How do you handle this?

greysonsmom · Jan 28, 2008

Okay I have in the last few month become dare I say obsessed with Car seat safety

My dilemma is those how do you tell others in your life about it? Or do you?

I mean I cant stand the thought of having all this knowledge about car seat safety and not passing it on. I mean in some ways I think man if something where to happen to someones kid that I know because say they are FF when they shouldnt really be when I could have told them different etc..

For instance I have a friend who was talking of turning her 14 month old 25lb child FF this month. So what did I do... I sent her the links to youtube videos showing the difference in the crash test as well as a link to this website and other info saying why she shouldnt turn him. She was annoyed she said! But I dont care.. I shared my info and I feel better about it!

Then today a girl at my playgroup was talking about turning her 12 month old 22lb girl FF for a 10hr trip.. mind you the kid is already installed outboard passenger side for "convenience ". Anyways I proceeded to tell her why she shouldn't also! Then told her that Greyson will be RF till at least 33 lbs and she looked as me as I was running around the room with no clothes on.

okay novel over.. how do you handle it?

crunchierthanthou · Jan 28, 2008

just shrug and say, "I guess I love my kid more than you."

Some people just aren't receptive. The 1 and 20 mantra is so ingrained that they aren't willing to accept that it isn't the safest option. Many parents get defensive when you suggest they aren't making the best choice. You can't force it and you're doing what you can by informing them.

maipenrai · Jan 28, 2008

That's the hardest part-talking to people who just don't 'get it'. It doesn't mean they don't care about their kid; just that they honestly don't think it's a big deal. All you can do is share the information and let them make their own decision. Sometimes it stinks, but it's not like you can take away their keys until they let you install the seat RF. It's a parental choice.

southpawboston · Jan 28, 2008

crunchierthanthou said:
Some people just aren't receptive. The 1 and 20 mantra is so ingrained that they aren't willing to accept that it isn't the safest option. Many parents get defensive when you suggest they aren't making the best choice. You can't force it and you're doing what you can by informing them.

it's also because the whole 1 and 20 thing is "official", and it's hard to shake that belief by the ramblings of a random person (and one without official authority on the matter). people trust that 1 and 20 "must be safe" otherwise our government wouldn't make those standards. it's only reasonable that they wouldn't want to trust someone who "learned on the internet" that it's really not safe. i think that's the mentality of most people.

chloespurple · Jan 28, 2008

Hi Allie,
I know exactly how you feel. I caught the bug

in Jan. of '07 & became a CPST this past October

.
Good for you, for trying to educate your friends! That is all you can do and the rest is up to them. Even if just one parent learns something new about car seat safety then you have done a great thing!
Be patient and don't give up

Michelle

Mama! · Jan 28, 2008

Lately I sent out a mass email to all my friends/family with small kids. I freely admitted to being a carseat nerd, and told them about the new Nautilus. I mentioned that this was the season when we usually have xtra money from taxes, and that the nautilus harnessed a long time, etc.

Then I included a good youtube about the KDM foundation and the 5pt vs booster crash test.

Its the best I could do.

shauburg · Jan 29, 2008

I know exactly how you feel. I want to spread the word & make all my family and friend's kids safer too, but it's a fine line between getting them interested and turning them off.

I am lucky that some of my friends & family know I research everything and just ask me for input before they buy baby stuff. Other than that, I just wait for the topic to come up & throw out tid-bits like "I'm keeping DS rear-facing as long as possible" or "I bought DS a seat that will keep him harnessed as long as possible". If they are interested they will usually ask why and then I ease into the info.

One thing I have found is that some parents are really defensive about decisions that they already have made. For example, if they have already turned the child FF, they feel it would be admiting they were "wrong" to turn them back RF. If I sense this attitude, I try to focus on the future and what they can do to keep them safer in the next stage.

