Brainstorm a solution for 3 kids 2 working parents

dimsumdaddy · Mar 13, 2008

I'm posting to this forum because I believe that the people here are (mostly women), are forced to be practical parents, yet obviously hold child safety in high regard.

Here's my situation:
- my wife and I are expecting child #3 in May
- child #1 is 4.5 yrs old (preschool/kindergarden), and child #2 is 1.5 yrs old
- my wife is career oriented and refuses to be a stay at home mom
- I can't quit because I make significantly more $$ than her at my job, for less hours and more flexible hours. And we can't live just on her salary.
- my wife's career (it's more than just a job to her) takes about 55-60 hr/wk, which leaves me to do both drop off and pick up (I work about 40 hr/wk)
- we are EXTREMELY lucky (and thankful) that the grandma's are our daycare, including pickup from preschool.
- I drive a Subaru Impreza to work (and although squishy, I've managed 3 across with the Radian)
- my wife drives a Lexus RX330 SUV which easily gets 3 across with a Radian
- since we both need to go to work, we both need cars to do so
- since my wife has had her luxury level vehicle, she refuses to drive anything less than a luxury level car
- EDIT: wife poopoo's the idea of buying used, especially a used van (which she believed will always be abused)

PROBLEM:
- grandma (wife side) has a BMW330 which is too small to fit 3 across (due to the curvature of the rear seat; even with a Radian)
- grandma (wife side) also has to watch her aging mother
- grandma (my mother) takes the train from out of town to stay with us for a week at a time, so she has no car while she's down here.
- the grandma's are willing to continue to watch the kids... BUT THEY NEED A VEHICLE THAT CAN CARRY ALL THE KIDS.

So far, here's my brainstorm:

- buy a Mazda5 (grandma on wife doesn't like it because it's too small)
- buy a van (Odyssey,Sienna, etc) (problem: spending $35k on a 3rd vehicle doesn't make sense to me... but wife and her mother want the convenience of the larger size)
- buy wife a new car and use the SUV for the grandmas (but then I have to spend > $35k on a luxo sedan)
- flex my hours so that I handle 1 kid (oldest) by myself, allowing grandma to only worry about 2. (problem - since my wife is often working evenings, I take care of the kids myself... and I'll have no hours to flex work to)
- ???

Please help me brainstorm... I need a solution at least for this next year from July 08 to July 09.

Jeanum · Mar 13, 2008

My only suggestion at the moment is that you need not spend $35K on a van if you're willing to consider buying used or consider a less than fully loaded but still nicely equipped new one.

You seem to have narrowed down van possibilities to an Ody or Sienna. The current generation Odys date back to the '05 model year with standard ESC and curtain airbags for all 3 rows. The Sienna models with optional curtain airbags and optional ESC date back to the '04 model year, with curtain airbags standard beginning in the '06 model year. ESC is currently optional for the '08 Sienna rather than standard, IIRC. They're still kind of spendy used, especially compared to other vans, but probably not going to cost $35K unless you're talking a fully loaded '08 demo or barely used '07 model.

dimsumdaddy · Mar 13, 2008

Jeanum said:
My only suggestion at the moment is that you need not spend $35K on a van if you're willing to consider buying used or consider a less than fully loaded but still nicely equipped new one. You seem to have narrowed down van possibilities to an Ody or Sienna. The current generation Odys date back to the '05 model year with standard ESC and curtain airbags for all 3 rows. The Sienna models with optional curtain airbags and optional ESC date back to the '04 model year, with curtain airbags standard beginning in the '06 model year. ESC is currently optional for the '08 Sienna rather than standard, IIRC. They're still kind of spendy used, especially compared to other vans, but probably not going to cost $35K unless you're talking a fully loaded '08 demo or barely used '07 model.

GREAT suggestion and I agree... but I forgot to mention:

- wife poopoo's the idea of buying used, especially a used van (which she believed will always be abused)

southpawboston · Mar 13, 2008

what about a kia sedona for $20k? (tippety top top top of the safety charts!!!)

what about growing a pair and laying down the law with what new cars grandma and wifey can have? (j/k!!!)

dimsumdaddy · Mar 13, 2008

southpawboston said:
what about a kia sedona for $20k? (tippety top top top of the safety charts!!!)

what about growing a pair and laying down the law with what new cars grandma and wifey can have? (j/k!!!)

