Letting others drive your children?

twinsmommy627

New member
I'm wondering if I am alone in not wanting anyone else driving my children. My twins' preschool takes field trips and relies on the parents to drive (buses aren't an option). My twins are the only ones who are still in a harnessed seat (Britax Roundabouts) and I don't feel comfortable rotating their seats around. I don't know 1) how the other mom drives and 2) can my seat be installed properly? The teachers make me feel like I'm sort of nut that I want to drive my children and not move their seats around. Anyone else experience this? :confused:

When they get older, maybe I'll feel more comfortable letting others drive them, but for now, I just don't.
 
ADS

dd9736

New member
i've seen a few ppl on here who chaperone field trips, just so they can drive their own kids, so you're not alone
 

doubleblessed

New member
My twins ~ when they were in preschool, I signed that I refuse to allow them to ride on the vans or buses. And if they have plans to go on trips, at least let me know and I'll gladly take them there. My kids had no problems riding with me so it wasn't an issue.

Now that they are 5 1/2 years old, I have only allowed ONE friend to drive them. And that is because she is a car seat FREAK and makes sure everyone is buckled before going anywhere. :thumbsup:
 

mylittlet

Senior Community Member
When DD was in preschool. I always drove. The preschool teacher was a friend of mine and knew how crazy I was about carseats. She sent a note home before the first field trip that all children must be in a carseat. They were all under 6 years old, which is state law in Nebraska. One mom came to her and said that her daughter no longer rode in a carseat. So she borrowed one of mine and then got the one she had back from a family member. She was like she is big enough to ride without it. When we said it didn't matter about size. She asked if she rode with the teacher or with herself if it would be okay not to have a seat and the teacher said no.

The problem that we ran into off and on was that parents would forget to leave a carseat for the child on field trip day. I always had one extra because I was picking up our nephew from school several times a week, so that helped out.

Stefanie
 

stayinhomewithmy6

Senior Community Member
You're definitely not alone, and I have to say, for me, it hasn't gotten easier as they've gotten older. My almost-6 yr old DS recently went to a friend's bday party. The mom was picking all of the kids up and I had already asked her if she would have room in her car for me to install his car seat. She said yes, and she did have room, but of course I went out to put in the Radian for DS and all of the other little kids, ages 5 & 6 were in seat belts, no booster seats or anything, even her own son. She didn't say anything to me about it, but I'm sure she thought I was crazy. Are you able to drive them yourself? If you can, definitely do it, at least for your own peace of mind.
 

beebear23

Senior Community Member
My sons preschool was like that. i drove my own car and sometimes had other kids in my car. The one time I let him go w/o me, I installed his RA in the vehicle myself and set the harness where it was already snug and ready to use..
 
i dont want anyone else driving my kids, either! I will be participating in a lot of field trips partly because I want to be the driver and I want to make sure my kids are in their carseats ;)
 

ThreeBeans

New member
I don't mind letting my kids in someone else's car provided.

A. I know they are safe, responsible drivers.

B. I install the seats myself, and they have to put my child in, take them out and put them in again while I watch. LOL.
 

Defrost

Moderator - CPSTI Emeritus
The teachers are out of line, IMO. Children are more likely to die in a car crash than get kidnapped, but I'm betting if a complete stranger showed up at the school saying he was your brother and you'd asked him to pick up the twins, they'd all panic. Children are more likely to die in a car crash than choke to death, but I bet that preschool bends over backwards to make sure there are no choking hazards around the children. And yet they raise their eyebrows because you have higher standards about car safety?

People in our society have a very skewed view of risks. They have panic attacks about contaminated food and everyone buys bottled water for their baby, but most are still not properly protected against wrecks, which are considerably more likely to harm them.

ETA: I should add that I do let others drive my kids; my 13 year old even rides with an 18 year old for Scouting events. But I'm always cautious about who they ride with and I ensure that they will be riding safely. I just think it's ridiculous that so many people post about preschool events where the children are expected to ride in unsafe or even unknown situations.
 
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DeanDog

New member
I have never allowed my 2 year old to drive with anyone except my husband and myself (and 95% of the driving is done by me.) Not even my mother, who lives 5 minutes away, is in her early 50s, has never had an accident, raised 5 kids herself and drives a Navigator!

Not only do I not feel comfortable with anyone else driving my kid, I also do not care to drive anyone else's kid. Accidents happen, some are unavoidable, and the last thing I need is a tragedy to happen when someone else's kid is in my care. It wouldn't really matter if it were my fault or not, I'd never forgive myself. It always amazes me how cavalier some parents are about allowing friends and relatives to transport their kids.

If and when my daughter attends school, I will drive on every field trip or she won't go. That is what my own parents did and I totally understood - some of those parent drivers would show up with cars I wouldn't let my dog drive around in, much less expect them to install my carseat properly!
 

Nisha

New member
You're not alone! I don't like my kids riding with somebody else. I still let them as long as I install the car seat myself (or know the person installing it is as crazy as me!), and I make sure to tighten the harness and tell the person to make sure the chest clip is at her armpits.
Then it doesn't bother me quite as much.
 

NOAHSMOM

New member
I have seen how the teachers at my son's preschool/daycare "install" carseats (just buckle them in, no tightness no tether) and this spring they had a 4 yr old in a backless booster w/just a lap belt, so I am not trusting at this time. If I cannot go (which I typically do) I would install his seat myself and instruct him to make sure that he is buckled in correctly. When my ILS take him I install it myself and show them each time how it use it, now that my son is older he can remind them how to buckle him in correctly if need be.
 

bestjob-mommy

New member
We have had a few sticky situations with this topic, a few times my DH has gone with a friend, who lives 2 blocks away, and she just uses a booster then... but for anything more than that I prefer to move a seat, or offer to drive. My DH doesn't have many friends still in harnessed seats at 5 yrs old. Most people think I am over protective, but as someone else posted- the car is the number one cause of death in children- so I will be doing everything I can insure her safety, and pray really hard too.

