DD asking to be FF. WWYD?

jdchic3 · Apr 15, 2008

For two or three days DD has been asking to be turned FF. She freaks out a little until I tell her that we'll talk about it after whatever it is we're doing. Then she doesn't bring it up again until we're putting her in the car again. It's not that I'm so against having an almost three year old FF, it's that she still fits within the RF limits and if anything ever happened to her I'd never forgive myself for letting her FF. I plan on waiting it out for a while and see if it's a phase and maybe she'll stop asking. But, if she keeps asking, what would you do?

Oh, also, our Jeep only has TA for the outboard seating positions so my plan is to have her FF outboard and DS RF center. Our seats, right now, are like the pic in my siggy.

CDNTech · Apr 15, 2008

I'd be fine with turning her, but then I have my 05/05/05, 29lbs baby turned FFing.

courtfrog2 · Apr 15, 2008

What is her weight? I turned mine when she was like 32lbs and 3 years 3 months. I figured it was fine. Could probably have gone slightly longer, but I figure that as long as it's top tethered it's fine.

jdchic3 · Apr 15, 2008

courtfrog2 said:
What is her weight? I turned mine when she was like 32lbs and 3 years 3 months. I figured it was fine. Could probably have gone slightly longer, but I figure that as long as it's top tethered it's fine.

She's 30.8 lbs. Both their stats are in my siggy.

Although DS's isn't his clothed weight, it's from at the doctor.

aisraeltax · Apr 15, 2008

ill hang on to every lb. i can get RF'ing but thats just me.

can you talk to her easily about safety (i realize she's young)

joolsplus3 · Apr 15, 2008

Hmm... my kids ask for ice cream for dinner... doesn't mean they get it...

jdchic3 · Apr 15, 2008

aisraeltax said:
ill hang on to every lb. i can get RF'ing but thats just me.

can you talk to her easily about safety (i realize she's young)

joolsplus3 said:
Hmm... my kids ask for ice cream for dinner... doesn't mean they get it...

My plan all along has been to RF to the limit. I'm just wondering if it becomes a daily power struggle if it's really worth it, YK? I mean, safety is non-negotiable but at her age and weight statistically she certainly isn't 'unsafe' FF.... I'm hoping she just drops it and I don't have to think about it anymore, lol. Maybe part of it is I am dying to be able to move my front seats again!

TXDani · Apr 15, 2008

I would flip her after talking to her and finding out why she wants to be turned around. If she is almost 3 she really is ready even if you could squeek out another few months...but again I am not a rear-face until their are 3, 4, or 5 kind of gal.

*Spoiledinmyhouseofblue* · Apr 15, 2008

I turned my 3 year old 2 month old FF at 30 pounds. He could of gone another 2 inches I think RF, but he was weighing in at some days up to 32 pounds. His weight fluctuates. He was throwing a fit to sit in a booster seat(saw kids in his park district classes in boosters-2 1/2 and 3 year olds :-( ), so he wanted to. So, I compromised since he was close to the weight limit to FF him anyways. This went on though still after FF him(the whining abou the booster seat).

I personally like to RF to close to 3. I just turned my daycare kid around FF because he is too big to RF in the scenera now, but he is 30 pounds, but too tall.

sasicas · Apr 15, 2008

does it seem to be bothering her? I know my girls recently (age 2) are having issues going backwards. if we pull out of the drive way or a parking spot or backing up for some reason they start screaming. Personally they are ff, so i wouldnt have an issue switching to ff

aisraeltax · Apr 15, 2008

jdchic3 said:
My plan all along has been to RF to the limit. I'm just wondering if it becomes a daily power struggle if it's really worth it, YK? I mean, safety is non-negotiable but at her age and weight statistically she certainly isn't 'unsafe' FF.... I'm hoping she just drops it and I don't have to think about it anymore, lol. Maybe part of it is I am dying to be able to move my front seats again!

i think if it becomes a daily struggle, my answer may be a bit different..which is why i suggested maybe talking to her (though young). I knew i was going to have resistance putting my 10 yo back into a booster seat (though he hasnt been in one for over a year) but after talking to him and allowing him to pick his own and talking about safety (which he is HUGE on..he locks our doors constantly) he was a bit more amicable about it! lol! I realize 10 is sooo much different than 3...just wondering if perhaps getting her a carseat for her doll (ive seen those here and am intriqued) or perhaps a simple talk would help.

southpawboston · Apr 15, 2008

jdchic3 said:
For two or three days DD has been asking to be turned FF. She freaks out a little until I tell her that we'll talk about it after whatever it is we're doing. Then she doesn't bring it up again until we're putting her in the car again. It's not that I'm so against having an almost three year old FF, it's that she still fits within the RF limits and if anything ever happened to her I'd never forgive myself for letting her FF. I plan on waiting it out for a while and see if it's a phase and maybe she'll stop asking. But, if she keeps asking, what would you do?

