Vent MIL & Keeping DS RF!!!

Mommy2Marcus

New member
Okay...we are moving soon to Bama where we can be close enough for my MIL to keep my DS while DH & I work. She has my 4 yo nephew in a LBB & has for almost 2 years now & I can not convince her it is dangerous, but that is another vent! I own a Marathon, EFTA & Scenera for DS in which he rides RF in them all. When we move I was going to put either the Scenera or the EFTA in my MIL's car for her. However when we were down there this past weekend she said that she had an extra seat for my 2 yo nephew that she would use.
I ask if it was FF only & she said yes. I said no, he is still RF. She said she didn't see the big deal as she only goes to the store & back a few times a week. I told her he was RF & would stay that way PERIOD! My FIL then said it didn't matter anyhow as he would be in a booster within a year anyways...I said NO he will not. My MIL said, not with the seat they own.
I am quite sure I pissed them off, but I could care less. I do NOT want my child in that seat after I got a good look at it, & I know where it came from...not a reliable source to take care of seats. At least it is not expired, but it is nasty filthy beyond belief & the strings that hold the cover on are WAY stretched out. Those two are enough for me to not want my child in it. Plus it came from my BIL's GF & her mother so who knows what this seat has been through. I am worried that it has been put through H*LL & back, so I am not willing to let my child ride in it exspecially when I have an extra seat already!

So ladies...am I crazy for being adament that my son stay RF even though she does not want him RF? I do not think so, but he is still only 25lbs & not even 2 yet! He will not be 2 untill October. WDYT? I think I already know the answer, but wanted to make sure I am not being witchy about this. I will consider turning him FF in a seat I purchase in her car though once he outgrows the Scenera though!
 
ADS

MsFacetious

New member
I wouldn't trust her to watch my kid, period. If she even argues with you then how do you even know she will use the seat at all? Or buckle him in at all? For all you know she could stick him on the seat in front next to her since it's "just to the store a few times a week."

I'd find someone else to watch him...but that's just my over protective opinion.
 

TXAggieTech

Active member
I would avoid moving to Bama! I don't think someone could pay me to let my MIL watch my children, then again, she won't offer.

The only reason I would turn him ffing for a grandparent was if there was a physical reason that rfing was impossible. My son rode in a Laptop the only 2 times my inlaws kept him even though he was still RFing with us because it was safer than them trying to buckle him RFing.
 

laurenrachey

New member
You are not being witchy at all! Tell dear grandma, your child, your carseat, your rules or you will make other arrangements for DS. You will not under any circumstance compromise his safety or your parenting values for "a trip to the store." Explain as nicely as possible that if you do not feel 100% convinced that they will use his seat correctly according to the way you wish to have it installed (RF), then you will have to make other arrangements for DS. (Whether you are able to or have any intention of making other arrangements for DS...hopefully she wouldn't call your bluff...just saying 'my rules aren't changing' would probably be enough for her to agree so that she can get to know her grandson better - just assuming she doesn't currently see him as often since you are moving closer)

Good luck :thumbsup: I'm amazed at some of the carseat frustration you guys meet when it comes to the grandparents! My parents assume I know best and DH's mom does too! But neither has ever driven him alone. DS had to tell DGP (dear grandpa ;) ) how to undo his carseat! lol
 

bethng

Active member
If my MIL or mother or anyone for that matter, didnt respect my wishes regarding car seats....then I would not let them watch my kids. Period. The car seat issue will only be the tip of the iceburg.
 
One reason why my mom will never watch my kids or drive them

*She doesn't see the big deal in carseats, she thinks I am crazy with my carseats and she got pissy when we took Michael out of a LBB and put into a 5-point harness and turned logan round RF.

