DD's dad refuses to buckle her in correctly...

Mom2Livi

New member
Okay, first of all, how do I convince pretty much everyone in my family that DD should not be wearing her winter coat in her car seat? I've explained it to them a million times, but they just don't believe that it's really that dangerous. They say that it's too much of a pain to take her coat off in the car. Any links would be very much appreciated. :thumbsup:

And here's my rant...

DD's father and I are separated. DD stays with him at his parent's house during the day on Mondays. I send her there in her Snugride with a heavy blanket over her, and I pack her winter coat in the diaper bag. When they bring her home, she has her winter coat on in the car seat, the chest clip is slid all the way down to her crotch, and the straps are too loose! I've explained to her father that it's unsafe, I've demonstrated how to buckle her in, and nothing is working! They refuse to put her in the seat correctly. :( We're getting ready to purchase a convertible seat for their car, because she has almost outgrown her Snugride at 10 months. What can I do to make sure that she's buckled in correctly when she's at their house? I hate not being able to be in control of my daughter's safety. :(
 
ADS

Mom2nj

Member
Is it just the coat issue, or is the harness always to loose? If you can, I'd get her a coat that is allowed to be buckled in the seat and only give them that one, if they need a warmer one they can keep it at their house for when she is there for playtime outside.
 

ThreeBeans

New member
Ditto the above poster, get a fleece bunting or coat.

And if they still refuse to buckle her in properly, tell them you would hate to have seek a court order to protect your child from her own family.
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
Unfortunately, it sounds like this is a situation where they are simply never going to listen to you, simply because you're the "ex." No matter how correct or logical your argument, they're not going to hear it because it's coming from you.

I'd suggest finding an outside resource; if you can get a brochure from the ped's office, for example, or have a mutual friend let them know about a local carseat check or tech. That way you can just keep saying "But the PED said," or "Remember what the police officer said..."

What a crappy situation. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. :(
 

NOAHSMOM

New member
It is too bad that he and his family won't listen to you, do you guys have regular discussions about your dd? My son's dad and I are divorced and share custody and thankfully he follows through on securely buckling him in his seat. I did have to buy the seat and once in awhile he asks when he can be in a booster, but day to day he does a good job. My son hasn't worn his puffy winter coat yet, but when he does I will put a fleece underneath it so it is easy for him to take the top layer off in the car. At your dd's age she probaly doesn't even need a puffy coat, but getting this settled early on would be a good thing and hopefully done the road it will be routine and there won't be any issues. It is very hard having shared custody and not being in control all of the time, believe me i know.
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
Ordering a carseat poncho might help as it's carseat friendly, but otherwise a thin fleece coat. Can you demand they see a tech? At least her dad? Then it won't be coming from you, but someone else.
 

Mom2Livi

New member
Unfortunately, it sounds like this is a situation where they are simply never going to listen to you, simply because you're the "ex."

Yes, I agree with you, that's exactly what it is. :( It is very unfortunate, because it is our child's safety that is being compromised.

I feel like the more I preach about the car seat issue, the MORE they buckle her in incorrectly, just to shove it back in my face.
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
What state are you in? Presenting a highlighted copy of the actual law outlining that what they're doing is not only unsafe but potentially illegal along with a demand (ahem: request) to see a tech might be helpful if not necessary.
 

MagnificentMama

Senior Community Member
Ditto the above poster, get a fleece bunting or coat.

And if they still refuse to buckle her in properly, tell them you would hate to have seek a court order to protect your child from her own family.

Not to sound like a meanie, but threebeans, that's just impossible to do. There is no way a family court judge is going to hand out and OOP for a childs father b/c he uses a coat on her in the car seat.

To the OP, honestly legally, there is nothing you can do. I wish there was. I wish there was this magic legal form that you could fill out and your parenting issues will be solved, but there isn't. My ex is horrible with car seat misuse and rolls his eyes everytime I try to aproach him about. I know this isn't what you want to hear and everyone is going to get all mad b/c technically there is something that should be done because it's a blantent misuse- but the bottom line is that you can't force someone to be a good parent. You just gotta let it go and pray that nothing bad will happen to her. It's so much easier said than done- i know, i've been there. I"m still there now, but there is nothing you can do to force him to give a rats butt about her safety.
 
