Very upset and wanting some advice. BIL took my son without his carseat while I was in the hospital.

Sorry if you have already read on babycenters car safety tips board.



Yesterday was one of the hardest days in my life. I spent 24 hours in the hospital for preterm labor. They gave me a shot to stop the labor, two steroid shots to help develop the baby's lungs and a bunch of antibiotics. I spent the whole 24 hours alone since my husband was working late and I am still in pain. Instead of worrying about the baby I was worried because my husband had no choice but to leave my 2 boys with his brother. I was worried all day that he would take my children without a carseat. His 2 year old goes somewhere everyday without a carseat and I know they just dont care about carseat safety. My husband used his nephews carseat (which he rarely rides in) and my sons regent to take my boys to his brothers house. My brother in law took the all 3 kids to go get toys in the day. He put his son in his carseat, my 3 year old in my other sons regent and my 4 year old, barely 40 pounds in the middle with the cars belt. Im not saying that he should have put his child without the carseat but they did not have to go anywhere, or one of them should have stayed home with my sister in law. Its just not worth risking my childs life to go buy toys. My husband has told them that my kids need to be restrained and now I feel that I have to say something to my brother in law. Because obviously what my husband said didnt get through to them. I have noone else to leave them with when the time comes to deliver my baby at the hospital. They have an arabic culture and my husband does not want me to talk to him about it but what kind of a mom would I be if I didnt say anything. My husband is going to be angry for saying something but I have to do what I have to do. I guess I just want some advice on what to say. I know no matter how nicely I say it he will get offended. And Im afraid that if I call or talk to him I will start crying and not be able to get out what I need to say. Would it be fine to just write a letter. What do you think I should write in it or is it better to try and talk to him. I already got in a big fight with my husband about it and I cant stop crying. I should have been worrying about my baby coming early yesterday and now I know that I was right to worry about my sons safety in the car. Thanks for any advice you have for me.

I am very sorry you have to go through this. It is very frustrating and scary.
You and/or your husband need to say something I am not sure on what wording I would use, but something needs to be said.

Also, I don't know what kind of car you have and what your budget is, but could you fit another carseat in your car? I don't know what your current set-up is, except for the Regent, but maybe putting your 4 yr. old in your younger son's seat (if he fits) and getting 2 sceneras for the younger ones(provided they still fit) might work until the baby is born. Then you could insist they use your car and everyone would have a safe place in the car.

If you can't work something like that out I would be firm that they are not to take your boys anywhere.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. If your husband doesn't want you to speak to his brother, then he NEEDS to speak with him. It is NOT OK to let this go, I don't care what the cultural traditions say. He needs to speak strongly, firmly, and with as much passion as he can muster until BIL and SIL understand that they should NEVER, EVER, under any circumstances or over any distance transport your children without having them properly restrained in their carseats. Putting your children at risk of death is just one step short of actually killing your children and is not something you can tollerate. If you are going to leave your children with him, it sounds like he needs to be left with a vehicle that already has car seats installed for all the kids there, including his.

(((hugs)))... I'd very angry and upset as well. However, I believe that you should talk with your husband and get him to talk to your BIL again before going to your BIL yourself. Maybe he doesn't want you to talk to your BIL for cultural reasons, but you need to let him know that if he wants you to respect his family's traditions then he needs to respect you as his wife. And also your child and *his* safety. You (and your son's safety) should come first before extended family.

Would another option be for you to talk to you SIL - a female-to-female conversation rather than female-to-male?

(((((HUGS))))) I agree that someone must address this issue. He put your child's life at risk. The laws of physics just don't care what cultural background anyone has I hope some of these links are helpful....

http://www.safekidsme.com/
http://www.beterem.org/
http://www.makeroadssafe.org/
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2007/pr17/en/index.html

Here's a "Right Fit" (ages 2-6) flyer in Arabic & another

Also, not sure if it's helpful, but I used the SafeKids CPST finder leaving all options blank, except for choosing Arabic language & got 5 results (Not sure if he actually speaks Arabic, though, so I appologize for assuming so if he actually doesn't)

There's another that I'm thinking of, but cannot find (I'll keep looking)

I completely understand. My husband and his family are not really good about the car seat safety thing either. My husband always puts my daughter in her seat (she's 6) but has let her ride with grandpa and his brother just strapped in. I almost died! What a relief when they come home safely. It's so scary. I think his family thinks I'm a little crazy sometimes...safety freak, you know. I think a letter would be fine, I'm a letter person myself. It would make you feel better. I don't think you need to go on and on, just keep it short. Make sure to be very kind in the letter and don't talk down to them. A short, kind, letter would take care of it. Once my father in law was going to drive after drinking with one of my kids in the car, you should have seen his face when I unbuckled my son and took him out of the back seat. He never tried that again! You'll never have peace until you say something. You can do it in a kind, tactful way, a mom way Blessings to you.