Kids left in Cars

sunflower

New member
Every time I hear of an incident, I am really saddened for the family, and am frustrated at the fact that in my Caravan '10 I need to have my RF kids in the back, due to the boosters not fitting well there :mad:. I'm often tempted to FF my 25 lb. 3 yr. old, only due to this reason.

I have explained to my older ones the necessity of checking the back, and how dangerous it is for the little ones who can't unbuckle themselves.

It does make me more careful, but still, we can never be sure of ourselves....
 
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ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
Having a reminder in your routine so you will notice if the reminder doesn't happen or is there when it usually isn't, is a good way to interrupt the pattern that seems to lead to kids getting forgotten with changes of routine.

At 3 years old, unless asleep, kids are pretty good about reminding you they are there verbally...
 

sunflower

New member
You're right - my 3 yr. old usually screams the second we stop that he wants to get out! He's usually not asleep, since most of our drives are short and around town. (But the baby doesn't have that advantage, and often sleeps.)

It's one of those things that we as parents have to be careful with.
 

bnsnyde

New member
I count my kids when we get in, and when we get out. I cannot keep track of them in my head. Maybe that's crazy but I can't.

By the time I got the (uncooperative) 2 Yo to get into his seat when we were in a parking lot, I was worried about the kids already in the van. It takes way more than a few minutes for us to load. I can't have them running around a parking lot either.

I feel like there is no good solution. It's just...hot. Really, really hot.
 

teekadog

Active member
When I've had a RFer in my 3rd row I leave my purse, phone, etc. in the cargo area. It is such a tragedy when an innocent case of forgetting causes a death. My heart goes out to the families touched by it.
 

SavsMom

New member
ketchupqueen said:
Having a reminder in your routine so you will notice if the reminder doesn't happen or is there when it usually isn't, is a good way to interrupt the pattern that seems to lead to kids getting forgotten with changes of routine.

At 3 years old, unless asleep, kids are pretty good about reminding you they are there verbally...

I could never "forget" dd - she has been a talker from day 1 - she doesn't stop talking long enough for anyone to forget she is in the car, lol!

But on a serious note - I always leave my bag in the backseat - its a quick, easy thing to do and it makes you do a double take.
 

Meg

Well-known member
I like the idea of keeping your cell phone, wallet, or whatever else you never leave the car without right next to your child in the third row.

This week there was a moment where I thought I left my 8 month old in the car and the feeling was horrible. Our routine is off this week because my husband has the week off, so instead of grocery shopping with all the kids, I only had my two older boys. But there was a moment when I was in the store where it hit me that she isn't in the cart and I thought "OMG, Scarlett's in the car!" And I felt sick. I can totally see how a parent or caregiver can accidentally leave a child in the car when their normal routine is thrown off for whatever reason. We are all capable of leaving our kids in the car and it is important we remember that and don't become lax because "oh, I would never do that!"

And speaking of kids in hot cars.. Two days ago I found my three year old playing in my neighbor's van with their three year old. They let their kids play in their cars, although, obviously I do not for the very obvious safety reasons. I freaked out a bit when I saw it and made him open the doors and get out (the temps are in the high 90s this week!) I very sternly told him and our six year olds playing near the car how dangerous it is and how kids get stuck and die in cars because of the heat. The six year old sister yelled at her sister to get out then because of the danger, while the Mom was fine letting her daughter to continue to play in there. :eek: oh well.
 

Kegracin

Active member
And speaking of kids in hot cars.. Two days ago I found my three year old playing in my neighbor's van with their three year old. They let their kids play in their cars, although, obviously I do not for the very obvious safety reasons. I freaked out a bit when I saw it and made him open the doors and get out (the temps are in the high 90s this week!) I very sternly told him and our six year olds playing near the car how dangerous it is and how kids get stuck and die in cars because of the heat. The six year old sister yelled at her sister to get out then because of the danger, while the Mom was fine letting her daughter to continue to play in there. :eek: oh well.

