Front seat and sibling jealousy

safetyfirst001

New member
HAve your kids ever been jealous if their siblings get to sit in the front? My son was with my oldest daughter. We had to get a sitter for the summer and she only had a sedan and with 3 kids, it would be easier to have one in the front. On her first day here, they went to the pool. And I remember that my daughter just sat in the front. My 11 year old son told her that she couldn't but she just said that I let her. I let her b/c she was 12 but she hadn't done it with a sibling yet. So he asked me and I said she is 12 and it's her turn to be a ble to. So on the way to McDonalds that night, she didn't go into the front seat. But the next night, she did with my son in the car. He was obviously mad. And she continued to do it all the time.

But my son was....unusual. He really wanted the front seat badly. But when he was almost 12 and home sick from school, I told him he could sit in the front on the way to the doctors office but he didn't. And when we were going school shopping 3 months later, I basically told him on the way to the place that he could start to sit in the front seat whenever. I expected him to on the way home. I actually unlocked the front door for him and kept the other doors locked. But he just told me the back door was locked. I thought he was going to put the stuff back there for room but he sat there. So a wekk later, we were going on a drive for an hour to my mom's to deliver something and I needed his help. I told him he could sit in the front but he said on the way back. We were going to meet my family at the fair after which was in the complete opposite direction and an hour and a half away from my mom's. He sat there and that was his first time in the front with the back seat empty. 2 nights ago, we got a new car and last night, we went shopping with my 2 sons. They wanted to take the new car to see what it was like. My son sat in the front both ways.

But now my youngest son could be jealous. He is 9 and can't sit in the front yet until 12. Is this normal and how can I make him not jealous?

I know I could've included too much information but I wanted to be as clear as possible. Sorry!
 
ADS

tanyaandallie

Senior Community Member
Honestly, I would not let any of the kids ride up front unless you have to. Children under 12 are just safer in the back. If it were me, I'd say no kids in the front unless there is no enough room in the back seat and then the oldest child rides in the front. The back seat is much much safer than the front so unless it's necessary, I'd keep them all in the back.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Fairness isn't letting each child have the same thing - fairness is allowing each child to have what is right and appropriate for that child.

That means (now that you know the children need to remain in the back seat until they're driving age) expressing to your children that the rules have changed to reflect what is best for their safety. Will they like the change? Doubtful. Children rarely appreciate what is best for them until they have children themselves.

I would also reconsider allowing them to sit up front at 12. It really is not a good idea anyway. Everyone is safer in the back seat, especially children under 15. If they aren't driving they have no business in the front.
 

keri1292

Well-known member
:yeahthat:

Tell them that the recommendations have changed and everyone will be sitting in the backseat. (Unless, your center belt is just a lapbelt, that's not safe for anyone.) That ends the jealousy issue. :thumbsup:
 

azgirl71

CPST Instructor
:yeahthat:

Tell them that the recommendations have changed and everyone will be sitting in the backseat. (Unless, your center belt is just a lapbelt, that's not safe for anyone.) That ends the jealousy issue. :thumbsup:

:yeahthat:
 

joolsplus3

Admin - CPS Technician
http://life.familyeducation.com/safety/parenting/36147.html

This is a nice little article with a script for parents to explain to kids how the back is safest (AAP actually doesn't even have a front seat age, since it's safest in the back seat...)

And really, the front seat is a full 40% more dangerous than the back...my kids know how much safer the back is, and neither of them would ever be jealous of a front seat rider, they pity their friends whose parents don't know better (ie, feel BAD for the kids who ride up front...), and they never ask to sit up front (kind of scares them, actually...)
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Agreed. We have a situation right now in which I have no choice about having a front seat rider. A few days ago we were on our way to a class when someone pulled out in front of me and I had to stop suddenly. My front-seat rider was terrified - he wanted to be in the back seat. Unfortunately right this instant that's not an option.
 

safetyfirst001

New member
Thanks! My son I guess won't be allowed to sit in the front seat for a while. I will keep my daughter there because she is 14 and will be getting her permit soon so I want her to know what is going on around the road by having her in the front seat.

Once again, for some reason, when we went out earlier today, he went to the back, but I told him he could have the front. He sat there both ways but now I guess if he sits in the front, I'll just tell him he'll need to sit in the back. Thank you for your replies!
 

SusanMae

Senior Community Member
Well you're going to have to continue to deal with this issue.

What are you going to do when the oldest goes on her first date, takes drivers ed, gets her drivers lisence, graduates HS, goes away to college, ect?