Can I trust Kia reliability wise?

Haha. I wish it was that easy. Grandma babysits for free and does a lot for us, so I have no complaint s about her.

I'm also considering a $13k Mazda5 with 35k miles on it if I go the used route.

Jeanum · Mar 13, 2008

dimsumdaddy said:
GREAT suggestion and I agree... but I forgot to mention:

- wife poopoo's the idea of buying used, especially a used van (which she believed will always be abused)

Ah, I understand the reluctance to go with a used car. Back in my earlier days of car ownership, it was a lot more like rolling the dice to go with a used car and I was burned a few times. Certified Hondas or Toyotas aren't as scary IMHO and you can check out vehicle histories a bit more easily nowadays with tools like CarFax. Happy shopping.

southpawboston · Mar 13, 2008

i agree with the reliability issues of the kia. since hyundai bought kia some years ago, kias have become much better, and in fact most kias are just rebranded hyundais (the sedona and the hyundai entourage are the same van). however, hyundai has a spotted record, even now. there's the nice warranty, however there's also the chance that you'll be making trips to the dealership, just not paying for them. that was my experience with hyunkia.

Defrost · Mar 13, 2008

I'd say Mazda 5 (of course, I am biased).

But you said the only problem with it was G'ma on wife's side says it's too small. Well, has she seen one? Driven one? Does she prefer to drive something that's up higher, or is she just concerned about legroom and headroom because it LOOKS so small? Because yes, it is small, but that's kind of relative, yk? It's definitely bigger than your current vehicle, for example, at least as far as fitting the kids in the back. And, if she prefers something that's "up higher" because she feels safer, perhaps you could point out the differences and similarities in safety.

Plus, you can put the oldest in the third row, where he can easily and comfortably fit, climb in and out on his own, and buckle himself, and put the two youngest in the center row.

OH, and G'ma might really appreciate how easy it would be to get an infant seat in and out of this "small" car. In an SUV or minivan, she'll be reaching up; in the 5, she can just reach right in front of her - no bending, no reaching.

Defrost · Mar 13, 2008

dimsumdaddy said:
I'm also considering a $13k Mazda5 with 35k miles on it if I go the used route.

I missed this the first time around - remember that the '08 models have rear air vents and a passenger arm rest. Those were the major complaints about earlier models. They might be worth giving up for the money-saving factor, of course, but it's something to consider.

dimsumdaddy · Mar 13, 2008

Defrost said:
I missed this the first time around - remember that the '08 models have rear air vents and a passenger arm rest. Those were the major complaints about earlier models. They might be worth giving up for the money-saving factor, of course, but it's something to consider.

Wooo.. thanks for pointing that out... that's a huge deal maker/breaker... especially for the 3rd row person.

Since we won't need this till summer, I'm thinking I might be able to get an 08 on clearance.

twokidstwodogs · Mar 13, 2008

I agree with Defrost about the Mazda5, and I don't even own one! But I rode in my brother's 08 a few weeks ago, and was impressed by its interior room, given its footprint. (Yes, I liked the armrest!) And great-grandma will have an easy time getting in and out of the front seat, if she ever rides with them. The only catch (and this would apply to the Odyssey or Sienna too) is that unless the grandmas are pretty nimble, the third row kid will have to be capable of self-buckling.

southpawboston · Mar 13, 2008

twokidstwodogs said:
The only catch (and this would apply to the Odyssey or Sienna too) is that unless the grandmas are pretty nimble, the third row kid will have to be capable of self-buckling.

don't the second row captains chairs slide forward?

Defrost · Mar 13, 2008

southpawboston said:
don't the second row captains chairs slide forward?

Sure they do! It's still a very tight squeeze, though.

Another option is just helping them buckle through the rear glove box - oops, I mean "cargo" hatch, though. Particularly if there's only one kid back there and you can fold down the other seat. The "cargo" area is so tiny you can easily stand on the ground and reach over the seat without even getting your pants dirty on the bumper.

CDNTech · Mar 13, 2008

southpawboston said:
don't the second row captains chairs slide forward?

