I'm so sad!

A good friend turned her DD (19 mos, 24lbs) FF in her DC. She had been acting funny around me and was avoiding picking up her DD at daycare at the same time as me, so I wondered what was up. She was all for RF for a looooooooong time. Even wishing we could get Swedish seats here.

I haven't talked to her about it yet, but am guessing it's because her DD was fighting about getting in her seat (among fighting everything else that needed to be done). They don't believe in telling her no because then DD will start telling them no. Um - discipline your child please!

Plus they moved her outboard when she was in the center of their Highlander when she was RF!!!

KAK22 said:

They don't believe in telling her no because then DD will start telling them no. Um - discipline your child please!

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That's sad about the switch around.

But I had to laugh at what they believe. DD has told me "NO" about 400% more times in the last 2 years than I ever have said it to her. In fact, I tease her about it too.

It doesn't mean she wasn't disciplined though. I believe "No" is a bland non-specific order that says little and meant nothing to her. I was right. Telling her "Stop" was so much more effective. But she still adores saying 'No'

When my friend told me this, I said then tell her she can't tell you no! She said she didn't want to have to do that, so they wouldn't tell her no. They don't tell her stop either!

My friend is an amazing teacher, so I don't get this at all. I'm not sure where it's coming from. They'll just have a heck of a time in the next few years!

My kids can tell me no thank you, I don't freak out on them. I usually just explain to them why we are doing what we are doing and then they get a chance to explain their point of view. Sometimes DD has a good point and I will change my mind other times I will tell her that why her point is valid it doesn't work because of X, Y or Z reason. Then if she doesn't listen she gets a time out, but letting her have input has reduced temper tantrums and she is more willing to do things is she knows WHY she has to do them. Plus I want her to always feel comfortable telling an adult no, but she better have a good reason. I am so not in the ALL ADULTS must be obeyed and respected because they are ADULTS class. However, mommy loves you and while I will listen to you I get the last say because I AM the mom. It works for us and I am constantly told what polite children I have.

That is sad. Kids need to have boundaries and be told no sometimes, you can't just let them do anything they want to do all the time. What is she going to say if her dd wants to run in the road some day?

My nephew didn't know the word no until he was 2 years old. My brother and his wife were visiting and my nephew learned no from my mom, his mom had never told him no before. She was so mad at my mom for teaching him that. She didn't believe in telling him no because it would make him mad. To this day he still doesnt really know what no means and still needs some boundaries and common sense, he's 26 years old now too! It's seriously scary what happens to kids when they grow up without any rules or baoundaries, all of that particular brother and sister in law's kids were wild until my brother got divorced and took the kids with him (But the oldest, the one that was told no for the first time at 2 stayed with his mom)

It's sad about her turning her dd FF too, thats about the size of my 2 yr old and I'm not going to turn her around until she's at least 3 (depending on if she's still a petite little thing at that time or not) It scares me to think about her FF at her current size.

daizy said:

My kids can tell me no thank you, I don't freak out on them. I usually just explain to them why we are doing what we are doing and then they get a chance to explain their point of view. Sometimes DD has a good point and I will change my mind other times I will tell her that why her point is valid it doesn't work because of X, Y or Z reason. Then if she doesn't listen she gets a time out, but letting her have input has reduced temper tantrums and she is more willing to do things is she knows WHY she has to do them. Plus I want her to always feel comfortable telling an adult no, but she better have a good reason. I am so not in the ALL ADULTS must be obeyed and respected because they are ADULTS class. However, mommy loves you and while I will listen to you I get the last say because I AM the mom. It works for us and I am constantly told what polite children I have.

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Yes! I live with my mom, and this is what I've been trying to get her to understand. As a child, I didn't feel I could say no... and I find it difficult even now. And I don't want that for my kid... but I also don't want her to be a hooligan! So, I like your approach...

That is sad. I'm all for phrasing things positively when possible such as "Walk in the house." instead of "No running in the house." but sometimes, ya just gotta say "NO!"

Lol, I soooo wish that not saying no to your child would guarantee they wouldn't say no to you I'm counting my blessings when the kids say no in a polite manner, never mind not saying it at all...
Just tonight, I asked DS to pick up some pencil crayons, and he replied "NO", I said 'try again' (because I wanted him to change his answer to ok, or just a minute, or anything that indicated he would plan to pick up the pencils), so he thought for a minute, and came back with "NO THANKS" LOL...he still had to pick up the pencils btw

I'm just chuckling at all of this because last year, DS was 18 and I told him that he should really get the flu shot this year and he said "No." Even as a teen, there wasn't much he actually said no about. DD, OTH, is a different story