ERF - How to respond?

mimieliza

New member
So, DD is very near a year and very near 20 lbs., and friends have started asking if I'm looking forward to having her forward facing. I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable - I think because most of them have children older than DD and are fairly safety conscious (proper use, good seats, etc.) and ERFing is so unheard of out here.

I don't want to sound lecture-y, or like a know-it-all. I've been giving a non-committal answer like, "Oh, she's comfortable how she is, and her seat goes to 33 lbs. rear facing. It's safer, so I'm keeping her this way for now."

The thing that bothers me, though, is that I think some people think it's dangerous. I know I did before I started researching it - the whole broken legs thing.

Anyway, what should I say when someone asks when she's going to go FFing?
 
ADS

Holly

New member
I know what you mean, as much as I want to tell people about ERF, I dont want to sound like a know it all or judgemental about them FF their kids. If I am asked, I'm just going to say that the AAP recomends RF to the maximum rear facing weight limits and that it's safer on their necks and spines to be RF if in an accident.
Also if they mention anything about their legs touching the seat, I'm just going to say, that is comfortable to them, thats how they sit when we're not in the car, and there hasn't been a case of broken legs from ERF so far, but if there was, I'd take broken legs over a broken neck or spine anyday.
 

snowbird25ca

Moderator - CPST Instructor
I think the response you've been using is perfectly fine. If they comment on her legs or anything else, then you can respond to whatever they bring up. :thumbsup:

Honestly, if you communicate your answer straight forward - "I'm not turning her ff'ing until she outgrows her seat rf'ing, it's just so much safer for her to ride this way & she's never known anything different anyways" then any friend or family member who does take offense, is doing it of their own accord & should really be re-evaluating their own decision and not feeling offended by you making a simple statement.

It's not like you're telling them anyone who turns their kid around early doesn't care about their safety - you're just saying what your decision is and why. If they ask for more info or question, then you can tell them the AAP guidelines, and provide links. And there's always the fantastic line of "better a broken leg than a broken neck" or "broken leg - cast it, broken neck - casket"

But there has never been a reported case of leg injury as a result of rf'ing anyways, so that part is rather a moot point.

Anyways, I'm rambling a bit. :eek: I'd just leave it a straight forward comment like you're doing and leave it be unless you're trying to educate friends to try and keep their kids rf'ing too. Nobody actually questioned me about keeping my dd rf'ing - but maybe they'd just written me off as a car seat fanatic long ago & figured it was pointless. :whistle:

Ds turned 1 just over a week ago and is over 20lbs, and now that I think about it, not a single person has mentioned turning him ff'ing to me as of yet. Wonder how long it'll be before someone asks or says something - or if everyone who knows me just assumes he'll rf as long as dd & is keeping their mouth shut so that they don't have to listen to the benefits of erf'ing from me. :cool:
 

Melizerd

New member
Heck DS won't be a year til Dec and I already have people asking. :roll:

I usually tell people, "Oh Well FFing children under 2 are four times more likely to suffer head and neck trauma during a crash so since the seat RFs to 33lbs I'll keep him that way til he outgrows it". They usually look at me like I have two heads, but I do it with a BIG smile and a dripping sweet voice and they don't usually say anything nasty.
 

MaryAnn

New member
My son didn't turn 20lbs until way after his 1st birthday. I turned him FFing and he rode that way for a month or so until someone on a message board I frequented mentioned ERFing. I had never heard of it before. Anyways, DS is now 2 and is RFing. He's a small kid so will probably RF for a long time. It is usually family, specifically DH's, that ask when we're going to turn him around...he'll be so much happier when he can see out the window...his legs are cramped...you can't keep him a baby forever. I usually respond something dumb like "in this car seat (Marathon), he HAS to ride rear-facing until he's 33lbs."
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
"Why would I do that? He's no where near the RF size limit & kids under 2 years old are at 4 times the risk of death from INTERNAL DECAPITATION + the recline is more comfy for sleeping" :)

People rarely try to argue against that or if they do it's usually about concern for the legs ... "I'd rather have him in a cast than a casket" :whistle:
 

joolsplus3

Admin - CPS Technician
And sometimes just, 'the RF limit is 33 pounds, and she doesn't weight that yet' works, too.
No one's asked me about Leah yet....
 

waterbaby

New member
Been there... and I just usually say, "Nah, we're just going to keep her rear-facing," maybe add "and she's comfy/fine/safer how she is, so no need to change" and leave it at that. If they want to ask more, great, but I get the same way... I feel preachy sometimes.
 

dluciew

New member
I know what you mean! Everyone around me, including relatives keep staying "when are you going to turn him around". I just say it's safer and tell them I will when he gains 5 more pounds. And as you can see in my siggy, I get the "squished legs" comment all the time!
 

Starlight

Senior Community Member
:yeahthat: (this was directed at Papooses comment, but I'm too lazy to go back up and quote it. I forgot. Sorry.)

Or, we've done something like "eek!!!! No way! Every major car seat group says to keep them rear-facing to 30+ lbs! I'm not risking internal decapitation by turning him sooner!"

It's similar to what we do for breastfeeding. "Are you still breastfeeding that baby?" "Damn Straight! I'm so glad that I am able to follow the WHO guidelines and keep him nursing 'til 2!"

