I have one of THOSE kids......

emandbri · Jan 17, 2008

Elizabeth is 18 months and has started screaming, arching her back, straighening her legs, and tries to climb into Benjamin's seat when I get her in her seat. I've tried having a soft toy or a doll that I let her have after she is straped in but she doesn't care and throws it down. She is fine once she is in the seat.

She around 25 lbs and there is no freakin' way I'm turning her. She would still fit in the safe seat, I'm seriously considering putting her back in it until this phase is over. I'm thinking I can get her in the safe seat easier then I can the marathon since she wouldn't have the back of the seat to brace her feet against. I would then lose the safety of the rear-facing tether though.

Any other ideas? I don't really want to bribe with food because I don't want her to have food issues or throw food all over the van.

SPJ&E · Jan 17, 2008

It's pretty common for kids to do that around her age, so I'd say it'll pass pretty quickly. Have you tried special toys just for the car (leave them in the car, so she only sees them then and doesn't get bored with them)?

kidrepair · Jan 17, 2008

Same thing is happening with us, my youngest will be 16mo. this week, I have to hold her down with one hand while trying to fasten her harness with the other all the while she is screaming her head off, hoping this phase goes by quick.I think having her rearfacing makes it a bit more difficult because like your dd she pushes on the seat making it even harder to strap her in. Also like you there is no way I am turning her ff anytime soon, she is now 22-23lbs. so we have a long way to go yet. Sorry no advice just letting you know you are not alone.

crunchierthanthou · Jan 17, 2008

I'd maybe try the SS1. You can buckle it the house and not give her the chance to fight it. I am a big fan of Britax's rf tether, but I don't think other seats are necessarily unsafe and would feel comfortable using one. Hopefully she's through this stage quickly.

fyrfightermomma · Jan 17, 2008

My now 2.5 year old did that around 15 or 16 months. We thought the solution at the time was the turn her FF. However then all she did was arch her back and slide off the seat to the floor LOL so we flipped her back around RF. What finally worked for us was to absolutly COMPLETELY ignore it. We made sure we got in the car at least once a day (i previously had tried to avoid the car, but the less she was in the car the worse it got because she wasn't used to it, when we took her out everyday she got used to it more). When we put her in the car we told her "its time to sit in the car". She then would procede to fight and push off the seat back. We would very FIRMLY push her shoulders back down so she was sitting and say again "its time to sit in the car" in a completely neutral tone of voice. We didn't sound happy or excited like "hey this is fun" and didn't yell or get mad (becuase hey that's still attention they are getting) and we didn't want it to be a punishment. We also made sure to never make eye contact. We'd just stare at her torso as we buckled her in, if she'd arch or push off we'd FIRMLY push her back down again and just repeat "its time to sit in the car" in a very flat tone of voice over and over and over until she was buckled. We were very consitent and did this every time. Very time consuming but after about 4 weeks she stopped and has been fine since (a year later). We also made sure to never punish her for not sitting nice or reward her when she did sit nice. We wanted her to know this was just a fact of life and is non negotiable (just like sleeping or eating) and it seemed to work for us. I truly believe they do it for attention and want to see how you react. It's one thing they sort of have control over...if they wiggle a lot you just can't buckle them. So we made sure to not react at all. Good luck!!

sfeitler · Jan 17, 2008

Both my DDs have done this. It does end eventually...

We just pick up the legs, push down on the shoulders, and put DD2 into her seat whether she likes it or not. It's really cute to see her sitting in her sister's seat, but I only put up with that if I'm not in a hurry.

She pretty much stops fighting once the harness is snapped. Oh, and we usually loosen the harness when we take her out, so it's easier to put on over flailing arms...

-Sarah

Simplysomething · Jan 17, 2008

I think it's the age.

One suggestion that I found worked (sometimes) was to tickle them so they bend their legs. Or to let her try to buckle the chest clip. (I think they were suggested by posters here, when my ds2 was being a turd in the car-seat at that age)

For the most part, this stage does pass.

safeinthecar · Jan 17, 2008

When DD2 went through that phase I kept a blue washable Crayola marker handy. When she sat down and let me buckle her I used it to draw a puppy print on her hand as a reward. (we used the same technique for potty training) True, I had a blue spoted kid for a few months, but I didn't have to listen to her scream about the car seat or change dirty diapers anymore

mommy4girls · Jan 17, 2008

Ilana did that for a bit too. I learned a trick with Kendra that worked. I would put her in the seat and put my elbow between her legs and hod her in while I buckled the top and then I buckled the bottom. I stayed calm and no nonsense.

henrietta · Jan 17, 2008

"When DD2 went through that phase I kept a blue washable Crayola marker handy. When she sat down and let me buckle her I used it to draw a puppy print on her hand as a reward. (we used the same technique for potty training) True, I had a blue spoted kid for a few months, but I didn't have to listen to her scream about the car seat or change dirty diapers anymore"

Great idea!!! I'm going to try this.