She thinks it is crazy that her 5 1/2 year old grandson is in a 5-point harness and her 3 yaer old grandson is Rf.
 

littleangelfire

Well-known member
I don't think I'd go as far as finding someone else to watch him - unless she has repeatedly on other issues shown disregard for your wishes. But I would make it very clear that its fine they don't agree, but since he's your son, its your rules. I may even bluff and say that you'd hate to have to go through finding someone else to watch him b/c they refuse to keep him safe. Ask them if they've seen the evidence of what happens to kids turned around too soon. Ask them if they want to be responsible for the death of their grandchild. Ask them if they want to be the ones who get to spend time with him every day or if you have to go find some stranger who will follow your rules to do it. Let them know you'll install it, and it really won't be at all difficult for them, since at his age I'm sure he already climbs into his seat. They would have to buckle his harness either way, so it really shouldn't make a lick of difference to them.
 

Mommy2Marcus

New member
I wouldn't trust her to watch my kid, period. If she even argues with you then how do you even know she will use the seat at all? Or buckle him in at all? For all you know she could stick him on the seat in front next to her since it's "just to the store a few times a week."

I'd find someone else to watch him...but that's just my over protective opinion.

She will put him in the seat as she puts my nephew in his booster NO matter what. I am also quite sure she will not uninstall & reinstall his seat to FF as she does not know how. I am just aggrevated that they refuse to understand WHY I do the things I do as far as car seats. She also can not understand why we spent $220 on my Marathon. She will put him in the seat as she does NOT want a ticket.

I also have NO choise really but to move & let her watch him as we have no one else to do it & I have to return to work. We also NEED to make this move to get back out on our own as we have been living with someone for 3 years now & need family time. I am not worried about her not being happy with HOW I place the seat as she will keep it however I install it no matter how unhappy she is about it.

Thanks though for making me know I am right for putting my foot down!
 
If you are 100% certain then she will put him in the seat correct-chest clip, straps tightened, not reinstall the seat...then to me that is fine.
I just know my mom and she would put chest clip on the belly, straps loose and I am sure unistall the seat FF! :mad:
 

laurenrachey

New member
I don't think I'd go as far as finding someone else to watch him - unless she has repeatedly on other issues shown disregard for your wishes. But I would make it very clear that its fine they don't agree, but since he's your son, its your rules. I may even bluff and say that you'd hate to have to go through finding someone else to watch him b/c they refuse to keep him safe. Ask them if they've seen the evidence of what happens to kids turned around too soon. Ask them if they want to be responsible for the death of their grandchild. Ask them if they want to be the ones who get to spend time with him every day or if you have to go find some stranger who will follow your rules to do it. Let them know you'll install it, and it really won't be at all difficult for them, since at his age I'm sure he already climbs into his seat. They would have to buckle his harness either way, so it really shouldn't make a lick of difference to them.

"Mommy2Marcus: I also have NO choise really but to move & let her watch him as we have no one else to do it & I have to return to work."


But would she really call your bluff if you worded it like littleangelfire said? :whistle:
 

Mommy2Marcus

New member

"Mommy2Marcus: I also have NO choise really but to move & let her watch him as we have no one else to do it & I have to return to work."


But would she really call your bluff if you worded it like littleangelfire said? :whistle:

Unfortunatly she would call my bluff quick. I intend to install it & show her how to tighten & put the chest clip at the right level. I know that she will put him in the seat as I show her so at least I can be assured he will be safe. I am just aggrevated that she wants to put him FF when I have him RF. She will not unistall the seat though. I know that. She told me when we talked about her watching him that I had to provide & install his seat as she had no clue how to do it!
 

littleangelfire

Well-known member
I am just aggrevated that she wants to put him FF when I have him RF. She will not unistall the seat though. I know that. She told me when we talked about her watching him that I had to provide & install his seat as she had no clue how to do it!

I'd be irritated, too, it always irritates me when people just can't see logic. I just want to say 'open your eyes'! But, since you know she will do it b/c you're in control of installing, i wouldn't worry. :)
 

1Sept3Dec

Senior Community Member
You know, it might help to explain a little more to her about WHY it is so important to keep them rfing as long as possible. Many grandparents didn't grow up with the dangers on the road that we face today (more cars, faster speeds) so they don't realize that the "you did such and such and turned out just fine" mantra just isn't applicable.

