Dh's ERF woes

RJB78

CPST Instructor
My dh has made it clear that he does not want our 23 month old dd to continue to rf after she outgrows her EB rfng in the next few months. He is so ready for her to turn around. He thinks she is missing out on everything rfing, and he complains that it is too hard to get her in and out.

I have shown him crash tests and given him statistics. I have pointed out that she is NOT complaining, and that she can see her sister great (who is FF). I tell him that I am the one that puts her in her seat all week (SAHM), so why is he complaining? No one is bothered but him.

His only reasoning? He thinks it looks weird for a child that old to be rfing. That's it. He says she is plenty big enough (past one year and 20 lbs) to be turned forward. She is ~29 lbs and 35" now.

I told him that I make the car seat decisions because I install them and do the research, so she will stay rfing, but there is this constant rift between us. He gets frustrated just talking about it. :(

Is there any more I can do?
 
ADS

Splash

New member
Hmmm... at two years old, when she outgrows that, I would rather you buy her something for extended harnessing rather than something that would get a 2+ year old child another 6 months RF and force her into a booster at 5.

My son turned FF at 23 months in both cars. He was only about 31 pounds at the time. But, he HAD to turn FF in one car for health issues, and he was fighting RF so much from going from RF to FF and back, that I just turned him. I would love for him to stay RF longer, but it wasn't a practical option.
 

Starlight

Senior Community Member
I too would be okay w/ FF at this point.

Doesn't answer your question, of course, and certainly not what you wnated to hear, but at 2/30 lbs, I'd be okay w/ FF.
 

RJB78

CPST Instructor
I must say I'm surprised! It's something to think about. I took my older dd's Radian from dh's car to install it rf-ing in the van (which she's in 99% of the time) to see how well it fit. IT did give her lots more room to rear face. I can't leave it there, because dd1 needs a seat in dh's car, as she rides in it twice a week. Plus, she still fits her EB rfing right now.

And no worries, Splash. I am not planning on booster at 5. :) We're getting her a new harness seat soon to last her until sister's done with the Regent in 3 or 4 years.
 

katiesmommy

Active member
I would just leave it alone and not talk about it personally. My DH is the same way. I told him that until he's done all the research as I have and can back any claims he makes, he doesn't get to have an opinion in the matter. Then I dropped it. I choose not to talk to him about it, and if he brings it up, I usually walk away from it or tell him that I'm not going to discuss it with him until he can back his claims. I know this sounds really harsh and probably sounds like it's not the best idea because we aren't making the desicion together, but I'd rather have my daughter alive and be arguing with DH, then to give in to him and have to pay for her funeral.
 

southpawboston

New member
we turned DD FF at 2/30. she had reached the limits of her seat and we didn't feel the need to buy a new seat to keep her RFing at that point. we will probably keep DD2 RF well past that, but if for some reason we felt the need to turn her at 2/30, we'd do it...

but I'd rather have my daughter alive and be arguing with DH, then to give in to him and have to pay for her funeral.

that's a really extreme scenario... at 2/30 the benefits of RF diminish compared with FF, and it would take a very unlikely high-speed crash to make the difference between life RFing and death FFing. at 2/30, being properly harnessed in a seat that is properly installed in a car that is reasonably safe makes a child who is 2/30 very safe.

that's a risk i would make, personally, if it meant ending a long-standing rift with my SO.
 

katiesmommy

Active member
Granted SPB, but we are also talking about a man that tried to convince me to go in a taxi without a carseat for the convienence of not having to take it with us everywhere we go. This is just one more on the list of things he doesn't agree with for me.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
How is she "about" to grow out of it? The EB seats have a 35 ln RF limit, and there isn't anything higher anyway. And I don't think I've seen too many kids outgrow it by height RF either - that's one of the few good things about that seat.
 

MsFacetious

New member
I do not even waver on this subject.

My ex had an issue with it... tough titties. I didn't care. I take care of the kids 98% of the time, I make the decisions.

I am full aware that kids are alright FF after about 2 years old. But I wanted the safest possible option, period. That was RF. I have been in high speed collisions. I try and plan for the worst case scenario. If I was only preparing for a 30 mph accident then my kids would likely be fine in a booster. But I am considering a high speed, rollover, ect.

