I'm a bit sad

I posted a couple months ago about my SIL not using her carseat properly for her newborn. There were things like the harness being very loose, the chest clip all the way down to the buckle, and using aftermarket double headrests for head support. Her and her husband are intelligent people, so I am a bit surprised this wasnt on their list of things to look into.. or read the manual. SO, I printed out materials for her and included them in a nice gift bag of goodies (just bonus "i love my nephew" gifts). My husband and I both mentioned the issues lightly as to not step on toes. I figured she would go home and read the materias. WRONG! She must have tossed them in the trash can! I saw them today and was dissapointed. They ditched the double headrest, but I think that's because he is a bit older now at 3 months. The chest clip was still low. the harness was ok, but deffinately should have been tighter. they added another no-no, though. the harness strap was above his shoulders instead of below... and majorly above. I was standing there with the dad as the mom went to the bathroom (they were leaving as soon as the mom was done). I felt behind the baby for the slots to be sure were they were and that it didnt just look higher. sadly, it was higher. I said screw it and had to mention that to the dad. (ive already mentioned the other things and they didnt listen then). this time, I was a bit more assertive and it wasnt totally passive. I flat out told him that the harness should be moved down because the straps should not be above his shoulders. I wasnt mean, but kinda said it in a way where hopefully he takes me seriously. He said "I don't know, (SIL's name) adjusted not too long ago" :thumbsdown: I love them dearly and I love my nephew dearly, but I am so sad that they aren't taking this seriously! This is there one and only child's life we are talking about! :( I don't understand why they have not read the manual and researched the issue to keep him as safe as possible. I just don't get it! I told DH about it on the way home and he didnt know what to say. He just said "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You've done what you can do and now it's up to them.". He's right, but I am sad that they aren't listening to me. maybe she thinks I am stepping on her toes cause I am the "seasoned" mom?!?!? I mentioned that because I realized tonight that family are seeing the differences in us and doing some comparing. She was gone and I was in the other room changing my baby and I heard them talk about the differences in us and called me the "seasoned" mom. I dont know if they know I heard them, but I wonder if she's realized this or has overheard something?!?! Ok, now i am rambling. LOL thanks for letting me vent!
 
ADS

babycat124

New member
Sometime u just need to have a big blow out and let them have it. Happens all the time here in are house. Trust me if I was there I would be switching that car seat out and everything. You somtimes have to show them who is boos when it comes to safety. Be that little ones voice, because right now he doesn't have one!
 

MaggieQ

Senior Community Member
I'm sorry!! My best friend is the same way, I tell her and tell her, I've bought her seats for her kids, I've been nice and mean and showed her research and crash test videos....she just doesn't get it. I seriously lose sleep over my god-kids safety ((hugs)) I know how you feel..
 

Caseylaine

New member
I hear ya. My SIL and BIL turned their babies FF at 5 and 6 mos old!!!!! :eek: And then their straps are ALWAYS ridiculously loose..

I finally badgered my SIL enough that she got their seats checked at a clinic. They got a major lecture... but did it change anything?

She did happen to buy her 5yr old a Radian, which was at my urging... but I find out after MONTHS of her using it that she didn't know how to tighten the straps and never had! So they were loooooose as in, not just fitting a few fingers in, but probably over a hands width.

Honestly, whats the use of buying (and bragging) about your expensive seat when you dont even know how to use it????

:mad:

Anyways, I hear you. I feel for you.
You HAVE done what you can... unfortunately thats not always enough.
 

xxluckychicxx

New member
Wow, so it looks like most people have one of these types in their family, I know I do!

My sister is the WORSE about car seats. Everytime I see my nephew his straps are so loose that you could *easily* take him out of his seat with out unbuckling it, his chest clip is more like a "below his belly button clip", and the base is even worse. She came over one day and I watched her get him out and she had the base "buckled" into the middle ("because it's safer" :rolleyes:) but when she went to get the seat out of the base the whole base slid over to the drivers side seat :eek:! I've tried over and over to get it in her thick head, but each time her excuse is just "he cries when his harness is tight". Hmmm, tight harness with minimal crying or dead baby? :whistle:
 
I wish I were alone in this and we all didnt have these family memebers who dont get it. :( It's so sad that people ignore great advice when it comes to safety of their small children. It boggles my mind. Yeah, I made huge mistakes with my first when it came to carseats (like those aweful thick harness pads, under the seat mat, and turning him FF at 13 months :( ) but the difference is that I changed those things as soon as I realized the danger. I didnt know before. when you know better, you do better... well for some of us! They know the danger yet ignore it. boggles my mind really!
 

Aurinia

New member
oh i hear you! my sister has a son who was in a backless booster for ages, started at 2 1/2 years maybe? yes ok so he was big - that was her reasoning for moving him out of his harnessed seat (which she gave to me to use for partners step daughter who was 1 1/2 at the time - ff of course argh!! but didnt know about "all this stuff" then so went with it) as soon as i found out about all of this i told her to put him back into a booster with a backrest (dont get harnessed seats here above 40 pounds :thumbsdown:) which she has done now thank god! but dps daughter always complained about the straps being tight (she still does, is 4 in october) and her mum has taken the harness off her car seat now but the back part of the seat hasnt even got proper belt positioning slots or anything, its just slightly curved to sort of hold the shoulder belt in place. when she comes to stay with us she is in a harnessed seat and we make sure the straps are tight (its got an indicator with a smiley face so she is happier having the smiley face reasoning for being tight and we tell her we want her to be safe - her mum jsut probably couldnt be bothered with her complaining - and she isnt one to explain things she just snaps :( ) it took me ages to get dp to do car seats properly ie tighten the straps enough but he still doesnt put the car seat in tightly enogh and the chest clip is a belly clip etc but we're getting there....
its also really annoying that i tried telling people on another forum about erf and so many of them said its a load of ****** :mad:
 
its also really annoying that i tried telling people on another forum about erf and so many of them said its a load of ****** :mad:


I've gotten that response so many times. On board (which I left over a year ago due to drama). I was told I was paranoid and that their babies were just fine ff at 8 and 9 months old "cause the pediatrician said it was fine". :rolleyes: Yeah, cause pediatricians are never wrong. What they say is always golden. :rolleyes: I was jumped all over and called names. They were mean! I took it as them being deffensive because a part of thinks that maybe I was right and maybe they are doing something wrong. I think pride / guilt kicks in and they don't want to admit to being wrong. They'd rather fight and attack. Sad cause its the life of a baby that's in jeopardy. :thumbsdown:
 

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