You just really have to use your "people skills" to judge each situation and proceed accordingly.

ktmo · Jan 29, 2008

I just did the same thing that Mama! did about the Nautilus. I am glad I am not the only one. I send out little emails with the videos and talk to them when they want to, but it is hard. I don't know how you can see those videos and let a 12 month old forward-face or put a 3 year-old in a booster. But they do.

I really just pray that they never get in an accident.

Katie

natysr · Jan 29, 2008

I agree with the PPs. I too try to share information that I have, when it seems appropriate. I try not to come off as preachy, because people just don't like that.

Take your friend. She had already made up her mind as to what she was going to do. Now imagine that decision she made, was not about turning her child FF, but was about cutting all her hair off into a bob, or getting a tattoo. Imagine that you emailed her about how much you don't like short hair on women, or about infections she could get from tattoos. She probably would be equally annoyed. See...she doesn't come from the same perspective that you are coming from. She doesn't want to hear anything that doesn't support her decision.

I mostly hope, that by practicing ERF myself, maybe I am leading by example. Maybe the more people in my community see Jordan RF, then maybe gradually it will not become so *weird*.

Remember, a child over 1 year and 20 pounds is generally safe FF. But, a child that is RF past those minimums is exponentially safER.

Try not to be discouraged.

thepeach80 · Jan 29, 2008

I would ask the mama if you can send her some info via e-mail since all the good stuff is on the web.

I also carry rfing handouts w/ me along w/ the Safe Kids brochure and state law insert. This way I can hand them out to random people who might be interested or leave them in waiting rooms etc instead of being a weirdo and asking a complete stranger for their e-mail address.

What gets harder is when you become a tech and have to balance that and what you know w/ your everyday relationships. I'm still working on this since AJ just started school this year and I could be more proactive, but I'm scared of some of those parents at school! I've seen at least 5 kids riding either unrestrained or in seatbelts only since school started and these are 4 and 5yo!

Victorious4 · Jan 29, 2008

It has become easier since I became a tech -- I just say that I'm certified & feel the obligation to share my information (and/or worry), give them my card & explain that they'll find research + pictures on the website ... I also invite them to call me to answer any questions, make an appointment for help double checking everything before they set off on their trip, etc.

Giving unsolicited advice has so rarely worked well (frequently produces the opposite of the desired effect), but opening the door for them to seek their own advice yeilds better results, IME :twocents: In the end, I must remind myself that their kids are for them to worry about & that my primary concern is my own child

Either way, it always helps to nicely & sincerely compliment some carseat related choice they've made

There is a thread somewhere here about effective ways to talk to people about carseats (anyone may use the Search option)

tcottawa · Jan 29, 2008

I don't think people don't care about their kids. This is what I think is happening...

a) they think there's a one in a million chance that they'll be in an accident, it's not going to happen to them
b) They're in a carseat, right? So they're safe enough...
c) OR they're so hard to install I might as well not even try to do it right (because NO ONE'S is installed right, right?)
d) there are so many things that can kill you, you can't control them all, why worry
e) we're all here and we didn't have carseats back then...

People are more scared that there kid will be kidnapped by a complete stranger which is so much less likely to happen (than a collision). Also, people here are told so much is bad for their kids (plastic bottles, food that's not organic, not breastfeeding) that they equate the risks associated with those things and decide that they can't win anyway, so why bother trying. They see us carseat fanatics as fear-mongerers even though their child is more likely to die in a collision than anything else.

vonfirmath · Jan 29, 2008

I will mention what I learn -- but not push it when it is obvious the person isn't listening.

At my baby shower, though, I explained why I wanted the car seat I had just gotten and one of the ladies said "I didn't know car seats expire" And I said they did, you had to check the documentation, and sometimes what is printed on the seat. But a general rule of thumb is 6 years (And I emphasized that was from date of manufacture, not when you bought it)

Both of her kids are in boosters

Unfortunately. But she is due with a new baby any day now and maybe because of this conversation she'll get the new baby a new car seat instead of using her old infant seat (Which was used by both of the other girls, the oldest of which is over 6)

My sister, on the other hand, I've mentioned some of teh stuff I have learned but she is not receptive. So I don't push (although I was shocked to discover she turned her kids around before they were even 1 years old in order to be able to watch DVDs in the car! Yikes!)