This is a fear of mine, DH thinks I'm crazy for locking the cars up.
 

bnsnyde

New member
I lock the van when it's in the garage. And I am installing a lock on the garage door itself, since 2 YO knows how to open it now. :eek:

I can TOTALLY see how kids get forgotten and left in cars. Most of the time we go anywhere at all I feel someone is missing or forgotten, and I'm counting kids like mad, all the time. Before, during and after the trip.
 

BarbieWD

New member
Ok, so I may totally sound like a cow/jerk/etc... here but I totally don't know how you'd forget a kid in the car! Even the whole leave your purse in the back so you remember the kid thing just irks me. Really you remember a purse/wallet/cell before the child/ren in your care? And don't get me wrong here.... I forget all sorts of things when I'm out and about...keys, wallet, sippies, diaper bag, needed groceries, my glasses!!!!...etc... but the kids in my care? NOPE. I have 3 of mine own, plus my regular day care kid, so I know what it's like to be out and about with kids.

And ya when hubs and I are out solo, I totally get the whole some one is missing thing, but that's because we eat, breathe, and sleep kids. And not having kids with us is so rare that I almost feel like a piece of me is missing. And the amount of kids with us varies all the time from one to five, so it's always different who is with us. I do always count the kids too, but that's usually when we're at a park or someone's house or church....when they're all loose, so to speak!

I just don't get it. At all. Forgetting a child? Boggles my mind here. And I don't mean that in a "I'm a better parent than you/them" way, it truly boggles my mind. I can not comprehend the how. Like how? It's a whole entire person forgotten. It makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

And I really feel for all the tragedies of late, especially because families out there lost a child. And I do think education is really the best way to solve the issue of children being left in the car (for whatever reason) because bottom line kids should never be left in cars. And I think the more people hear that and are reminded of it the better.

~Barbie
 

bree

Car-Seat.Org Ambassador
Ok, so I may totally sound like a cow/jerk/etc... here but I totally don't know how you'd forget a kid in the car! Even the whole leave your purse in the back so you remember the kid thing just irks me. Really you remember a purse/wallet/cell before the child/ren in your care? And don't get me wrong here.... I forget all sorts of things when I'm out and about...keys, wallet, sippies, diaper bag, needed groceries, my glasses!!!!...etc... but the kids in my care? NOPE. I have 3 of mine own, plus my regular day care kid, so I know what it's like to be out and about with kids.

And ya when hubs and I are out solo, I totally get the whole some one is missing thing, but that's because we eat, breathe, and sleep kids. And not having kids with us is so rare that I almost feel like a piece of me is missing. And the amount of kids with us varies all the time from one to five, so it's always different who is with us. I do always count the kids too, but that's usually when we're at a park or someone's house or church....when they're all loose, so to speak!

I just don't get it. At all. Forgetting a child? Boggles my mind here. And I don't mean that in a "I'm a better parent than you/them" way, it truly boggles my mind. I can not comprehend the how. Like how? It's a whole entire person forgotten. It makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

And I really feel for all the tragedies of late, especially because families out there lost a child. And I do think education is really the best way to solve the issue of children being left in the car (for whatever reason) because bottom line kids should never be left in cars. And I think the more people hear that and are reminded of it the better.

~Barbie

I think if you read this Pulitzer Prize-winning article on the topic, you will understand how it happens (warning, while it's a very powerful article, it is full of sad stories, but it really does illustrate how and why it happens): http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2009-03-08/news/36840402_1_courtroom-tissue-class-trip
 

Brigala

CPST Instructor
Read this article. Maybe it will help you understand how it happens:

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2009-03-08/news/36840402_1_courtroom-tissue-class-trip

The reason leaving your purse or something else in the car can help is because some people (not me, I leave my purse in the car ALL the time, sometimes for days on end. My cell phone too, actually) have things in their purse they cannot go long without.

