ERF, and DH NOT on Board!!

Shanora · Mar 22, 2008

So I was talking to my DH about how I wished Canada would get on the ball and allow seats the RF to 35 Pounds. Cause its safer. Well it turns out DH has a HUGE aversion to having children older than 3 RF, due to them not being comfortable. He doesn't believe that a child would be comfortable with their legs either crossed or up on the seat for long periods of time (longer than 4 hours, and once we get posted we will do MANY trips longer than 4 hours). Myself personally...I care, but not at the risk of their safety.

He absolutely refused to allow one of our children (future ones...Ds#2 is to big for rf in Canada) to ride RF in HIS vehicle after they were 3-4 years of age. He said that they would be turned FF and if I wanted to I could continue to have them RF in MY vehicle.

He has no issues with Extended Harnessing(cause I brought up the harnessing until 6-7 years old thing).....AS long as the comfort of the child is taken into consideration.

He thinks that at some point comfort would out weight the safety aspect.

*sigh* I guess I just want to know if its worth the argument.....or if I should just let it lie right now, and just go along with my plans to ERF with my future children, and see where it goes.

carseatcoach · Mar 22, 2008

One of the good things about older kids (3+) is that they can usually tell you when they are uncomfortable! If it were me in that situation, I think I'd approach it as that you'd consider turning a 3 year/30+ pound child if and when the child complained about being backwards.

Starlight · Mar 22, 2008

If I could keep my kid rear-facing to age 3 without issue from dh, I wouldn't fight with him about turning him after that 3rd birthday.

Seriously. The safety of my kids is of utmost importance. But my marriage is pretty d@mn important too, you know?

Getting them to age 3 is ERF, and you should be proud and happy that you have him on board with that.

crunchierthanthou · Mar 22, 2008

It's not something that's up for discussion at our house. If dh comes up with compelling research that outweighs the benefits of rf, I'll consider it. It's an easy concession because I know it's not going to happen.

At one point I had agreed to age 4 if ds was still within the size limits for rf (I'm starting to wonder if we'll make it that long). I'm waivering on that now. If it's okay when he's 3 years, 364 days, why would it not be okay the next day?

We've taken 12-14 hour road trips with our ds. He's never complained of discomfort. Tired of sitting in the seat? sure, but that would happen after 10 hours of ff too.

Morganthe · Mar 22, 2008

LOL, since this is all about future Hypothetical kids anyway, save your arguments. He's just going to hunker down into his firm opinion and just be as obstinate as possible. I wouldn't be suprised that he was doing it now just to see you react.

You can make all sorts of little comments in the meantime. But trying to get him to change his mind at this point when it doesn't really matter, isn't worth the headache.

Who knows, by the time your future children are 3 years old, Canadian law might have changed to YOUR point of view.

Brilliantmama · Mar 22, 2008

I can tell you that Abby (almost 4yrs) is more comfortable RFing than she is FF. With tons of snow and muddy boots, she sometimes rides FF around town, but if we are going on a longer (30 min +) ride, I make sure she is RFing.

FF, her legs dangle, she kicks my seat and her head flops horribly until she is very upset when she falls asleep.

But, having said that, I do think she is uncomfortable RFing in our BLVD because of her long legs, so now she has a Radian and fits incredibly well considering that she is 36" with long legs.

Stresch · Mar 22, 2008

I'd drop it for now since it's hypothetical. If you mention benefits of extended rearfacing occasionally now and then, maybe your husband will forget he ever thought it was a bad plan. Which kind of sounds like I think you husband is stupid, which I don't, but as our situations change, our feelings about what our actions should be change too.

I have learned (the hard way

) that arguments about what you would do in a hypothetical situation are not worth it.

Mommy2Marcus · Mar 22, 2008

Hiya Hun! I also agree with the drop it for now as it is hypothetical & not worth it for now. I will say though that my DH does not really agree with me that I turned our DS back RF after 4 months FF either, but I did not give him an option. I just DID it. I also showed him the youtube video & he has not argued with me since & my DS has been back RF for about 3 weeks or more now! I asked him if convience/comfort outweighed safety & you know what his answer was? NO! So I won & I'm Happy. If it were me though...I would not feel so horrible if I were to need to turn Marcus FF at 3, but I am not sure how I will feel as that time has not yet come yet! I say just take it one day at a time & have the arguement when the time comes!

