienced.

My sister is like that with my nephew & neices and it drives me crazy because I have to be "mean" and say "no, you can't spend the night tonight because I can't fit you in the car to take you to my house." Sis is just as likely to toss the extra passengers in the cargo area or double up on seatbelts. :( :mad:
 

Longhorn Lady

New member
Yep, Rebekah, I know exactly what you mean :( It sucks to be the mean guy, but I won't compromise. The funny thing is that she actually has a MA (that my boyfriend and I bought her) that fits her FINE, but her mom says its 'too much work'. It pisses me off because I know there are plenty of parents (this forum included) who would love a Britax seat, yet can't afford one. And yet she has a perfectly good one (its only 18 months old) and it sits in the house. UGH. And she would never spend money on a booster seat, but she says she doesn't see the difference between a booster and a seatbelt and just a seatbelt :rolleyes:

Its a never ending battle. I'm sorry all of us get this same reaction when we really are just trying to help.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
exactly! Dh has, thankfully, agreed to buying 3 spare boosters so that at least we have them available. (When the kids are with me of course dh & I drive seperately - 3 kiddos in each car. :p)
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Yup -- I actually left my sister & niece at the mall when they visited 2 years ago from Vegas ... because sis refused to let my 6 year old niece use either the Husky or Turbo :eek: :mad: :( So, fine, take a taxi home *SIGH*
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Just ignorance & spite mostly ... I'm the "baby" in the family -- 14 years younger than her (she's younger than my other 3 siblings) so I can't POSSIBLY know more than her about something/anything @@ *SIGH*
 

Splash

New member
My SIL is a complete idiot about car seats. Poor Zachary. I could buckle Charlie into his straps, and he is about 3 inches taller and a good 10 pounds heavier. And they still wouldn't be tight on Charlie!
The seatbelt isn't locked on the base of Zach's snugride... and when she uses it without the base (often) she doesn't buckle it in. She just pulls the belt over it but not through the belt tabs, and never locks the belt.

For her baby shower we bought her a roundabout. I never even gave it to her. She started talking about her friend who turned her nine month old FF and then kept saying it was safe because he was in a truck. When I piped up, she went off on me. So, I took the RA back and she got nothing. In the end, I decided I didn't want anything to do with his car safety. Because heaven forbid he is hurt or killed in a seat that *I* gave her, I would never forgive myself.
He'll be FF once he outgrows his basket... probably at about 6 months.

Although I did take him for a ride last night and made the straps very tight on his SR. She freaked out about it and was pissed, but oh well. I wasn't endangering him in my vehicle.
 
C

childrestraintsafety

Guest
ohhhhhh OP!

i know exactly what you're saying. I get that all the time, the kind of 'what would you know' attitude. Well I've decided to educate myself so I'm informed and can make better choices in regards to my childs life and safety, and if you share that information then you're all of a sudden a know it all or someone who trys to act like you're a perfect parent. Someone else said it though, they're just trying to 'pass the buck'
 

vamom

New member
Yes, I unfortunately know what you mean. I have a friend that could easily afford nice seats, actually owns 4 seats, yet she refuses to harness her v. petite 3 yr old because it "is not convenient" and her daughter enjoys the"independence" of being able to get herself out! When I try to explain the law, she doesn't care, when I tell her the recommendations, she argues that the turbo box says it is ok (age 3-10, but she is only 30# and 35"), and then she just acts like I am crazy, and since all the local professors let their kids in backless boosters or nothing, then she is doing better then they are! Then there is the baby, who she turned ff at 9 months for convenience (she's a teacher). I have another friend who turned her 8 month old, picks her carseats on pattern only, and doesn't even buckle the seat in at times, of course it s not much better when she does, and the straps are horrid. Her child is so small, but she is not about to change (she's a nurse too). Then I have a friend that's beyond poor, the seats are expired, extremely disgusted. and used as wrongly as possible. I fix them and explain, and then she teases me. I did manage to get her 5 and 7 year old out of the front seat though. Yesterday the now 6 year old begged for a booster, but she made her sit without since it is not required by law (they have one for when her gma takes her to nc, which it is required by law). All her seats are from yard sales and are scarrier then ones I have seen posted on this forum. She could have gotten free seats from the health dept, but she was too sorry to sit through the video part (her kids don't have milk right now, but she is too sorry to sign up for wic - she is out of work and she does not want to be inconveniced by having to pick up the checks and filling out the paperwork, even though two of her kids would qualify). I had convinced her to keep the baby, now 2.5 in a harness, but the child pulls the release and then climbs out, so she just put her behind a seatbelt, since she has trouble undoing the buckle. I did show her how to lock the seatbelt (thanks to this forum), and that has helped some.
 

melaniev

New member
wow how does this poor person have a car / insurance / taxes / etc!? :(

im trying to think of another way to tell my friend who has her big 22 mo old in a turbobooster that it's not safe. i already told her he's too small so she put a pillow under it. :( the reason??? he was jealous of her 3yo sister's.
 

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,656
Messages
2,196,897
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top