Vent i can't believe my mil car seat install

Ok so my MIL has our dd sleep over once a week and they usually go out somewhere. Well she refuses to buy her own seat (although my mother did) and its not for lack of money. So i install our nautilus all the time. Well I finally got sick of it she doesn't have locking belts so I have to use the locking clip. So i get the thing in there rock solid I mean its not moving anywhere. I pick up my daughter the next day and the seat (my husband needs it in his truck) but I decided since she never uses the backseat...especially both sides to just leave the locking clip on the belt so its in the right place. All you have to do is but the satbelt though the back of the seat...which I labeled with a sharpie SEAT BELT HERE and buckle it. Easy enough. Well my dh dropped off our daughter the other day and her seat. Well he didn't put it in the car my MIL did. I had no idea so we go to get her last night after a family party and I go to get her seat out of the car. It was so loose I THOUGHT IT WAS UNINSTALLED!!!! The front of the nautilus reached all the way to the back of the passenger seat if you pulled on it. So I looked at the install. She took of the locking clip and suck the seat belt thorough the seat back then buckled it. Didn't pull it tight even by hand...you can tell when you do that I mean the back of the nautlius wasn't even close to the back of the vehicle seat. And put the locking clip on the door side of the carseat (wrong side). Then she hooks the top tether upside down and doesn't even tighten it. It was honestly the worst install I have ever seen. I mentioned it to her and she said it looked fine to her it was too tight the other way she couldn't buckle it. I felt like telling her thats because you have to put your fat ass in the car and push on the seat not just lean in from the passenger side. But I didn't I controlled myself. I was so pissed last night I couldn't even talk to my husband. I plan to today. But what do we do. Obviously she can't install the seat. I made it easy and instead she undid the right thing and did it her own out of lazyness. I should also mention we live all of 2 minutes from her she could have called when she couldn't get it in and I would have gladly gone over and done it. I want to tell her that if she doesn't buy a seat to keep in her car so I know it's in right she can't take dd. Does that seem unfair I mean she refuses to listen to me. And my husband just doesn't care enough to say anything. For now the nautilus is in my car so if she needs it she has to call me. DH can't drop it off. Luckily school is starting so I'm thinking about cutting out these sleepovers altogether. I need some opinons..anyone deal with something like this before...or any MIL here that can give me some advice on how to deal with her.
Sorry this is long I'm just so frustrated and angry she would risk my dd life like that.
 
ADS

CaseyRN

New member
Personally I would always either install the seat myself or check her install b4 letting my child go with her. That's how I am with my parents and they have their own seat. But, they will switch it to the other car, etc. and I will not let DD go until I check the install. It irritates them but I just tell them to get over it. My daughters safety comes first and it is not meant to undermine them or anything. I tell them I'm just anal.
 

miraclebabies

New member
I would be hesitant to leave my child and set uninstalled with my MIL too. They sometimes don't get how important it is to have the carseat tight and the child in it correctly. I would buy one to leave at her house, cause I know how hard and annoying it is to install and uninstall a carseat all the time. I have 3 Ma's and you would think you don't need to move them around alot but there is always someone that wants or needs to take her with them. I need to buy one for my MIL to keep to, just haven't decided which one I want to get.
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
I want to tell her that if she doesn't buy a seat to keep in her car so I know it's in right she can't take dd. Does that seem unfair I mean she refuses to listen to me.

Unfair? Are you kidding?

Wouldn't you refuse to let her care for your child if she was letting her play with matches? ("It's okay, I did it at that age and I survived.") Or swim alone in the pool? ("Why are you being so paranoid - she took swim lessons.") Have some rum in her sippy cup? ("What? It helps her sleep and gets rid of that annoying cough.")

It is never unfair to expect your child's caregivers to protect them. That's kind of the point!
 

LISmama810

Admin - CPS Technician
This is why no one installs my kid's car seat but me--especially if a locking clip were involved.

What year car does your MIL have? You say she doesn't have locking belts, but also imply that she has a lot of money. It's hard for me to imagine someone with a good deal of money driving a car older than 1996 unless it's a classic of some sort. (Not that it's unheard-of; just wondering.)

