Please make me feel better! ERFing

Kalinky

Senior Community Member
Hi all! I've been MIA for quite a while b/c of school, but I stop in here and there. Anyway - DD is now 21 months old and still rear facing. She's around 24 pounds. She usually doesn't mind rear-facing, occasionally she'll try to fight getting in her carseat b/c she wants to sit facing forward on the vehicle seat next to her car seat (yeah right!). It's like she's noticing that DH and I sit facing forward. When DH drives I usually sit in the back with DD (I know, I'm a nerd), so she always wants to sit in "Mama's seat" instead of just getting in the carseat.

Numerous people have been bugging me about the fact that she is rear-facing. "When are you going to turn her around?" "Aren't her legs cramped?" "Oh that poor child, isn't she uncomfortable?" And of course, I always stoutly defend my decision to keep MY child rear-facing and try to help people understand why it is safer. But no one seems to get it. Thankfully DH is cool about it and doesn't question it. You'd think that people would be a little more receptive to what I say, considering the fact that I am a CPST, but it doesn't seem to matter. They act like I'm a member of a brainwashing cult that practices extended rear facing.

So I keep questioning in my mind, "Should I turn her around?" But my knowledge says "NO WAY!" I know better. I keep thinking about how it would be SO much easier getting her in and out of a 2-door Jeep Wrangler. My friends who have children that are just now turning 1 year are turning their LO's around on their birthdays! No one listens to me, no matter how many times I defend ERFing and no matter how much shocking statistical (and other) information I give them.

Someone please help me feel better!
 
ADS

amy919

New member
Unfortunately, there are some people whose minds you are just never going to change. We hear it all the time. I just ignore them. It's my child and my choice. My entire family thinks I am insane because Teagan is RFing. I'm OK with that. I think THEY'RE insane for wanting her turned around. Because "she can't look out the window" is such a good excuse :rolleyes:. First of all, she absolutely can look out the window. I mean, does being RF make her blind :confused:. My other favorite is that she's going to get car sick riding like that :p. Seriously, the things people tell me to try to persuade me that I'm wrong to RF her are downright funny. I usually just blow it off. When I get really annoyed, I just tell them I'd rather her head stay attached to her body in the event of an accident and walk away.
 

natysr

New member
IMO, she would still do this if she were FF! It isn't the direction of the carseat. Its the little kids wanting to feel grown up and sit EXACTLY like mommy and daddy with the big seatbelt.

My son did this too.

What I let him do, is sit in the big seat with the seatbelt while I clean out the car on the weekends.

I know lots of parents don't allow their kids to "play" in the car, but for us, it has helped with the power struggle.

When it is time to leave, he knows he has to be in his seat and buckled. He's actually very safety conscious.

As far as dealing with others, I just tell them that I've done hours of research on the benefits of extended rearfacing, and have made a parental decision to keep him RF for as long as possible. I tell them that if he were to indicate to me that he was uncomfortable, then I may reevaluate that decision, but right now, he is comfortable, and as safe as I can possibly make him.
 

Loves2sing

New member
As hard as it is, ignore them. We have ALL been there. I even had the border control commenting last summer on dd still rfing. He said to Jenna, "Aww, poor girl, when is Mommy going to turn you around, so you can see?" I just laughed, and said, "when the time comes." Don't listen to them.

As for you dd wanting to sit in your seat, don't worry about it. Jenna does that all the time too. I think it's pretty normal, and it is usually a little worse when she has had the chance to share the backseat with an adult. So I have strapped her in the seatbelt, belt across her face, and when she sees how uncomfortable it would be to actually ride like that, she climbs into her seat. (THE CAR NEVER MOVES, OR EVEN RUNS, WHEN SHE IS IN THE SEATBELT)

You KNOW that you are doing what is safest for your dd, and that will be enough in the long run. A year from now when you are facing turning her over, this will all be history, and you will NEVER regret NOT turning her, where you MAY if you do. :twocents:
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Joy did that for a while, but I knew how much she hated FF. She does it occasionally now with the boys' boosters. I just play the game (b/c that's what it is, a game).