What I would do is arm yourself with as much info as possible about ERF (handouts, studies, crash test vidoes) and sit down to have a mom-to-mom chat with her. I know, I get the same I-must-have-grown-another-head look from my MIL (though she doesn't argue with me) and it sucks, but maybe she just really doesn't understand. Oh, and throw in a few "internal decapitation" remarks for good measure. Maybe once she actually understands the effect a crash can have on the body and how RF can help protect her grandchild, she'll be more open to it.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - inlaws can be so icky sometimes! Good luck and let us know how it goes. (Oh, and even if she doesn't "get it" after a talk, insist - your child, your rules.) :)
 

Neatfreak

New member
She told me when we talked about her watching him that I had to provide & install his seat as she had no clue how to do it!

So, if you're providing and installing the seat, is there a reason why you can't RF it? Will she actually be motivated to un-install and switch it herself?

Alternately, on the days when your MIL watches your son, could you leave her your own car to drive, so that your son can ride in his usual seat in the usual orientation?
 

natysr

New member
I also say, Your Kid, Your Rules. Period. I would just tell her that when it comes to car safety, I am very over protective. Moreso than other parents. I know you don't agree with me, and you don't have to. But these are my rules for my child, and I would appreciate it if you respect them.

As far as your son being properly harnessed, start teaching him now how it should be, so he can tell her if she is doing it wrong.
 

BookMama

Senior Community Member
You said she doesn't know how to install a seat, and won't. Will she be watching your nephew at the same time that she has your DS? If not, then un-install the FF seat when you install your RF seat. (And re-install the FF seat when your nephew will be needing it.) Then she'll have no choice about what seat to put him in.
 

sixmaybemore

New member
Possible ways to deal with this:

"my doctor said......"

wide eyed, inform her you've seen some crash test video not available to the general public, it really scared you, and you'd rather be safe than sorry. Send her a link to one of the videos.

"In Sweden/Norway/other country of choice, they RF until.........."

Tell her it's cutting edge technology, and what you're doing everybody will be doing in a year.

Acknowledge that you realize this looks a lot different from what she saw when her kids were growing up, and different from what she sees other people do.

"We've really done a lot of research on safety. What we (as in, you and hubby, so that doesn't make you the crazed DIL. BTDT!) discovered is that what most people do isn't the safest. We would like to make sure the kids are as safe as possible. Would you be willing to help us with this? I'll install the seats for you, you won't have to do a thing"

"I talked to a safety expert, and they said..........."

ANY instructions you give her should be disclaimered with "the instructions say to........."

Have dh talk to her.

Use the Kind/Firm rule of positive discipline. Be kinder than you want to be, kwim?

Hope these ideas help inspire you on finding your way to dealing with this. I know it's stressful.
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I understand that you feel as if you have no choice but to leave your son with your MIL -- but honestly, if she *will* keep him RF, I'd leave it at that. We can't always make people understand or agree with what's important to us. If she will respect your instructions, and you're getting free family childcare, I don't know if I'd continue this battle.
 

Ali

New member
Nope, not crazy. Anyone not willing to keep my child safe (my way) then they don't get to watch my child or at least take her in the car!
 

faeanne

New member
Sometimes, as hard as it may be, you just have to deal with the flak from people that don't agree with your parenting decisions. I'm not saying that you give in to them, just that you might have to let their comments go in one ear and out the other. As long as they agree to follow your rules concerning your children that's what really counts. Sometimes people, primarily older people, are so set in their ways or just too stubborn that they can't accept what they think could be in any way not the best.

It can be very hard to deal with. I know from experience- I've had this type conflict many times with my own MIL. Her mind is closed and she's never understood, or agreed with, most of the parenting decisions I've made. All you can do is try to explain to them why you're doing something and then make it very clear that that's they way it will be done since it is YOUR child, not theirs. Try not to get in a debate or argument over it- that way they understand this isn't negotionable. You state the facts and they must accept them. (I know- easier said then done!) After the initial "talk" anytime they make comments try to not let them bother you, unless you think they are questioning your authority. Then simply restate your decision "DS will remain RF until I say otherwise."

((Hugs)) I know how hard confrontations with the IL's can be!
 

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