I would either buy a seat myself, install it myself, and check it myself before each visit, or my kid wouldn't go there anymore.
 
its an older pontiac sunfire. no matter hw far you pull that belt out or t=let it retract slowly it doesn't lock. she doesn't know where the cars manual went to. i thought maybe it was that belt but i tried the other also.
she has moneyshe would ust rather spend it on other things. for instance they have 4 harley motorcycles...two brand new this year.
i can't just buy her a seat as i don't have the money. my dd is outgrowing her marathon so i need to get a new seat for me...i can't afford to buy one for her and for me.
i usually do install the seat but sometimes i can't be there so i had set it up for a case like that. if she had just admitted her fault or just said yes next time i'll call you then i'd be pissed but a little more forgiving. i just can't get over her pure lack of care on the fact that she could have killed her granddaughter. her car doesn't have a great crash test rating so i worry anyway everytime dd is in it.
today i worked with dd in my car shaking her set before she gets in. i told her if it moves at all she needs to tell her shes not riding in that and needs to call mommy for help. she already checks her own hrness tightness and chest clip. its just not fair to make a 4 yr old remember this stuff.
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
Another way that cars can having locking seat belts is if they have locking latchplates. In those, the latchplate locks, but the shoulder portion still slides freely. One way to check for locking latchplates is to buckle the empty seat belt, then grab the lap-portion with your hand and pull it away from the vehicle seat (towards the front of the vehicle). If it locks and won't slide through the latchplate, it's a locking latchplate. :thumbsup:
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I don't think it's unfair to say that she can't take your daughter in an unsafe seat, but I believe it's the parents' responsibility to buy the seat, not the grandparents'.
 

monzogary

Senior Community Member
i can't just buy her a seat as i don't have the money. my dd is outgrowing her marathon so i need to get a new seat for me...i can't afford to buy one for her and for me.

How is your dd outgrowing the MA? Your siggy says she weighs 38# and has a 14" torso. My dd has a 15" torso and has a good bit of room in the MA yet. Your dd should fit in the MA for at least a little while yet, unless she has had a very major growth spurt since you last updated your siggy.
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I am sympathetic towards not having enough money to buy all the seats you need all at once. Really, I am. BTDT. But if it wasn't your MIL's car that needed the seat -- if it was one of your cars -- you'd find a way to make do by switching cars or seats until you could afford all the seats you need.
 

LISmama810

Admin - CPS Technician
Another option you have is to get a booster seat for your daughter for your MIL's car. Ideally, I'd like to see a 4.5-year-old in a harnessed seat, but there's less room for error with a booster. I'd rather have a 4.5-year-old properly restrained in a booster than improperly in a harnessed seat. You can get a Turbobooster for about $40. Maybe have one on-hand for the occasions when you're not able to put the 5-pt. in yourself.

Or start saving your money, and tell MIL that until you're able to afford a seat for her car full-time, your daughter won't be riding with her. From your other posts, it sounds like she's willing to buy a seat, just not one that's practical for your daughter. Maybe that'll nudge her in the right direction.
 

bobandjess99

Senior Community Member
I have to second the "it probably has locking belts" i looked it up and the sunfire premiered in 95, and anything after 96 has locking belts, ......? So unless she has the very first model year, the belts should lock. Plus the fact you mention a top tether......if it has one, then it certainly has locking belts.
 

bubbaray

New member
Wow, that's a difficult position.

Is there a center lap/shoulder belt in her backseat? I might be inclined to try a high-backed booster in the center if there is a l/s shoulder belt. Your DD is about the same age as my DD#1 (who is 38.5lbs and could still, barely, fit in DD#2's MAs, but has lots of room left in her RNs). My DD#1 is NOT ready for a booster and really loves her harness, says its safe for her (hmmm, wonder who told her that :whistle: ).

FWIW, my ILs refuse to buy anything other than a Graco LOW backed cheapo Graco Turbo Booster for their various GKs in their 2007 Mercedes.... Nor all the other new Mercedes they have owned over the years. They could *well* afford a boatload of harnessed seats for the GKs (even at jacked-up Canadian prices). They just refuse to. BILs 2yo was riding in the LBB. I refuse to let my DDs ride with the ILs unless I or DH installs our seats. They always whine about it (can't see out the back window, my a$$). Whatever. You wanna drive my kid(s) around, you use seats & installs that I'm comfortable with. Period.

Then again, I don't have the best of relationships with the ILs. :eek:
 

amyg530

Active member
based on my inlaws seat usage with my niece (they dont make her use her booster b/c she doesnt like it, of course neither do her parents) my kids wont ride with them till they're old enough for a seatbelt only. of course i wont let my kids spend the night with the ILs either, or the day for that matter. i would be hesitant to let your child ride with them even if you installed the seat b/c i wouldnt trust them to buckle her in properly (based on what you've said). as far as the who buys the seat issue. if you need them to transport her for school etc then you should buy it. but since they want her to come spend the night on a regular basis, then i think they should buy the seat.
 

jewlsvern

New member
I don't think my IL's could buckle my DD in her seat let alone install a car seat, so they never take her anywhere alone.
They also wanted to remove her while driving because she was crying. It could be worse.
I'd just continue installing the seats and teach your DH for cases like this past one. I too am working on DH to install seat correctly.
 

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