wwyd ?

Heather86

Member
Okay I have a very dear friend who is an total airhead,I love her but she is dense. So she was getting ready to go on a long road trip 16+ hours. I was at her house and she asked me to put the baby (9 months old and about 15 pounds) in her seat while she loaded the last of the luggage. Now they are driving a 07' Toyota celica , with 2 doors and a hatchback. I saw one seat (she has 2 kids a 2yo and the baby) an evenflo Triumph forward facing with the straps on the top setting. I would have been okay with that for her oldest cause she is a big 2 year old , but she told me to put the baby in it !?!?!?!

I couldn't do it , I wouldn't so I asked her were the baby's infant seat was and she got mad and said she liked to be forward facing and didn't need the baby seat anymore.I asked why the straps were so high and she said she didn't know how to fix them she got the seat at a yard sale. So I took the baby inside and gave her to her dad , went back out took out the car seat adjusted the straps turned it around . Then put her in it.

My friend is really po'd at me and said I need to let her make choices for her kids and that my kid will grow up and hate me because he is rf at 2.

Sorry this post is so long I just don't know what to say to her. I've tried talking to her it's like beating my head against a brick wall.
 
ADS

aisraeltax

New member
wow! i don't know what to say. i can't imagine someone getting PO'd at you for wanting to protect their kids (yeh, i can see that w/ some other parenting issues...but car seat safety??? where is the controversy).
 

crunchierthanthou

New member
my kid being mad at me is a risk I'm willing to take. That's not the point though. FF at 9 mos just isn't an option and is illegal in some states.
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
Well. I think you were absolutely right that the child should be rear-facing in a seat that fit. But it wasn't your seat or your car to make the appropriate adjustments. I might be annoyed too if one of my friends decided to rearrange my stuff the way she thought it should be. I would have provided information, and I would have refused to put the child in the seat forward-facing, and I would have told her that I would call the police if she set off with the kids inappropriately restrained.
 

fyrfightermomma

New member
Yeah, for someone like that I would have probably just skipped the whole safety points on RFing and just said something along the lines of "Your baby really should be rear facing since it is against the law if she is younger than 1 and I'd hate for you to get a ticket if you got pulled over and ruin your trip" if it is in fact in your state illegal (not always the case).
 

TXAggieTech

Active member
I would have probably done the same thing you did. And found a seat for the 2 YO.

Plus, this is one of the things that I would end a friendship over eventually. I can't handle being attached to a child that could die needlessly. I can't handle the stress I would go thru everytime I did something with the family. All of our friends pretty much stick to best practice, mainly because DH & I have given them the info or given them seats.

But, my friends know that I am hard headed and this is part of my personality so no one is suprised.
 

Kris0722

New member
I can relate to your post. A few years ago, we took a trip to visit SIL. She had a 2 year old and newborn. She came to the airport to pick us up with the newborn. As we we were pulling out of the parking spot (with my son secured in a rfing seat, 9 months old at the time) I scream "Wait, stop!" b/c I saw her child was in the bucket, but not buckled in at ALL.

I said "wait, the baby isn't buckled!". He was in a bucket that allowed a seatbelt install but was not secured with one and there was no base in the car. She said "Oh - I leave him like that all the time - usually, I just throw his bucket on the front seat and drive like that". I don't think there were words to describe the look on dh's and my face...

I said - well, "i'll buckle him in". At that point, I realized only the chest clip was closed - not the buckle. I got him situated and we left. For the entire trip, I would not ride if her child was not properly restrained. I would buckle him up, install the seat,etc... By the end of the trip, she started doing it herself. Dh had a talk with her - although once we were gone, I'm sure she went back to her old practices...

It was after that trip that I discovered the Babycenter car seat board - and then eventually this board as well...

I refused to ride in the car with him improperly restrained. I can see why she felt you were being "invasive", but I would have done the same thing as well.

I don't have an answer - other than maybe send her links on the importance of rear facing. Maybe using scary words like "internal decapitation" will help - I don't know.

We see SIL for the first time since that last visit in a few weeks - she now has 3 kids - I wince thinking about what their car seat situation is like now...
 

BookMama

Senior Community Member
my kid will grow up and hate me because he is rf at 2.

Seriously? My DD is still RF at 2.5 and she LOVES it (as I'm sure your DS does too). She can climb into her seat easily (very important since she's at her "I do it!" stage), the angle is more comfortable, she sleeps better in the car, etc. Plus she and DS are practically facing each other in the car because their seats are close, so they have a great time. He even reads to her in the car.

