Rear facing disagreement

kaitlyn727

New member
I have a 2 year old (26 month) that has been rear facing and all of a sudden I feel like the world has turned against me on it. Yesterday my boyfriend took the seat out of his car and put it in forward facing. We almost had a fight in the driveway over it. Yikes. Then my mother keeps telling me that she really wAnts me to forward face him so his legs aren't so scrunched. She says he needs to be like all other kids and sit forward.

I have sent my boyfriend numerous articles and videos on it and I feel like it doesn't matter at all. Thinking about it makes me want to cry since it is something I feel so strongly about and no one will listen to me. What the neck do you do in a situation like this. Obviously my mom's opinion doesn't matter since its not her child... but the two of them feed off each other about it. HELP!
 
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Lenae

Active member
First of all, take comfort that this situation in some form has happened to a lot of members here, myself included. The best advice though is to just ignore them. Honestly. Easier said than done, I know. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, you need to be frank with him. Tell him that this is something really important to you and you'd like it if he would let you take the lead on this decision. 2yos don't know (nor do they care) what other 2yos are riding in in the car. Legs being squished is not a good reason to turn a 2yo forward facing. My leggy 4.5yo is still happily rear facing by her own choice. Kids sit, lay, and sleep in all sorts of funny ways all the time. They find places to put their legs, they just do. Good luck.
 

CarSafetyGuy

New member
Make it clear to your boyfriend that this is as important to you as wearing your seat belt or driving sober or without texting. He doesn't think it's a big deal, and you need to convey to him that this isn't something negotiable in your relationship.
 

Baylor

New member
At least the child is two which is the minimum for ffing. It's his car and sadly I am not sure what you can do about it.

What I would do is try and show him real info on extended rear facing so he can read it.

Maybe he will change his mind but at 2 I would not panic about it.
 

Lemonade

New member
Some things to remember:
Your boyfriend is an adult who is 50% this child's parent who you chose to procreate with (sorry to be blunt but members have made this point with me on other parenting issues in the past and it's a good reminder) and he does have a say in how HE parents his child.
The legal minimum is 12m and 20 pounds. You have doubled that and additionally followed the recommendation of at least/beyond 24m. So BF is well within both legal and recommended guidelines for transporting his child safely.
You can still choose to transport your child RF in your car.
As for your mother - well, she is not a parent of the child. If she insists on forward facing you can make a decision not to allow her to transport your child.

I like to remind my ILs that the number of child vehicle fatalities have been cut in half since I was a child. And no one who lost a child goes around wearing on a t-shirt. So the 'we were fine' argument doesn't hold much weight with me. The whole legs touching thing was apparently what mothers used to be told so it's coming from somewhere. We just now know that it's not relevant. Broken leg, cast it. Broken neck, casket. Try that on them if you want to.

What age are you hoping to get to RFing in your car?

I'm totally not trying to be mean - just giving you perspective. I know how easy it is to let our blood boil over safety issues for our kids. BTDT. It won't be the last time.
 
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Athena

Well-known member
That's really hard. [hugs] Unless they tell your child that he isn't happy RFIng, he'll be happy that way. It's actually MORE comfortable. When they're FFing, they have no leg support and less support for sleeping. Just ask my DD who asked to go back RFing after I turned her. Unfortunately, she actually was too big to go back or I would have. Is your boyfriend the child's father? If not, your kid, your rules. If he is the father, that makes it harder. I hope you're able to work it out. Either way, you can keep him RFing in your car and feel good that you kept him RFing until now in all cars.
 

seb3244

New member
Some things to remember: Your boyfriend is an adult who is 50% this child's parent who you chose to procreate with (sorry to be blunt but members have made this point with me on other parenting issues in the past and it's a good reminder) and he does have a say in how HE parents his child. The legal minimum is 12m and 20 pounds. You have doubled that and additionally followed the recommendation of at least/beyond 24m. So BF is well within both legal and recommended guidelines for transporting his child safely. You can still choose to transport your child RF in your car. As for your mother - well, she is not a parent of the child. If she insists on forward facing you can make a decision not to allow her to transport your child. I like to remind my ILs that the number of child vehicle fatalities have been cut in half since I was a child. And no one who lost a child goes around wearing on a t-shirt. So the 'we were fine' argument doesn't hold much weight with me. The whole legs touching thing was apparently what mothers used to be told so it's coming from somewhere. We just now know that it's not relevant. Broken leg, cast it. Broken neck, casket. Try that on them if you want to. What age are you hoping to get to RFing in your car? I'm totally not trying to be mean - just giving you perspective. I know how easy it is to let our blood boil over safety issues for our kids. BTDT. It won't be the last time.

This is great I am going to use some of these.

"the number of child vehicle fatalities have been cut in half since I was a child.

"The whole legs touching thing was apparently what mothers used to be told so it's coming from somewhere. We just now know that it's not relevant. Broken leg, cast it. Broken neck, casket.
 

kaitlyn727

New member
Dang it - I typed out a reply and then hit the back button. Anyway, we talked last night and he told he to just turn the carseat back around! Yay! We talked about the spine not being fully hardened and that a kids head isn't proportional to their body like ours are. He actually told me that the spine doesn't harden until past three! So maybe I did get through to him or he just gave up. Whichever way, he knows that I am trying to do the safest thing for our child.

The statement about him having a say in things was why I having such a hard time! You can't make an executive decision about something when you have a partner in something!

I did set our son in the seat FF to see how he looked in it and it was so weird looking! He looked so little! I did think it would be easier to get him in since he has been putting up a big fight most times about getting in his seat and this was just has hard!

Thanks for all your help!!
 

Brianna

New member
That's a pretty normal stage and it should pass. It's an age where kids hate being restrained in general, whether RF or FF. My godson went though that stage but got over it eventually. When he was almost 4 and had outgrown all my RF seats, he still tried to climb into a RF seat I had in my car for a younger child, lol!
 

jacqui276

New member
Glad to hear that he has agreed to have his seat installed rear facing! It is tough when parents have opposing views on things like this, especially when it is something that we feel so strongly about.
 

Brigala

CPST Instructor
I did set our son in the seat FF to see how he looked in it and it was so weird looking! He looked so little! I did think it would be easier to get him in since he has been putting up a big fight most times about getting in his seat and this was just has hard! Thanks for all your help!!

It's just a stage. A family member recently turned her son ff for the same reason at 23 months and declared at the time that it was so much better... Well it's been about 4 weeks now and she told me she's turning him back to rf because after the novelty wore off he is just as hard to get into the seat as he was before so he might as well be rf because he sleeps better.

It was all I could do not to stick my tongue out and say "I told you so." :p
 

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