do you approach strangers about their carseat use?

When you see someone using a carseat incorrectly, do you tell them? I was at Babies R Us today and there was this nice lady in front of me with a teeny baby. I noticed that she had one of those thick plush kiddopotamus inserts. I had my 7 month old, so I started telling him "aww, look at that cute tiny baby!" and things like. she turned, smiled, and started talking to me. After a minute, I was like "Do you mind if I give you some advice?" She looked puzzled, but said no, not at all ro something like that. I then proceeded to tell her that aftermarket products arent recommended, ect ect ect. I told her of all the things I did wrong and that I had no idea I wasnt suppose to do this or that. I think she was about to cry because I think I scared her. I tried to reassure her that ive been there done that and so many other moms. in the end, I feel better because I said something. I think she is going to look into it and hopefully will learn a lot. i just feel so uncomfortable saying something! I guess it was practice for gearing up to talk to my sil!
 
ADS

jen_nah

CPST Instructor
Most of the time no I don't say anything. You have to be real careful approaching a complete stranger. I have had parents turn from really friendly to complete jerks when you start to tell them they are doing something wrong and esp when it involves their child's safety.

I esp wouldn't give out advise to strangers if I wasn't a tech just due to liability. Now talking to SIL I would have no issues.
 
this was the first time I approached anyone. That's why I was getting a feeling on her to see if I could figure out how she would feel. I felt ok talking to her about it because she seemed to be receptive. I even asked her if I could give her the advice before I did so. If she would have said no, I wouldnt have said anything. I'm not worried about liability. Its not like I am installing the seat for her or anything like that. I simply gave her a little advice and told her where to go to get more information.
 

lovinwaves

New member
Carla, I think you did awesome! A mom, talking to another mom. I wish I had had someone come up to me and give me advice like that when my wee one was a baby. :thumbsup:

I give advice, or try to strike up a convo with a parent if the feeling is right.
 

jwren

New member
I know there were many times that I wished another experienced Mom had some advice, rather than a 18yr old employee who has never had kids.. I can remember searching for help and noone really knew the answers, just what they were minimally trained to know...I think what you did was great and that Mom learned some valuable lessons, no thanks to the store....but to you.:) It's hard to keep your mouth shut about safety...it's true you have to be tactful.. but if it just falls in your lap I would go for it, as you did.. I would have done the same thing...;)
 

LISmama810

Admin - CPS Technician
I rarely say anything (well, except to whisper sarcastic comments about the misuse to my DH). People take offense so easily, plus I'm extremely introverted with social anxiety, so it's just not a good match.

I have, on occasion, worked up the courage to COMPLIMENT some people on good usage. But that's usually as far as I go in terms of unsolicited comments.

Oh, and I do sometimes stalk people looking for car seats at Target, and I'll offer advice, but only about what they're looking to buy.

If you're the kind of person who's ok with approaching people, though, and you can do it in a non-confrontational way, I say go for it!
 

HEVY

New member
Sometimes I do, LOL even stay close so if I get the nerve, but mostly no. So far all have been very receptive.
 

Adventuredad

New member
I've got no problem telling people they are doing things horribly wrong, friend or stranger. But I don't walk around like some car seat police annoying people all over the place. Problem is, many parents take great and lifesaving advice as a personal attack. I know this is sad but many react this way.

I don't care if parents turn from friendly to assholes because I'm giving them advice. There's a chance they might listen which will save their child's life in a crash.

A few days ago I was hanging out at the gas station near our place (My young kids love to do spend time by wtching everyday activities, we were hanging out at the car wash and having lots of fun:D). A mom stopped on the side of teh road in a really nice Mercedes to make a cell call and I noticed her kid in the front seat. (Kids here in Sweden are recommended to be installed rf in the front seat with airbag disabled). Her kid was sleeping and probably about two years old. Her was ff in the front seat, I don't even know if airbag was disabled (I hope so....).

I asked mom to roll down the window and talked to her a little bit about safety. She knew it was better for her son to rf but said the only seat fitting her car was a Mercedes seat and too expensive. (She was sitting in a $90 000 Mercedes by the way....). I knew this was bullshit, any rf seat would have fit, which I told her, but I didn't argue about it. She did listen and I can't do much more.

Seeing kids rf at 2 years of age is rare and unfortuantely we do have a problem with foreigners doing that in the country. (Please don't tell me I'm a racist or hate foreigners, I'm married to a damn Mexican:D) Car seat safety is much about culture, tradition, habits, and government involvement. And more countries, like 99%, do an absolutely awful job. Most foreigners thing rf is complete bullshit and that it makes no difference. Many even think a car seat is not necessary. Sad but true.
 

aisraeltax

New member
I esp wouldn't give out advise to strangers if I wasn't a tech just due to liability. Now talking to SIL I would have no issues.

what liability issue? im an attorney and dont understand why you would think you would be liable for telling someone not to use an after market product (for example).