Not enough to get into the third row.

niccig · Mar 14, 2008

Crunch the numbers on the luxury van and other options including certified or less loaded or different brand. Sit down with wife and talk about what you'll have to cut back on to afford the high-end odyssey - eating out, clothes, entertainment, TV, travel etc - all the non-necessities. But make sure you include some things that you'll have to give up or she'll think it all her that has to sacrifice. Other options are trading in her luxury vehicle for something that is more economical in gas/maintenance/payments to afford a 3rd vehicle. I'm assuming your subaru is much cheaper to afford. Work out a number of different scenarios and talk about what is most feasible and pleasant to all.

I'm doing this with my husband. The lease on my subaru tribeca is almost up. He would like to replace it with a similarly spendy car but this time we're buying. We also like to eat out, and we travel a lot and have plans to do work on the house - so we can buy a $$$ car and less for other things, or I'm looking at certified smaller car with better gas mileage. He's coming around...slowly but he's starting to see where it's smartest to put our money Also, I don't know who manages the finances in your household, if it's you and not your wife, she might think there's plenty of money, but if you sit and work out where the extra money a month will come from, it might help. My DH earns a good income, and he was used to have all this extra cash when single, but now with me not working, the house and DS all in the last 5 years, there's less discretionary cash so you have to make smarter decisions, but he's not used to doing that and it takes time to change how you think about money. Your wife might be the same.

SafeDad · Mar 14, 2008

dimsumdaddy said:
GREAT suggestion and I agree... but I forgot to mention:

- wife poopoo's the idea of buying used, especially a used van (which she believed will always be abused)

A new Honda Odyssey LX can be purchased for well under invoice in most areas. Carsdirect quotes them in the Chicago area for 22.3k + tax/license and a local dealer will beat the Carsdirect price. Still not as cheap as the Sedona, but you still get top safety ratings and standard side curtain airbags and stability control (with rollover protection and impact sensors for all three rows of seating).

A base model Sienna CE is also about the same price, but may require some options to get stability control depending on your region and model year.

Our 2006 Odyssey EX-L was about $30k out the door and that was when it was difficult to find deals below invoice. $35k on any minivan really is just for the top trim line loaded models and you don't need those to get all the safety features.

littleangelfire · Mar 17, 2008

Let me 2nd, third, or whatever a Mazda5! I want one so bad, and think its the coolest vehicle I've seen to date. I don't like driving big vehicles, I've just gotten too used to my little Civics (I'm on my third!) and the Mazda5 didn't seem too much longer than my Civic, yet it manages to have 3 rows of seats! Yes, looks like there's nil cargo area when using all three rows, but you get that with a minivan and some suvs with optional 3rd rows, too. The doors open like a minivans for easier access to back row, and all the little cubby holes for storing stuff is awesome. Also, I've read reviews on it, and though I won't get the exact wording right, check on edmunds.com, it was rated the most cost effective vehicle for either 07 or 08. Cheapest to own, cheapest to maintain, and cheapest something else...I don't remember. Sounds like everything grandma might need, though it sounds like your wife won't go for it.

Defrost · Mar 17, 2008

littleangelfire said:
I don't like driving big vehicles, I've just gotten too used to my little Civics (I'm on my third!) and the Mazda5 didn't seem too much longer than my Civic, yet it manages to have 3 rows of seats!

Ohh, the turn radius is actually one of my favorite things about my 5! It's the same as our Golf!! (I know this because I've delivered pizzas in both cars and done U-turns on practically every street in town LOL!)

It really does feel like a car, even though the sliding doors make it look like a van. When we first got it I kept losing it in parking lots because I was looking for something taller!

southpawboston · Mar 17, 2008

Defrost said:
Ohh, the turn radius is actually one of my favorite things about my 5! It's the same as our Golf!! (I know this because I've delivered pizzas in both cars and done U-turns on practically every street in town LOL!)

i have to laugh at loud when i see big bulky SUVs trying to make a 3-point turn...

yeah, there are lots of advantages to smaller vehicles

wildeyes · Mar 17, 2008

southpawboston said:
i have to laugh at loud when i see big bulky SUVs trying to make a 3-point turn... yeah, there are lots of advantages to smaller vehicles

i had a 94 pathfinder that i could make a 3-point turn with... i dont think i could do it with a suburban sized vehicle tho...

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