When we are closer, I will emphasize that my children need to be in their car seats even in her car. And maybe I'll have more of a chance to emphasize what is necessary for her kids... but from Washington/Texas it just isn't happening.

Often the best "preaching" is life example.

nhlbluesgirl · Jan 29, 2008

tcottawa said:
I don't think people don't care about their kids. This is what I think is happening...

a) they think there's a one in a million chance that they'll be in an accident, it's not going to happen to them
b) They're in a carseat, right? So they're safe enough...
c) OR they're so hard to install I might as well not even try to do it right (because NO ONE'S is installed right, right?)
d) there are so many things that can kill you, you can't control them all, why worry
e) we're all here and we didn't have carseats back then...

People are more scared that there kid will be kidnapped by a complete stranger which is so much less likely to happen (than a collision). Also, people here are told so much is bad for their kids (plastic bottles, food that's not organic, not breastfeeding) that they equate the risks associated with those things and decide that they can't win anyway, so why bother trying. They see us carseat fanatics as fear-mongerers even though their child is more likely to die in a collision than anything else.

I think that sums it up very well!

greysonsmom · Jan 29, 2008

I did ask the girl if I could email her some you tube links. and she said oh my you are trying to scare me huh..

so I emailed them anyway

she didnt say yes/no.

Then there is a girl on my pregnancy board who was thinking that her 7 month old 20 lb little guy could be put into a booster

So I passed along the info.. i really hope she takes it to heart as he is way to small for that.

Jessie78 · Jan 30, 2008

It is really really hard to keep quiet when you know there's a better way!
I have probably bored my friends to tears at times with ERF and EH benefits, and I think one just left her boy RF till 2 just to shut me up lol.

But in our country the *law* says RF till 6 months, and 12 months is only recommended. So there are plenty of 6m+ babies going round FF with their law-abiding parents absolutely clueless about the risks. It is sooo frustrating to see!!!
We can only do our best to spread the word and show people by example.

CRS · Jan 30, 2008

Jessie78 said:
It is really really hard to keep quiet when you know there's a better way!
I have probably bored my friends to tears at times with ERF and EH benefits, and I think one just left her boy RF till 2 just to shut me up lol.
But in our country the *law* says RF till 6 months, and 12 months is only recommended. So there are plenty of 6m+ babies going round FF with their law-abiding parents absolutely clueless about the risks. It is sooo frustrating to see!!!
We can only do our best to spread the word and show people by example.

Oi lady how many times do I have to tell you? LOL It depends on the seat they're using as to how long "legally" kiddo's have to remain RF. Don't make me beat it into you!

Jordynsmama · Jan 30, 2008

I say "okay I am a carseat freak so "bla bla bla" and I proceed to explain whatever I feel the need to explain and I show them or give them this website-
I was just at my dd's dad's families house and his cousin just had a baby who is 2 weeks-I asked to see the seat and asked what she does with blankets and she said puts them over the baby after she is buckled and then I showed her the website. She said "I will have to check that out".

His other cousin had a baby and she is 5 months and I watched his girlfriend buckle the baby in at xmas and she did pretty well-I just tightened it a bit and patted he ron the back and said good job. But for her 5 yr old she didn't listen. She had her in a bb with the belt behind her-I think she stopped doing that after I told her it was unsafe, but she ignored my email about hbb and the regent.....then showed up to an even a month later with her 5 yr old in nothing

We went to the mall the other day when they were visiting and I made sure she rode in my car and saw dd in her Regent....

How do you handle this?

greysonsmom

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crunchierthanthou

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maipenrai

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southpawboston

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chloespurple

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Mama!

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shauburg

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ktmo

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natysr

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thepeach80

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Victorious4

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tcottawa

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vonfirmath

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nhlbluesgirl

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greysonsmom

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Jessie78

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CRS

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Jordynsmama

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