We went thru the same thing w/ds just a few months ago, and for about a week, I did turn him ff'ing, b/c I can't sit in a parking lot for 3 hours waiting for him to stop fighting, and I physically can't wrestle him. After a week, I switched him back, and tried tickling and other distractions. It did pass, but resurfaces occasionally. I agree that it's their age.

I'm not recommending turning. I just had to get home before rush hour! LOL

I'm not against a Hershey's kiss as an occasional diversion and reward to get him in the seat. It won't kill him, and we aren't rewarding everything on the planet w/food. I'm a professional dog trainer w/a background in education, so I think I know how to use rewards appropriately w/o causing problems. If it gives him a positive association to being buckled up and makes him feel more agreeable about it, that's a good thing.

henrietta

sfeitler · Jan 17, 2008

henrietta said:
I'm not against a Hershey's kiss as an occasional diversion and reward to get him in the seat. It won't kill him, and we aren't rewarding everything on the planet w/food. I'm a professional dog trainer w/a background in education, so I think I know how to use rewards appropriately w/o causing problems. If it gives him a positive association to being buckled up and makes him feel more agreeable about it, that's a good thing.

henrietta

Yeah, if DD2 is struggling and says she wants a cracker or something, I'm perfectly happy to say "first we buckle you in, then I'll give you a cracker." Sometimes that's enough to gain compliance.

I like the washable marker idea...

-Sarah

lovinwaves · Jan 17, 2008

"This too shall pass". My son did the same thing around that age. I say don't change anything. Just wrestle with her until you get her strapped. Stay calm, cool, and act no different like you install her everyday. She needs to know there is no compromise, and this is the way it is. My son eventually gave in and realized no matter how much fuss he made I was still persistant with putting him in the seat.

Ugh. Good luck..I so remember those days

Jordynsmama · Jan 17, 2008

Oh this reminds me of those days lol....when Jordyn was about 18 months-2 yrs....she wouldnt wanna go in her seat and she would try to attack me, pull my hair, thrash around so I couldnt do it and I would have to put my head down and close my eyes and try to buckle her in b4 she killed me. It passed

emandbri · Jan 18, 2008

Thanks all! I'm going to try the marker idea. It honestly wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so freakin cold! Yesterday it was 23 degrees and I was FREEZING while trying to get her in! Then I was in a store parking lot and it occured to me that there are cameras! I hope no one thinks I'm abusing her trying to get her in her seat!

I've also been late getting Benjamin from school because of this. I need to start getting ready ealier. I admit it has crossed my mind to stay home more but like others said then she wouldn't learn!

amy919 · Jan 18, 2008

Ditto everyone else. My youngest did this as well, but it passed.

Hang in there!

singingpond · Jan 18, 2008

My 3 y.o., who is soon coming to the end of his RF days (by weight), is 'one of THOSE kids' too.... on those occasions (at least three or four times a week) when he doesn't want to get into his seat for some reason. When that happens, I just mash him in, and calmly tell him we have to go, and that he has to be in his harness straps for safety. He's strong, but I am still a lot stronger, fortunately. You just have to develop a technique to keep the child adequately restrained to get the harness straps on and get them buckled. I usually don't have time to have a long discussion with him, or to try to persuade him into a better mood; also, by personality, if he is in an uncooperative mood he may persist for a long time (he's a determined child). So there's not much point in hanging around the driveway or the parking lot to wait him out. I'm not embarassed, I don't worry about it, and there's no harm done -- he's not developing some sort of phobia about the car or the carseat, and the majority of car trips with him are still uneventful. I don't think FF vs. RF would matter. Past experience with DS#1 shows that a FF kid who doesn't want to be in the carseat can put up a lot of resistance too, and they have all that extra space in front of them to slither down into

.

Katrin

maipenrai · Jan 18, 2008

My 16 month old has been doing this for a few months. I haven't come up with any brilliant solutions yet since nothing works consistently so far. But at least you know you're not alone and your child is normal!

elle7715 · Jan 18, 2008

I have two of those kids

My 11 month old is at that stage already but luckily can't put up much of a fight. My 3 year old still does it once in a while too. You figure out how to get them in there. Stay calm and firm, you'll get them in there eventually. I agree with the other posters, forward facing just means they can collapse onto the floor of the car.

emandbri · Feb 26, 2008

I thought I'd update that we did the drawings on the hand and it totally worked! I weaned her off of the drawings and now she is doing fine.

Thanks SOOOOOOOOO much!

An Aurora · Feb 26, 2008

Thanks for bumping this thread! My 11 mo is doing the same thing and it's driving me crazy!

I have one of THOSE kids......

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