Some people. Sheesh.

I don't really have any advice for you but like someone else said, I could see this eventually becoming a deal-breaker for a friendship.
 

PixieEMT

New member
To OP: Good job at RF your DS. I see you have a FPSVD, love that seat in Circus Dots BTW! :)

Wow, the story about your friend is pretty crazy! Yikes! :eek:


Do you live close to this friend?
Maybe you can print a brochure from cpsafety.com "RF unmatched safety" or share this video clip with her http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psmUWg7QrC8?

Maybe check to see if a SafeKids seat check is going on near you and suggest you and friend make a a stop there? :question:
~sara
 

Mommy2Marcus

New member
I am SO sorry this happened to you. I prolly would have done the same thing. I can not imagine having a 9 month old FF. I would send her some information about RF through email & tell her that you are sorry you made her mad, but you have her children's best interest at heart & that you only did it b/c you love her & her children and just do not want anything to happen to them. I would send her the youtube video for sure, along with some other very important RF information! I am sorry this happened to you! I hope that she comes to her senses & realizes what you did was b/c you love them!
 

Heather86

Member
Thanks for the responses , I just feel really bad about making her mad cause she's been my friend since like 6th grade, but if I had it to do over I'd still do the same thing. If something happened to that baby and I could have prevented it I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'll talk to her when she's gets back and tell her I'm sorry for over stepping. But it's like she knew it was wrong and didn't care :( I guess it just bothers me that some people can know it's not right and that they could get hurt or worse and take the "it won't happen to me attitude"
 

snowbird25ca

Moderator - CPST Instructor
Thanks for the responses , I just feel really bad about making her mad cause she's been my friend since like 6th grade, but if I had it to do over I'd still do the same thing. If something happened to that baby and I could have prevented it I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'll talk to her when she's gets back and tell her I'm sorry for over stepping. But it's like she knew it was wrong and didn't care :( I guess it just bothers me that some people can know it's not right and that they could get hurt or worse and take the "it won't happen to me attitude"

We've been lucky in an unlucky way here.. last summer an 18mo old improperly restrained (ff'ing seat, installed or else harnessed wrong, not sure which or if it was both,) died due to a broken spinal cord. Was kept alive on life support for awhile, but the family eventually stopped life support. The child was dead on the scene, but revived through CPR and lived the rest of his time (I think it was a boy, don't recall for sure now,) on life support. Apparently dad is now being charged with some form of manslaughter (I don't follow the news too closely, so I don't know the exact charge... I was shocked when a friend told me he was being charged for the death of the 18mo old though.)

So anyways, that rambling muck is just to say that we're lucky in an unlucky way that I can say to parents "remember that crash last August involving the 18mo old?" and they remember it because there was so much media coverage. The reality to it I think is making a difference with people keeping their kiddo's rf'ing beyond the minimums. I think mostly because it's real to them now and they know that it could happen to their child.
 

soygurl

Active member
Ugh! I've been there... and it sucks.

But I'm still confused... was there NO SEAT for the 2yo?!?
 

TXAggieTech

Active member
Yeah. No seat for the 2 yr old?? :eek:

Suprisingly enough that was my mom's first question when I was telling her about it last night! The brainwashing has sunk in... 6 years ago she kept saying it was safer to have me loose than to fight to keep me in the car seat when I was a toddler.
 

Heather86

Member
No The 2 yo rides in a high back booster with a shoulder belt :shudder: and it was with her mother who had the K at the time.

UPDATE : She isn't speaking to me lol
 

azgirl71

CPST Instructor
SHe sound like a prerson you cannot reason with. You can look up the laws in your state. Chances are she is breaking them and you could email them to her along with some Youtube videos on RF and harnessing. It does not sound like it will make a difference anyway, but at least you will know you tried.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
This is a saying I got from this forum: "Cast it or casket?"

If you click my screen name & visit my homepage/website, you might find the info in "Newborn--Preschool" helpful.... There are many links towards the bottom: the ultimate lesson is that it's usually the parents who make the uneducated decision that a crying baby means FF is the answer (it isn't, the result is too painful).

Parents need to understand how the human body develops (the spine cannot possibly withstand crash forces before AT LEAST 12 months, closer to 2 or even 3 years) & that there are various ways to help entertain/sooth kids in carseats.

If there's space in the back, the adult could simply try riding there for a change! It is so very possible to continue having a conversation with the other adult & the backseat is safer for everyone :twocents:
 

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