When do you give up on trying to educate someone..

I wish I could say my SIL was ignorant about carseat use, but the fact is that she just doesn't care. She turned her DS#1 around at 9 months because he had "good head control." I sent an article on why RF is important. No effect. She now lets her 7 year old ride in the front seat of the car in a seatbelt (yes, there is an airbag) -- how could anyone not see the huge sticker that says NOT to let kids sit there? In 3 different languages? Anyway, he does have a booster in the back seat but she doesn't always make him sit in it.

The 4 year old, 30 pound DS#2 is in a Cosco Scenara that *I* bought for them because I was tired of seeing him ride around in an expired Century seat with constantly twisted straps. I wish I could have afforded a better seat but at least it wasn't expired! She believes (as does MIL) that if the seat looks ok then it's ok to use, no matter how old it is. I had to give it to them under a pretense so they wouldn't be insulted--I "borrowed" their Century to take on a trip, since it was so lightweight (I did not take it, obviously!) and then "accidentally" broke it. So of course I had to replace it, right? And she lets him ride in the back in DS#1's backless booster when DS#1 isn't in the car because "he likes it." errrgh.

I wish I could wash my hands of it, but I would feel terrible if my nephews were injured What to do? I was thinking of emailing something to everyone on my "list" about the KDM foundation and doing sort of a PSA, useful info at this site, if you have young kids you should read it.. that way she wouldn't think it was directed at her.

Thoughts?

Well, on the younger child in the front seat using a lap/shoulder belt with an activated airbag... What are the laws in your state? Same with the tiny baby in the backless booster. If she is breaking the law, call the cops on her the next time you see them pull out of the driveway. Maybe that will wake her the hell up.

If not then you can:

1. Send out your group PSA email.
2. Hound her till she either listens or quits speaking to you (Be prepared for the latter.).
3. Just patiently wait until either some else whom she know's kids get injured or killed, or one of her own kids gets injured or killed.

Yep, there are times in order to maintain any sort of family harmony, that you either have to anonymously call the cops on them, or just close your eyes, cross your fingers, and hope for the best.

Good luck!

Wineaux said:

If not then you can:

1. Send out your group PSA email.
2. Hound her till she either listens or quits speaking to you (Be prepared for the latter.).
3. Just patiently wait until either some else whom she know's kids get injured or killed, or one of her own kids gets injured or killed.

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I didn't speak to my close-as-a-sister best friend for several years over this. And now I take the 'close my eyes and pray' approach with her, grudgingly. She had her now 8.5yo FF in his older sister's garage sale carseat at 6mo (there's a 7 year age gap between the two!) and refused to turn him around because he had reflux and "{neice} would've died if she'd been in a carseat/seatbelt" during a fluke accident where she was UNRESTRAINED in the front seat and mom saw a car coming at her door just in time to grab her and pull her onto her lap (T-bone collision - front passenger seat was obliviated).

NOW she's got her 8.5 yo who's shorter than William in a seatbelt only because his CHIRO told her to take him out of his booster because it was making his legs numb (Cosco hbb).

This child is one that SHOULD be harnessed still (hasn't been since 2yo) - he has epilepsy and Asperger Syndrome and sleeps frequently in the van.

I completely understand. I have given up with my sister...she has 4 kids 10, 6, 3, and 1. She sees carseats as a phase to be hurried and gotten through. I also subscribe to the "close my eyes and pray" philosophy with her, or she'd never speak to me.

I use the "close my eyes and pray" approach all the time with family and friends. One of my best friends it would ruin our friendship if I kept at it. She doesnt care to learn and me hounding her about it will just make her want to resist more. I hope that I can lead through example mostly.

'

I sent all the videos to a friend of mine. She was so "moved" by them and she showed them to her 4yo who never stays in his booster. Her 2yo never stays in his booster either and was of course too young to understand the videos. She applied to the KMF before they had a wait list, and they sent her a seat for the oldest child. She never went and picked it up, so they had it shipped back so they could give it to someone who cared. I don't blame them one bit. I was just floored at how ungrateful she was, and her lack of caring whether her kids were safe. She just got a ticket recently because her now 5yo was unbuckled at a license check. She bought a nautilus to get out of paying the ticket (the nautilus was $15 more than the ticket). But I know it won't be used right or installed right. I gave up when she did that with the KMF. I was so embarrassed because I thanked them profusely and told them I referred her. Each year they get a tax return between 7 and 9 THOUSAND dollars, and she has never once bought carseats with it, nor had anything really to show for that money other than a car that lasts less than 6 months. They spend all of that $ in about 3 weeks each year.

So sometimes people just aren't going to care no matter how much you want them too. I'm sure it makes it especially hard when it is family though.

laurenrachey said:

I'm sure it makes it especially hard when it is family though.

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Too true.... I used the excuse of my parenting group + college classes to send a mass "look what important stuff I've learned" email to my family & friends -- most people ignored it all completely, some went into battle mode @@

I've come to learn not to give unsolicited advice, but to simply answer questions about my own child & anonymously call the police when I witness anything illegal :twocents: Or sometimes provide a friend/family member with a new seat + a seatcheck.

I have gone so far as to send emails and videos. Just a "Hey, I'm crazy about this stuff, so humor me. "

I really really pushed the Nautilus for my friends with toddlers. No way are they going to turn their 2 yo's back RF, even though some are so tiny. But they DO show interest in a cool "race car" seat.

I tend to be pretty pushy with folks I know well; I try the PSA email first, usually, then I follow up with questions about whether they've replaced the lbb for their 3yo , then I start talking about higher rates of death and permanant injuries- how cheaply a better seat can be purchased in comparison to, say, a Disney trip or brand new, fully-loaded 08 SUV, etc. My last ditch effort is usually to give them one of our seats. I can't count how many I've given away (and the only 2 I really really miss are our Wizard and Foofy MA). If all of that doesn't work, I pray for the safety of the kids, and I throw out reminders and facts every so often.

A lot of people have given in just to shut me up, and that's fine by me. Their kids are safer, that's all I care about.

ZephyrBlue said:

I tend to be pretty pushy with folks I know well; I try the PSA email first, usually, then I follow up with questions about whether they've replaced the lbb for their 3yo , then I start talking about higher rates of death and permanant injuries- how cheaply a better seat can be purchased in comparison to, say, a Disney trip or brand new, fully-loaded 08 SUV, etc. My last ditch effort is usually to give them one of our seats. I can't count how many I've given away (and the only 2 I really really miss are our Wizard and Foofy MA). If all of that doesn't work, I pray for the safety of the kids, and I throw out reminders and facts every so often.

A lot of people have given in just to shut me up, and that's fine by me. Their kids are safer, that's all I care about.

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I actually considered giving my beloved Uptown away today. Anything to get the baby out of the no back booster

I sent out my PSA email. It'll probably get deleted, but I tried. This is, after all, the person who didn't buckle her child into his infant seat because they were just going a few blocks. I wish I could afford to give carseats as Christmas gifts.

I have this same issue with my MIL who has my 4 yo barely 40lb nephew in a LBB & has since he was 2! I also have given her information & she said, well we only go a few miles. She also is bad to let him ride in the front, no airbag, but still. She also puts the shoulder belt BEHIND him! I am hoping to maybe push the issue a little more when we move down there in the next couple of months. Right now I just pray that they are not in a wreck.

However when he rides with DH & I, I make him wear his shoulder belt at least & he rides in the back. I also intend when we move down there to use my Husky for him when he rides with us. He would like it better as he still falls asleep in it a good bit. I am also going to think about buying him a HBB for MIL's car & tell her that he will be more comfortable sleeping!