How to teach non-car-seat husband to install car-seat

My husband does not install or even really care about car-seats. He was going to take our 2 kids to his mom's while I had a Dr. appointment, but forgot about it so he drove his 94 ford truck instead of his 04 Honda Civic home from work. With the car, I can install the seats and all he has to do is buckle them in. With the truck I had to try to get the seats in safely. Chose to put both kids RF because there was no top tether and also had to use a locking clip because the lap/shoulder belt doesn't lock. Thankfully there aren't airbags. Once he got to his parents he had to take the seats out and install our DDs car-seat RF in the Civic (already had a spare seat installed for DS). I showed him how to do it with LATCH because I think it is easier and doesn't cause it to tip, and I was worried he would forget to lock the seat-belt. When they got home, he had the LATCH hooked, but somewhat loose. He also put the seat-belt on but didn't lock it and had hooked the top tether strap around the head-rest of the passenger front seat.

I know he tried - and spent a long time to get it installed, but I don't know how to get him to understand. I have been getting nervous about being in the hospital having our 3rd child and not knowing how the car-seats will be installed or used correctly. Are there any tips that would help him learn to install a RF or FF seat? We have quite a few years of car-seats ahead of us and I really can't be the only one to install each and every time.

When I was in the hospital having our 6th, my brand new 4 YO got put in a backless booster (brother's seat). DH asked child if he could sit in that, and child said yes.

Well, um, no. He has his OWN harnessed seat, and that only. He is 50 lbs. and as tall as a 5 YO, and husband said "why not, they are the same size?" He just didn't get it.

So, I don't have specific advice. I tried to have everything perfect with the carseats for each child and it didn't occur to me THAT would happen.

I think maybe teaching him, asking him to install it, and checking it? Then point out what could be improved? But here too, husband isn't super picky about carseats while I consider it literally life and death and SUPER important each and every ride...to get the best fit possible. I have had luck with my older kids, teaching them how to buckle the booster correctly and tighten the belt. They are pretty receptive.

Is there a budget for new seats? This is a situation where, if it were me, I'd be investing in ClickTights. You'd still have the tether issue, but the install is nearly foolproof. (Though I've still seen people mess it up!)

Will he only be doing it in a certain car, or a certain few cars? Just teach him how to do that seat in that car? You could maybe take pictures of the steps for him, to show him the steps. I have never been able to do anything with latch, I don't know why. I don't know if it would help to maybe put masking tape or something and write near the belt path that the belt goes through that one, and what way the seat should go maybe. Even though the belt paths say which way they are for, I've still seen my mom do my niece's seat in the wrong one.

Learn, practice, explain. Same as I would teach it to any parent. Demonstrate, have them do it, ask questions, repeat if necessary. If I knew multiple cars or a challenging situation was going to be used (like his truck) then I'd teach in each car. If it was similar (going from a Civic to a Camry, for instance), then I'd probably just show one way to install for all vehicles.

Wendy

DH also feels I'm too extreme, but since I was not able to get tight installs, he needed to install them, and I would stand there, to make sure it was done right. He knows how to get the seats rock solid, and I can finally do so as well.

It took time though!

My DH is not good at learning things like this. What you described is exactly something he would do. I only have 1 child, but I own 5 car seats, for exactly the reason you are describing. We have 3 cars, and there are 2 other people who transport her regularly, plus my parents who we visit for long stretches 1 - 2 times per year. None of them seemed to be able to master installing a seat correctly. I realized it was less stressful for me to put a seat permanently in each car, installed by me, and focus on them using the harness correctly, than it was to share seats and compromise safety. We've slowly accumulated the seats over a two year period, which has been easier on the budget.

I agree with the advice from the pp's. I will add having a CPST teach him how to install your car seats if that is possible. One of our local hospitals has free car seat classes on weekends--not that my DH went to one even after I asked him to. Sometimes people hear things better from someone who is not their spouse. And yeah, a dedicated car seat for DS4 in every vehicle at our house for my peace of mind.

I would install the seats in the car and leave them in permanently if I knew DH was not able to do a safe & correct install himself. Like the PP mentioned, we have seats permanently installed in many cars for our 2 kids for this exact reason. I can't rely on my mom, sister and MIL to correctly install the seats 100% of the time. My sister is the only one who doesn't always have the car seats installed, but when I know she's going to have the kids I make it a point to personally install the seats a few days beforehand and I tell her to leave them alone!

That being said, my DH has always been able to get a rock solid install on our seats but was ignorant to many of the other safety features/issues (tethering, chest clip placement, bulky jackets in car seat, etc.) I took every opportunity I could to explain the issues I saw with him. I had him buckle the kids in then I went behind him and checked his work. Yes, I'm sure he was annoyed but he quickly learned to do it correctly so that I wasn't harping on him. It's taken about 3 years and he's on board now, so I say just keep on him and he'll get it.

Get car seats for each car leave them in the way you installed them. Then when you're in the hospital with number three there's no reason that they get uninstalled. Tell him that maybe to you it is not that big of a deal but to me it's a huge deal and I would appreciate it if you would respect my concerns and allow me to install the seats and leave them that way.

Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to know it's not just me.

I think for the hospital stay we will have my mom take my van with the 2 seats installed. No need to change anything. The only thing my husband might have to do is install the SnugRide in my mom's car. He has been able to do that one with the super easy seatbelt install with hard to miss lock-off a few times. I might even take the seat to her early and install it myself.

This decision came from my sister offering to take the kids and mentioning that they will be fine even with not being the way I would do it (2 year-old FF). She said, "well they won't die on the one car ride." Umm, that's exactly what I am trying to avoid by doing things correctly and the safest possible.

His truck and car have other people riding with him so can't always leave a seat. We were leaving one FF seat for DS, but not always. And at this point we only have one extra seat that both kids fit. Had to let my nephew use our SureRide as his cosco HBB was expired and his shoulders were above the top harness slots. DH "might" be okay with getting a Scenera NEXT for DD, then having 2 extras, but he really would rather not ever buy any more seats. Thankfully our kids seem to be short. DS outgrew RF Scenera/Tribute at 3.5yo both by height and weight at about the same time.

I will keep showing him how to install Rearfacing. He wasn't really listening, obviously, but with DD and new baby we have 4 more years of rearfacing ahead of us.

They all think I am the crazy one, and I really DO need a NEXT.

My solution to the same problem was to get ISOFIX seats. But I think your choice of rigid match is less extensive once outside of Europe