Desparate - Need Help with Carseat Aversion

I have an almost 4 year old who has always been slightly whiny about her car seat. At about 3 yo or so we had about 8 months of NO whining at all but slowly it's crept back and now it's here with a vengeance. In the last 3-4 weeks it has become prohibitive. I literally cannot go anywhere without her screaming like an axe murderer is coming for her and squirming out of the seat. It's maddening, frustrating, heartbreaking and I simply cannot be in the car with her now as it's crazy-making and plain dangerous. So, we're house bound...another crazy making situation :crying:.

I should mention that she is also very picky about clothes that fit "weird", socks and many tell tales signs that potentially indicate sensory processing disorder. Only it's not consistent and she would have only a very mild case, if at all. She's also very petite and in no way ready for a booster.

Anyone out there going through this? Any tips or tricks? I am at my wits end. Thanks!

Have you asked her why she doesn't like her car seat?

I'm sure you have, but I'm wondering what she says about it. Perhaps there is something poking/rubbing/otherwise making her uncomfortable?

Sorry, hon, but it might be best if you go to BRU (money permitting) and let her sit in all the seats she fits in. Let her pick the one most comfotable to her and tell you are ONLY going to get it IF she will sit in it without crying or protesting.

That might help.

Have you explained to her why she has to sit in a carseat?

Ds has wanted to sit in the front, in the seat beside his, on the armrest between the front seats and once I explain why and tell him mommy and daddy would be very sad if anything were to happen to him he gets upset about hearing it and automatically gets into his seat.

arly1983 said:

Sorry, hon, but it might be best if you go to BRU (money permitting) and let her sit in all the seats she fits in. Let her pick the one most comfotable to her and tell you are ONLY going to get it IF she will sit in it without crying or protesting.

That might help.

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:yeahthat:

My niece is similar regarding tags in clothing, certain fabrics, etc. My brother/SIL knew right away that the Apex 65 wouldn't do b/c they said there were too many seams, etc (I'm not agreeing - just relaying their perception). So they settled on the Regent, which she loves... I think Arly's idea of letting her try out different seats may be the best way to go.

Out of curiousity, which seat is she in now that she hates so much?

Jewels said:

Have you explained to her why she has to sit in a carseat?

Ds has wanted to sit in the front, in the seat beside his, on the armrest between the front seats and once I explain why and tell him mommy and daddy would be very sad if anything were to happen to him he gets upset about hearing it and automatically gets into his seat.

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DS watched the Kyle Miller video just after turning four. Wow. It really affected the way he viewed his carseat... (ETA: use your parental discretion to decide if she's ready for it - DS saw it the first time b/c he watched over my shoulder when I didn't know).

My dd is sensitive as well. She couldn't adjust to the Radian, but loves her Husky/aka Regent.

Have you asked her why she doesn't like her car seat?

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Yes, yes a yes! We were even in a car accident in September where we were slammed into on the right front fender by a car going 40 mph. It was terrifying but she was in her seat (properly) and not protesting as she is now and no one was hurt (I have a 19 month old as well). I thought that was my ace in the hole for further explaining why seat belts are crucial. Nope. I know it's very heavy handed sounding but we talk about death and what that means. This is how desperate I am. It doesn't make a difference.

She is in a Britax Marathon right now. What she says bothers her the most is the part that touches her "tummy". This means the entire front panel, including the full range of straps (shoulder to crotch) and the clasp. She screams "It's toooooooooo tight! It's tooooo tight". It's actually illegally loose at the moment so this is clearly not true.

If my husband and I are both in the car and I sit in the back and put my hand on her stomach (separating her from the strap) she is perfectly fine. This is the only way we can get from point a to b with out the insanity.

Thank you all for responses and suggestions. We just may need to head to bru for yet another car seat. Ug.

DS watched the Kyle Miller video just after turning four.

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I watched that JUST before writing my original post. Just heartbreaking.

msmeaux said:

If my husband and I are both in the car and I sit in the back and put my hand on her stomach (separating her from the strap) she is perfectly fine. This is the only way we can get from point a to b with out the insanity.

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How about letting her pick out a really nice fabric or thin blanket and using that to put between her body and all the buckles/straps...?

Wow. Good luck!

Perhaps a different seat might help?

I know some chn who have problems with the buckles on any car seat being to close to their tummy.

Do you have the bellypad and shoulder pads on the seat?

How about letting her pick out a really nice fabric or thin blanket and using that to put between her body and all the buckles/straps...?

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Just to give you an idea of what we've been going through...Yesterday before we attempted to go to the market she insisted on 2 kitchen towels and a hello kitty notepad to stuff between her and the strap :shrug-shoulders:!! I actually stood outside her seat for over ten minutes while she meticulously folded and refolded these towels into an elaborate configuration. Deeeep breathing . It's also been a blanket, a small (very) pillow etc. At this point I think it's psychological more than physical, kwim?

Do you have the bellypad and shoulder pads on the seat?

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Yes. We created custom sheepy cutouts for the clasps but she doesn't like them on her shoulders. Go figure!

msmeaux said:

At this point I think it's psychological more than physical, kwim?