:)

Be confident, Mama!
 

cryswilkins

New member
My DD will be 1 on Nov 30th, my MIL keeps saying "When she's FF" I always respond: "It goign to be a long time before that happens I am not sure why you are planning THAT far in advance."

I just try to remember that she is my kid and that everyone doesn't have to agree with how I raise her, it is my decision.
 

niccig

New member
Once people realise you're not turning her FF, then they'll ask how much longer before you do. I told one friend the limits of the seat, and as my DS is a peanut, she said he'll be 5. And I said "probably, but he'll be a safe 5 yo". After a while, people stop asking, as they realise you're serious about RF, so they get used to seeing your DC ride that way. I'm sure we'll get comments when DS does ride FF - but that's 6-12 months away. He's got 3 more pounds to put on.
 

mimieliza

New member
I'm just going to say that the AAP recomends RF to the maximum rear facing weight limits

That sounds good - maybe I'll throw "Britax" in there as well - don't they say in the manual to RF to the limits of the seat? A lot of my friends have purchased Britax seats because they feel they are the safest.

Ds turned 1 just over a week ago and is over 20lbs, and now that I think about it, not a single person has mentioned turning him ff'ing to me as of yet.

I wish I was a CPST - I think I'd get fewer "helpful" suggestions. I think my friends with older kids are trying to make sure I know that it's time to turn her around soon, since they think that's the "rule." If I was a CPST, they would be more likely to assume I know what I'm doing!


It's easier with my family - my mom is sick to death of hearing me talk about carseats, so she's heard all the facts about ERFing. :) I don't mind coming across as a know-it-all to my mom.


On a hopeful note, I just had a conversation with a friend who has a 8 month old, who is upset because her son is outgrowing his infant seat. She had hoped to switch him to FF only seat at one year. :thumbsdown: She asked what I was doing, and I explained why I bought a convertible seat. Now she's going to go try out Britax seats and the Evenflo Triumph Advance on my recommendation. Yay!
 

Wineaux

New member
Give them all of the pertinent info on ERF. You might ask them if they would mind YOU parenting THEIR child? Of course, you could also turn the tables and tear apart their harnessing decision. Check to see if it's installed properly, the right type of seat for their child's age, out grown, etc. If they still insist on questioning your descision to ERF, then tell them it's none of their effing business, and use the correct word.
 

BudgieStew

New member
The only two people who annoy me with that question is DH and MIL.Both should know better then to ask me.DH should really know better.


Dh is easy I say when she reaches the limit of her seat.(30 lbs)

He then asks how much does she weigh now oh 24 lbs and in his head he thinks oh that will be soon.
"Snort giggle" she is 21 months and 24 lbs that is no where any time soon.
He wants her to be turned to see the DVD player(we have a factory installed one) umm nope buddy.
Besides if that 30 lbs ever happens too soon I have a Eddie Bauer that RF to 35 lbs to pull out(provided its not expired)

MIL worries about her cramped legs:rolleyes: The kid is only 32 inches tall there are no cramped legs. Besides in her van there are only two tether points for seats.
Drivers side middle row where DS Radian is installed and Passenger side third row.
MIL is of somewhat limited mobility and getting a child in a harnessed seat in a a third row by her is not happening.
I haven't shared that tidbit with her yet...next time I will mention it and have her sit down and watch few crash test video's:whistle:

She did complain less when I had the Radian installed RF for DD but I had to replace it with the Eddie Bauer since DS needed that Radian in our second car.
Because it is low profile DD can swing her legs over the sidie and it makes easier for MIL to get her in. Geesh I think I need a forth Radian:whistle:That Princess cover sure is pretty.

Another argument is I paid big money for a seat that has all the bells and whistles I am going to get my full use out of it.

After all every one stopped commenting on still BF my almost two year old.ERF has got to be much less odd to them lol
 

skaterbabs

Well-known member
So, DD is very near a year and very near 20 lbs., and friends have started asking if I'm looking forward to having her forward facing.

My response was always "No way - I'm DREADING having to turn her FF. The spinal column hasn't solidified yet!"
 

steph

New member
I wish people would ask me!!! LOL!! I want to tell them how much safer it is.

I have mentioned that Ryan is still rf to a few people (when talking about carseats) and I have gotten the "Oh he will be so much happier when you turn him forward facing" and "doesn't it bug his legs." Both of which I usually reply, he never complains and does fine in his carseat (he doesn't know the difference) and then I tell them how much safer RF is.
 

tjham

New member
I use the term "latest research" in addition to citing the AAP recommendations, even though you and I know it's been around for several years!
 

mimieliza

New member
I don't really have a good response to the "she will be so much happier" argument for FFing, because DD is pretty awful in the car. She may or may not be happier FFing, but it doesn't matter, because she won't be FFing for a long time. Since when has her happiness outweighed her safety? Heck, for that matter, I KNOW she'd be happier completely unrestrained and bouncing around the car, but I'm certainly not going to do that.
 

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
I can't believe you are still breast feeding that child, and by the way, just When do you plan to turn dc forward facing?


Oh, I thought I'd do it about the time dc no longer needs mother's milk.
 

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,656
Messages
2,196,896
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top