I know there were many times that I wished another experienced Mom had some advice, rather than a 18yr old employee who has never had kids.. I can remember searching for help and noone really knew the answers, just what they were minimally trained to know..

when i was LOVING the Diplomat (before we got the 35 lb. RF BV), we went to BRU to try it (thank G-d i did b/c he was way too tall for RF'ing in the Dip.). There was another mom there that made a remark about why i was installing it RF'ing..we got into a discussion. NO ONE ever told her about ERF!!!! Crazy, huh?? (well, I guess not..but it seemed to me at that time).

Generally..no i dont say anything. i dont look in cars and rarely go where car seats are used in shopping carts (other than the food store and im generally running through there! lol!). most ppl dont take kindly to advice.

i do want one of those stickers though....My Toddler is Rear Facing! lol!
 

Adventuredad

New member
when i was LOVING the Diplomat (before we got the 35 lb. RF BV), we went to BRU to try it (thank G-d i did b/c he was way too tall for RF'ing in the Dip.). There was another mom there that made a remark about why i was installing it RF'ing..we got into a discussion. NO ONE ever told her about ERF!!!! Crazy, huh?? (well, I guess not..but it seemed to me at that time).

I've broght my rf Swedish rf seats with me all over the world. I've never met one person who knew about rf seats (past 12 months of whatever). They all tell me my seats are installed the wrong way and think I'm an idiot:D They also think I'm being VERY cruel to my kids (this is all outside Sweden obviously) Sad truth is most people don't have a clue about car seat safety.
 

mom23boys

New member
I have offered advice in Target before as I happened to be on the carseat aisle and these grandpaents were shopping for a car seat and certainly looked as if they needed help! I kindly offered to help and they were elated to have some advice!

On the other hand, I was at the grocery store yesterday and noticed a man that attends our church put his daughter who I believe is 3 in the front seat! I was shocked! I didn't say anything because I didn't feel it would have been received well! So for me I use my gut feeling when deciding whether to help or not help!
 

leighi123

Active member
At babies r us the employee was telling a young family to get a ff only seat for their small 10month old - as soon as the guy walked away I told them about extended rearfacing and suggested the EFTA which was the same price as the other seat they were looking at - they bought the EFTA and wrote down the link I gave them about rearfacing - the mom said she had no clue about carseats but wanted the baby to be as safe as possible.

I usually make dh talk to people though, its really hard for me to talk to anyone IRL let alone a stranger, but when it comes to a saftey issue I can sometimes overcome that.
 

LCMOM

Senior Community Member
I do talk to people quite a bit; I feel it out a bit first and then say something like "I Know parents get LOTS of advice, but do you mind if... " then if they are receptive I go ahead and talk, if not I walk away and feel sorry for the kid(s); but I don't have a problem with it, just because the one who listens may save a life.
 

cpsaddict

New member
I rarely do this. It makes me nervous because they can turn on you in second. Why, I have no idea. It's not like I'm saying you suck as a parent. I saw a mom last night at the gorcery store that was using a Companion without the inflatable headrest and with a Snuzzler. I wanted to say something so bad, like, "uh, did you know you have to use that headrest that came with the seat?". I didn't, but I sure wish I had the cajones to do it. It's not the liability that stops me, though. Honestly, if no one said anything because of liability, the information wouldn't get spread around at all. That and my instructor told me that even techs can be sued and are liable. That little form the parents sign means almost nothing. Mostly, "please promise not to sue me, thanks", but it wouldn't hold up in court(this is according to my instructor, when I took the class in 2004).
 

tanyaandallie

Senior Community Member
I rarely give advice. I've given advice at Target a couple of times but that is about it. Last week at swimming there was a mom parked next to us and I SOOOO wanted to go beg her to let me teach her how to install her seat. Oy. It was so bad. But, I didn't. Instead I will post signs at swimming and gymnastics for the upcoming seat checks!
 

marcymc

New member
I don't often give advice. Once, a family that I was working with mentioned they put their premature 10 month old forward facing so he could see (I'm a PT). I did talk to them about the laws and the AAP recommendation of RF to the seat limits. I do mention the AAP recommendation if the topic of carseats comes up.

Last week I was out for ice cream with my family and we were standing next to this car as grandparents put their 3 grandkids in. I watched as they struggled. My husband, who knows I've become obsessed with carseat safety saw me watching and said "walk away" LOL. They were putting the car seat belt in front of the small toddler in a 5 point harness, and even wrapping it around the handle in the back! After watching for several minutes (I was worrying about liability since I'm not a tech), I did go over and offer help. They were very grateful. I just said "I don't know this seat, but look here's a picture right here on the side how to do it" It was one of the carseats that has a handle attached to it to roll through the airport. So, I tried to let the grandfather do it, and just showed him where the belt guides are. They had no idea to tighten the seat belt tightly. It wasn't perfect, but much better than before, and I didn't really touch it myself (except to give the car seat belt a tug to make it tighter). I did worry about them afterwards. I'm still not sure I "should" have helped, but couldn't let them do it the way that they were.
 

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