"You silly girl! That's ____'s seat! You can't ride there! You ride in your seat." (and so on.)

She giggles and climbs into her seat.
 

An Aurora

Senior Community Member
DD1 went through this too, several months ago. She really wanted to ride in the built-in car seat in van when we first bought it. I did end up turning her Radian FF because I hate it as a RF seat. She was ok with it but a couple of weeks after turning her FF we had an extra RF seat in the car and she climbed over her FF pretty pink Radian to climb into the RF seat. She prefers RF'ing and is still RF'ing in her EFTA. Honestly, it's a phase :) I know some other posters have great ideas on how to cut down on car seat battles.
 

Kalinky

Senior Community Member
Thank you guys so much! You have all made me feel better about continuing to ERF. And about all the wierdos who think I'm the crazy one.


This is awesome:
A year from now when you are facing turning her over, this will all be history, and you will NEVER regret NOT turning her, where you MAY if you do. :twocents:
I'm so saying that next time I get questioned.

THANKS! :D
 

joolsplus3

Admin - CPS Technician
I'm glad you're 'convinced' again. Heck, my dd's always trying to put on my shoes as we run out the door, obviously THAT ain't gonna fly, either... :love:
 

Mommy2Marcus

New member
Hiya Hun! I DID turn my DS FF due to extreme car sickness knowing the benefits of ERF & I felt guilty everyday he was FF. I just kept thinking that he needed to be RF. I turned him FF at 13 months & 23lbs, but I then turned him back RF at 17 months & 26lbs. So I am happy that he is RF again & he does not mind one bit. I completely understand the feeling when people question you. I am NOT looking forward to the visit with my IL's in May and seeing what they have to say about him being RF again. I do believe I will be taking some printed information on ERF to show them. So just know that you're doing the right thing. I also know what a PITB it is to get a child into a RF seat in a 2 door car...errghhhh...I have a 2 door cavalier with a RF MA center & a 2 door Subaru Impreza with a Scenera installed passenger outboard. So I totally feel your pain!
 

*HH*

New member
I would just close my ears for those silly arguments, they do not know what they are talking about. And second it is the parents job to make good decisions for their child, a child at that age is in no position to decide anything about safety in the car :) One thing is if she is in pain rare facing, but then she would really let you hear it. It's that age where they start to want to(try to) make decisions of their own.

My 2.5 YRS old was so mad at me the other day because I wouldn't let him drive the car. He insisted that he could drive the var to Kinder garden.. LOL
 

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
I even had the border control commenting last summer on dd still rfing. He said to Jenna, "Aww, poor girl, when is Mommy going to turn you around, so you can see?"


"Oh you poor man, when is somebody going to teach you some manners so you can see that comments like that are extremely rude?"
 

cryswilkins

New member
She is almost 2 right? I think that the battles have just begun, lol. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, you are her mom and you know what is beat for her.
 

Melanie

New member
Two was about the time my DD started having issues in the car. It probably doesn't have anything to do with RF or FF, just her trying for some control. Shortly after DD turned FF (at 32 lbs) she went through a phase of wanting to ride in the baby's RF Roundabout-go figure.

There will always be people that question you. I just started saying she rides like this b/c she's safer and she'll go FF when she outgrows the weight limit on her seat. I don't know anyone IRL that does ERF. But I feel it's my obligation to my kids to keep them as safe as I possibly can.
 

Kalinky

Senior Community Member
Yes, she'll be 2 in July. I think you're right, the battles have just begun! She's definintely trying to run the show, and in more places than just the car. I'm getting pretty good at this whole patience thing! Thanks all, for the kind words of encouragement. I will stand firm on my decision to keep her ERFing! :D
 

Melanie

New member
Besides the safety benefits - FF kids can kick the seat in front of them. They can become huge backseat drivers. They can still be difficult to get in-instead of pushing their feet on the back of the vehicle seat they just make their body straight and they slide right out of the seat. A RF car seat is more comfortable for an adult to sit next to than FF (get shoulder room with RF)

Can you tell that we recently FF and went through some growing pains?
 

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