Sorry to thread jack here, but I have to say that Stresch...I absolutly LOVE that cover you have on your Marathon! It is SUPER cute as I love the color green & think it is absolutly perfect for a little girl. To bad I don't have a little girl...hopefully next time! If you do not mind me asking what is the name of that pattern?

Shanora · Mar 23, 2008

Thanks everyone, I think that I was just upset cause I know the benefits of ERF....and I couldn't convey that to my DH with enough Conviction....

Now this is also the man that will make me doubt everything I know about Car seat safety and the the way we shouldn't do anything...just to make me think about things....not cause he thinks we should actually do them that way (eg., he's asked me in the past, if a child has out grown the harness strap weight, why can't you just strap them in anyhow and if its already latched in why not take the seat belt and buckle that over them....they are still to little for the regular shoulder/lap belt....so this solves both problems....I told him you can't....he asks why can't you....I'm usually stumped...lol...so I go looking for the answers...he likes to pick my brain

)....

So I think he just likes to frustrate me some times....I have let it drop for now, cause I figure if the child has always been rf, and isn't bothered by it, and still within the limits, it probably wouldn't even become a discussion.... LOL

Thanks again ladies for your advice..... :thumbsup:

snowbird25ca · Mar 23, 2008

My :twocents:, FWIW, is that 3yrs is ERF even if kiddo is just 29lbs. When my dd was closing in on 3yrs old I started considering if I'd turn her ff'ing after she turned 3, but she hit 30lbs first.

IMO, agreeing to 3yrs old despite him thinking they'd be uncomfortable is still a great thing. I couldn't say unless the time arrived and I was in your shoes, but I'm not sure that it's a battle I'd pick if my kiddo was 3yrs old unless there were medical problems like low muscle tone or kiddo was really tiny still - but then comfort wouldn't be much of an argument either.

(And I agree that our 30lb limits stink. I'm starting to get a pretty good idea of what must be going on, and I'm hoping that things change in the next few years. But if as much needs to change as I think, it could be a long while before it happens unless the process is already underway...)

Holly · Mar 23, 2008

We are going to turn my dd to FF once she is 3 in July even though she could RF for probably another year.
Dh isn't as concerned about ERF as I am, and wanted to turn her FF a few months ago. I told him if we could AT LEAST RF her to age 3, I'd turn her FF then, but he had to promise to drop it until then.
I'm fine with the decision, I feel like we've already done a great thing for her keeping her RF that long, and I feel like 3 years is a big accomplishment vs the "standard" 1 year. She was 27.5 lbs when I weighed her a few weeks ago, so she'll probably be close to 30 lbs near her birthday.

We are going to keep all our kids RF to 3 only, unless one has a medical condition or is particularly tiny. I actually might turn DD#2 to FF at age 2 1/2 because if we get lucky and get pregnant when we plan to, our 3rd baby will be born when dd#2 is 2 1/2 and I will want to put baby in the middle RF because I think it would be impractical to lean over the snugride base to buckle dd#2 in, and if she was RFing, her seat has to be in the center to fit.
She is bigger than dd#1 so she might be close to 33 lbs by then anyway.
We are going to harness our kids as long as possible!

Melizerd · Mar 23, 2008

I don't think I'd worry about it too much right now but I would encourage your DH to join the forum and do his own research.

If he can read the info and watch the videos himself that might make a difference. If he's not willing to do his own research then you get final say IMO when the time comes but I wouldn't argue it until you had to.

MsFacetious · Mar 23, 2008

My 4 year old hates forward facing and continually asks to be turned rear facing again. When I turned my girls at 3 and 4 it was a battle for quite a while...they hated it. It really sucked.

Any future children will be rear facing until they outgrow the limit of the seat. Period, end of story. I don't negotiate on safety issues and it's easier for me to have them rear facing anyway. Getting kicked constantly is not my idea of fun...

Shanora · Mar 23, 2008

Melizerd said:
I don't think I'd worry about it too much right now but I would encourage your DH to join the forum and do his own research.