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I agree. My guess would be that being in the car seat reminds her of the crash. Something that was probably very scary to her and is directly linked to her car seat. Kids have funny logic, so in her mind being in her car seat could equal being ready to crash or that you're going to crash.

The only other thing I could think of is that the HUGS are putting some sort of pressure on her chest and it's uncomfortable for her to breath.

Maybe getting a completely different carseat would solve the problem - it's worth a try anyways.

Does she have a car seat for her dolls or a car for her barbies? Does she do role playing with them yet? Kids her age are remarkably good at expressing themselves through play when they talk "for" the doll. If you sit down and play barbies with her casually and go for a trip to the store in the car - or make a pretend car with kitchen chairs and have her buckle a baby doll into the car seat and put it in the "car." Maybe through that natural semi-structured play, she'll create a dialog of some sort between herself and her dolls or she'll have her doll talk to your doll. Kids have a great imagination at this age, but their play and interactions often reflects things that they repeatedly think about. Maybe this would give you an idea of if there's an underlying cause for all this - and with the kind of unfiltered knowledge that it would give you, it would help you find a way to best help her overcome her discomfort & fear. You'd just need to be careful to not direct her in what way to play - buckle the doll in, but don't prompt about if dolly likes the car seat or whatever... set the situation, but let her expression be spontaneous. :thumbsup:

FWIW, I don't think that she'd find a booster any better even if she was bigger/older/mature enough for one. I'm guessing it has roots beyond that & it might be something you least expect... even when parents and kids have open relationships and are free to talk about anything, there are still things that kids internalize. So I would try the playing and see if something comes out that way - asking her outright just might not work..

Many hugs to all of you and I hope you find a solution in the near future. I can only imagine how tough it must be for all of you.

I guess you could try telling her "it's the car seat, or you stay at home with "so and so". She seems to be testing you, to see what she can and cannot take with her and stuff between the seat belt/herself.

How old is the child?

Did the accident cause her to be like this, as in did the harness dig into her at all, and maybe still hurts now/tissue damage? Is she just scared of the seat belts, because that is what was holding her in the car at the time?

I do feel your pain! My dd is also one with sensory issues (including sock seams and tags). Luckily that sensitivity hasn't translated into hatred of the carseat, but I started showing her crash test videos (things like the Kyle Miller and Belle video, and comparisons of harnessed seats and boosters) at age 2 and she seemed to "get it".

She absolutely must have a say in the seat she rides in, though. Like everything else, I give her a few choices I am totally okay with, and she can choose. It can work to only let her choose the carseat COVER, too, if only one seat is right for her age/size.

Right now we have three boosters and she picks the one she wants to ride in most of the time. Sometimes I insist on one or the other for a certain reason (one has lapbelt lockoffs and one has a shoulderbelt lockoff and top tether, so there are certain vehicles and certain road trips I want a certain booster used), but usually she gets her choice. If it is an instance where I choose, she does try to put up a fight.

I would try the Regent. I can see how a Marathon might be uncomfortable for a child with sensory issues. However, the Regent would be much more comfortable in my opinion in this situation.

I would also, if she likes pink go for the Madison Regent. It is also more well padded on top of being girly. So, if she is into pink that might be the way to go.

I feel your pain, both of my girls have sensory issues. There is days when it requires pinning down a kid to buckle them in. Was MUCH easier when they were both rear facing, less room for them to get away!

Good luck and let us know how it goes please.

You know, after reading your other posts, I wonder if the crotch buckle of the Marathon really IS bothering her? I know my dd is extremely bothered by the regular crotch strap on the Apex (have never tried her in an Apex with the mail-order, longer strap) and also by the crotch strap on the Radian. I haven't tried her in a Marathon in ages because she's way too big, but I could totally see it bugging her.

In contrast, the crotch strap on the Regent is much longer and hits my dd in a more comfortable location. Maybe trying different seats out really would help? Maybe she can have a say in what's comfortable for her?

Wow. Thank you all for you input and support! I think I just might show her a video of crash test. I just need to determine whether or not that will make her even more anxiety ridden or not.

Does anyone know how the size of the Regent compares to the Marathon? I currently have a Honda CRV with two marathons in back.

Does she do role playing with them yet?

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No, but this is a really great idea. We were even thinking about seeing a therapist to go through some play therapy and explore other strategies.

Thanks again for all your help!

FWIW, my DD prefers her Regent over her MA. I think the seating depth of the MA is just a little short for her, and she's only four. That may be part of it for your DD since she's a little older.

I would NOT show her crash test videos. She has been through a real live crash test. That is enough.

I would bet that the Marathon really is bugging her. I would try the Regent. It is absolutely bigger than a Marathon. However, it will fit in a CRV. I would absolutely try that before doing anything else. I know my girl's would freak if I tried to put them in a Marathon right now. Just putting them in to take size comparison pictures was met with unhappiness!

If you also look at the Madison Regent which are more well padded then you should be good. You will be amazed at the extra buckle space on the Regent.