My ex is the hardest, he refuses to use the seat i send with her, as stated in our papers that he has to use! Why any parent wouldn't want to keep their child safe is beyond understanding.... TX needs to udate the laws and protect our children!

My sister, brother in law, and mom do drive my Dh often, and I have no worries that she will be safe with them. I keep an extra seat for Grandma's car always installed, that way they are ready to go anytime...
 

Mom to a few

New member
i've seen a few ppl on here who chaperone field trips, just so they can drive their own kids, so you're not alone

Yep, I'm one of those :D!!

My older two are both in school, and I have gone on every field trip because I don't trust anyone else to do it right--based on what I've seen them do in the past!! Carseats are not installed properly, children are not restrained in those seats properly, and I've seen some of the parents driving over 80mph (top speed limit 65mph) with all the kids in the car--I was trying to follow to keep up with the group, but had to give up because I wouldn't risk driving that fast!! It's really scary to me, and its only gotten a little better as they've gotten older. I will now allow my mother, mil, and sil to transport our kids--but only if I leave my van with them. I'd probably feel most comfortable if my oldest son rode with someone else just because he knows how to put his Parkway in, put the shoulder belt through the guide, buckle in, and make sure it's tight by himself. He's definitely picked up on my car safety paranoia!! I'd never let anyone else at the school transport one of my kids in a harnessed seat--there's too much room for error there. It's not always convenient to find a babysitter to watch my youngest (and a few times I've had to take him with me), but it's worth it to me. Plus, I'm usually transporting 3 other people's kids with me--and at least I know that those kids will be safer with me. One of the main reasons I got certified was so that I can work with the other parents at the school to help correct some of the major misuse that's happening.

All that to say....I don't think you're crazy. And if you are, I guess I am too :p!
 

ZephyrBlue

New member
We have never let our kids ride with other people during field trips; If DH or I can't go and our good friend who is allowed to drive out kids (whose child also attends the same school) isn't going, then my preschooler misses the field trip. Same was true for my 2nd grader when she was in preschool. We allow my parents and 2 family friends to drive our kids and that's the way it's been for 7.5 years. It's just too big of a risk to take to let others drive them, and honestly, there are very few people who are really really responsible drivers who will also install/use carseats correctly. Part of me being a SAHM is based on the fact that we don't let our kids go riding around in lots of peoples' vehicles. It's a PITA and a sacrifice sometimes, but one that's very worth it.
 

niccig

New member
Thankfully DS's preschool doesn't do field trips. The director said it was too difficult to arrange transportation or buses. They don't even walk to the Fire Station anymore. The school organizes for people to come to them. Eg. the fire truck or a mobile museum exhibit comes to the school. The last visit was from a local aquarium. If they did do field trips, I would drive to make sure DS is properly restrained.

The only person who regularly drives DS is the babysitter, who picks him up from preschool one day a week. I gave her a car seat 101 lesson several times and she's becoming a car seat nut like me.

So, no I don't think you're crazy at all, I think everyone else is crazy for not caring how their child rides in the car.
 

CaseyRN

New member
The only time Avery has ridden without either myself or Daddy is with my parents. She's never ridden with my IL's. Also, most of the time we trade cars so the seat stays installed. But, if need be I move it to Grandma's car. My parents bought a seat, but it's been a bear to install so I won't let them use it until they take it to a car seat check and have it installed correctly!

I don't think it's weird. Honestly, there are more people I trust in their driving skills, but I'm a SAHM so I'm usually there anyway and also I prefer to not move her seat if at all possible. I definately wouldn't trust my IL's to install her seat or even buckle her in....they live 3 hours away and I'm just not convinced enough to let them keep her yet more less drive her around! It probably hurts their feelings, but oh well.....
 

Yoshi

New member
My DD is 4.5 yrs old and has never ridden with anyone else- not even my mom. So far, her preschool field trips are fine because they don't have a van or bus, so parents drive. Only a few kids need rides, so they can go with other parents. I will not ever allow that, however because I am so untrusting when it comes to other people driving. So fortunately, I can drive her- and I do not drive other kids either. I agree with the PP who said that accidents do happen, and even if it was not my fault, I couldn't risk it personally. I don't think I am a freak or over protective, either. It's my parental choice.
 

skipspin

New member
Well, we do let our DD ride with others, but it all depends in the situation.

She rode from GA-MO and back with my mom and brother. I installed the car seat and they left it there. I trust my mom to buckle her the right way. Plus, my DD is pretty picky about being buckled right. I did show my brother how to install it in case they needed it in their other vehicle for some reason.

My MIL has driven her, but in our vehicle with DDs seat installed. Again, she knows better than to not buckle her the right way. LOL. She wants to continue to see her only granddaughter.

She has also been in the car with a few other trusted adults, but I always install her seat and make sure they know she HAS to be in it. (While eyeballing their kids seats to make sure there's no misuse that would cause my DD injury.)

I also trust my SIL implicitly with my kids. She knows how to put the seat in her car in case of emergency and understands and agrees with my obsession with car seats. LOL.

But, I wouldn't let DD go on field trips unless I installed the seat, trusted the parent (knew them personally enought to let them babysit DD), AND saw the other kids restraints in the vehicle.
 

twinsmommy627

New member
Wow, I am so relieved to see that I am not alone! I spoke with the director today and told her that I would be more than happy to drive on any of the trips and that if she felt my presence was distracting for my children (they do sometimes get extra wound up when I'm around) that I would be happy to sit and wait for them. I said I didn't feel comfortable moving their car seats around. She was very agreeable to my comments.
 

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