Pushback on extending ERF

DebOberg

New member
DH agreed to ERF until age 4. We're there and DH now wants to flip but DS is still under the limits for his seat and I want to ERF until he hits the RF limits. How long have you RFed beyond 4?
 
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Brianna

New member
You've done a great job keeping your little one rear facing until 4! We really don't have data about rear facing past 4, but forward facing at 4 in a properly installed, properly used 5 point harness is quite safe. If you do decide to FF now, be sure to use the top tether and double check the weight limit for latch if that's what you're using.
 

Nedra

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
I would feel comfortable flipping a child at age 4. I understand the "why not?" feeling that you are having, though, since he still fits in his seat RF.

What are your husbands objections? Honestly if he has any reason beyond "you said we'd flip him at 4" or "everybody else's kids are FF" I'd probably just forward-face him. So if he's having trouble getting him into the seat, or if your DS is asking to FF or whatever...I'd probably just go ahead and flip him now. As Brianna said, we really don't know how much safer RF is after age 4.


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oakster

New member
Agreed--I'd feel comfortable flipping at this point too. The way we worked this out in our house was to give our child the choice once we hit our RF goal. He actually chose to continue RFing for several months and then asked to turn, so we turned him. That seemed to make everyone happy. With kid #2, our convertible will expire soon after he hits the goal, so he won't have a choice...oh, well!
 

thekatie

New member
Agreed--I'd feel comfortable flipping at this point too. The way we worked this out in our house was to give our child the choice once we hit our RF goal. He actually chose to continue RFing for several months and then asked to turn, so we turned him. That seemed to make everyone happy. With kid #2, our convertible will expire soon after he hits the goal, so he won't have a choice...oh, well!
I kind of did this. When DH was in an accident and we lost that car seat, I stuck my Radian in his new car and got a Pioneer for my car. J2 HATED it! I bought another Radian, and he requested to go back rear facing. He stayed that way until he outgrew it.

My DH wasn't exactly on board with ERF. He didn't complain but I know he felt it was ridiculous. But his only real, tangible objection was that he couldn't drive with J2 rear facing behind the driver seat - so I did all the driving. Problem solved.
 

DebOberg

New member
I would feel comfortable flipping a child at age 4. I understand the "why not?" feeling that you are having, though, since he still fits in his seat RF.

What are your husbands objections? Honestly if he has any reason beyond "you said we'd flip him at 4" or "everybody else's kids are FF" I'd probably just forward-face him. So if he's having trouble getting him into the seat, or if your DS is asking to FF or whatever...I'd probably just go ahead and flip him now. As Brianna said, we really don't know how much safer RF is after age 4.


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His says that it is just that it's not necessary but i think it's really that he doesn't like his boy rear facing when his friends' kids are all FF.

We don't know how MUCH safer RF is past 4 but within the limits of the seat I can't see it possibly being less safe and would like to flip only when he hits the limits.
 

kathysr98

Active member
I turned my dd just after she turned four because I needed her in a different position in the car for a few trips. She had been FF in a couple of cars for a few months, but she still complained about being FF in my car. I turned her back around after a while and she stayed RF until she outgrew the Radian at 4y9m. I eased the transition then with a pink seat with cup holders.
 

walnutgold

New member
My 5yo is comfortably RF. He actually asked to be turned back. Although he's still safe FF, he's just more comfortable RF.
 

danceintherain

New member
His says that it is just that it's not necessary but i think it's really that he doesn't like his boy rear facing when his friends' kids are all FF.

We don't know how MUCH safer RF is past 4 but within the limits of the seat I can't see it possibly being less safe and would like to flip only when he hits the limits.

How often is he the one actually putting him into the car? If it's about even, then I'd probably consider flipping him. If you're the one primarily loading him and driving him around, then I don't see why it would matter to your husband that much.
Honestly, I look at it as a good lesson about not bowing to peer pressure.
 

Nedra

Car-Seat.org Ambassador
His says that it is just that it's not necessary but i think it's really that he doesn't like his boy rear facing when his friends' kids are all FF.



We don't know how MUCH safer RF is past 4 but within the limits of the seat I can't see it possibly being less safe and would like to flip only when he hits the limits.


There's no question that, if he fits properly, it is safest for him to be rear-facing at any age. However, if there are no medical conditions to indicate that his skeleton is atypical for a four-year-old, it is appropriate to let other considerations factor into the decision. If your husband has no actual problems with rear-facing except the fact that his friends aren't doing it, then I agree with the recommendations above to let your son decide which he prefers. It will be hard for your husband to argue if your son is the one choosing to remain rear-facing.

PS -- If it's helpful, I will also let you know what we personally are going to do once my 3.5 year old turns 4, since I doubt she will have outgrown her seats.

In-laws' car: Once they realized we were serious about RF until 4, they gradually stopped asking when they could flip her. As a result, I expect to flip her in their car as soon as she turns 4. If they are fine with keeping her RF, awesome. But they have had to come a long way in car seat safety and I am grateful that she is still RF as long as she is. Therefore, as soon as she turns 4 I will let them know that we can find a time for me to teach them how to use her seat FF. (If by some miracle they have lost interest in FF, then I will drop it unless they ask again.)

Our cars: My husband and I have 2 cars, but we both use them. DH has no complaints about RF. I suspect that he expects we'll flip her when she turns 4. If he brings it up, I will consent to flipping her in one car and he can take that car more often if he wants. I will just personally take the car where she is RF. I will then just keep her RF in the car I use more often until she outgrows the seat or persistently begins to ask to be FF.

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dogmelissa

New member
My DD turned FF at 4yrs 2mo because she hit the height limit for RF in her Radian. Manufacturers and government organizations and safety experts say to RF to the limits of their seat, so personally I'd use those recommendations as your reasoning.

If push comes to shove, there's a lot of difference between 4yrs 0days and 4yrs 364days but both are still 4: if you turn her before his 5th birthday, you didn't change your view. ;)

If it's a driving issue, can you put the seat in the centre or on the passenger side or change the incline so that he can drive? Obviously you're not opposed to driving but it's nice to have the option of sharing driving duties.

Either way, you've done a great job keeping him RF as long as you have. Though I would have a discussion about his reasons and the safety aspects - expert recommendations, best practice and European norms included - ultimately if it's a choice between a rift in your marriage or turn FF, turn him.

Melisaa
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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