Every single time I put my kids in their seats I treat it as if that is the day an accident will happen. I don't want to have any regrets if it does. I want to know I did everything I possibly could.
 

Jeanum

Admin - CPS Technician Emeritus
Staff member
Just a friendly reminder that a 30 mph collision is nothing to sneeze at, either. It's not a gentle impact by any means. :eek:

I've convinced DH we're ERFing all the way here with DD2 as long as she fits within the RF height and weight limits of my, er, her carseats. :thumbsup: I use his Physics background against him at times, lol, and he doesn't quibble much.
 

lovinwaves

New member
I absolutely agree with you in keeping her rear-facing. If *you* want to keep her rear-facing, then you have every right to as her mother.

Even though my husband was clearly on board for extended rear-facing, he said showing him the crash test videos made him very certain of it.

He recently got a co-worker to turn here 14mth old rear-facing again. He said "it's really common sense, if you think about it". He also says if there is a seat available on the market that allows your child to remain rear-facing, then "why not?".

I don't think there is an age where I can say "well, it's ok to turn her ff'ing", because honestly I can't predict what kind of accident you would be in(if you were). If I knew for sure you would be in a small fender bender then fine she could be ff'ing, but what if that *one* accident was so horrific that her being rear-facing would have saved her life? We just don't know...so *safest* practice imo is always the best. We would ALL benefit from riding rear-facing. That's not to say I have no problems with my tiny 29lb 3 1/2 year old ff'ing sometimes :eek: I would stress over this though.

Good Luck with the DH ;)
 

RJB78

CPST Instructor
How is she "about" to grow out of it? The EB seats have a 35 ln RF limit, and there isn't anything higher anyway. And I don't think I've seen too many kids outgrow it by height RF either - that's one of the few good things about that seat.

She has one inch of growing room left. I know that could last her more than a few months, but the problem is, it is getting kind of cramped putting her in. I wanted to get her a new seat to keep rfing, dh wants to turn her around instead.

I went ahead and took the Radian out of dh's car and installed it rfing in the van to see how it fit her, and I must say, it give her loads more room on top of her head as well as room to stretch her legs out. I much prefer this seat than the EB one at this point. I also like the fact that I can tether it.

Problem? Now I don't have a seat in dh's car for older sis. We're looking at the TA and Apex at the moment.

Thanks for your support everyone! :)
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
Sorry to beat a dead horse, but what do you mean "one inch of growing room"? A Rf seat is outgrown in one of two ways:

less than one inch of hard plastic above the head OR exceeding the maximum weight limit.
 

RJB78

CPST Instructor
Sorry to beat a dead horse, but what do you mean "one inch of growing room"? A Rf seat is outgrown in one of two ways:

less than one inch of hard plastic above the head OR exceeding the maximum weight limit.

That's okay. :)

She has two inches of space between the top of her head and the shell. So, that would be once inch of room to grow, right?
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
I'd say it's one of those times to compromise... say... well, the research tells me that the minimum you SHOULD turn them (not the minimum you can) is 2yrs or when they hit the weight limit... so when she's 2, we'll turn her.

my daughter outgrew the rf capabilities of her seats at 2.5,but the first time was at 23mo... I turned her back around when she dropped because my husband didn't care and she was happier that way... but in general, I was just mortified the first time that she didn't make it to 2yrs... it's the crucial age...

I was happier when she made it to 2.5yrs... still she seemed so little to me (compared to how Jeffrey had been at that age), but I knew that she'd made the crucial part and would be fine once she figured out what to do with her legs.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
I would say three is more crucial then two if you can manage it - three is when the bones in the spinal column starts to calcify. That said, Joyjoy had to be turned at 2 1/2 because she weighed 34 lbs and we didn't own a scale.
 

all together ooky

New member
I would say three is more crucial then two if you can manage it - three is when the bones in the spinal column starts to calcify. That said, Joyjoy had to be turned at 2 1/2 because she weighed 34 lbs and we didn't own a scale.

Agreed. I don't think the danger diminishes at 2, we just don't have enough data since most people don't RF to that age.
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
I was practically in tears (although not really surprised) when we had to turn her - I'd really hoped to make it to three....
 

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