Someone is always going to do something before the others. Allowing the youngers to do something just because the oldest can is silly and doesn't allow for appropriate development to happen. That and it sets them up for HUGE disappointments when they can't do something(like drive) when there is a road block.

Susan
 

MommyG

New member
Agreed. We have a situation right now in which I have no choice about having a front seat rider. A few days ago we were on our way to a class when someone pulled out in front of me and I had to stop suddenly. My front-seat rider was terrified - he wanted to be in the back seat. Unfortunately right this instant that's not an option.

Bumping this for a question, please.

In a few weeks will be taking my friends 2 kids to day camp. I have no choice but to use the front seat. It's six kids when combined with my own. Should I put the oldest kid there? 11 years old. My oldest is only 6 1/2. And should I have him sit in a backless booster?

How really dangerous is it? Would it be okay for one week? All non highway driving...so at least I can go at very low speeds.

My friend has a seriously sick baby (NICU, etc) and it would be a huge help for her kids to go to this camp, so she wouldn't have to arrange other care that week.
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
It'd be a toss up between the 11 year old and the oldest harnessed forward facing child. You don't want a booster in the front if you can avoid it.

How big is the 11 year old. If he's a big 11 year old I'd do that. If a small then I'd do the biggest harnessed child. Either way, push the seat back as far as you can from the airbag.

Wendy
 

MommyG

New member
It'd be a toss up between the 11 year old and the oldest harnessed forward facing child. You don't want a booster in the front if you can avoid it.

How big is the 11 year old. If he's a big 11 year old I'd do that. If a small then I'd do the biggest harnessed child. Either way, push the seat back as far as you can from the airbag.

Wendy


Thanks, Wendy....that is what I was thinking.

But a harnessed seat scares me, too. No top tethering option. :( I could still harness 6.5 y.o in my spare GN. But I feel really funny about that.

Booster is a bad idea for front? Can I ask why? I was thinking that would make the 11 y.o an "adult height" which I was thinking would be safer for the airbag.
 

joolsplus3

Admin - CPS Technician
I'd use a booster in the front if it's needed... though there may be a 'do not use it in front of an airbag warning' sticker on it. I know my not-huge DS has fit perfectly in the front since age 9ish, the seat is lower than the back seats or something?
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
HAve your kids ever been jealous if their siblings get to sit in the front?
I don't have any advice at the moment, but no -- I do not allow anyone younger than driving age to sit in the front . . . unless all rear seats are filled (then safest practice generally means the oldest harnessed child sits up front)
 

MommyG

New member
I don't have any advice at the moment, but no -- I do not allow anyone younger than driving age to sit in the front . . . unless all rear seats are filled (then safest practice generally means the oldest harnessed child sits up front)

Is this illegal in any state by the way? If all the seats are otherwise filled up, is there ever a situation that you *can't* sit a kid up front? Obviously you can't rearface an infant, right?
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Is this illegal in any state by the way? If all the seats are otherwise filled up, is there ever a situation that you *can't* sit a kid up front? Obviously you can't rearface an infant, right?

Some states do have backseat laws, but as far as I know they all have excemptions if all rear seatbelts are already occupied -- it's less safe & illegal to share seatbelts, afterall.... It's difficult to answer in more detail because factors of age/size/etc. also come into play (here's 1 ex: boosters cannot be used with lap only belts so in early 1980s vehicles the boostered child may need to sit up front). But, yes, an infant should never be up front with an active airbag. Airbags can be deactivated if necessary. To more thoroughly answer such a question, though, we would need to know the vehicle year/make/model, each child's age/weight/height & the carseats/boosters being used.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
I agree.. my boys have talked about "when we get to sit up front" and it's always in reference to being a grownup, like Mom and Dad.

they were actually thrilled when I told them that they would get to be up front when they were 15 and got learner's permits... but only when it was time to work on driving.

I have told them how much safer the backseat is, and that, whenever they can, they should be in the back.

Of course, I think one reason they took in the info so well is that they know that, when we go on long family road trips, if I'm not driving, I sit in the back of the van with them. Of course, what they don't know is that it isn't motivated by safety, it is to make my life easier... I can tend to them/hand them things without distracting the driver if I sit in back. And, when we take one or two other adults (siblings in law, friends), I would rather put myself in the place of having to take care of the kids than them... since they are my kids.

I truly believe in trying my best to lead by example, though, and pointing that out really hit home with them.
 

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,655
Messages
2,196,895
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top