Oh, also, our Jeep only has TA for the outboard seating positions so my plan is to have her FF outboard and DS RF center. Our seats, right now, are like the pic in my siggy.

firstly, i wouldn't continue doing what you're doing-- telling her that you'll talk about it when you finish doing what it is your doing, then wish she'd forget about it... which she obviously hasn't done. that's passive aggressive and doesn't help build trust between you. sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's true. if i were you, i'd follow up on my promise of talking about it... and that doesn't mean defeat. i would have a face-to-face talk about it with her, and explain that for a toddler her age, it's safer to stay rear facing, and that once she becomes a "big kid", it's okay to turn forward... it's also hard for kids her age to really grasp any concept of safety except in some really basic ways, so you may have to use euphemisms to convey to her that it's in her best interest to stay RF. but i would be careful not to equate it with how much you love her, because then she may reason that other parents don't love their children as much because they face forward. she may also extend that reasoning once she reaches the maximum and you *have* to turn her forward, coming to the conclusion that you no longer love her "as much". instead, you can just try telling her that you know more about keeping her safe than most other parents, and this is what's best for her safety. kids do like to hear that they are "safe", despite not understanding the tough concepts.

i've been able to use logic to some extent with my 3.5yo with regard to biking safety and wearing a helmet. but it's easier for her to imagine falling off a bike and hitting her head than it is to try to understand car crash dynamics, obviously.

jdchic3 · Apr 15, 2008

I know, I need to actually talk to her. I'm thinking maybe today when we're going to my mom's we'll have the time to talk about it right then and there if she mentions it again. Then I can also maybe figure out if she's uncomfortable or if she just *wants* to do it because her cousin is FF. (We really don't see my niece, but Peyton has it stuck in her head anyway that my niece sits that way and she sits this way.) Up until the past coule of days she'd say how her cousin sits FF but she sits RF (in toddler speak though of course). Anyway, I'm thinking I just have to talk to her about it and get to the bottom of it. And like SPB said, just talk to her logically, on her level, so she can understand that what we're doing is safest until she gains a couple more pounds.

joolsplus3 · Apr 15, 2008

:bow:

:thumbsup:

Yay, SPB, good points

southpawboston · Apr 15, 2008

jdchic3 said:
Then I can also maybe figure out if she's uncomfortable or if she just *wants* to do it because her cousin is FF. (We really don't see my niece, but Peyton has it stuck in her head anyway that my niece sits that way and she sits this way.)

ah, you didn't mention this originally. i'm thinking it's the latter possibility...

if her cousin is older, then the logic will be simple and she should understand it easily. if her cousin is younger or the same age, then you will have to pull the "i know more about keeping safe than most other parents" card.

snowbird25ca · Apr 15, 2008

I just want to add one more POV... at almost 3 and almost 31lbs, it's not something I would really worry about.

But I will say that my POV comes from the fact that in Canada I have no choice but to ff my kids at 30lbs. It's something that bugs me for younger kids who are hitting 30lbs, but when my dd started waffling at 30lbs a couple mos before her 3rd birthday, I had no problem turning her ff'ing at that point.

In all honesty, depending on size of child and circumstances, I would consider turning a child ff'ing at 3yrs old anyways. I think in this case, with her this close to the limits and being almost 3yrs old anyways, it would be reasonable to turn her ff'ing if you're ok with it. If turning her ff'ing right now just makes you super uncomfortable, then obviously don't do it... but I'd consider it anyways depending on what unfolds from your conversation.

I think what makes it harder, is that she's asking when she's already near the limits of the seat. So if you say no, you have to wait, and she keeps asking.. then she has a growth spurt in a few weeks, it's going to look like you're giving in to her request because of her badgering when really it's just because she's hit the limits. 3yr olds aren't the most rational, but repeated requests and eventually getting their way are something they do understand... so I think you'll need to be very cautious in how you approach it so that it's a decision you're making and not her thinking you've given in to her demands. (So to speak...)

I think, that it might be reasonable - given that she's so near the limits, and less than month away from her birthday, to talk to her and set a date in the future. Then you've made the decision, she'll also feel she's been heard, and hopefully you'll avoid having to suddenly turn her in the midst of her repeated requests simply because she's hit the weight limit.

jdchic3 · Apr 15, 2008

southpawboston said:
ah, you didn't mention this originally. i'm thinking it's the latter possibility... if her cousin is older, then the logic will be simple and she should understand it easily. if her cousin is younger or the same age, then you will have to pull the "i know more about keeping safe than most other parents" card.

She is only five months older, but at least five inches taller and is 34 lbs.

And snowbird, what you said about her being so close already is exactly why I'm thinking about it/asking about it. It's just that nagging in the back of my head that says if something ever happened to her...... YK?

southpawboston · Apr 15, 2008

snowbird25ca said:
I just want to add one more POV... at almost 3 and almost 31lbs, it's not something I would really worry about.

i was going to say that as well (and in fact my kids will be FF before then anyway

), but it seemed that the OP wasn't comfortable with that option.

brooklynsmommy · Apr 15, 2008

What if you made it a 3rd birthday thing? DS isn't old enough that he would remember it. So perhaps you could set a different limit for him later. But for now, perhaps you could explain the safety part of it and ask that she wait until she turns 3. I know that for me personally, I really wanted to ride in a seat belt. But even though it wasn't the law back then, my mom said I had to wait until I was 5. Not a week before, not even a day before. On my birthday.

minismom · Apr 15, 2008

I like Trudy's suggestion to set a date so it doesn't look like you're giving in to her when u actually need to turn her. You could also put her on a scale if you have one and say to her that when that reads 32 or 33 that she can go ff. I don't know if 3 yos can figure out to eat more to gain weight, I'm thinking not, but if yes then I realize it's a bad idea...
I know she's close to the limits but I wouldn't turn her now as it makes it look like she's in charge. what happens if she asks to be in a booster at age 4?

DD asking to be FF. WWYD?

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