If he can read the info and watch the videos himself that might make a difference. If he's not willing to do his own research then you get final say IMO when the time comes but I wouldn't argue it until you had to.

LOL...than I'd have to fight him for the computer....

Not a bad idea.....

Melizerd · Mar 23, 2008

Shanora said:
LOL...than I'd have to fight him for the computer....

Not a bad idea.....

DH and and I each have our own computers, side by side in the living room. (lol)

sparkyd · Mar 25, 2008

Oh wow can I ever relate to this! I didn't know anything about ERF until a few days ago, but it only took about a half hour of reading and especially those crash videos to convince me to do it. When I brought it up to DH he was appalled because he thinks it would be uncomfortable. He is constantly concerned about our son's comfort even when the munchkin is perfectly content. Swaddling was a huge battle, and he even gets upset if he thinks DS's socks are too tight! But, he is also stubborn and doesn't like to concede a position right away even if he changes his mind in his own head, so I've dropped it for now. Our son just switched to a RF Marathon and is only 10 months, so I figure as long as he seems comfortable back there we won't have to argue about it. I've got lots of ammo ready in case he does ever say he wants to switch him for comfort after one year. Safety should definitely prevail, its just tough to make the safety argument when everywhere you turn people say to FF after one year. Statements about staying RF longer always seem weak and kind of an aside (except on this site!).

It would be really helpful if the law was changed - no more arguments!

southpawboston · Mar 25, 2008

frankly, if kiddo in question is already 3 yo, then i think it's a matter of picking your battles with DH. at 3 yo, i personally don't think it's worth raging a battle between you and DH. if were were talking about a 1 yo, definitely; a 2 yo, perhapd, but a 3 yo-- nope. :twocents:

snowbird25ca · Mar 25, 2008

sparkyd said:
Oh wow can I ever relate to this! I didn't know anything about ERF until a few days ago, but it only took about a half hour of reading and especially those crash videos to convince me to do it. When I brought it up to DH he was appalled because he thinks it would be uncomfortable. He is constantly concerned about our son's comfort even when the munchkin is perfectly content. Swaddling was a huge battle, and he even gets upset if he thinks DS's socks are too tight! But, he is also stubborn and doesn't like to concede a position right away even if he changes his mind in his own head, so I've dropped it for now. Our son just switched to a RF Marathon and is only 10 months, so I figure as long as he seems comfortable back there we won't have to argue about it. I've got lots of ammo ready in case he does ever say he wants to switch him for comfort after one year. Safety should definitely prevail, its just tough to make the safety argument when everywhere you turn people say to FF after one year. Statements about staying RF longer always seem weak and kind of an aside (except on this site!).

It would be really helpful if the law was changed - no more arguments!

http://www.tc.gc.ca/roadsafety/childsafety/1234/stage1/menu.htm

safety tip

Don’t be in a hurry to start using a forward-facing child seat. The longer you use a rear-facing infant-only seat, infant /child seat, or infant/child/booster seat that fits correctly, even past your baby’s first birthday, the safer your baby will be in a crash. Be sure to follow the manufacturer’s instructions for use and check the label for the weight and height that are allowed.

Even though it's not the law, TC recommends rf'ing to limits. :thumbsup:

miraclebabies · Mar 25, 2008

My Dh and I had this same talk a few days ago. I turned my DD FF at 13months and she seemed to like being able to see us better. I was always so nervous when we went anywhere. She is very long and skinny, at 20# and 32in long. I am a SAHM so we don't go out much maybe just 10 miles or less away from home,since we live right in town. Anyway, we got to talking about switching her back and if she would care. DH said she might not like it, but yesterday I moved her back and I feel so much better. She is more reclined and "SAFER". Even though we never go far, I was so scared to go anywhere and didn't want anything to happen. Then I told myself if you are that nervous and scared then switch her back. She didn't cry or act like anything was different. I put the mirror on the back of the headrest so she could see us. I will keep her RF till probably 2yr b-day. She was only 19# at her 1yr appt. So we will see how much she weighs then. I am glad I changed my mind and turned her RF again.

ERF, and DH NOT on Board!!

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