What about a thin jacket and an extra top or singlet on Daddy days?
That way she will still be safe and reduce the bulkyness.
Then can you get someone who you know is a tech to pop over and visit to have a chat about why the harness needs to be a little tighter? He may be scared that it is too tight?
 

CDNTech

Senior Community Member
Why not send them a link on how to use a coat safely in the carseat...http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.php?p=273916#post273916

I'd also make sure to get a warm fleece coat instead of a bulky winter coat. If they do continue to buckle her incorrectly, there won't be as much slack as there would with a thick winter jacket.

The only other thing I can think of is to get an appointment with a tech for them.
 

snowbird25ca

Moderator - CPST Instructor
One other thing I'm thinking, is to consider getting a triumph advance for dad's car. With the infinite adjust harness, at least that's one thing that's taken out of the equation since it'll always be at the right height automatically, and maybe the knobs will be easy enough for them they'll tighten them properly. (Plus it's relatively inexpensive and has high harness & decent weight limit. :thumbsup: )
 

Mom2Livi

New member
One other thing I'm thinking, is to consider getting a triumph advance for dad's car. With the infinite adjust harness, at least that's one thing that's taken out of the equation since it'll always be at the right height automatically, and maybe the knobs will be easy enough for them they'll tighten them properly. (Plus it's relatively inexpensive and has high harness & decent weight limit. :thumbsup: )

This is what I was thinking to... I'm actually purchasing the seat on Thursday. So how exactly do you adjust the harness, do you have to use the knobs to adjust it, or does the harness just automatically adjust on it's own? I know, dumb question, but I haven't even played with the new Triumph yet. :eek:
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
One other thing I'm thinking, is to consider getting a triumph advance for dad's car. With the infinite adjust harness, at least that's one thing that's taken out of the equation since it'll always be at the right height automatically, and maybe the knobs will be easy enough for them they'll tighten them properly. (Plus it's relatively inexpensive and has high harness & decent weight limit. :thumbsup: )

While I really like the ETA and I agree on your other points, I'm not sure about the knobs making it more likely he'll get it tight enough... I've only played with the Advanced in the store, but in the old Triumph model that had the double-harness that I helped with, I found it was very difficult to get it tight enough. It felt like I was squishing the kid! I don't know if that was from the double-harness or the knob, though. :( Definitely worth looking into, though - hopefully it was the double-harness that was giving me trouble, and the knob being on the side of the seat will encourage them to USE it.
 

lovinwaves

New member
Not to sound like a meanie, but threebeans, that's just impossible to do. There is no way a family court judge is going to hand out and OOP for a childs father b/c he uses a coat on her in the car seat.

Yes, but mentioning it to the family might pull their heads out of their rears and start "listening up", or at least that's what we hope.
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
This is what I was thinking to... I'm actually purchasing the seat on Thursday. So how exactly do you adjust the harness, do you have to use the knobs to adjust it, or does the harness just automatically adjust on it's own? I know, dumb question, but I haven't even played with the new Triumph yet. :eek:

It's not a dumb question!

The part that adjusts on its own is the slot height - there's no re-threading or really adjusting the height at all. They just slide up & down and go right where they're supposed to. :thumbsup:

For getting the harness tight, however, there are knobs on the sides of the seat that you turn until the harness is tight. It's very straight-forward, which might help. The seat I helped install was an older model and there was a double-harness, and every time I turned the knob to tighten the harness, it felt like I was squishing the poor kid, but then I'd check and there'd still be tons of slack. It's a bit weird until you get used to it, but considering the fact that your dh & his family aren't "used" to anything yet anyway, this could be exactly what they need.
 

lovinwaves

New member
Next time you are around DD's Dad, or his family do this demo:

Put her in the seat with her coat on, tighten the straps. Then take her out of the seat, take her coat off, then put her back in (do not tighten the straps). Then show them that is essentially what is suppose to hold her in the seat in the event of an accident. :twocents:
 

ThreeBeans

New member
I'm not talking about a restraining order; I'm talking about making it a requirement of visitation that the carseats are used correctly.
 

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