I recommend that parents think really hard about something that, if they were to leave it in the car, they would be FORCED to go back to get it in a short period of time. Leave that in the back seat, every time, whether the child is with you or not. That way you have to open your back door and retrieve it every time you get out of the car.

That item will vary from one person to the next. If you work in an office, it might be the keycard that gets you into the building. It might be the little USB drive that stores your encrypted network passwords. It might be your laptop computer. It might be your cell phone. It might be the keys to your filing cabinet. It might be your briefcase. Heck, it might be your chap stick if you're one of those people who can't survive 30 minutes without refreshing their lips. Or your water bottle. Or...

As a stay at home parent, frankly, my kid is the thing I would notice was missing right away if I didn't have her with me. I haven't figured out yet what that "thing" is for me now that I'm not working. I had several items that would have worked, had I been aware of the danger, when I was a working mom. The problem isn't that you forget your kid all day. The problem is that you forget your kid *for a moment* at a critical time and then you go about the rest of your normal day without having realized you had that lapse at 7:30 this morning where you didn't turn off to drop the child at day care. Most people can't even remember what they had for breakfast this morning. Your brain is incapable of differentiating "this morning" from every other identical morning where you dropped your kid off at the sitter's house. You can remember dropping the child off, even though it didn't happen, and not realize that the memory is manufactured out of the merging of 399 other identical times when you actually did drop the child off.

After reading the article, it came to my attention that one additional risk factor which we would do well to avoid is talking or texting while driving.
 

cookie123

New member
It seems impossible, yet it happens. When you're out of routine, is key I think. I once almost forgot dd#3 at one of the other kids' basketball games. We had gone to another town and I usually didn't bring her with because she was such a pill. She was playing with another team sibling. It was only for a minute, and probably the other kids would have said something, who knows, but if you're distracted enough anything can happen.
 

sm1982

New member
One of the most dangerous things you can do is believe it will never happen to you. Odds are it never will, but I think it's important to be aware. Most parents who have done this in the past were good parents, they loved their children and probably thought they'd never be one to forget their child. This article covers to topic and explains it better than anything I've read before: http://www.pulitzer.org/works/2010-Feature-Writing

Edit: oops, the other links to this article weren't there when I started my reply.
 

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician
I think yours is the prevailing opinion, Barbie, for many people. Probably including many of the parents who forgot their kid - until it happened to them.

A full 50% of hyperthermia deaths are due to a circumstance like change in routine. My parents live in a 50-home subdivision and had a neighbor lose a child in exactly that manner. IIRC, Mom usually had care of kids - but There was a family wedding that weekend and so Dad was supposed to take the child to Grandma while Mom helped with the prep. Kiddo got loaded up and Dad headed on his way. Brain went on autopilot & he drove to work. I don't recall the details and I didn't know the family... but talk about close to home.

There is a literal biological component that has our brains click onto autopilot. Ever gone to drive somewhere and found yourself halfway to work? Or arrived at work to realize you don't remember anything about the commute? Today I arrived at the top of an exit ramp and stopped - the light is ALWAYS red - and then realized it was green. We do these things every day, launching into our routines. Generally it's biologically beneficial, frees the brain for more important things or some such, but occasionally it is tragic. We spend our commutes thinking of the meetings we have upon arrival, not which direction we need to go on the interstate... that happens automatically.

I put my backpack on the floor behind my seat - originally for projectile/compartmental reasons - but it serves as a visual backseat check. I always suggest parents put a purse/laptop bag/briefcase back with their child. You'll realize you're missing your routine (purse that's always with you) before your brain hones onto the unusual (kid in the backseat.)

It's not poor parenting or the kids being unimportant - it is an automatic, biological response.
 

bnsnyde

New member
Ummmm....a mother just left her 4 YO in a hot car. Yes, in THIS heat, while she shopped for 30 minutes. She had rolled down the windows. Store employees heard the child crying and unlocked the door through an open window.

