You might try our webpage at
http://www.suvsafety.info for some suggestions.
If 5 seats is enough, the CR-V is a great choice for both reliability and standard safety at a reasonable cost. The 2005 Honda Pilot is also a great choice. The 2006 model is still to be tested by the IIHS, since there was a redesign. At the other end of the spectrum is the Acura MDX, which has additional seating but is significantly more expensive. The Highlander is another good choice, I really like the hybrid version. You do have to be careful to find a model equipped with the necessary safety features, though.
As mentioned, the Odyssey and Sienna are great choices for minivans.
Models like the Nissan Quest and Volvo XC90 are also very safe, but have not been noted for superior reliability. Even so, most vehicles are still fairly reliable.