I don't understand that. She left the child to shop. Sounds like she was totally unaware of the danger. And this is nearly in our town, one or two over.

The punishment is something about misdemeanor.
 

Athena

Well-known member
After reading the article, it came to my attention that one additional risk factor which we would do well to avoid is talking or texting while driving.

Do people really not know how dangerous this is? The (reputable/peer reviewed) research showed us at least 10 years ago that talking on a cell phone, even using a hands free device, takes significant attention away from driving. yet I see parents driving along talking on their non-hands free phones all the time and I cannot understand how they could take such chances over a phone call. I've seen parents do this while driving in our school's parking lot (particularly dangerous with kids sometimes running around) and their own kid trying frantically to get buckled because the parent just drove off without checking.

Ummmm....a mother just left her 4 YO in a hot car. Yes, in THIS heat, while she shopped for 30 minutes. She had rolled down the windows. Store employees heard the child crying and unlocked the door through an open window.

I don't understand that. She left the child to shop. Sounds like she was totally unaware of the danger. And this is nearly in our town, one or two over.

The punishment is something about misdemeanor.

So sad! I agree that we all need to be careful and that sometimes this tragedy happens to people by accident, especially when you have a third row. Yet, there are too many people who still don't get the dangers of leaving your kids and babies in the car and we do need more education about this. I'm amazed by how many people I've encountered doing this. And when people do get caught doing it, how about parenting classes like we offer for drivers who get a ticket?
 

monica-m

CPST Instructor
Barbie, it does make you sound like a jerk. As a tech, is absolutely something you should be touching on in every seat check with every bit of care and compassion you can muster. Blowing it off or seeming flippant encourages the parent to be complacent instead of vigilant and paves the way for it to possibly happen to them. I have not forgotten my child in the car, but I have been in that difficult place of extreme sleep deprivation that could lead a parent to do so. Please read that article that was posted several times for you. This happens to good people that love their children very much and they end up suffering for the rest of their lives because of it while their child pays the ultimate price.

Please change your attitude for the sake of the children in the community you serve.
 
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Tashinamommyto3

New member
I'm one of those moms, through change of routine, left one of her kids on the car.
Thankfully he was alright and it only took me a minute to realise what I had done. But I still did it.
I ran to the store after I got the big kids in bed and took the baby (8ish weeks at the time) with me. He was to fussy to leave home with dad...he liked to be with me.
This was my third baby! I never in a million years thought I would do something like that!
It was dark, and while I glanced in the mirror like always I couldn't see his bucket seat. So I grabbed my bag and went inside. I got a cart and turned to go shopping then....BOOM! I remember my kid and literally sent my cart flying and ran to the car.
He was still asleep, no harm done. Now though, I count, remind myself who I'm taking with me and mentally think where anyone is if they aren't with me.
Good parents make mistakes and I was very lucky that mine didn't have any negative repercussions.
Leaving am important item in the back just as a reminder seems like s great idea.
Honestly, whatever it takes to remember. A note on the dash, reminding you who you have in the car. Anything. These little lives are far more important then your ego because you need a small reminder.
 

MorgieBear'sMama

New member
I can see how one could easily forget they have a child with them they normally don't have.

Parents, especially parents of multiple children have a million things going on. Throw in a change of routine or an extra busy day it's hard to even remember what you're doing.

While I've never left a child in the car I have forgotten to buckle in an infant seat simply from change. The bases were in their dads car, I had 1 with me instead of two. I didn't have thar second chance to look over from the other side of the car to notice Jackson's seat wasn't buckled. Luckily I only drove 2 blocks to the next stop before realizing it.

While we're on the subject of forgetting.. my parents forgot to put me in the car once as a newborn. My mom put my brother in his seat, my dad put my seat on top of the car to load bags, they drove a few blocks before realizing I was on top of the car! Things happen.
 

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